Children Can Be Cruel
by MPettigrew
Summary: The Curtis family through the eyes of a much younger sister, who, though not a member of the gang, grows up in a gang filled neighbourhood and struggles as she becomes labeled a “Greaser”.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first story in about four years. The first chapter is a lot shorter than the others will be, but I thought a simple little introduction would be better. Just for the record, I understand that a lot of people can't stand OOC stories. In this first chapter Ponyboy might seem it, but the reason for it is explained in the next couple of chapters (that and it's based on the narrator's retelling of something). So _please _don't judge on my portrayal of characters just yet.  
Thanks, and enjoy!

Chapter 1

Somehow after school, I always found myself seated on the living room sofa, drinking a cola and staring at the TV screen. Never turned it on or anything, just stared and thought. It was the only time of day that I really got to think. In the morning there was too much chaos around the house, and I could never think in class. I was always afraid my teacher, or worse, my friends, would know what I was thinking about.

But at home, on the couch where I was alone, I could think. Think about school, or my friends. It gave me a chance to remember my parents, who had been dead for what would soon be a year. Sometimes I was afraid I would forget them, and what they looked like. I figured I must have been a horrible daughter not ever knowing what my folks faces were like.

Everyday it was the same. I would be sitting there, deep in thought, when my brother Ponyboy would come in in interrupt me. Usually he had a friend with him, but on this particular day he was alone.

"Hey Lily," he said from behind me. I nearly jumped at the sound of his voice.

I didn't answer him though. Wasn't in the mood to deal with him, not after he had embarrassed me in front of my friends that morning.

"Don't say hi back or nothing," he joked and went off into the kitchen. Sometimes I didn't get my brother. If ever anyone said something to upset him, he would remember it for days, but when he was the one doing the upsetting, he'd go on about his business like nothing had happened.

I could hear Pony rummaging through the kitchen; no doubt he was looking for food. I was just waiting for him to bring up what had happened that morning, but he said nothing. Finally I couldn't take it any longer. I jumped to my feet and marched into the kitchen.

"Ponyboy!" I snapped, hands on my hips.

He turned around from the fridge and nearly laughed when he saw me. I guess I did look pretty silly, trying to look intimidating in a pair of overalls and a pink blouse, but I didn't appreciate the amused look on his face.

"What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me!" I nearly screamed. "You yelled at me in front of all my friends, and you're asking what's wrong with me!"

His face got a bit serious then, and he crossed his arms. "You're coming in here to yell at me because I yelled at you, after _you _intentionally ruined my homework?"

I nodded. It seemed reasonable to me.

"I hate to break this to you," he said in a voice that showed he really had no problem with what he was saying, "but when I get mad at you, you don't get to come back and yell at me for it. Especially since you're the one who did something wrong."

"Well why'd you have to yell at me in front of my friends? And threaten too? None of their brothers ever threaten them!"

"But none of them have dead parents," he pointed out.

I just let out a deep sigh because I knew he was right. But when he said nothing else and began to walk away from me, I started up again.

"Next time you want to yell and scream at me," I said maybe a little too loudly, "do it inside or don't do it at all!"

He stopped walking and looked at me over his shoulder. "I'll remember that next time I decide to take orders from a nine-year-old."

"I'm near ten!" I defended myself.

"Yeah, and I'm_ near_ fifteen, but I'm not there yet."

Not even two minutes later I found myself locked in the bathroom, standing on a stool and staring at myself in the mirror. I wouldn't say I was much to look at. Used to think my eyes were blue, but now they seemed grey. I wished my hair was different too. When I was born it was so blond that it was white, but now it was practically brown. And not a nice brown either. It was sort of dusty looking, not quite dark blond, but too light to actually be brown. It wasn't long and pretty like some girls' I knew, and it wasn't short and nicely trimmed like others'. Instead it was thin and wavy, and hung just below my shoulders. I ran my fingers through the tangles, trying to fix it up a bit, but it only seemed to make it worse. Nothing I ever did made my hair look pretty.

My face was round, and babyish. I turned my head from side to side, but couldn't seem to find any angle that made it look nice. Soda told me he liked my face, that it was cute, but I didn't believe him. He just had a way of trying to make me feel better, and it only ever worked for a little while.

One thing about myself I will say that I liked when I looked in that mirror was my nose. It reminded me of my mama's nose, and was the only thing about me that really seemed to tie me in with my family.

I pulled my hair back to see what it would look like if it was shorter. Not much nicer. If I was a boy, would I look like one of my brothers? Probably not. All three of them looked at least like they were related. Not only was I a girl, but I looked nothing like them.

As I thought about it, I realized that being a boy wouldn't change anything. It was because I was so much younger that I was so different. Maybe if I was a little closer to Pony's age I would fit in better.

Suddenly, I forced myself to cry. I glared at myself until the tears blurred my vision, and then I blinked, letting them roll down my rosy cheeks. It was then that I noticed that the red in my watery eyes made the grey appear green.

_Maybe,_ I thought to myself_, makeup will help me._ As I thought more and more about it, I moved over to the edge of the bathtub, and sat down. I was crying awfully hard, but they were real tears, not forced ones, and I couldn't make them stop.

I don't know how long I sat there crying, but I do know that I had a lot to cry about. I cried because my parents were gone, and because I felt left out with my brothers. Because I didn't want to go to school the next day, and because I was tired. Most of all though, I cried because I didn't know why I was so upset.

There was a horrible head ache that came with the tears, and my nose was pretty runny. Then, came the loud pounding on the bathroom door.

"Lily!" a deep voice yelled. "Open up!"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I forgot this before. I don't own The Outsiders. I do own anyone who doesn't show up in the book though.  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! 

Chapter 2

As soon as I heard Darry yell I shot to my feet. The last thing I needed was for him to know that I was crying. I turned on the tap and splashed cool water on my face. It did little to disguise my red face, but it looked better than nothing. I wiped my snotty nose with the sleeve of my shirt and then, in an attempt to hide my face, pushed my hair in front of my eyes.

Darry had stopped banging on the door, but as soon as I opened it I ran smack into him.

"Sorry," I muttered, hoping that he would leave me alone. He didn't though. Darry would never let anything go. He always had to get to the bottom of things.

"Whoa there little girl," he said, stepping in front of me. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Really?" he asked disbelievingly. "'cause Pony told me you've been in there since he got home from school."

"After he got home," I corrected. I was still looking down at the floor but it was getting harder to keep my face away, as Darry was beginning to crouch down.

"What's wrong?" One thing about my brother was that he never asked things gently, he just came straight out and expected a straight answer. Even if he was a little (or even a lot) intimidating, I wasn't going to give in with the answer he wanted. I hated it when he knew I was crying, or even sad, and I didn't need him trying to figure out what the problem was. That said, I knew that I would have to give him some sort of answer, and, since I was still a little upset with Pony Boy, I decided to share that with him.

"I'm mad at Ponyboy," I said quietly. I know it was a mean thing of me to do, especially since Pony had never really become upset with me that way before, but at the time I was upset too.

"Why are you mad at Pony?" he asked, in a voice that said he didn't really believe I could be upset at him.

"Because this morning, he yelled at me."

"And that's why you're cross?"

"No, that's not all. He threatened me too."

"Oh yeah?" It almost sounded like he was enjoying this. "What'd he threaten to do?"

I had to think about that for a moment. If I told him why Pony was upset, and that I had ruined his homework, things would probably backfire on me. But if I went back now and said that Pony hadn't really threatened me, not only would he give me heck for lying, but he would still want to know the real reason why I was crying.

"Lily?" he snapped, breaking my thoughts. "I asked you what he threatened to do."

I had to come up with something quick. "Uh, well, he wasn't really specific, but he told me that he would, you know, do something bad to me in front of all my friends."

Darry stood back up and this time I couldn't help myself. I had to look at him to see what his expression. There wasn't much to it, just the same old hard look he always had, except that now his right eyebrow was slightly raised.

"Pony threatened to do something bad to you?"

"Uh huh."

"In front of your friends?"

"Yep."

"Doesn't sound like Ponyboy."

"He surprises me too sometimes."

"He really threatened you?"

"I said yes."

"Why?"

I'd thought I had been able to save myself some trouble there, but apparently I was wrong.

Now I really did have to give myself up.

"I sort of ruined something of his," I admitted quickly, and looked away again. There was no use in my lying. Darry could always see right through me.

"What did you ruin?"

"An essay," I blurted out, then slipped by him and rushed down the hall over to my bedroom door.

"Get back here!" he called. It didn't take much for him to catch up with me, and when he did he grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him.

"Let go!" I cried. He did, but only because I was cornered between him and the wall.

As I tried to get past him again he snapped, "Calm down!" I did as I was told. "Now listen to me. Ponyboy works hard in school, and it ain't fair for you to go ruining his work. If you are going to do it though, you've got to face the consequences. If that means Pony yells at you or threatens you, then you just have to deal with it."

"And what if he hits me?" I asked.

Darry rolled his eyes. "If that ever happens you can tell me, and we'll talk." I knew he doubted that he would ever hit me, and really I did too, but sometimes I couldn't help but fear what people said to me.

I wasn't surprised when Darry sent me to my room. I had expected at least a small lecture about ruining the essay and all, but he didn't say anything about it. Part of me wished that I had told him the truth about crying, or that he had demanded to know what was wrong with me; at least then it would be off my chest. But another part of me wasn't even sure what was wrong, so instead I went into my room without a fuss.

My bedroom wasn't much to look at. Actually, it wasn't a bedroom at all. It was a closet. Bigger than the closets in my brothers' bedrooms, it even had a little window, but it was still a closet. It had just enough room for my bed and a dresser, but that was about all it could hold. I didn't mind though. It was sort of comforting having my own little space. It felt safe.

Once when I slept over at my friend's house, she had to check every inch of her bedroom before turning off the light. She had to search under her bed for anyone that might be hiding, but I didn't have a problem with that, because I didn't even have a bed frame. It was just a mattress on the floor. She searched through her closet too, but the most I had for a closet was a rod that ran across one corner of my room, where I hung the clothes that didn't belong in the dresser. Anyway, I only owned two dresses and a skirt, and one of those dresses was on the floor. I had left it there earlier when I'd changed clothes. My mama had always made me change my clothes after school, and Darry was the one who'd decided I should keep that up. Once I had thought it was because he wanted to treat me like a baby, but later I realized that it was because we couldn't afford to replace the ones I had if anything happened to them.

I picked up a hanger and carefully hung the dress on it. Sometimes I wished that I had more outfits to chose from, but most of my friends still wore the same clothes for a couple of days at a time anyway. Wasn't really a dress person anyhow. I liked pants, but most of all I liked my overalls. I had owned them for two years already, but they were still too big for me.

After I'd hung my dress up I spread my quilt out over my mattress. The sheets underneath were still a mess, but it wasn't as though I had to make my bed. I was doing it by choice. After making it thought there wasn't much else for me to do, so I sat down to think once again. It was the first day in quite awhile that I had had so much time to myself, so it was only natural that someone would walk in and disturb me without so much as a knock.

It was hard for me to keep from smiling when I saw Soda standing in my doorway, dressed in a pair of jeans and his work shirt. Without even being invited in he hopped over to my bed to sit down. He underestimated the distance to the shallow mattress though, and wound of falling on his back and smashing his head against the wall.

"Soda?" I cried. "Are you okay." I was pretty scared when he didn't move from the wall, and put my hand on his head. "Soda?" I was about ready to call for Darry when he opened his eyes and sat up. He grinned real wide and charming like, so of course I couldn't stay mad at him.

"I thought you were hurt!" I said, nearly laughing.

"Nah," he threw his arm around me. "It takes more than a smacked head to hurt me." He paused a second. "What about you though? I heard that you've been crying all day."

"I was not! Who said I was?"

"Darry."

"Well he lied to you."

He snorted. "When was the last time you knew Darry to tell a lie?"

I shrugged.

"Come on," he urged. "What was wrong? Did something happen at school?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Sure it does."

I shook my head. "I'm not telling." I crossed my arms playfully, knowing that he would take it as a joke.

"Well if you won't tell me," he said slowly, placing his hands on my side, "then I'll have to tickle it out of you."

My protests came out as a loud squeal, and the same sounds continued escaping my mouth until I was laughing like mad.

"Please!" I begged. "Stop! Soda - I can't - I can't breath!" He knew it was just a trick though, and kept on tickling me, until finally I blurted,

"I need makeup!"

He stopped then and there, and moved back a little. "What'd you say?"

"I need makeup," I repeated boldly.

He grabbed hold of my chin gently in one hand and moved my head from side to side. It looked to me like he was examining it just as I had earlier in the mirror.

"Huh," he said eventually. "I don't see any pimples." He tilted my head back a bit. "Nope, no wrinkles, no dark spots under your eyes. The cheeks seem rosy enough, and those eyes, well, they aren't like any other eyes I've seen before. Now why would you want to go putting makeup on a pretty little face like this?"

"I don't know," I muttered. "To fix it."

"Oh," he said as if he understood. "Well I guess you do need some makeup then, to fix things." He started to stand up. "I'll go ask Darry if he's got any you can borrow."

I giggled. "Darry doesn't wear make up Sodapop."

"He doesn't? Well I guess you're gonna have to wait until you're a little older to wear it."

"But I need it now!" I didn't mean to sound so hysterical about it.

He sat back down and gave me the most serious look that I had ever seen him give.

"Lily, you're still a little kid. You don't need anything to cover up your face, and they wouldn't let you have it on at school anyhow."

"They might."

"You know they wouldn't. Anyway my baby sister isn't gonna be out looking like a tramp, I'll tell you that."

There. He had to go and call me a baby, didn't he? Well I would show him.

"I'm gonna get makeup," I said, determined. "And I'll wear it too, whenever I feel like it."

Soda looked away, then looked back at me. "Keep up an attitude like that," he said, "and maybe I'll just let Ponyboy go ahead with those so called threats of his."

"You heard about that?" I cried, forgetting all about the cosmetics.

"Yeah. What's gotten into you two anyway? You used to get along okay together. Now you're accusing him of threatening you."

"Accusing? He did!"

"Yelled at you in front of all your friends too, right?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"This morning?"

"Where? You two never see each other past the front yard."

"For your information it was on the front steps."

He laughed. "So what, two of your friends might have been there?"

I didn't say anything in response. I knew that I was wrong, but why would I admit it?

"Did Pony even yell at you?" he questioned.

I had to step in there. I couldn't have Soda thinking I was a liar.

"He really did! I mean I know why he did it. I would be angry if somebody wrecked my work, but he didn't have to get mad at me in front of my friends."

"I know," he nodded. "Maybe apologize and get over this though. And eat some food."

"What?"

"Supper," he explained. "I smell food cooking. He stood quickly and yanked me to my feet as well. "Let's go eat."

Sometimes Soda could be sweet, others he was even a little scary, usually he seemed cheerful, and he could always put a smile on my face. But after being nice and acting really grown up, he could be such a teenager.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for your reviews! I corrected a couple of silly mistakes in Chapter 2 as well. 

Chapter 3

During supper we had some uninvited guests. Not that Two-Bit or Steve ever needed an invitation; pretty much all of my brothers' friends came and went as they pleased. I seldom had my own friends over, mostly because they were girls and getting to the point where all they ever wanted to do was follow Pony around.

Sometimes things did get a bit hectic with all of those boys around our house, especially Two-Bit. He never shut up. He was always going on about something, or watching our TV, or eating our food. Really it didn't bother me much, only because he was actually an easy person to have around. Steve on the other hand drove me crazy. I was usually pretty quiet around the older boys, and Steve rarely acknowledged me, but it wasn't because he paid little attention to me that I didn't like him. Anyone with half a brain could see that he wasn't thrilled when Ponyboy was around. As much as I had been angry with Pony that day, I still didn't like it when someone didn't like one of my brothers. I guess when I was a child I was pretty protective of them, even if I didn't realize that that's what it was at the time.

As my family sat around the kitchen table, Steve leaning over by the sink, and Two-Bit on the counter, Soda began to talk abut his plans for the next night.

"Steve and me are going out," he said, but after eyeing me he failed to go into any detail. "You got any plans Two-Bit?"

He nodded. "Great plans. Can't talk about 'em here though. Not exactly something you want, ah, some people hearing about." I knew that he mean me, but I didn't take any offence by it, especially after he gave me a wild grin, and even winked. I had to look down at my plate of food to keep from blushing.

I had an idea about what his night would involve, but with Two-Bit, you could never really tell. Great plans could have meant a date with a girl, or and evening of cow tipping with his friends.

"Hey Pony?" Soda offered. "Want to come with us?"

I noticed Steve roll his eyes as Pony was invited along, but I didn't think it was really fair of him to do that. Even if he was Soda's best friend, Pony was his brother. He should have been able to go along if he wanted to. Soda wouldn't take no for an answer anyway, and soon Pony was in on their fun. Everyone knew Darry wouldn't go. Lately he usually wanted to stay in on weekends and sleep.

I sort of wanted my brother to ask me if I wanted to go, but I knew that would never happen. I bet if I had been Soda's twin he still wouldn't let me out with them. It's not like I ever had any interest in fighting or going to parties or whatever it was that they did, but I just wanted to be part of things.

Maybe Two-Bit noticed I was feeling left out though, because he asked, "What about you Lily? Have a date lined up for tomorrow night?"

"No!"

The room nearly exploded into laughter. Even Darry laughed at me. I could feel my cheeks turning red, and I looked back down, this time into my milk. I hadn't tried to be funny, and now I was just embarrassed.

After the laughter had died down, and a conversation had picked up between Soda and Steve, I looked up at my oldest brother, who was sitting next to me.

"I was thinking of going to a sleep over at Kathy's tomorrow," I said hopefully. "Can I?"

He seemed to think it over, but then smiled a little. "You can sleep at Kathy's, if you help me wash the dishes tonight."

"I was going to help with them anyway."

"Well then I guess you're going to Kathy's."

After dinner I was alone in the kitchen putting away dishes, when Steve came into the room. Darry was out front making a phone call, and as I dried the cups Steve began looking through our fridge. I fought the urge to tell him to find food at his own house, but when he pulled out the milk and started drinking it straight out of it's container, I had to protest.

"Can't you use a glass?" I said disgustedly.

"I could." He took another sip.

"Other people have to drink that too you know."

He held it out to me. "Want some?"

"No. It has your germs on it now."

He shrugged, and put the milk down on the table. On his way back to the living room he said, "I didn't want to dirty a glass, after you spent time cleaning them and all."

I wanted to say something nasty to him, but the only things I could think of that would really affect him were words that would probably keep me away from my sleep over at Kathy's. Now he had left me with the half empty carton of milk, and I wasn't sure what to do with it. I didn't want to put it away after he had put his mouth on it, but I couldn't exactly throw it out either. Personally, I had gone into the fridge many times and taken a swig of milk, but I didn't like to think that anyone else would do it. Especially someone that I wasn't even related too.

While I was debating what to do with it, Two-Bit and Soda came in and solved my problem.

"So I told her that she can go to hell for all I care," Two-Bit was saying, and from the looks on their faces, I could tell that they hadn't know I was still in the room. He stopped talking as soon as he saw.

Soda was laughing at whatever he had be telling him, and leaned against the counter next to me. "Hey Lily."

Two-bit sat at the table and tapped my shoulder. "Can I ask you something?"

"Okay," I agreed reluctantly. His questions were always embarrassing, especially when they were asked in front of others.

"You got a boyfriend yet?" It seemed like a pretty innocent question, but that didn't stop me from blushing once again.

"A boyfriend!" I repeated. "No!"

He let out a big laugh. "Golly! With an answer like that you'd think I'd asked you if you were sleeping with-"

"Hey!" Soda cut him off. "Don't talk like that." I could hear the seriousness under the joking in his voice, but I still wanted to know what he had been about to say. In all honestly at the time I thought he was going to ask if I was still sleeping with stuffed animals.

I looked at Two-Bit. "Sleeping with what?"

"Never mind."

"Come on. What were you gonna say?"

"I wasn't saying anything."

"Two-Bit!"

"Sorry," he laughed. "I can't answer. My mouth is full." In a flash he picked up the milk and brought it to his mouth. He guzzled down the liquid like there was no tomorrow, and even when milk began to drip down his chin, he didn't stop. I began to smile, then laugh, not only because of the way his shirt was getting wet, but because he was drinking milk that Steve had already slobbered all over. I ended up laughing so hard that I forgot what it was that I had wanted to know in the first place.

I was still laughing when I heard the phone ringing. I had thought Darry was using it, or at least that he would have answered it when it rang. Soda and Two-Bit were talking to one another and didn't even seem to hear it, and for some reason no one in the living room was answering, so I put down the towel I was using to dry and went to get it myself.

In the living room I saw that no one was even there. I wondered where the others had gone, but still picked up the phone without giving it much more thought.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Lily?" It was my friend Kathy. She had an urgency in her voice, like she wasn't supposed to be talking with me.

"Hi. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, "I just want to know if you and Mary Alice are sleeping over tomorrow. Did you ask your brother?"

"I can come. I haven't seen Mary Alice since school ended though."

"I tried calling her but nobody's picking up at her stupid house."

"Well she'll tell us at school if she's coming." Sometimes Kathy thought too hard about things, and had to know every detail about what was going on. She couldn't just let stuff happen.

"That's what I'm calling about. I don't want to meet at school."

"But that's only place in between both of our houses."

"I know that," she said, sounding a little irritated, "but I need to meet you somewhere else. Bring your stuff for the sleepover, and meet me at that park a couple of blocks away from the school. I have to go now. If I Mary Alice doesn't pick up her phone then things will be ruined."

"What will?"

"Just meet me in the morning! And if you see her on your way there, bring her too."

Before I got a chance to ask her what was going on, she hung up, leaving me to wonder just what it was that we were about to get ourselves into.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. I've got the next couple of chapters figured out, so more is coming soon. Hope you enjoy this one.

Chapter 4

Mary Alice Weston and Kathy Lorimar were my two best friends. Mary Alice lived just a couple of streets over from my own, with her parents and younger sister. She was one of those kids who was a lot of fun to have around, but only out of the presence of adults. She was one of those girls who would whisper things in your ear when you were near older people so that they wouldn't know what she was saying. At school she was usually pretty quiet, until we got outside for recess, where she was a completely different person. It wasn't that she was mean, but she would sort of go off the wall, doing things she wouldn't dare do if her folks were around. But she wasn't fake, like Kathy.

Unlike Mary Alice, Kathy was mean. She would call kids names, and do things to really hurt them. On many occasions she'd made other girls cry, and more often than not she was being called pretty nasty names behind her back by those same people. She got in trouble a lot too, but as soon as there was an adult around she turned all sweet and innocent. Lately I had begun to notice that depending on who it was that she had picked on, teachers would treat her differently. If it was a boy trying to get her in trouble, it always ended up with the boy being blamed. If it was a girl, teachers normally took Kathy's side anyway, and I noticed that what she looked like had a lot to do with it. Her mother had really strict opinions on what girls should look like, and the closest thing that Kathy owned to pants was a pair of pyjama bottoms. She always came to school looking spotless, with her long blond hair done neatly, and even her shoes all shined up. So when she found herself in the presence of adults, she was able to charm herself out of punishment because of how decent she looked.

Despite how mean she was, I liked Kathy. We had been friends four almost four years, before either of us understood that she was rich and I, well, I wasn't. As we came to understand why she had nicer clothes and more toys than me, it didn't matter. We were friends, and that was it. When Mary Alice moved into my neighbourhood during the summer between first and second grade we hit it off instantly. She looked more like me, by way of clothing. She did own more than me, but they were used clothes, and not always the best ones at that. When were little though, it didn't matter what each other looked like, it was about how much fun we could have together.

So that Friday morning as I walked to meet up with Kathy, I stopped on the corner of my street to see if Mary Alice would show up. Our neighbourhood was a lot worse off than others, but we belonged there. I knew most of the kids my own age, and even a few of the older ones.

While I waited there for my friend a group of boys were walking together on the other side of the road. They were all a couple of years older than me, maybe twelve or so, but I recognized all of them. They were jumping around and laughing, a couple of them yelling incomprehensible things. I knew who Paul Johnson and Mark Gray were, but Tommy Hollis was the only one I really cared about. He lived on the same street as me, only further down, and I had known who he was my entire life. His mother and my own had been friends for as long as I could remember, but after my parents were killed I didn't see much of Mrs. Hollis anymore. Sometimes she would say hi to me if I was passing by her house, but that was about it. She never talked to me the way she had before, and she didn't ask how things were going.

Sometimes Tommy would be out in the streets with his friends while I was out with mine. He wasn't really the nicest kid, but there was something I liked about him anyway. He had dark blond hair and green eyes, and used to dress sort of childish. But in the last couple of months he had changed quite a bit. It seemed that almost every time I saw him he had his hair slicked back, and he must have had quite a bit a grease in it because it looked brown when he did that. He had started to wear jeans all the time, along with a jean jacket.

At that moment the only thing about his newfound sense of fashion that he donned was his slicked back hairstyle. I had always liked Tommy, but the way he was starting to look scared me a little. His brother Will was fifteen and hung out with a group of pretty bad guys. I'm sure Tommy looked up to Will, but I wished that he wouldn't turn out like him. Everybody knew that Will had been hauled down to the police station on more than one occasion, and some said that it was only a matter of time before Tommy followed in his footsteps. Even if he was the type of person you had to be friends with from early on, it was hard for me to think that a kid I had known for so long could be headed down the path to prison.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as the boys disappeared down the street. I had really wanted Tommy to look over and say hi to me, or ever just look over at me, but I knew that it was only wishful thinking. The only time he ever acknowledge me anymore was when I was in his direct path, or when he was teasing me in front of my friends.

"You been waiting long?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Mary Alice's voice behind me. I had completely forgotten that I was waiting for her, but was glad to be able to take my mind off of Tommy.

"You scared me!" I said, laughing a little.

"Sorry." As we walked down the street she asked, "Did Kathy call you last night?"

"Uh huh. She said she wants to meet at the park. Did she tell you why?"

She shook her head. "No, but my mom heard her tell me to go there. Says I'm not allowed to go. She doesn't want me to be late for school."

"So you aren't going to meet her?"

"No, I'm still going," she said with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "How's my mom going to know if I'm late. It's not like I'm late a lot anyway. The school won't call home yet."

Our school was quite a bit of a walk away, but as we neared it Mary Alice and I turned towards the park instead. When we got there we saw Kathy sitting on one of the swings, her school bag at her feet and arms crossed.

"It's about time you two got here!" she exclaimed when she saw us. "I've been waiting for half an hour already. I almost went to school to find you."

"Why are we here anyway?" I asked.

"Because," Kathy said excitedly, "we aren't going to school today."

"What?" I asked, the same time that Mary Alice said, "Why not?"

"We talked about this before," Kathy explained. "All of us want to try skipping school, and today's perfect. We're all going to my house after school's over, so we won't have to worry about getting home late. My mom even gave me money for after school so that we could get ice-cream, so she knows we'll be out for awhile. And we have money to spend."

"But there's nothing to do," Mary Alice said. "Everyone will know we're supposed to be in school."

"So! What'll they do, call our parents? No one will know who we are."

"But we could get in a lot of trouble."

"Mary Alice!" Kathy snapped, and I could tell that her patience was wearing thin. She had never been a particularly patient person, and she sure didn't like it when things didn't go her way. "We're gonna be late for school now anyway, and nobody's going to find. None of us ever miss school, the teacher won't even think about it. But you can't go to school and leave Lily and I behind because then we will be in trouble. Besides, if you don't come, then you can't sleep over at my house tonight."

Mary Alice could have easily told that she didn't want to go to her house anyway, but I knew she wouldn't do that. Both of us knew that we did want to miss school, but she was the one who actually had sense to think about the consequences. It seemed like we would get away with things, but even if we didn't, I never thought about being in trouble until I was actually there. Once Mary Alice and been convinced to do something, she was all for it.

One thing I have to say for skipping school is that there isn't much to do. We couldn't stick around the park because there was too much chance that we could be seen. Kathy wanted to stay clear of where her father worked. Mary Alice and I had a bit of a problem here because she wanted to stay away from her father and I didn't want to see Darry. The two of them sometimes worked together, but Mr. Weston worked a few odd jobs as well. Neither of us knew if they were working together, or where they were working, but we could rest assured that they were outside somewhere. So Kathy decided that it could be a game.

"Let's go all over the place," she suggested, "and hide out like we're on the run."

"Because showing our faces all over town won't get us caught," I said sarcastically. I actually sort of liked the idea, and there was no way we could end up going all over town, but at least we would have something to do, instead of arguing with one another over getting in trouble.

Somehow through this arguing I ended up following along with Kathy's idea anyway, and we soon found ourselves sneaking in front of peoples houses, hiding in bushes and behind cars. At one point we wound up in a neighbourhood I didn't even recognize, but what made it all the more fun was sneaking around and trying to find our way out. Kathy even saw her neighbour there, and we ended up spending a bit of time hiding around the back of someone's garage.

"What's she doing out here anyway?" Mary Alice asked.

Kathy shrugged. "Who knows. Probably telling people how to take care of their gardens. She came over to my house last night to tell my mom that our flower bed needs weeding."

"That's not so bad," I said.

Kathy snorted. "Are you crazy? Mom takes such good those flowers. She practically shoved the old bat out of the house she was so angry."

We were all getting a little restless waiting for the older woman to stop chatting with people outside so that we could sneak off.

"Let's just go," Mary Alice suggested.

"Yeah," I agreed. "If we run fast enough she wont even recognize you."

Kathy shook her head. "No! Stay here! She'll see me, and then she'll tell my mom, and you two will get in trouble."

She was saying this to scare us, but I knew that it was true. Kathy herself never got in trouble with her parents, but Mary Alice and I weren't so lucky. If Kathy was seen, we would be the ones paying for it. By the time her neighbour took off and we found our way out of there, Kathy began to complain. I agreed with her that my feet were tired and that my schoolbag was heavy, but she wasn't the one with books _and_ clothes jammed inside.

"Mine's starting to feel really heavy," Kathy pointed out. I didn't bother mentioning that she was the one who told us to bring all of our things with us in the first place. It wasn't even lunch time yet and already she was pretty grumpy.

"Where can we get something to drink?" she went on. "I'm really thirsty."

It just so happened that we were passing by the DX station where Soda worked. And lucky me, I was with two friends who thought it would be a riot to go inside.

"We can't!" I said.

"Soda doesn't get mad," Mary Alice pointed out.

"He can," I informed her. "You two can go in, but I'm staying right where I am." By that I meant that I would stay hidden practically underneath some car until they came back.

"I have a better idea." Kathy's better ideas were only ever better by her standards. "Lily, I dare you to go inside and buy a cola. I'll give you the money, you just have to go in."

"But-" I began to protest, only thought better of it. My friends would hound me for ages if I didn't do it, and then Kathy would keep calling me a chicken until someone else refused to go through with a dare.

"Give me the money," I said boldly, holding out my hand.

Kathy reached into her bag to get out the money and gave me some guidelines. "I'm not saying get caught. It's all part of the game. Try not to be seen. Oh, and buy three cokes, because you two are probably going to complain about being thirsty soon."

"I never complained!" I said defensively.

"Don't blow a gasket!" she laughed, and even Mary Alice joined in. "Remember, it's no fun doing something bad if know you won't get caught."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry I haven't added anything in the last day and a half or whatever it's been, but I had my little bro's talent show to go to last night and haven't had a chance to get online much. I've have three chapters written down on paper, so here is the first of those three. I'm typing out the others now as well, and they'll be up shortly. I also want to say that I was really nervous about putting a story on here due to a fear of bad reviews. But everyone has been so nice and I actually look forward to reading them. Thanks, and as always, enjoy. 

Chapter 5

The longest walk I ever took was from across the street and over to the DX station. My heart was pounding in my chest and my breathing becoming shorter and shorter as I looked out for my brother. Although I hadn't seen him yet, there was a lingering fear in me that he would pup up in front of me any second.

"Just run in," I ordered myself, and picked up my pace. I didn't even bother trying to cover my face with my hair as I sped across the parking lot. It would probably have made me more noticeable to Soda that way.

As I came 'round the front of the building I nearly froze dead in my tracks. Steve was working not even ten feet away from where I stood. If he saw me I would be in for it. Even if he wasn't intentionally ratting me out, he would have said something like, "Hey Soda, isn't that your sister?" and I would be caught for sure. But after a short stint of time with locked knees I remembered that the whole point of my venture into the station was not to get caught, and I wasn't ready to stand around and let him catch me watching him working on cars.

The first thing I thought when I walked into the station store was that the little bell hanging over the doorway that rang every time someone walked in was completely unnecessary. People didn't need that kind of attention drawn to themselves.

The entire place was empty, and the only noise was the light sound of a radio playing off in the back somewhere. I knew it would have been easier to go unnoticed if there were a bunch of people around, especially since my shoes squeaked as I walked, but it wouldn't have been possible to turn around and chicken out on the dare without Steve spotting me. I wasn't even letting myself think about how I was going to pay, let alone get out of the store unseen without talking to someone.

I held onto the change Kathy had given me in one hand and looked around the place for any sign of my brother. When I was sure that he wasn't there, I locked my thumbs in the straps of my backpack, and pulled on them like they were what was leading me towards the beverages. The distance between myself and the drinks wasn't a very far one, but I still ran over as quickly as I could.

No matter how quiet I tried to stay it was just too hard to be silent holding three glass bottles and a hand full of loose change in my shaky hands. I was managing as well as possible, and finally letting myself think about how to pay for them, when I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

I looked up.

"Soda!" I said, as though I hadn't been expecting to bump into him there.

"Lily!" he said, mimicking me. He leaned against a magazine rack. "What are you doing here?"

"Me?" I asked. "Oh, you know," I looked around the room for an idea of what to say, and happened to spot the clock hanging right behind him. "I'm just here to get a drink for lunch."

"Oh. When I was in the fourth grade we weren't allowed off of school property without a note."

"Really?" I asked, like I didn't believe it. "I guess the rules have changed." They hadn't. The only kids allowed out at lunch were the ones who went home to eat.

I felt him lift up my backpack a little. "You always take your school bag out for lunch with you?"

He must have known that I was up to something, but just in case he didn't I decided to keep making things up as I went along.

"I don't want my stuff getting stolen," I informed him.

"I see." It looked like he wanted to say more, but before he could open his mouth to speak I did.

"I better get going. Don't want to be late for school." My attempt at laughing afterwards came out more nervously than I had hoped, and it was obvious to me that he could see this.

"Let me have those," he said, taking the cokes from me.

"Hey!" I cried, and followed him up to the front counter. "I want to buy those!"

"Relax," he said, standing them on the counter. "I'm just opening 'em for you."

"Oh."

He smiled a little. "So," he said, popping a lid off roughly, "why three drinks? Last I checked you couldn't even finish one of these."

"They're for my friends."

"Didn't they want to come with you?"

"Well I was headed this way anyway."

"Ah, so they're just going to stand around across the street all day, and you're the only one heading this way?"

"Um," I didn't know how to answer. He raised his eyebrows and opened the last bottle while I stood there with my mouth hanging open. I would have tried to tell him that they were just waiting there for me, but the problem was the location that they were waiting. We had spent a good amount of time arguing across the road, but we had been behind the DX. So in order for him to have known I had friend's with me at all, he would have had to have seen me out there with them, and probably even knew the road we had come down. A road that was in no way close to the direction of my school.

"Here," he passed the cokes over to me. "Now get going before you're late for class." I held out the change to him, but he just pushed my hand towards the bottles. "No. I've got this. But I'm not kidding about getting back to school. Darry's working around here today, and you wouldn't want him to see you this far away from school, would you?"

I could only manage to nod before leaving him. I almost thought I heard him laughing quietly as I took off with my the drinks, but it wasn't something I cared enough about to go back in and check on.

Back across the road I shoved the colas at my friends and let out a deep breath.

"I can't believe you actually went in there!" Kathy said, picking up her schoolbag. She took a long sip of her coke and then said, "I never would have done it."

I started to say that she was the one who had dared me, but I wasn't in the mood to try and convince her that this was her fault. After all, a dare was only a suggestion. She hadn't held a gun to my head and forced me to go in. Although, if she had used a gun I could have had her shoot me with it, so that I would never have to face Darry.

"So what happened?" Mary Alice wanted to know.

Kathy took another sip of her drink and asked, "Did Soda see you?"

"Yes!"

Mary Alice's eyes went wide. "Is he gonna tell on you?"

"He wont." It was Kathy who said this. "Soda never tells on you. He's too nice to do that."

"How would you know?" I asked, getting a little angry with her. "He isn't your brother!"

"No, but you're the one who always says that Soda never tells."

"Well I don't know if he'll tell," I admitted, "but I'm not ready to find out yet. You know what he told me? My brother Darry's working around here today."

"Oh." For once, Kathy looked like she didn't know what to say. But Mary Alice had something to point out.

"My dad's probably with him, and I don't think they work much around this area."

I thought that over. It was possible that Soda had lied to scare me into getting back to school. He had told stories before to get me to do something he knew I wouldn't do otherwise. But suppose he was telling the truth, and I did bump into Darry? Then I would regret not listening to his warning. But if I went back to school I wouldn't have an excuse for my teacher about why I missed the morning. Plus the odds of convincing my friends that we should go there were pretty slim.

"I have a question," Kathy said, and Mary Alice rolled her eyes. "What did you even say to your brother?"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you tell him? Didn't he want to know why you were there?"

"I said it was lunch and that I was just getting a drink."

"Then what's the problem? He won't know that that isn't what you were doing there. And by the time he gets around to telling Darry we'll be at my house anyway."

I couldn't even try to tell her that he hadn't believed me, or that it wouldn't matter to Darry one way or another where I was when he found out. He would come after me if he found out.

But then I told myself that two things could happen. One, Soda wouldn't tell, and I would get away with everything, or two, he would tell, and I would be in trouble. If I didn't get in trouble then it didn't matter what I did, and if I did get in trouble then I should have at least made it worth my while. Walking around for a few hours didn't really seem like much of a day, so I decided that if Darry was going to find out, then I was going to make the best of it.

"Kathy's right," I said finally, and proceeded to explain my thoughts to them.

"Well what is there to do to make it worth it?"

"We need to go someplace," I announced, "where they sell makeup."

I was pretty surprised to see how many kids my own age were out and about during school hours. Mind you, they were all with adults, but they still weren't in school, so I didn't feel like we stuck out too much.

I had never taken the bus alone before, and I knew that going with two people the same age as me wouldn't exactly qualify as having and older person along, but technically I wasn't alone, and that was my reason for getting on in the first place. Kathy claimed to have gone on her own "hundreds" of times, and why I believed her I'll never know.

I wasn't sure what was more fun, riding the bus alone for the first time or knowing that I was going to a big department store. It wasn't so much that I was going there alone that excited me, but just the fact that I was going to be there at all. None of my brothers were big on shopping, especially downtown. But I wasn't a boy, and I wasn't in a gang, so I figured there was nothing to worry about.

I'm sure all three of us were aware of the fact that we had no clue where the bus we had happened to jump on was taking us, but Mary Alice was the one to say it out loud first.

"Do you know where we are?" she asked, looking out the window. "This doesn't look like downtown to me."

It didn't look like it to me either. There was a park on one side of us, and houses on the other. I didn't go downtown often, but I did know that there were bigger buildings there.

"We're probably on one of those buses that takes the long way to get places," Kathy said, but there was doubt in her voice.

"Somebody should ask the bus driver," Mary Alice suggested. "But not me since I came up with the idea."

"Me neither!" I said quickly. "I'm too shy." It was more that I was a chicken than shy, but either way I didn't want to be the one admitting to the bus driver that I didn't know where I was. I had been so confident when I got on, and he had seemed to notice.

"Why don't we all go together?" Kathy asked.

Mary Alice and I both shook our heads.

"We both said we weren't going," I said.

"Well I don't want to do it."

"So," Mary Alice aid. "We don't want to do it either, and you didn't call it, so too bad."

"It's not fair!"

"You are the closest," I pointed out.

"If you don't do it," Kathy said angrily, "neither of you can sleep at my house tonight."

"We're never going to get to your house if you don't find out where we are!"

"Well if you wanted to sleep over then you would go ask. I don't care if I never get home. It's your loss."

"I'm not the one who decided this was the right bus to-"

"Stop!" I interrupted Mary Alice. "Why are we always fighting? None of us want to ask, so none of us have to. If the bus doesn't go downtown then it will probably go back to where we got on. We can just get off there."

My suggestion about not asking was an accepted one, and for another ten minutes we all sat in silence, waiting to see where the ride would take us. The only thing more frustrating about not knowing where we were going was the fact that we had to stop every five seconds so someone could get on or get off. This wasn't making it easy for us to remain patient.

I was the one who finally cracked and got up to ask the driver where the heck we were. The bus had stopped to pick someone up, and I was about three rows away from the front when a tall redhead in a leather jacket climbed on board. Quick as I could I sat down in the seat next to me and looked out the window, praying that Two-Bit wouldn't see me. I looked out of the corner of my eye to make sure that he hadn't noticed I was there, and was glad to see that he had walked right past me. I carefully looked over my shoulder to see that he was heading towards the back of the bus.

"What are you doing Lily?" I cringed as Kathy called to me. Of course she wouldn't recognize Two-Bit. She probably didn't even know that I knew him.

I ducked down in the seat without answering her, but when she called to me again I had to look up. When I did, I was startled to see Two-Bit seated in the spot behind me.

"I thought that was you," he said. "School out early today?"

"Uh huh," I replied weakly.

He grinned. "Yeah, I let myself out early too." He looked back. "Friends of yours? Dark haired girl's Mary Ann right?"

"Mary Alice," I corrected.

"Right. And the blond one?"

I failed to see why he cared what their names were, but I told him anyway. "Kathy," I said.

He looked back again and grinned. "You don't say."

I knew he had a girlfriend with the same name, but I had never met her. I never wanted to either.

"Lily!" Mary Alice called to me.

"I think your friends want you," Two-Bit said, nudging his thumb towards them.

"Oh yeah, I should go." I stood up to go back to them, but found it difficult to keep my balance while the bus was moving. I sat back down. "Two-Bit."

"I won't tell on you."

I hadn't thought it was that obvious that I was playing hooky, but then this was Two-Bit I was talking to.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"A friend's place."

"Oh, because my friends and I have to get downtown, and I was wondering how to get there."

"You mean you got on a bus without knowing where you're going?"

"Sorta."

He shook his head and laughed. "If you stay on here long enough eventually you'll get where you want to be. But don't go telling your big brother I told you this. Kid your age has no business around there."

"We're just going to meet Kathy's dad," I lied, and stood up as the bus arrived at another stop.

As I headed to my friends I heard him say, "Yeah, and I'm just off to get a booster shot."


	6. Chapter 6

I know little of downtown Tulsa/Tulsa on it's own (especially in the 1960s), so please don't judge me to terribly on my depiction of the place.

Chapter 6

Just being downtown was overwhelming. There were so many more people around than I was used to, and just as I thought, there were big buildings everywhere. It took us awhile to find the store I wanted to go into, and by this time we were all getting along famously.

"If anybody asks why we aren't in school," I said, "we should tell them that we're visiting from out of town."

"Yeah," Kathy agreed. "We'll say we're sisters."

"Do we look like we could be related?" Mary Alice wondered.

"You and Lily do," Kathy speculated. "We'll say you two are sisters, and I'm your cousin."

"We need different names too - do we cross here?"

"I think so."

"I want to be called Deloris," Mary Alice announced.

"Deloris?" Kathy and I both laughed.

"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing," I said. "It's just a little weird."

"So, don't we want weird names?"

"Okay," Kathy jumped in. "I want to be Jemima."

Mary Alice laughed, so I cried, "I like that name!"

"Jemima?" Mary Alice laughed again.

"Well you like Deloris!" I reminded her.

All three of us were quiet as we walked across the street, until Mary Alice broke out in a deep voice and said, "Hello, I'm Jemima Puddleduck."

We howled with laughter, and people walking by looked at us like we were the strangest things they had ever seen in Downtown Tulsa.

"Puddleduck?" Kathy asked, tears rolling down her face.

"It's from a storybook," Mary Alice explained.

"I used to have it," I informed them, "but I never actually heard someone say it out loud before."

"What?" Mary Alice asked. "Puddleduck?" Again we went off, laughing like it was the funniest word we had ever heard.

We calmed down after a while, and were across from the department store when Kathy pointed out that I hadn't chosen my name yet.

"Alright," I said, and thought it over quickly. "I'll be Prudence."

"Okay," Mary Alice agreed. As we walked across the street she tried to remember everything. "So I'm Deloris, Kathy's Jemima, and Lily, you're Prudence."

"And our last name is Neddermeyer," Kathy added. This set us off into another fit of giggles, but this time is wasn't the name that we thought was funny, it was the way that it was said.

"No one will ever believe that those are our real names," I remarked.

"Somebody has to have them," Mary Alice pointed out. "How else would we have heard of them?"

"Who would name their kid Jemima?" Kathy asked.

"Lily would," Mary Alice said, then ran ahead of me as I chased after her into the store.

Being inside of such a big place was like being in Heaven. There was stuff to look at every where, and escalators, and people dressed up in fancy clothes. One lady was even wearing a fur coat, which I didn't think she needed, but if I had one I probably would have worn it too.

"Who wants to try on clothes?" Mary Alice asked. "I like trying on new things." I knew what she meant. It wasn't often that either of us got to wear new clothes, and even if we didn't get to buy them they were still fun to have on for a while.

Surprisingly, Kathy didn't want to dress up, but she didn't fight us to do something else either.

"I'll just tell you what looks good on you," she said. "I have a good eye for fashion."

"Kathy," Mary Alice said, "you wear blue and green together." Kathy didn't seem to get the joke, and frankly, I wasn't sure what she meant by it either, but I laughed just in spite of myself.

I've said before that I wasn't much of a dress person, but if I could have owned every dress I saw it that store I would have. The nicest one I found there was a pink one that puffed out slightly in the skirt. It was a longer dress with short sleeves, and I imagined myself in long white gloves and high heals, maybe at a party or someplace fancy like that.

"I have a dress like that at home," Kathy told me when she saw it. "It's yellow, but you can try it on when you're at my house." I thought that was a pretty nice offer, considering the fact that she usually like to model her clothes for us but never actually let us try them on.

Mary Alice found some nice dresses too. The best one was sort of like the pink one I had on, only it was a little bit shorter and pure white. It made her dark hair and blue eyes stand out, and I almost felt jealous of how pretty she looked.

I was sure Kathy was about to tell us that she had that dress too, but something must have caught her eye because she told us that she would be right back and ran off without another word.

I ended up standing outside of the changing room waiting for Mary Alice, but grew tired of waiting for both she and Kathy. She didn't answer at first when I knocked on the door, so I tried a couple more times.

"Mary Alice?" I asked, knocking harder. "Mary Alice?"

"Yeah?" she finally answered, her voice muffled.

"Are you okay?"

Slowly she opened the door and beckoned for me to come in. She was still wearing the store's dress, and her own clothes were piled on the floor. But that wasn't what bothered me.

"Why are you crying?"

She shrugged. "I wish I could own a dress like this."

"Me too," I laughed. I hadn't expected that saying so little would cause her to cry even harder.

"How come Kathy gets to own clothes like this?" she asked, almost whining. "She's mean to everyone, but she has a closet full of stuff she'll never wear. My parents can't even buy me a new dress for my birthday, but she gets one every couple of weeks. I hardly ever do anything wrong but I'm stuck wearing someone else's old junk. She treats everyone like she's better than they are but gets rewarded for it. I don't understand it."

"I know," I said, trying to comfort her, "but she doesn't know we don't have as much as she does."

"Yes she does! That's why she's always rubbing things in our faces, like how she has better toys, and she gets to go to a real dance class but we have to go to the free ones on Saturdays that even five-year-olds can take. And how come-"

She was cut off by a sharp knock at the door, and the two of us exchanged a nervous look. If it was Kathy out there we would have felt pretty bad for talking about her.

"Girls?" A lady's voice came. "Open the door please."

"Just a second!" I cried.

"Are we in trouble?" Mary Alice whispered, wiping up her tears.

"No one could have found us here."

"Girls!" The lady rapped the door again. I opened it quickly. Standing in front of us was an older lady dressed in a dark blue suit, sort of like the secretaries at my school wore. She had her hands on her hips and did not look happy to see us.

"Where are your parents?" she demanded.

"Our parents?" Mary Alice repeated.

"Yes. You shouldn't be trying on clothes alone."

"Well our mother told us to pick out the dresses we like best," I explained in a hurry, "and then come and find her."

"You seem to be dressed," the woman said to me. "Go and find your mother and I'll stay here with your sister until you bring her back to talk with me."

"But-" I tried to argue, only to be practically shoved away.

"Hurry now!" she called as I took of, leaving Mary Alice alone with her.

I hid behind a rack of dresses and tried to come up with a plan on what to do. It wasn't like I had a mother around to find, and she wasn't even my sister. I didn't see why that lady wanted us to have a mom around in the first place. It wasn't as though we were doing anything wrong, and no one had said anything to us about being alone. One sales girl had even asked us if we needed help - twice! The only thing I could think to do was go back and tell the woman that I had lied, and that we were just playing around. She probably wouldn't be happy with us, but there wasn't much else I could do, and I could only imagine how Mary Alice was handling things on her own. She wasn't the type to lie her way out of a mess without someone holding her hand.

"What are you doing?" I looked over to see that Kathy had asked this, and at that moment I couldn't have been happier to see her. Right away I knew what to do.

"There's a lady who won't let Mary Alice leave the dressing room," I told her.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, because she hates kids? I told her Mary Alice is my sister, but she said that I have to get our mom before she'll let her go. Only that's not going to happen. But she hasn't seen you yet, so go in there want tell her that you're our cousin, and that our mom has been looking all over for us."

"What if she doesn't believe me?"

"Make her believe you. You can make anybody else fall for your lies, you're good at it."

"I'll try," she promised, "but if she doesn't let her out then I'm going back for you."

"Fine. I'm going to be down by the makeup. Come find me there."

"Okay, but if it's been an hour and we aren't there, you should probably call someone."

I knew that it was only a joke, but honestly, who did she expect me to call?

I felt almost free walking around the place completely alone. It was like I was grown up and shopping with my own money. Except that I didn't have any money or any idea of were to begin when buying makeup, but that didn't stop me from looking around. I had no idea that there were so many different colours, products, and companies. Most of the names of the companies were ones I had never heard of before, or couldn't pronounce, but there were counters for all of the different types.

"Looking for something in particular?"

I spun around, startled, to see a pretty lady that didn't look much older than Darry smiling down at me. I could tell right away that she was wearing a ton of makeup, but I thought that she looked beautiful in it. Not trashy, like Soda had said it could make you look.

"I need some makeup," I said.

She laughed. "You'll have to be more specific."

I thought about it. "Well I'm nine. What kind of makeup do you have for someone going on ten?"

"Follow me," she instructed, and I did as she said. She was pretty tall, but her heels probably had a lot to do with that. I liked the loud clacking noise they made on the tile as she walked, like they were letting everyone know that she was coming.

She led me around a counter and patted a high stool. "Take a seat."

I dropped my bag on the shiny floor and climbed up. I was pretty sure that she was going to show me some makeup, but I didn't know how I was going to be able to see the stuff in front of the counter if I was sitting down behind it.

"I'm Meg," she said, holding out her hand.

I shook it and said, "I'm Lily."

"Well Lily, seems to me that you've got pretty young looking skin still. So how about we try some lipstick and some blush."

"Is that all I need?"

"Is that all? You should be asking if you need that much! Here, I'll show you." She picked up a tube of lipstick off of a shelf and took of the cap, twisting the bottom of it to reveal a light pink colour.

"Open your mouth just a little bit," she instructed, and then spent the next couple of minutes making up my lips. She spoke to me about how nice of a day it was, and how she wished that she could go outside, but I couldn't really say much in response with my mouth hanging open the way it was. I nodded to something she said at one point, but I should have know better because she only ended up drawing a line across my cheek.

"Sorry," I apologized.

"Oh it's fine," she assured me, and I could tell that she was trying not to laugh. She spent quite a bit of time trying to rub the mark off of my face, and after she finished she closed up the tube of lipstick and put it down on the counter.

"Can I see?" I asked.

"Not yet," she said, and pulled out a small red compact from another shelf. Opening it she showed me the blush, and then brushed it lightly across my cheeks with a big, puffy brush. It tickled a little bit, but I didn't mind. It wasn't often that someone paid attention to how I looked.

"All done," Meg said, and put the blush down next to the lipstick. "Now you can look." She handed me a mirror and I excitedly looked at myself in cosmetics for the first time. I don't know how much of a difference it really made, and the colours were pretty pale, but just the knowledge of having it on made me feel prettier.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you!"

"You got makeup!" Mary Alice said this from behind the counter. Kathy was with her, and both looked pretty shocked to see what was happening.

"Would you two like some?" Meg asked.

"Oh yes please!" Kathy said, while Mary Alice just nodded.

As I slipped off of the stool so that my friends could have a turn, I did something that I never thought I could do. I reached behind me and grabbed hold of the blush and lipstick. I slipped my hand down to my side and held them there for a moment. When no one said anything about them, I reached down and picked up my backpack, and discreetly slipped them in.

I immediately regretted doing it, but it would be pretty obvious that I had if I tried to take them out of my bag again. I really did want them too. I tried to convince myself that they were just ones Meg used on her customers and that there were plenty more to spare. 

"That's funny," she said. "I thought I put the lipstick on the counter here." She was searching all over the place for it, and I was sure that when she asked me if I had seen them I would feel too guilty to lie, but she never did.

"I'm always losing things," she went on light heartedly. "Oh wait - found it!" She had pulled another tube off of the shelf, and I wondered if she really did have a ton of them to go around. She never even said anything about the blush, but used a different one on each of them.

I thought that if maybe I could just get out of the store and away from Meg then I wouldn't feel so bad. There was a little voice inside of me that said to stop feeling sorry for myself, and that this was what I had come in to do in the first place, but I didn't really believe it. I wasn't a delinquent, and I knew better than to steal. Maybe I did know people who stole a lot, like Two-Bit and Steve, but I wasn't like them. Darry wouldn't steal. Ponyboy wouldn't steal. I liked to believe that Sodapop wouldn't steal. I wasn't even afraid that I would get caught for it, I was just angry with myself that I had done something so stupid. But I promised myself that if I never did it again, then just this once would be okay. Just one time wouldn't make me a thief.

Kathy ended up convincing Meg that she needed mascara, but I really wished that we could just get out of there. Meg seemed to haven taken a liking to Kathy, and if I hadn't been so afraid to look at Meg I probably would have been jealous. Mary Alice was the one who finally got us out of there though, when she asked for the time. It was a good thing that she did too, because when Meg looked at her watch and told us that it was "nearly three-thirty" Kathy scrambled off of the chair to gather up her stuff.

"Sorry," she said, "but we have to go."

"That's alright," Meg smiled at us. "It was nice meeting all of you."

We didn't waste much time saying goodbye though, because we were too busy looking for a way out of there. It took us a lot longer to find the bus depot than it had to find the department store, and when we got there only two buses were there. Neither of them were the ones that we wanted to take, and after looking at a schedule we realized that the only route we really recognized was the one that went by our school.

That bus didn't arrive until just after four, and once we sat down Kathy started to panic.

"I told my mom we'd be home by four. She'll want to know why we're late."

I didn't see what she had to worry about. If I was late getting home from school Darry would tell me not to let it happen again, and the worst that would happen would be me getting sent to my room for worrying him. But Kathy's parents never even got angry at her. Every time she did something wrong they acted like it was their fault. Sometimes I would have given anything for someone who would let me get away with everything, or at least let me out of one or two things.

"Guess what Lily?" Mary Alice said, breaking our worried silence. "When Kathy came to get me from that store lady, she told her that thing about her name being Jemima."

"Yeah? What'd she say?"

Both of my friends laughed.

"That her name is Jemima too!" Mary Alice managed to say, before laughing even harder.

"Are you serious?" I asked.

"Yeah," Kathy nodded.

I groaned. "I don't think I like that name anymore."

As we got nearer and nearer to the school I had two things on my mind. The first was finding a stop to get off at where we wouldn't be close enough to our school to be spotted by anyone who knew us, and the second was that I had taken the makeup. Eventually the second one clouded my thoughts, and I was so completely ashamed of myself that I stopped paying attention, yet still found myself following my friends off of the bus and onto the street. I was just going to tell them what I had done, and ask them what I should do about it when one of them interrupted my train of thought.

"Do you guys see what I see?"

A/N: I said there would be three chapters tonight, but it's now well into the morning and I need to sleep. But I'll update tomorrow. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7- 

The only person I had to see in that group of parents ahead of us was Darry to know that I had better start running in the opposite direction. Actually my friends were the ones that took off first, but I wasn't far behind them. We ran around the corner and down the street so fast that I hadn't even realized what I was doing. I didn't think that anyone had spotted us, but we kept on running. Finally we had to stop on a corner and catch our breath.

"What," Mary Alice asked, breathing deeply, "are we going to do?"

Neither Kathy or I answered as we were still trying to catch our own breath. I couldn't believe that this was really happening. All morning I had worried about getting caught, and then when I was sure that we were going to get away with it, it had to happen. I had only seen Darry clearly, but I was sure that Kathy's mother had been there as well, along with our teacher and principal.

"I've got it," Kathy said. "We'll go to my house. Obviously my mom isn't going to be home, so we can just tell her that we've been there for awhile."

"But Mr. Roberts was there," Mary Alice told her. Mr. Roberts was our principal.

"Oh well. We'll just tell my mom that we decided to go to my house straight after school."

"Don't you get it!" I cried, becoming slightly angry. "If the principal was there with your parents it means that they already know we skipped school! What are we supposed to tell your mom about that? That we forgot to go today?"

"Lily's right," Mary Alice agreed. "Maybe we should go back. If they saw us they'll get even more mad for running away."

"But we'll be able to avoid them for longer." She did have a valid point there. I wasn't exactly looking forward to facing my brother, especially since he shouldn't have even been off work yet. I knew he wouldn't be please to have had to leave his job early, and because it was my fault things would only be worse for me.

"Let's go to Kathy's," I said quietly in agreement, and slowly we walked on towards her house, naturally taking a different route this time. None of us wanted to talk to each other, and I had this feeling that if I spoke someone I knew might hear me and know where I was.

I tried thinking of all of the things that we had done wrong to determine how much trouble we were actually in. First and foremost there was skipping school, which was a big enough offence on it's own. Then there was the part about going all over town to places we weren't even sure we were allowed to be. Next was taking the bus, and going downtown. I had never actually been told I wasn't allowed downtown, but it was one of those things you just knew you weren't allowed to do. I personally had stolen as well, but that wasn't anything I would ever tell Darry about. The last thing that we had done was run away just before being caught, but as I saw it the only thing we really had to worry about was skipping school. If we didn't mention the wandering around, the bus taking, or the fact that we were downtown at all, things would have been better than imagined.

Yet I still had this horrible feeling of regret in me. It wasn't like the guilt I felt for stealing, where I felt like I was a bad person. This was the kind of regret where I wanted to scream and cry and stomp my feet because I was so angry with myself for having ever believed that I could get away with something so stupid. There was even a little part of me that wanted Darry to come and find me so that I would just be able to get all of this over with. I was terrified of seeing him, but was scared me more was not knowing what was going to happen.

"I bet my mom's going to yell at me for this," Kathy said, but no conversation came out of it. I think that both Mary Alice and I were too busy thinking about what she had said to respond. The most Kathy would ever have to worry about was being yelled at, because her parents never punished her. I think she even liked being in trouble, maybe because each time she pushed her parents a little bit further over the edge. Mary Alice was the one that I felt the worst for though. There was no secret as to what her parents would do to her when they found out about what we had done. They weren't the most strict parents I knew, but they did have pretty specific views and disciplining her. Having said that, I did feel that she was lucky in a way, because at least she knew what she had coming to her. I could only imagine what was going to happen to me.

I was about to tell my friends that we should probably come up with an exact story to tell all of our families so that we could be in as little trouble as possible, but the sound of a car pulling up beside us kept me from it.

"Wowie!" a humoured voice sang. "You girls are sure in a lot of trouble!"

I groaned. Why was it that Two-Bit happened to be popping up everywhere lately? Normally he would be welcome company, but not at such a time.

I looked over at him as he leaned out of his car window. Kathy and Mary Alice stopped walking too, but they looked at me as if to ask what he was doing there. I'm sure they were both wondering the same thing I was: Why was he driving his car if he had had to take the bus earlier?

"Can I give you kids some advice?" he asked. Even if we didn't want it he was going to give it up anyway. "If you know that the fuzz are after you, and you spot them, run away. But if it's your parents looking, and they spot you, go towards them, otherwise they'll just beat ya harder when they catch you."

"Did you see our parents?" Kathy asked worriedly. "Are they looking for us?"

He laughed like it was the funniest thing he had ever been asked. "You're kidding right? Everybody's out looking for you. Lily I even had to tell Darry that I saw you on the bus."

"Why'd you do that?" Forget that I was the one in trouble, he didn't have any right to tell on me for that.

"Hey I didn't want to tell," he admitted, "but there's a lot of people who wanted to know where you were. When your brother asked me if I had seen you I had to tell him."

"You couldn't just lie? You do it all the time, it wouldn't have been much of a stretch for you!"

"Hey!" Two-Bit said, pointing at me and raising his voice a little. "I already told you I didn't want to tell him, but all your parents were around. Say you went missing, I could get in pretty deep if somebody found out I had seen you and didn't tell."

"We wouldn't have gone missing," I pointed out rudely.

"Probably not. Nobody would want to kidnap kids like you.

"That's not funny!"

"I wasn't trying to be funny." He had lost all of the humour in his voice, and now he was looking at me in this deadly way I had never seen before. Truth be told I had never really acted that way in front of Two-Bit, so it must have been pretty surprising for him to see me acting so rudely. The only people I ever dared talk to that way were my brothers, but things were just different around family members.

I didn't have anything left to say to him, and I was angry that he was getting involved in the first place. He wasn't my brother and he didn't have any right to talk to me like he knew better than I did, so I turned and began walking away. My friends followed me, but Two-Bit didn't seem to think that I should be doing this.

"Hey!" he said, rolling along slowly beside us in his car. "Lily I told your brother I'd bring you home if I found you!"

"I don't care!" I called over to him, becoming more and more bold. "I don't have to listen to you." If he hadn't been in his car I wouldn't have said that, because as he and I both knew, it didn't matter whether or not I had to listen to him, he was bigger, and he could make me.

"I'm not trying to get you in trouble," he said, although not very nicely. "But you're going to be in trouble anyway, and I'd rather not get dragged down with you. Come on now!"

"No." I started to walk faster.

"Lily!" He drove faster.

"Uh uh!" No longer was I just angry at him. I was enjoying this, and it was becoming like one of those games I had played when I was really small where I would test people until they were actually angry at me. Even Kathy and Mary Alice seemed to think that it was funny, but were too afraid to laugh out loud.

"If you don't stop walking and get into this car right now," Two-Bit threatened, "then I'll get out and drag you in. All three of you!"

Now it was Kathy's turn to get upset.

"You can't touch me!" she squealed.

"We'll see 'bout that!" he barked, and stopped his car. None of us had sense enough to walk away, and besides, we wanted to know if he would really drag us over.

We never found out though, because, as luck had it, he couldn't get the door open. I don't know what the problem was, but his door was jammed and he couldn't open it. I thought he might crawl through the window at one point, but our cruel laughter must have got to him because finally he gave up and sped away in anger.

There was something strange about the way I acted when I knew that I was in trouble. Instead of trying to be good and polite so that it wouldn't end up getting any worse, I always acted horribly. I became rude and defensive, only because it was the only thing keeping me from admitting that I knew I had done something wrong. As Ponyboy had once put it, I didn't know how to quit while I was ahead.

After the little incident with Two-Bit I began to wish that I had gone with him. I wasn't sure why, but there was something about how angry he had become with me that made me feel uneasy. Maybe it was the fact that if he could become that mad at me it meant that Darry would be ten times worse. And I was right, because not five minutes after Two-Bit had driven off, Darry pulled up beside us in our car, and let me tell you I had never been more afraid in my life.

He didn't have to say anything to me for me to know that I had get in. As I climbed in he said something to my friends, and thought I didn't hear what it was that he told them, the next thing I knew they were slipping into the backseat.

I don't know what was worse, the fact that I was now face to face with Darry or the fact that he hadn't said anything yet. To anyone who didn't know him it wouldn't have even seemed like he was that angry, but I could tell from his white knuckles on the steering wheel that he was trying to think of what to say to me.

The second he pulled up in front of the school Kathy and Mary Alice bailed out, only to be met by their own parents. I noticed that Kathy's dad wasn't present, but there was no time to speculate on that because Darry drove off after only a few quiet words with Mr. Weston, Mary Alice's father.

I struggled to come up with something so say as my brother drove home, but the only thing I could think of was to tell him that I was sorry. I knew that it would be pointless to say, but the silence was near killing me and I had to say something.

"Darry I didn't-" I began, but he cut me off right away.

"You don't get to talk right now Tiger Lily!" he said forcefully, and sped up the vehicle.

If ever I wanted to know just how much trouble I was in, I could just rely on the name that Darry called me. If he said "Lily" then it meant that things weren't that bad. If he started snarling things like "sweetheart" and "kiddo" then it meant that I had better keep my mouth shut because he didn't even want to look at me. But when he said "Tiger Lily," I knew that I was in for it. Just like Sodapop and Ponyboy I had one of those original sounding names, only I wasn't the first person to have it, as there was a character in Peter Pan with the same name. I didn't actually know anyone else named Tiger Lily, but it didn't matter. Pony and Soda both seemed to like that they had names that weren't the most common things you might hear of, but I hated mine. To me there was nothing worse that being named after a dumb old flower, especially one that was orange, my least favourite colour.

Darry, of all people, knew how much I loathed to be reminded of my name, and usually respected that. So when he actually called me Tiger Lily I knew just how much trouble I was in, and of course I was scared. I was even more terrified to get out of the car when he pulled into our driveway, because I didn't know what he planned on doing to me.

"You go inside," he said so calmly that I got a chill down my spine, "and wait for me. We're going to have a long talk about what happened today, and you're going to tell me every detail of what you did. After, I'll decide what's gonna happen to you."

It was sort of like in the movies, where the leader of the mob tell the guy he's out to get that he doesn't know what he's going to do with him, but the guy knows that he wants to kill him. I had this slight fear in me that Darry might actually want to kill me. Which could have been a good thing, depending on how I looked at it.

It probably only took Darry a couple of minutes to come in after me, but waiting for him felt like forever. As soon as I walked in the door I rushed over to my bedroom and pulled the lipstick and blush out of my backpack. I opened the top drawer of my dresser, where I kept my underwear and was sure that no one would go into, and hid them as far back and as deep down as possible. Then I closed my schoolbag up and rushed back into the living room to sit on the sofa, afraid that he might walk in and know that I had been trying to hide something.

I ended up waiting for him for so long that my stomach was starting to turn, and thought that if I hadn't forgotten to eat lunch I probably would have thrown up all over the carpet. As I heard Darry opening the front door and shaky feeling ran down from the back off my neck all the way to my knees, and I was more worried than ever about what he wanted to say to me.

He walked into the room, big arms crossed over his chest. I wished that his shirt hadn't been so tight, because although I usually admired how strong he was, I didn't need anything reminding me of how much bigger he was than me at that point. He didn't sit down as I wished he had either, but instead stood right in front of me, which, as anyone could imagine, was the most frightening view to have before me.

"How on earth did you possibly think that you could get away with this?" he demanded. "Didn't you think that your teacher might notice that all three of you were out of school today? And you girls had your principal in a panic trying to find out where you went off to. He couldn't get a hold of me to find out if you were sick and both of your friends' parents weren't around either. He almost called the police to make sure that nothing happened, but the only reason he didn't was because he knew that if the police got involved with our family they would throw you, Ponyboy, and even Sodapop into homes so fast it would make your head spin. I don't know where you got the crazy idea to skip class in the first place, but believe me, you're not going to do it again."

I felt my eyes fill up with tears. He was so big and scary, but he wasn't yelling as loudly as he could. I wanted to tell him that it had all been Kathy's idea, but knew that he wouldn't want to hear it.

"Now I already know that you missed the whole day, and that you took the bus somewhere, but the first thing I want to know from you is where you went."

I didn't answer him, not because I was afraid to, but because I was racking my brains trying to think of what places I could have taken the bus to that were in my limits.

"Tiger Lily," he growled. "Now!"

"Downtown," I said as quietly as possible.

"Excuse me?" he asked, moving in closer to me, but I knew that he had heard.

"Downtown," I said, looking at him nervously.

"What the hell did you have to do downtown!"

I jumped back when he swore. I was used to people swearing around me, but not so much when they were angry.

"We just went to walk around," I said, tears starting to fall from my eyes. "We didn't do anything wrong."

"Really?" he snorted. "You didn't go to school and then you went downtown, on the bus, but you didn't do anything wrong? Tell me how that works."

"I d-don't," I stuttered. "I don't know. I just mean that we didn't do anything wrong downtown. And you never said I can't go there. You never said I couldn't take the bus either." I was getting into my defensive mode again, and even though I knew better, once I started, I couldn't stop myself. "Nobody ever told me I wasn't allowed downtown, but you never want to take me there! We just wanted to have fun, and it's not like we're the first kids to ever skip school!" I even stood up at this point, trying to show him that I wasn't afraid of him. "It isn't fair that Two-Bit told on me, and the only reason you're getting mad at me is because everybody hates me and likes to see me in trouble! I didn't feel like going to school today and I felt like going to the store, and it's too bad if you don't like it because next chance I get I'll go again. Nobody ever wants me to do the things that I want and it isn't fair!"

"You're not in the position to tell me what's fair or not little girl!" Darry roared. "You don't get to skip school, and worry all of us and have people out looking for you wondering if something's happened to you and then try and tell me that you don't think something's fair. And I didn't have to tell you that you aren't allowed going downtown alone for you to know that you aren't allowed to do it. And don't you dare yell at me like that again, or I swear I will hit you so hard it'll knock your teeth out!"

Lovely. My idea to show him that I wasn't afraid of him was cut short by my bursting into tears and sitting back down on the couch. This time he sat down next to me, but didn't say anything for a long while. Once I had stopped crying so hard he moved my head so that I had to look at him, and began to speak.

"I understand if you didn't want to go to school today," he said calmly, but not comfortingly, "but you should have gone anyway. It wasn't like you'd asked me if you could stay home, and you know that it's wrong. Not only are you at school to learn, but you're there so I know where you are and that you're safe during the day. When my boss told me that your principal needed to talk to me I was afraid that something happened, and for you to say that the only reason I'm mad is because I hate you is just mean. I wouldn't have left work, and I wouldn't have spent my entire afternoon looking all over and hounding everyone I came across for help if I didn't care about you." He was starting to raise his voice at this point, and I had a feeling that if I said something wrong he would get angry again. "What if you had gotten hurt downtown, or one of your friends had? Nobody would have known where you were, or any idea where to start looking for you. It wouldn't have been fair to anyone else if Two-Bit had kept it a secret that you were on that bus with him, because I wouldn't know where to look for you."

"But nothing even happened!"

"Well then don't you think you're in a lot of trouble after nothing happened. You don't get to go to that sleepover you were looking forward to tonight, and you had a lot of people out there who were worried sick. Mary Alice's dad told me what he was going to do with her if he found out that she was alright, and let me tell you for a while I was considered the same thing myself. Two-Bit told me about how you wouldn't come with him either, and he didn't need you talking to him that way when he was only trying to help. Was it worth having to spend the next few weeks in your bedroom to miss just one day of school?"

"What?" I asked. I hadn't actually expected him to ground me for this. I don't know what I had been expecting, maybe that I wasn't going to be able to sleep over at Kathy's for awhile, maybe he would warn me about the bus and leave it at that, but I never thought that I might be grounded.

"I think you've had enough freedom for the next little while," he informed me. Before I could even begin to argue that I didn't think I deserved that much of a punishment, he sent me off to my room, telling me that we would talk about this more at dinner after I had had more time to think about things. I couldn't wait.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone, I'm sure you've figured out that I appreciate them. I noticed a couple of you asking about Dally and Johnny, and to be honest I didn't leave them out intentionally, it's just that at first I wasn't sure if I wanted this story to follow the plot of the book, so I never really got around to using them. They'll probably show up a little bit later on, but for now the most I've got for you is a tiny mention of Johnny's name. 

Chapter 8

I was only in my room for about twenty minutes waiting for Darry to call me out for supper. I spent the entire time until then looking from my dresser to my door, wondering how long it would be until someone found out what I had done. Before I had only felt bad for myself, but after what he said about if the police had been involved with everything, I had a new worry. What if Meg had seen me steal but didn't want to say anything until I was out of the store? I knew she had no idea who I was or where I lived, but paranoia was stronger than reality at that point. I kept thinking that in any moment there would be a knock on the door and then the police would come in and tell me they were taking me away because Darry hadn't done a good enough job teaching me not to steal.

"Lily!" I heard him call from outside of my door. I knew that I was only being silly, and that the police weren't actually going to come after me, but now I had another thing to worry about. I was supposed to have been thinking about what I was going to tell him, but I hadn't thought about it at all. As I made my way to the kitchen I quickly decided that the only information I was going to give up was the stuff he demanded to know about.

I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that Ponyboy and Sodapop were in the kitchen with Darry. Now I was either going to get lectured more in front of them, or he would hold it off until later when we were alone, which meant waiting even longer to have to deal with him again.

For the first couple of minutes nobody said anything. Pony sort of looked around at all of us like he wasn't sure what everyone was so tense about. Soda, who was usually pretty happy-go-lucky after work, looked at me only once the entire meal, and it was one of those sideways "I'm not very pleased with you" sort of looks.

"Hey little buddy," Darry said to Soda, "you still taking Pony out with you tonight?"

"Was thinking about it," he muttered, filling his mouth with a fork full of food.

"Good," Darry nodded, but I didn't think it was such a good thing.

I had expected to be sent to my room as soon as dinner was over, but Darry had other plans.

"You can do the dishes," he instructed, and turned me towards the sink.

"But I did them last night!" I said a little upset, forgetting that this probably wasn't the best time to argue with him.

"And you're going to do them every night until I tell you to stop," he said sharply, and left the room. It wasn't doing the dishes I minded doing so much, but the fact that I had to do them alone. Usually someone was around to help me out, but it looked like I was going to spend the next couple of weeks doing them all by myself.

It was taking me a lot longer to do them than it normally did on my own, but that was partly due to my taking extra time washing each dish twice so that I wouldn't have to go back to my room yet. Soda came into the kitchen at one point to get a piece of paper off of the counter, but he didn't say anything to me. I had a feeling that he was mad at me for something and didn't know what to say to him. It wasn't often that he was angry with me, so when he was I tended not to bring up too much of a conversation.

Like he had been standing outside of the room the entire time, Darry came into the kitchen the second I finished putting the last dish away. I would like to say that I had learned from my earlier mistake of not thinking about what I had done and spent the entire time at the counter thinking things over, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I wound up thinking about little things like how much I had actually enjoyed being downtown, and forgot all about how much trouble I was in. So when Darry told me to take a seat at the table and tell him exactly what I had done all day I had to think carefully before I could let any words out of my mouth.

"When did you decide not to go to school today?" he asked, sitting across from me.

I shrugged. "On the way to school." If I had told him that we had met Kathy at the park, and that she had actually planned it the night before, he would misunderstand me and think that I had been planning this for awhile.

"When you decided not to go, where did you end up?"

"The park near the school."

"And then you went where?" he urged.

"Around."

"Around where?" I could hear the anger arising in his voice once again, and decided that maybe I had better just get everything out. If he had to wring every detail of the day out of me that way he would probably end up wringing my neck.

"We went all over around our school and stuff," I said quickly and quietly, "but I don't really know where. Then I had to go into the DX to get a drink, then we walked over to a bus stop and waited for the-"

"Hold it!" he stopped me. "You went to the DX?"

I mentally kicked myself. Had Soda really not told him that I was there? I assumed that he had. But this could have been a trick. Maybe Soda had told, and Darry just wanted to know if I would give him up.

"I asked if you went to the DX."

I nodded.

"You did?"

"Yes," I replied slowly, like I was expecting another question but didn't actually want to answer it.

"Soda's DX?"

I nodded again.

"Did you talk to Soda?"

I didn't answer.

"Did you talk to Soda?" he repeated slowly, like I might have missed the question.

Again, I didn't answer. Before I knew what was happening Darry got up from the table and left the room. I had a feeling I knew where he was going, but I wanted to be sure. I slipped off of my chair and snuck around to the doorway and looked out into the living room. Darry had his back to me and was standing in the doorway to Pony and Soda's room talking to someone, who I assumed must have been Soda. I couldn't hear him because he was talking in such a low voice, but it didn't sound like he was too happy.

Not wanting to see anymore, I went back to the table. I felt horrible. I was used to my oldest brother getting frustrated with me everyday, and hardly an hour went by where he wasn't chewing Pony out for something, but Soda was different. He was older, and too big to be in trouble. I could only think of a few times that Darry had been angry with him, really angry, and I knew that they hadn't been pleasant experiences. The only thing that scared me more than Darry being angry at me was when he was angry and Soda, and knowing that this time it was my fault made it all worse.

I heart the front door slam, and then Darry came back into the kitchen. I looked over my shoulder to see if I could see anyone out the front window, but it was on too much of an angle and couldn't see anything but a tree across the street.

"You caught the bus after the DX right?" Darry asked, planting himself back down and not mentioning anything about Soda. "And you took the bus downtown. I know you got on the bus pretty early in the afternoon, and you got back off after four-thirty. So what were you doing for so many hours on your own?"

"We were just going around," I told him once more.

"Yeah," he nodded his head, "I got that you were going around, but where were you going around to?"

"You know the big store, that you can see Santa Clause at on Christmas?"

"Yep. You went there?"

"And then we went back to the bus, and now I'm home."

"Why would you go to a store in the first place. What could you have done there?"

I looked at him like he was crazy. "You can go shopping!"

He gave me a narrow stare. "But you didn't have any money to spend."

I felt myself squirm under his watch, and for a minute was afraid that he knew what I had done. But he soon moved on.

"I already told you that you aren't going out for awhile, but just so you know for next time, you aren't allowed on the bus alone, and you aren't allowed downtown either. But you _are_ almost ten, so maybe if you wanted to take the bus with your friends some other time we can see about it. But you have to ask me first, because I want to know where you are and what your doing. Got it?"

I nodded, almost happily. Sure, I was going to be under house arrest until Darry decided otherwise, but him telling me that I could maybe go on the bus again was a big deal for me. All of the rules that I had had since my parents passed away were ones that I still had, but if he was going to give up one of them, I could only imagine that pretty soon he might let up another and another, until eventually I was free to do what I wanted. But then, Soda was almost eight years older than me, and he still answered to Darry, so I decided to be thankful for that little bit of leniency.

The worst part about spending the rest of that night in my room was that the only person in the house was Darry. This wasn't the first time that I had been stuck in there, but usually there were enough people hanging around just outside of my bedroom door that I could listen to what they were doing and feel almost like I was involved. I thought that maybe if I stayed up late enough Pony and Soda would come home and I would be able to have even just a little bit of entertainment for the evening, but long before they came back I had fallen asleep, to dreams of the downtown world.

The next morning I was the first one awake, and after using the washroom I remembered that I wasn't even supposed to be out of my little closet. One thing Ponyboy had told me a long time ago, maybe when I was five or six, was that when you get in trouble, no matter how unfair you think it is to be punished, you should act like you think you deserve it, because, sometimes, if you're lucky, people will think that you've learned you lesson and let you off the hook. I wasn't so sure about that with Darry, but I did know that if I acted like I thought it was unfair, he would only extend my punishment. Not wanting that to happen, I went back to my room to try and fall back asleep.

The funny thing about sleep is that when you want it to come, you can lie awake for hours and never catch a wink of it, but when you want to stay awake, you nod off right away. So there I was for what must have been two hours, laying in bed with my eyes shut trying to imagine that I was out of the room and outside with my friends so that I could fall back asleep. Needless to say that never happened, so when I heard Pony and Soda's voices I became extremely happy that they were up and I would have something to listen to besides the sound of the voice in my head.

I couldn't actually make out what they were saying, but a couple minutes after they began moving around, there was a quick knock at my door, and then Darry walked in.

"Come eat something," he said, then went back out, leaving the door open behind him.

I got out of bed as quickly as I could and rushed into the kitchen ahead of my brother. Soda was in there shovelling cake into his mouth and I got a piece for myself and sat down to eat it. As much as I liked chocolate cake, there was always a little part of me that wished we could eat real breakfast food sometimes like normal families did.

"You work today Soda?" Pony asked, coming into the kitchen.

Soda shook his head, mouth full of food.

"What about you?" Darry asked Pony. "What are you up to today?"

Ponyboy shrugged. "Me and Johnny were just going to hang around, nothing special."

"Well you make sure you get your homework done," Darry lectured. "And don't stay out too late either. You and Soda seemed to be out a lot later than you should have. What'd you do anyway?"

Soda and Pony exchanged glances, before Soda took another bite of cake and Pony tried to muffle a laugh with his hand.

I didn't think it was fair that Pony could tell Darry he was just going to hang around, while I had to report every little thing I did to him, and he still wouldn't let me out of the neighbourhood. Even if he did tell him not to stay out too late, it wasn't as bad as being told you weren't allowed out at all.

I spent the next little while back in my bedroom, but the minute I saw Darry pull out of the driveway with Ponyboy in the car with him I took my chance and went out into the living room. I sat on the floor and turned on the TV, hoping to watch a show before Darry got home. Even if I was going to try and act like I thought I deserved what I was getting, my plan was only to do that while he was around. It wasn't that I didn't feel bad about worrying him the day before, I didn't see the point of boring myself to death in my bedroom when I could have at least of few minutes of fun without getting caught.

"Aren't you supposed to be in your room?"

Soda appeared next to me, and if I hadn't forgotten he was home I probably would have stayed in there too. But he didn't need to know that I cared that he was home.

"I'm just watching one cartoon," I stated, and turned up the volume.

"Aren't you afraid I'll tell Darry on you?" His words were harsh, and I knew what was wrong. He was mad because I had told on him. But that couldn't have been it, because he had seemed pretty angry before that.

"I'll go as soon as this is over," I assured him.

"No." He turned off the TV. "Go now."

"But Soda-"

"No Lily. Last thing I need right now is for Darry to walk in and see you sitting in here watching cartoons. Now get up, and get back to your room."

I gave him a hurt look, and crossed my arms. I had hoped that it would be enough to get him off my case, but it only made things worse.

He reached down, grabbed me under my arms, and pulled me too my feet, but he didn't insist on sending me to my room quite yet.

"You shouldn't have lied to me yesterday."

"I didn't lie!" As far as I remembered I hadn't lied to him.

"You did too! You told me that you were only there to pick up a drink at your lunchtime!"

I rolled my eyes. "I thought you knew I was lying about that."

"I thought you were lying about them letting you go. I only thought that you had snuck off for a little while. I didn't know that you had skipped the whole day."

"Sorry," I said, though not genuinely. "But I didn't really lie, and just didn't go back to school. And you _have_ lied to me before."

"When have I lied to you?" he asked, crossing his arms like he couldn't think of one occasion where he had.

"You lie all the time," I insisted. "You're always telling me things about what you did at night or what someone said to you, but I know you aren't telling the truth, because you don't want me to know what really happened."

He sighed. "That's not the same. I lie to you about that stuff to protect you."

"And I lied to protect me too."

He was about to grin, but he must have caught himself because he pursed his lips together and narrowed his brows.

"I told Darry I didn't see you. He asked me and I lied and told him I thought you were at school. What if something had happened to you? Do you know how bad I would feel then, if you had gotten hurt and I hadn't helped tell where I had seen you?"

"Everybody keeps saying something could have happened," I said, getting a little frustrated, "but nothing did!"

"I'm just trying to say that it was pretty crummy of you to come in there and lie to me, and then go and tell Darry that I saw you."

"So you're just mad because you're in trouble!"

For a second there I thought he was going to push me, but he just stepped back and pointed at me.

"You know you're a pretty dumb kid to talk to people the way you do, especially since you had us all worried yesterday! I think you should go to your room now because I don't even want to talk to you right now I'm so angry."

He changed the direction of his finger pointing from my face to my bedroom, and I went without another word, being careful to walk out of his reach just in case he was going to lose his temper and try and hit me.

After I recounted what had just happened, I felt miserable. It was one thing to have Darry angry at me; he was my guardian and was supposed to be in charge of me. But Soda liked everybody, and the only people I ever really saw him get mad at were people I didn't even know.

Darry wasn't home yet and I could hear the water in the shower turn off, so I decided to go out in the living room and wait for Soda to come out.

I don't think he had been expecting me to be there because he nearly dropped the towel that he had around his waist when he saw me. I don't think he found it as funny as I did either, because right away he started on me.

"I told you to get in your room. Believe me Lily one of these days I'm really going to give it to -"

"Wait!" I cried. "I came out to say I'm sorry! I didn't mean to lie to you yesterday, but my friends dared me to go in and buy a coke without getting caught, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want you telling Darry on me so I said that it was lunch. I wouldn't have said anything if I knew everybody was gonna get so upset, and I didn't mean to tell Darry. I thought you told on me. I didn't mean to get mad at you just now either. But you scared me when you yelled. I'm sorry."

He looked at me for a few seconds, then tilted his head back and laughed out loud.

"It's alright," he said after awhile. "I didn't mean to get so angry with you either, but you really are starting to get a little hard to get along with."

I didn't like that he was getting into lecturing me like Darry, but I didn't complain either. I just clamped down my jaw and took what he had to say without arguing.

"It's not like people try to get mad at you, but you're our baby sister, and it's gets a little scary when you disappear or run off without letting anybody know where you are. Next time you decide to skip school you should probably wait until in you're in high school at least. It won't be such a big deal then. Oh, and if you do try and yell at me like you did earlier, I promise you that-"

He never actually getting around to telling me though, because Darry pulled the car into the driveway just before he said it, and was too busy making a mad dash back to my bedroom to allow him to finish his statement. I couldn't help but notice though, that he and Darry, and lately even Pony, were really starting to take things to heart when I talked back to them. Which made me think that I should probably start treating them better. But I only _thought_ about it.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

After what must have been the most eventless, boring weekend of my life, it was a relief to finally get out Monday morning and go back to school. Darry made sure to remind me that I was grounded, but that was the farthest thing from my mind as I rushed out to meet Mary Alice on the corner.

She was there waiting for me when I arrived, and together we went off to school.

"Yet get in a lot of trouble?" she asked me, but we both knew the answer.

"Yeah," I admitted. I didn't want to go into detail about how angry Darry had been, and I'm sure that she wasn't aching to tell me about her own parents either.

As we walked along I heard laughter coming from behind us, but was too chicken to look back. Mary Alice and I both began to walk faster, because around our neighbourhood when you heard someone coming up behind you it was best just to take off. But the faster we walked the closer the laughter came, until finally someone spoke to us.

"You gonna turn around or what?" I could tell right off that this wasn't anyone to be scared of. The voice couldn't have belonged to anyone much older than me it was so childish.

Turning around, Mary Alice and I were greeted by the sight of Tommy Hollis and his friends. Immediately I felt my stomach turn.

Tommy laughed again when we just looked at him, and I noticed again that he had his hair slicked back. In fact, all of his friends had it now.

"Don't say nothing to us or anything!" he laughed. What were we supposed to say? It's not as though he addressed us on a regular basis.

"What do you want?" Mary Alice managed to ask faintly.

"Oh nothing," Paul, one of his friends said as he walked around us.

"We were just wondering if what we heard was true," another friend finished.

"If what was true?" I asked, my voice choking when I said.

Something about my friend and I must have been hilarious to them because everything we had done so far resulted in their laughter.

"Heard you went missing on Friday," Tommy explained. He looked at me. "My brother said your brother asked him about it."

"Does it look like we went missing?" Mary Alice said. I couldn't believe how brave she sounded in front of them. I was too nervous to look any one of them in the eye, and here she was being sarcastic like she was old enemies with these kids.

"So you really did skip school?" Paul asked, almost in awe.

"That's tough," Tommy said. He looked over at his friends. "Looks like we have some catching up to do. Couple of eight-year-olds skipped school and we can't even take off at lunch yet." It almost felt good to be called tough by him, except that he had also called us eight-year-olds, which meant that he was probably only trying to tease us.

"We have to get going," one of them said.

They turned to leave us, and Tommy said to Mary Alice and I, "Good luck today."

"What?"

He grinned and laughed yet again. "In the principal's office. They give kids that skip school the strap. Don't you know anything?" With that, he took off to join his friends, who were now across the street.

I didn't really care about what he said to us about that though, because I was so overcome with joy that he had said anything to us at all. Even Mary Alice seemed to think it was wonderful that kids like Tommy and his pals thought we were tough. It was one thing for my brother's friends to talk to us, but I knew the only reason they ever gave us the time of day was because of who my family was. Tommy was different. He didn't have to talk to us, he just did.

My friend and I looked at each other. We exchanged an excited smile, and then practically skipped our way to school. Unfortunately, we didn't get a very nice welcome when we arrived. The minute we stepped into the classroom our teacher sent us down to the principal's office, using her "I'm very disappointed" voice as she did so. It was then that I began to worry about Tommy's comment.

"He's not really going to give us the strap," I said worriedly, "is he?"

Mary Alice shrugged. "He might. I've never been in his office before, but I know lots of kids come out of there crying."

"He can't," I said, trying to reassure myself. "Kathy'll probably be there too, and her parents wouldn't let her get hit. She's never been hit before." Technically, I hadn't either, but I don't think it was so much because of the fact that my family didn't believe in it, and more because they just hadn't gotten around to it. After all, they were plenty of occasions where I thought I was going to get knocked out for acting up all the time.

"I'll bet he doesn't do it," Mary Alice decided. "He won't hit a girl, and our parents and your brother already know about it."

We quieted down as we made our way into the front office, where Kathy was already seated on a bench waiting.

I quickly took a seat next to her and went to say something, but a sharp look from the secretary made me keep my mouth shut.

It wasn't long before Mr. Roberts called us into his office. My stomach felt like it was going to drop down to the floor any second as I followed my friends into our principal's office for the first time in my life. I don't know what I was expecting the place to look like, but it did surprise me. There was a big desk directly across from the door, and though I thought that principals were supposed to be organized, this one, apparently, was not. Papers were piled and spread all over the desk, and the books on the two shelves behind it had fallen over or were left out of order. There were only two chairs in front of his desk, sitting around in an northerly manner; the larger one behind the desk was tucked right underneath.

"Girls," he said, and I couldn't help but wonder if he had the curtains closed for a reason. "Come over here." We moved in front of his desk, and he pushed his chair back, but never actually stood up.

"Now, all of you know what you did wrong on Friday," he said, folding his hands on his desk and leaning forward. "But my only concern is the fact that you blatantly disregarded school rules. When you leave home in the morning, you become our responsibility, and when you decided to not come not only does it put yourselves in danger, buy you put our position here at the school in jeopardy as well. Your actions the other day were unacceptable on all levels, and will not be tolerated again." He cleared his throat and looked from one of us to the other. I couldn't help but feel that he looked at me the longest, and a shifted my weight from foot to foot, afraid to look back, but afraid to look away. He leaned forward again, and slowly opened a drawer on the side of his desk. I couldn't see inside of it, but I could only imagine what he was about to do next. My legs felt like jelly and my stomach like led as he slowly pulled his hand back up and placed an object on the desk.

"This," he said, placing the piece of black leather on the desk, "well, you know what this is. Normally, I wouldn't show this to a student unless I was going to use it." I breathed a sigh of relief. I prayed that he wasn't going to change his mind suddenly. "I want you to know, that I have no problem with strapping a girl, no matter how old she is. Especially after pulling something like what you did. If any of you are ever in this office again, I promise that I will use this on you." As if he didn't want us to spend too much time looking at it, he whipped it up and put it back in the drawer, slamming it shut loudly afterwards.

"The other thing I want you to know," he continued, "is that the only reason I'm not going to go ahead with this is because I trust that your parents or guardians have already had a chance to deal with you." He stood up and walked over to the door. "That said, you can't go completely unpunished. Today, and tomorrow, you'll serve in-school suspensions, in separate rooms. You'll eat lunch in those classes, and you won't be going out for recess." He then opened the door and instructed Kathy and Mary Alice to sit back down and wait.

"Stay back a minute Miss Curtis," he said, holding a hand out to keep me in. He shut the door and walked back over to his desk. "Have a seat." He sat himself, this time tucking in his chair.

It wasn't turning out to be a very good day for my stomach, I must say, and I almost fell onto the chair, I was so scared. Why would he keep me back? And why had he spent so much time looking at me? He must have thought that I was behind what had happened? That must have been it. Kathy must have told him it was me. He had barely looked at her the whole time she was in there. She would tell on her best friend too, if it would keep her in the good books.

It was quiet for a few moments, and I was afraid to look at him. When he didn't say anything, I thought that he was waiting for me to face him, so I looked up, but just past him, so that I wouldn't actually have to look him in the eye.

"How are things at home?" he asked suddenly. The tone in his voice had changed completely from angry and serious, to soft and concerned.

I didn't know what to say to his question, but did look him in the eye this time, confused.

"I just want to know how things are going with your family. I know you've been having a pretty tough year, but I think that you're doing pretty well, considering."

I knew what "considering" was referring to, but I didn't know why he wanted to know how things were going. Why would things be any worse for me than they were for Mary Alice or Kathy?

"So," he started again, leaning in closely, and looking like he might want to help me. "How are things at home?"

I shrugged. "Fine," I said quietly. If I gave him the wrong answer, would he get mad?

"How are your brothers doing? Are you getting along alright?"

I shrugged again. "I guess."

"You're brother Ponyboy, he must be in high school now?"

I nodded slowly. Somehow, I figured that he already knew the answer to the question.

"How's he doing?"

"Pony?"

He nodded.

"Fine, I guess."

He nodded, like he did know. "What about Sodapop? What's he up to these days?"

I gave him a sideways look. Why did he care? Was it any of his business what Soda was doing? I didn't think so.

"He's working," I said slowly. Was he going to tell someone my answers. Was he going to talk to the police, or a social worker? Was he trying to get me taken away from home?

"You see your brothers a lot?"

"We live together."

"I mean, how often are they around? Do you spend a lot of time with them?"

I didn't know how to answer that, because I had a feeling that he was going to accuse Darry of not being around to take care of me if I didn't say the right thing.

"Your brothers, their friends, how often are you around them?"

"I don't know," I said slowly. "Whenever they're at my house. I don't get to go out with them ever. I'm too little to go to the places they go. Darry doesn't want me going out with their friends anyway. Says their a bad influence." Darry would never have said that about his own friends, but I thought I knew what I was doing. In my right mind, I never would have called myself "little" to an adult unless I saw good reason for it. True, I never did get to go out with my brothers or their friends, but I wanted to make it sound like the thought of going out with them was an unimaginable one.

"What about Darry," he said, like he hadn't even heard my answer. "How is he? Do you like living with him?"

He was asking me the same questions that I had heard from workers when my parents first died, only he was asking them a little differently.

"I like Darry just fine," I said plainly. Maybe there was something about the way that I said that that told him I didn't want to answer anymore, because he stood up then, and walked me back over to the door.

Just before he led me out of his office, he said, "If you ever need to talk to someone, you can come see me, or your teacher. We're always here to listen."

I don't know about how other kids would feel about it, but I didn't like how one minute my principal was being mean and authoritative about my doing something wrong, and the next one he was trying to be my friend, and someone I could trust. That was a good way for him to send mixed signals to a kid. Lucky for me, I knew better than to fall for his "I'm always here," act. People had told me about the games adults played with kids from my background. They would get you talking, only to use what you had said to them against you later.

After my little interview with Mr. Roberts, he took my friends and I out to our different rooms. It turned out that I was right about him, and that he really didn't want to be my friend, because when he dropped me off in the grade one classroom, he showed me the incident report that would stay on my record until I finished school. Now, what friend has an incident report about something you did? Not a very good one, that's for sure.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thanks for the review! Oh, from Chapter nine, I don't think a principal would actually hit girls that young either, I was just wanted it to look like he was trying to scare them. Also, sorry for the shorter chapter, I was busy but wanted to post something. The only other thing I want to say is that I only recently realized that the italics weren't showing up in my story the way they were supposed to, but I don't know how noticeable it would have been anyway.  
Enjoy!

Chapter 10

The longest day of my life. As I sat in that first grade classroom, pretending to do my homework but actually listening to what the teacher was saying, I couldn't help but wonder if the first grade had gotten easier since I had been in it. They were teaching the stupidest things, like simple addition and subtraction. Now, who couldn't do that?

Another thing I noticed in there was that the teachers seemed to get younger as I got older. In grade one, my teacher was a really old lady named Mrs. Fitzsimmons, and in grade two it was Mrs. Wright, who was just a little bit younger looking. By the fourth grade my teacher was a lot younger than my parents had been, so young in fact, that she hadn't even been at my school when Pony was there. Why they gave the little kids older teachers was beyond me, especially since the younger teachers could hardly handle us. My teacher _loved_ to send kids down to the principal's office or even just out in the hall so that she wouldn't have to deal with us.

At lunchtime Mrs. Fitzsimmons decided that I should have to clean all of the blackboards around the room, and then, when the kids went outside, I had to wipe down all of their desks with a wet towel. I think she thought that I would feel like I was being punished for it, so I didn't bother telling her that I _offered_ to do it in my own classroom everyday.

During final recess she asked me if I was any good at spelling. I told her I was an excellent speller (which I believed I was at the time), and she gave me an entire pile of spelling tests to correct. That was probably the only fun thing I got to do all day, although afterwards she looked at the tests and said something about having to go over the entire collection of papers again because I had done something wrong. I wasn't really worried about it though, because school was over by the time she figured it out and I was free to leave.

As I headed back towards my own classroom to gather my belonging up from my hook, I noticed that a group of kids were crowding around a doorway, listening to someone. It didn't take me long to realize what was going on, and I quickly made my way to the centre of the group to find Kathy speaking in a hushed voice to them.

"And then this lady in the store did makeup _all_ over my face," she was saying, and I only wished that I had arrived earlier. "Mary Alice and Lily were too chicken to get it, but I did. Not that I need makeup or anything."

"When did you get caught?" someone called out.

"Oh not until after we got back here," she said. "You should have seen it! Both of them started crying like babies, but I didn't."

"We did not!" I had to step in then. I had no way of knowing how long she had been going on about our adventures on Friday, and it wouldn't have bothered me if she had just been telling lies about herself, but when she had to make me sound like such a cry-baby, I had to say something.

"Lily!" Kathy said, almost surprised. "I'm just telling everybody about how we went downtown the other day." Then, and this was something I had never seen her do before, Kathy rushed away from the group. I couldn't see where she had gone, but I had a feeling that she was trying to get away from the school before I could catch up with her.

Well I wasn't about to let that happen, so I squeezed my way back through the crowd and went right down the hall. Someone called after me and told me not to run, but I was outside before I realized what they had been saying.

I spotted Kathy sneaking her way along the fence of the school, and kept going after her.

"Kathy!" I cried. I wasn't really angry, just a little confused about why she would do that. "Kathy come back!"

I was lucky that she turned to look at me, because when she did so she stopped for just a second, and I was able to catch up.

"Go away!" she cried, walking away from me.

"What did I do?" I demanded. Now I was angry. She didn't have any right to yell at me like that.

"Just go away!"

"Stop!" I grabbed her shoulder and yanked on it so hard that she cried out. She turned to face me, tears burning in her eyes.

"Would you just leave me alone!" she screamed. "I'm not supposed to talk to you anymore!"

The words hung in the air for a moment, and then I felt a sudden pain in my chest. She wasn't supposed to talk to me? But we were best friends.

"Since when?" I asked. I almost didn't believe her, but there was something about her tears that told me she was serious.

"I'm not allowed to talk to you, and I'm not supposed to talk to Mary Alice either. You can't be my friends anymore, and besides, I don't want to be friends with you anyway!" At first she sounded almost sorry, but then it turned to snootiness. "You and Mary Alice can stay friends if you want, but I'm not." She spun around on her heal and tried to move away, and I grabbed her shoulder once again, this time in a furious rage.

"What do you mean you can't be friends with me!" I hollered. "Just because we got in trouble you don't want to be friends anymore! We get in trouble all the time!"

"Well we can't anymore! My parents told me so! They said you're a bad influence and you know what? It's true! I saw you take that makeup from the store! I didn't want to say anything about because I'm too nice to do that, but it's true. You come from a bad family, and you're gonna turn out bad, just like my mom always said you will! You might be a kid Lily, but you're still a no good, dirt poor greaser!"

Something came over me then. An anger like nothing I had ever felt before. One word could ruin the longest friendship of my life, a word that could never be taken back. _Greaser._ So I decided to ruin the longest friendship of Kathy's life, with a punch in the face. And boy did it feel good.

A small crowd had gathered around at this point, but I didn't hang around to see what their reaction was. I ran all the way home, without even bothering to look for traffic or a sign that someone, an adult someone, might have seen me hit her.

The second I got home I new I wasn't going to my bedroom. I was too angry to be cooped up in such a little place, and I couldn't have cared less if Darry walked in and saw me there. Greaser. She called me a greaser. My best friend in the whole word had called me such a, a dirty word. Oh sure, everyone around me was a greaser, it's just that I'd never personally been called one before. And by someone who I thought didn't care where I came from no less.

I was so angry that tears began to fall from my eyes, but I brushed them away with the hem of my dress. I wasn't about to give someone so mean the satisfaction of making me cry like that. Even if she never saw me crying over it, I would always know that I had done it.

I was pacing back and forth between the front window and the kitchen when I saw them. A pair of jeans, obviously belonging to one of my brothers, folded up on the back of the sofa, along with a pile of t-shirts and a bunch of mismatched socks. The pants were familiar to me. They were the same pair of blue jeans that Soda had worn a million times, with faded grass stains on the knees and a rip in the right front pocket. They were the same pair of jeans that Soda wore when he played football with his gang, or around the house, or when he hung out with his friends, or when he was standing outside talking with Ponyboy. But now, I looked at them differently.

I picked them up and held them by the waist, letting the neat fold come undone. I flipped them around to examine them, to see another small tear on the inner leg. Then, before I even thought about what I was doing, I kicked off my shoes and slipped my left leg inside of the denim pants. They were so big on me that I didn't even have to unbutton them to put them on. I held them up closer to my rib cage and looked down to see what they looked like. On Soda, they were tight and fit him well. On me, they were baggy and practically swallowed me. But I kept them on. I made my way over to the couch, slowly, so that I wouldn't trip on the legs, and sat down in my usual spot.

I sat there, and felt what it was like to be a real greaser, to wear a greaser's clothes. These weren't Soda's jeans anymore, they were the jeans of a hood who lived in a shabby house in a crummy part of town. They were the jeans of someone who fought in rumbles, and greased his hair back. They were the jeans of someone who couldn't afford new clothes and whose friends stole. Friends who were also greasers.

Then I got mad at myself. It wasn't Soda's fault. Just because he greased his hair, it didn't make him bad. He wasn't like people like Will Hollis and his gang. And what about Darry and Ponyboy? Wasn't their fault we couldn't afford things. My brothers weren't like most greasers. Was it really their hair, or the clothes they wore, or the house we lived in that made them seem bad? Darry went to work, and he had never done anything wrong in his life. Soda worked too, and even quit school so that he could help out. Kathy didn't have anyone in her family that gave up his education to help take care of her. And Pony, he didn't work, but he went to school like I did, and he was smarter than anyone else I knew. Maybe he was even smarter than my parents had been.

And what about fighting? It wasn't like greasers only fought with greasers. They had to have someone to fight with, and those were the socs. Kathy was a soc. She started fights, she liked making trouble for people.

But being soc didn't sound like such a bad thing. Greaser though, it was just nasty when a soc said it. It made me think of mean, scary people, but that's not who my family was, not really. My brother's called themselves greasers all the time, so did their friends, and I guess I always knew deep down that I was one too, but I thought when the boys called themselves such a thing it was just a joke. To me, greaser's were tough guys, but when Kathy went and called me one, all of sudden I felt like a bad person. Someone who could never become something, someone everybody else looked down on.

"I don't think you're supposed to be out here." It was Ponyboy, and I heard him speak before I even knew that he was home.

"I'm just thinking," I said quietly, still half stuck in my thoughts.

Pony came closer into the room. "You okay?"

I shook my head and looked down. I wasn't crying, but if I looked at him I might have started.

"You get in a lot of trouble today?" he asked, probably knowing that I would have seen Mr. Roberts.

I shrugged. "That's not it."

"What's wrong? Is it Darry? You know he isn't really all that-"

"Am I a greaser?" I interrupted, and looked up at him to see his response.

He looked taken aback. "What do you mean?"

I couldn't even answer him though, because before I could figure out how to explain things to him, the phone rang. He went to answer it, while I just sat there, thinking things over.

"Hello?" Pony answered. "I'm sorry? No he's not here… Yes, she's home…Really?.. I - I don't know… I'll get my brother to call you when he gets home… Not for a while yet… Alright… Bye." He hung up the phone and just sort of looked at it for a moment, before looking over at me.

My first thought was that my principal had called to tell Darry that I had to serve a suspension. It never occurred to me that Kathy might have told on me.

"You hit your friend?" Ponyboy asked, almost like he didn't believe it.

I nodded slowly. I had almost forgotten about hitting her, I was so much more upset about being called a greaser.

"What'd you hit her for?"

"Called me a name."

If it had been anyone else that I had told this to they probably would have asked what name, but not Ponyboy. I guess around our place we were used to people wailing on others for name calling, but he probably knew that I wasn't ready to tell anyone about it yet. Instead, he told me that he had some homework to do, and that he would be in the kitchen if I wanted him.

When Soda got home he didn't even seem to remember that I was grounded, because as he walked by me the first thing he said was, "Are those my pants?"

"Huh?" I looked down then and realized that I was still wearing his jeans. "Oh, yeah, sorry."

He laughed. "That's okay." He smiled at me, and then left to go find Ponyboy. Steve had come in with Soda, but said nothing to me. He just followed right after my brother like he didn't want to have anything to do with me.

Johnny came over to visit after awhile, and Two-Bit came shortly after. Even though the house was nearly full I couldn't help but feel alone as I sat on the couch, watching all of them through the kitchen entrance. I started to see how happy they were, and even heard one of them say the word "greaser" at some point. It was then that I started to worry about Darry coming home. I realized that it wouldn't matter to him how upset I had been at Kathy, he still wouldn't want me in the living room when I was supposed to have stayed in my room all afternoon.

I slowly got up from the couch and tried to make my way into my bedroom. If I could stay quiet on my way there maybe no one would remember that I had been out of my room at all. It was a lot harder to do this than I thought, as I was still wearing Soda's pants, but I didn't want to take them off and have someone walk in the room while I was in the middle of doing so.

"Umph!" I groaned as I landed on the floor with a thump, my head just an inch short of hitting a table ledge and the legs of the jeans wrapping around my ankles.

"Lily?" someone, who I thought was Soda, called from the kitchen. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," I called, and tried to stand again. The more I tried to pull myself up the more the pants started to slip off of me. I finally gave up and flipped myself over, making a quick attempt to take the jeans right off. Of course, because I was in the living room when I shouldn't have been, and because I was struggling to take the pants off in a rather embarrassing position with the skirt of my dress hiked up to my waist, Darry chose that moment to walk through the door and into the room.

He opened his mouth to say something when he spotted me, but shut his mouth again and gave me a sort of warning look.

I didn't even bother trying to cover myself up or get out of the room. I went right back to slipping out of the pants, but soon became frustrated. There seemed to be too much fabric in the way of my kicking my short legs out of them.

"Just stand there and watch me," I grumbled, hoping that my brother would take the hint that I wasn't really comfortable with him watching me struggle.

He didn't stand there watching me for long though. Instead, he put down the things he was carrying, walked over to me, crouched down, and practically ripped the jeans off of me. He then grabbed me by one arm, stood me up, and pulled me into my room.

He got down to my level, still holding my arm, and hissed, "I don't care what you do, but I told you that you're staying in here. It doesn't matter if I'm home or not, you're supposed to be in here!" He didn't say anything else, but left me, slamming the door shut so hard on his way out that my window rattled.

"I hate you!" I screamed after him. I had said that to him many times before, and he never said anything more than "That's too bad." This time I didn't get anything in response. I didn't really hate him, but there wasn't much else I could say to defend myself, especially with a door in the way. I really should have just gone to my room when I got home, but he didn't have to grab me that way.

I pulled my arm through the sleeve of my dress to see red marks left from his grasp.

"Probably gonna have a bruise," I told myself. That wasn't really such a bad thing, I got bruises all the time, but knowing that he had given them too me was the hard part.

I wasn't looking forward to when he found out that I had punched Kathy in the nose. As I sat on my bed I figured that I had better make myself comfortable, because as soon as he knew what had happened he would extend my grounding until I was thirty. But it wouldn't really be fair for him to get mad at me, would it? Even if he didn't steal, and he didn't lie, Darry _did_ fight. Everybody knew it, and everyone knew that he prided himself on being a good fighter. And he liked to show off his muscles, and show people that he could beat them up if they wanted. So really, he didn't have any right to get mad at me.

I wasn't sure what I was so worried about though. Ponyboy was the one who had taken the message about Darry having to call someone back, and he probably wouldn't even remember to tell him. I was counting on Pony not to tell on me anyway, when I heard the phone ring. There were only two rings before someone answered, and I braced myself for the second that Darry came knocking on my door.

I sat back in the corner of the wall, trying not to cry. It wasn't just because Kathy had called me a greaser, or because Darry had become so short tempered with me, but because it seemed like in the last couple of days everything had changed. Friday afternoon I had thought that if I had been given the choice to go back and skip school all over again, I would have. Even if Darry had been mad at me, it was worth it to get out and do all of the things that I never got to do.

Now though, I didn't think I would have gone back. It wasn't worth Darry looking at me like he was disappointed every time I walked into the room, and it wasn't worth what Kathy said. It wasn't even worth getting to punch someone in face for it, and it definitely wasn't worth knowing that my best friend's parents, who I had known for so long and come to trust, really thought that I was a no good hoodlum.

I was expecting a knock on my door or at least a warning that Darry was coming, but I didn't even get that. He just barged right in and stood in front of me.

"You punched her!" he bellowed. "Tiger Lily, what do I have to do with you before you quit doing this? You're only nine years old! And you're a girl. Girls aren't supposed to act this way!"

I didn't even think of crying. I just gave him the nastiest look I probably could, because I had already convinced myself that I was right, and he was wrong to get angry.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked. "Why would you hit her?"

I swallowed, and said slowly, "Because she called me a greaser."

His expression changed then, from angry to understanding. He didn't exactly look pleased with me, but he didn't look like he wanted to kill me either. I think he might have actually known how I felt.

"Alright," he said blankly. "Stay here, I'll come get you for supper." He walked out the door, only popping his head back in to add, "Don't ever hit anyone again, you hear me?"

I didn't really understand what had happened. One second he was screaming at me for being so bad, and the next he was telling me "alright." How could Darry, someone who loved to get in my face about things, tell me that it was okay. Sure, he had told me not to hit anyone else, but was it really because she had called me a greaser that he brushed it off so easily. Then, it occurred to me, that even though all of the boys out in our living room called themselves greasers like they actually thought it was a good thing, they hated being called one just as bad as I had.

Suddenly, I felt a sense of belonging. Maybe I didn't actually fit in with my brothers and their gang, and maybe I was a lot younger, but that didn't mean I wasn't someone. I was a greaser, just like all of them. Like Two-Bit and Johnny, and Dally and Steve. I was just like Tommy Hollis. I was just like my brothers. Maybe I wasn't a bad person, but that didn't change where I came from or who I had always been, a greaser. And knowing that I wasn't alone in it made me feel a bit better about everything that had happened with Kathy. But only just a little bit.

A/N: I just want to add that if anybody has any ideas for something they want to see happen in this story, tell me, because I love getting feedback from people. Thanks!


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Darry came into my room Tuesday morning to get me. I hadn't said much during dinner the night before, and no one had really spoken to me. Darry mustn't have told them about what had happened because everyone seemed pretty clueless about the whole thing.

So the next morning he brought me into the kitchen for breakfast, only he mentioned nothing about eating.

"I want to talk to you," he said, and picked me up to stand me on a chair. I thought that this was a little strange, because whenever Darry talked to me, whether it was to yell at me or just to casually mention something, he looked down to me. Now on the chair I was pretty much looking him in the eye.

"I talked to Kathy's parents last night," he said, holding my arms in his big hands. "They aren't going to tell your principal about what you did, but I told them that you weren't going to be around Kathy anymore."

I nodded. I didn't really want to be around her ever again anyway. I never wanted to see her again.

"Look Lily," he said, his voice sounding a little deeper. "I know what your friend said upset you, but you can't do anything like this again. Kathy's parents threatened to call the police about this. I don't think that they would ever actually do that, and I don't think much could come of charging a little kid for hitting another kid, but you have to understand that we have to be careful about things right now. The last thing any of us need right now is the fuzz coming in and deciding that this isn't a good place for you guys to live."

I felt tears coming to my eyes, and couldn't help but feel responsible for everything. If only I hadn't hit her, then we wouldn't have to worry about getting taken away. If that happened, it would be all my fault.

"Now don't cry," Darry said sternly. "Nobody's gonna do anything right now. I just want you to be careful, and _think_ before you do things. You can do that, right?"

I nodded yes, and sniffled.

"Okay." He lifted me down to the floor. "Go on and get ready for school."

I hesitated for a second, deciding on something that I had wanted to ask since I ran away from Kathy the day before.

"Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"Did," I started, unsure of how to put things, "well, when you talked to Kathy's, I mean, what did they say about her?"

He raised an eyebrow, obviously not understanding what I was asking.

"How bad did Kathy get hurt?" I asked quickly, ashamed to be wondering such a thing.

I saw his jaw tighten, and then he looked away from me as he replied, "You gave her a nose bleed."

"Really!" I squealed in delight.

"Hey now," he said carefully. "What did we just talk about?"

"I know," I said, but really I was a little pleased with myself. My first punch, and already I was making somebody's nose bleed. Heck, if I was that good already, I would probably be able to beat up boys one day.

As I left the kitchen I slowed around the corner and peeked back through the doorway. I wanted to see how mad Darry seemed at my reaction to learning about how bad Kathy was, but I what I saw surprised me. He was smiling! For the first time in a while, Darry was smiling. And at something _I _had done. It was almost enough to make me happy about having to go to school.

My second day in Mrs. Fitzsimmons class was about as fun as the first day. She had me do the blackboards again at recess, and asked me to correct math tests this time. I was actually glad to be in her room, because as much as I hated to admit it, I was scared out of my mind to have to face Kathy. By the end of the day, as I made my way to gather my things up and head home again, Mary Alice met up with me. I had been running a bit late that morning and didn't see her at all, but now she was full of questions for me.

"Did you really knock her out?" she asked in wonder, grabbing her bag and standing next to me.

"What?" I asked, almost laughing. "You mean Kathy?"

"Yeah! Everybody was talking about it. And I wasn't even there to see. So you really beat her up, huh?"

"No!" I walked alongside her. "I barely even punched her, and then I ran away right after I did it. Didn't even get a chance to see for myself how bad it was." I would have exaggerated the story to anyone else who wanted to know, but I felt comfortable enough with Mary Alice to tell her the truth.

"Well everybody's saying she fell down and passed out. At first I didn't believe it, I mean, why would you hit Kathy?"

"She called me a greaser," I said, knowing that Mary Alice might understand what I felt. Her parents came from the same background that we did, and had had her when they were still teenagers. They were a few years older than Darry, but still fell into a "greaser" type category. It was funny though, because I had never really thought of her family as greasers. Maybe their clothes looked like it, and her dad slicked his hair back just like my brothers did, but compared to them even Darry looked like a thug.

"I _heard _that she called you that after. You know who I saw after school?"

"Who?"

"Tommy."

"Tommy Hollis?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Him and his friends heard that you punched Kathy 'cause she called you a no good, dirty rotten greaser."

I didn't try to tell her that that wasn't really what she had called me. It was better if Kathy looked like the bad guy in all of this.

"How did Tommy find out?" I asked. I thought it was pretty great that he knew, and he didn't even go to my school!

"All the kids 'round us know about it," she said, like I should have known. "Even my sister heard, and she hasn't started school yet. You know what else?"

"What?" I asked as we stepped outside.

"Kathy's mom called my house and talked to my mom last night. She told her that Kathy's not allowed to play with me anymore."

"What did your mom say?" It was one thing for a kid to say to another kid that they couldn't be friends anymore, but when a parent called up another parent to say so, it was just insulting.

"She had a bird when she heard it. She told Kathy's mom that I never did anything wrong and that if anything she should be telling me to say away from her. She even talked about you. Said that you had every right to hit Kathy for being so mean to you, and if she had seen you hit her she wouldn't have said anything about it because she deserved it so much."

"Really?" I asked. "She said that?"

She nodded profusely. "Oh sure. I've never seen her that mad before! I thought she was gonna break the phone she was yelling so loud!"

I couldn't believe it. Not only had her mother defended me, but she actually seemed to care about me. And Mary Alice didn't even seem upset that I had hit Kathy, who was her best friend too. Rather, she _was_ her best friend. Now though, I guessed that it was just going to be Mary Alice and I, no third party. But really, that didn't upset me. I was actually a little relieved to know that Kathy wasn't going to be around anymore.

"You know Kathy didn't even come to school today?" Mary Alice informed me. "I bet she was being a baby about getting punched."

As we passed by the same area of the fence where everything had happened between Kathy and I the day before, I suddenly remembered something.

"_I saw you take that makeup from the store!_" Kathy had said. Now I wondered how many people besides me had heard her. Maybe they wouldn't understand what she had meant by it, or maybe she was going to tell on me. Darry had just spoken to me about being careful about the things I was doing lately. What if someone told him that I had done it? Or what if the police heard somehow? Would they come after me? I hadn't even touched the lipstick and blush since I had hidden it in my drawer I was so scared of getting caught with it.

"You want to come over and play?" Mary Alice asked. It didn't seem like she had heard anything about my stealing the makeup, and if anyone had heard about it, it would have been her.

"I can't," I answered her question. "I'm grounded."

"Still?" she asked.

"Yeah. I thought you were too."

"Well I am, but my mom got so tired of having me in the house that I'm not even allowed inside now until supper. I'm supposed to get inside just before my dad gets home so that he doesn't know that she's letting me outside. Why don't you come over? Darry won't get home until the same time my dad does anyway. That's at least an hour."

I seriously considered staying out with her, but decided against it. I didn't need Darry catching me out there, and even if he did understand how I felt about the whole thing with Kathy he _was_ starting to get pretty fed up with me for everything else. Instead of going over to play with Mary Alice I went home, and went straight into my bedroom.

I didn't want to touch the makeup, but with nothing else to occupy me I couldn't help but feel like I should take it out and at least look at it. It was a big mistake to do that though, because the second I had it out of my drawer I wanted to try it on. At first I told myself that if I never used it then it wouldn't really count as stealing, but when you've got something you know you aren't supposed to have in front of you, and no one is around to stop you from using it, it's nearly impossible to resist.

I felt almost grown up as I put the lipstick on, and import too, like I had someplace special to go. The blush was a little bit harder to put on, seeing as I didn't have a brush to apply it with. Right away I cursed myself for not taking a brush too, but then realized what I had just thought. I felt so frustrated with myself for thinking that I _should_ have stolen something, and angrily rubbed my fingers in the blush pallet and then furiously wiped them across my cheeks.

Satisfied that I had put enough on, I closed up the cases and put them back in my drawer. Now the only thing to do was get myself into the bathroom to see what I looked like. That was a pretty easy task, seeing as I was the only one home. I shut the bathroom door behind me just in case, and climbed up on a stood to look at myself in the mirror.

There is a reason children shouldn't be allowed to put their own makeup on, and I was looking at it. First of all, my application of the blush made my cheeks look lopsided. When Meg had put it on for me I could hardly tell that there was any. Now though, there were obvious streaks from where my fingers had brushed across the skin. Also, the blush was up about three inches higher on one side than it was on the other. I tried pushing each side up with my palms, but the only thing it did was push the colour right into my cheek line. The steaks were still there, and it didn't look anything like I had pictured it.

My lipstick was a completely different story. I guess I had overestimated the size of my lips because I had drawn the colour _way _outside of my lip line. It was possibly the most crooked lip stick job I had ever seen as well, and didn't exactly flatter the shape of my mouth.

Despite the slight overdraw of colour though, I thought I looked pretty good. Definitely a little older than normal. I took some tissue and tried to clean up the feathering a bit, but the leftover stain sort of made it look like I had chapped lips. Other than that I thought I could pass for eleven, maybe even twelve.

I was busy admiring how nice I looked when the bathroom door flew open and Soda walked in.

"Oh jeeze!" he cried. "Sorry! I didn't know you were in here." He was about to leave, but when he realized that I wasn't going to the bathroom he stayed. I noticed the way that he was eyeing me, like there was something strange, and looked away when I realized what it was.

"What's on your face?" he asked, like I had a disease or something.

"Nothing!" I lied, and turned to look at myself in the mirror. Unlike the first time I had makeup on, it was definitely obvious that I was wearing it.

"Are you wearing lipstick?" he asked, coming closer to me.

"No!" I turned my face towards the bathtub, wishing that he would just leave me alone.

He popped his head up in front of me laughed.

"Alright," he said, turning my face so that I was looking at him through the mirror. "Lily, how is this _stuff_ on your face not makeup?"

"It's not!" I assured him. "It's just, um, face paint, from, art. We did face painting today."

"Oh yeah? Thought you were suspended."

"I, I was. But with grade ones, and they did face painting. Don't you remember, everybody does face painting in grade one."

"Really? Because when I was there we were aloud to paint paper, and only paper."

"Oh, you must be getting old then."

"Ha, ha," he pretended to laugh. "You know I get around. I have seen makeup before, and I know the difference between paint and blush."

"Oh."

"Where'd you get this?"

"Mary Alice's mom let me borrow some," I lied. I knew that she wore makeup, and lucky for me, he didn't ask anything else about it. He did have more to say though.

"I told you a couple of days ago that you're too young for this stuff."

"I'm just trying it on."

He laughed, like he wasn't really upset that I was wearing it. "I still think you look cute without it," he added, and then left me to wash it off.

I thought about what he said. I guess it was supposed to be a compliment that he thought I was cute, but cute was for babies. I wished that he had told me I looked prettier with out it, or even just nice, but cute was something you called a five-year-old. If I looked cute and little without it, then maybe I would look pretty and grown up with it.

I still felt bad for taking the stuff, but it was too late to take back. For a while I considered throwing it out just to get rid of it, but there was no use it that. Why would I steal something and then not use it? It was probably better that I got everything out of it that I could, especially since I could have been found out at any minute if Kathy's blabbing got too out of hand.

One thing I will say for whatever company it was that I had was that it was definitely the long-lasting type of cosmetic. After applying water to the lipstick it seemed to make it stick to my skin even worse, while the blush just stayed there, looking dark as ever. Soap helped a little bit, but only by spreading the colours around and making me look like I had scarlet fever.

I couldn't spend much time trying to clean myself up though, because I had to get back into my room before Darry got home. I managed to shut my door just as he came in through the front, and even he had seen me out there, he didn't say anything about it later on.

My fears of facing Kathy the next day were luckily given an extra time to wait. Because she had missed a day of school she had to serve her suspension still, and so she didn't end up in our classroom until the next day. What kept me from facing her on Thursday was the fact that our desks were all the way across the classroom. She, Mary Alice, and I had talked so much at the beginning of the year that our teacher sat us at opposite corners of the room, so thankfully I didn't even have to look at her. I avoided her all through recess, as I'm sure she did me. I wasn't about to apologize for hitting her, and I knew all along that she had no plans to make up with me for the way she had spoken.

By Friday evening Darry decided to let me out of my room. He told me it was because I was only wasting time sitting in there when I could have been doing something "productive". I don't think that was really it though. I think I had actually begun to drive him crazy with my moping around the house all the time, looking like I felt sorry for myself. By the time Saturday morning rolled around things even started to feel slightly normal again. Nobody seemed to be angry and frustrated with me anymore, and even if Kathy was no longer my best friend, I didn't miss her. I was able to go out and play with Mary Alice again, and was extremely thankful for that time I had out with her, because for the first time in over a week, I was able to stop thinking about all of the problems in my life and just have fun for a while.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I couldn't remember if Darry drove a truck or a car. I'm pretty sure that it was a truck, but I put car down anyway.  
Thanks for reviewing!

Chapter 12

Being able to get outside as often as I pleased was fun for the first little while, but then things really started to bother me. I hadn't even been out of my room a full day yet and already I got the feeling that everyone knew something I didn't. It was obvious that Darry was _trying _to be nice to me, because there was a forced pleasantness to his voice every time he spoke to me. Even Sodapop, who liked to treat me like I was his baby sister was talking to me like we were the same age. And Ponyboy, I couldn't believe him. He actually invited _me_ to go out with him to the movies. Pony never invited me anywhere, least of all the movies! I would have gone with him too, except that he said Mary Alice couldn't come with me.

"She never says anything," he commented, and I could have pointed out that he wasn't the most talkative person in the world either. "And she stares at me all the time too."

"That's because she likes you," I sighed. I had been telling him that Mary Alice had a crush on him since she first met him, but he always just blushed and laughed nervously.

"Please Pony," I begged. "Please let her come." I clasped my hands together in front of my chest, but he still wouldn't take her. I don't think he was trying to be mean or anything, but Mary Alice could be a little creepy around him sometimes.

I decided against going with him only because I had promised to meet up with my friend after lunch, and if I told her that I was going to the movies with my brother instead she would probably have felt a little left out. Still, I didn't hold back what had happened when we did meet up.

"I don't get it," I said to her as we sat on my front steps, sucking on a bag of penny candies that her mom had bought for us. "Darry's being extra nice around me, and Ponyboy asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him."

"Are you gonna go?"

"Nah. It's some stupid love story. Who wants to see one of those?" I didn't really know what kind of movie it was, but I couldn't tell her the real reason why I hadn't gone.

"I think something's going on," I said to her quietly. "Maybe the social worker's coming and is gonna try and take me away. Remember when I had to stay back in the office the other day? Mr. Roberts asked me questions about my family, like he was trying to figure something out. Maybe I said something wrong so he told on me."

Mary Alice shook her head right away. "You said yourself that if you get taken away they'll take Pony and Soda away too. How come Darry would tell them they're getting taken away and not you? Wouldn't he want to tell you so that you'll be really good?"

"You're right. But if that's not it then there has to be something else."

"What else could it be? Maybe they just decided to be nice to you."

I gave her the look that all kids up to a certain age have for their friends. It's the "how can you possibly be that stupid" look, where you basically look at the other person in the ugliest possible way you can.

"I'm just saying," she muttered. "It's not like they're _always_ mean to you. You seem to get along fine whenever I'm around."

"Well, that's just because they want you to think we're normal. They aren't going to act the same way around you that they do when you aren't here."

It was her turn to give me the "how can you possibly be that stupid" look. "Lily! I've been here a million times when somebody was mad at you! Darry even yelled at me before, remember?"

"I know," I admitted. "But I don't understand what's going on. Darry wouldn't even look at me without making me want to cry a couple days ago, and now he smiles whenever I'm around! It doesn't make any sense."

Then I got an idea. I had been pretty sure that the only time I ever got bright ideas was when I was around Kathy, but I was quickly proving myself wrong on that one.

I leaned in closer to Mary Alice and whispered in her ear, "Let's spy on them."

"Spy on who?" she asked loudly, pulling away from me.

"Shh!" I hissed, clapping my hand over her mouth. "On my brothers. I know they're up to something and I want to know what it is."

She looked a little confused, but didn't argue with me. After all, I don't think either of us thought that we could get into any trouble by following someone around, especially if the person didn't know they were being followed.

The first place we thought to go was inside of the house to see what everyone was up to. The place was pretty quiet, except for the distant drizzle of the shower running in the bathroom. Pony and Soda's bedroom door was left open and we couldn't see anyone in there, while Darry's door was shut. I assumed that Soda was the one in the shower, and, knowing that he rarely emerged from the bathroom fully clothed, I decided to take Mary Alice into my room to wait.

"How are we supposed to spy from your bedroom?" she hissed as I shut the door behind us.

"Just trust me. We can listen to what people say from in here. Nobody's going to say anything if we're out there."

"But there's no one out there," she said like I was an idiot.

"I know that! But somebody's gonna be out there soon, and if they don't know that I'm home then maybe they'll start talking. Jeeze Mary Alice, don't you know anything about spying?"

"I know that you have to have someone to spy on before you can even call it that," she said, using the same voice that told me she thought I was going about thing the wrong way.

We weren't standing in my room with our hears suctioned to the back of my door for long though, because we heard the bathroom door open after only a couple of minutes.

"Darry!" he called. "Do you have any socks?"

I heard another door open and Darry's voice suddenly sounded close. "I just put a bunch in your room a couple of days ago. You can't be out yet."

Soda laughed. "You sure? I never saw any."

"Go check again little buddy. What time do you have to be at work for anyway?"

There was a slight pause, then Soda answered, "In about seven minutes."

Darry groaned. "Steve picking you up?"

"No, he's already there. Told him I'd walk."

"Well get dressed and I'll drive you."

I didn't get to hear the rest of what he was saying, because Mary Alice started talking.

"They're going in a car," she said. "How are we supposed to spy on them if they're not even here?"

I had seen enough spy movies to know how to get through this little predicament.

"Come on," I said, and went over to the window. I shoved it open as quietly as I could and looked down at the dirt below.

"We have to jump," I explained, just in case she hadn't caught that.

Mary Alice came up next to me and looked down. "I'm not jumping out of here. It's too high."

"It's not _that_ high. The jungle gym at the park is closer to the ground than this."

"But I never jumped off the top of the jungle gym." Actually, she had, and I knew this for a fact because when I first met her it was after she jumped off and started to cry because these boys were telling her that they had seen her panties.

This was no time for arguing though, because my brothers were bound to leave any second, so instead I grabbed a pillow off of my bed and leaned out the window far enough so that I landed directly below us.

"All we have to do is jump on the pillow," I informed her. We didn't even need the pillow, but I wanted to get outside without being noticed, and if this was the only way to do it then this was how we would go.

The only reason I knew that I could jump out of my window was because I had done it before. Once, when I was seven. I had been sent to my room by my mother for something or other, and was bound and determined to get out of there. My father caught sight of me crawling out though, and made me promise not to go through it again. I hadn't planned on doing it again for awhile either, wanted to say it up for a special occasion, on account of the fact that Darry didn't know I could do so. But this seemed as good a reason as any, and besides, I didn't think that I was going to be able to fit through there much longer anyway.

It was only after we got outside that I realized there was no way I could get the pillow back inside. I tried throwing it back in once, but my aim was off, and I was too concerned about other things, like not being seen to worry about an old pillow.

Mary Alice and I snuck along the side of the house and over to the car, where Darry and Soda were due any second, and opened the back door. We hopped in and climbed over the backseat into the trunk, where I was surprised to find a blanket. I had never really noticed it there before, but didn't want to question things because we really needed something to hide under.

Soda and Darry came outside just after we had covered ourselves up with the blanket, which wasn't as big as I had originally thought it was. The knee in my jeans were sticking out, I could feel it because it was the only part of my body that felt a little bit cooler than the rest. Thankfully, neither of my brother's came near the back as they climbed into the front, so they wouldn't have seen us.

"Why is there a pillow on the ground?" Darry asked as he started the car.

Soda laughed. "It's not like it's the first time you've seen things like that around here. Lily probably dropped it by accident."

The was silence for a second, before Darry commented, "How do you accidentally drop something like a pillow outside?" Then he changed tones quickly. "You're gonna be late."

"Steve'll cover for me till I get there," he assured Darry, and they both left it at that. If it had been me who was going to be late for something, Darry would have had an entire speech ready for me on how you have to be on time for things, especially when other people are counting on you to be there.

I never thought that Darry was a bad driver until I found myself lying down in the trunk huddled up next to my friend under a blanket. He kept swerving from side to side for some reason, and going over more bumps than I ever knew we had near our house. I didn't help that Mary Alice had her elbow jamming into my spine, but I couldn't very well say anything about it.

I knew that he must have been in a hurry to get Soda to work, but I didn't see why he wasn't saying anything. They did have the music playing pretty loudly, but neither of them were speaking to each other. Darry and Sodapop got along better than anyone I knew, and yet they were completely silent the entire ride there, except for the couple of times when Soda sang along goofily to the radio.

My position in the trunk was so uncomfortable that I thought I might scream, and it didn't help that neither of them were talking. Wasn't much fun being a spy when the subjects I was spying on kept their traps shut the entire ride.

I had never been happier in my life than when we got to the DX, and things only got better when Darry parked the car and told Soda that he had to make a phone call. I was only able to wait about ten seconds before lifting the blanket from my face and sitting up.

The sunlight in my eyes was blinding, but I became used to it after a couple of seconds. Mary Alice sat up next to me, and rubbed her own eyes.

"I didn't hear them sat anything," she stated, like I was supposed to have heard something.

"We're not done yet," I said, and looked out all of the windows to make sure no one could see us. I could see Darry talking on a payphone just at the side of the station, standing there with his back to us, so I decided to take that opportunity to climb out. I grabbed Mary Alice's sleeve when she didn't follow, but she took the hint and soon we were sneaking along the back of the gas station, trying to avoid being seen by anyone and everyone.

"How are we supposed to get home?" she asked. "Look, Darry's leaving!"

"Don't worry," I said, trying to calm her down. "It's not that far, we can walk if we have to."

"But my mom doesn't know I'm here."

It only took me a second to come up with an assurance on that. "Darry probably thinks I'm at your house, because he never mentioned anything about not being able to tell me he was driving Soda to work. So you mom probably thinks you're at my house."

"I guess if she asks I could tell her we decided to go to the park or something."

"Right," I said happily, knowing that she was all for being at the DX now. Darry had already driven off without us anyway, so she probably realized that even if we wanted to go back it would be a little while before we got there.

The best part about spying on people on a Saturday was the fact that there were a lot more of them around than there were on Fridays. Now, not only did we have to search around for Soda, but we were busy avoiding anyone else who happened to be around as well. That part didn't work as well, and a lot of tough looking guys and rough looking girls looked at us like we shouldn't have been hanging around there. Some looked at us like they thought we were entertaining, while other just looked away like they didn't want us to know they had seen us.

As we snuck around the opposite side of the building that we had hidden by, I realized that all of the teenagers around that place looked the same. The girls mostly wore makeup and tight skirts, with low cut shirts that left nothing to _anyone's_ imagination. The boys wore tight T-shirts and jeans, some of them in leather jackets, but all of them had their hair done the same way.

I had never spent much time around the station except to stop in for a minute or two, and even then I was with one of my brothers. The kids hanging around there though, were the type of people I saw all the time, in my house, on my street, on my way to school. I was so used to seeing them around, but now some of them looked scary.

Mary Alice didn't seem bothered by them at all thought, and I realized that she wouldn't, not when she was dressed the same way as them, in old looking clothes. I completely forgot about why we were there for a minute then, and understood why no one was really going out of their way to make comments about our being there. Maybe we were younger, but we were just the same as them. Looked like them, spoke like them, lived like them. It's not as though those girls had dressed like that when they were my age. They probably walked around in stained jeans and old T-shirts too.

"Look!" Mary Alice said, pointing towards the gas pumps. "Soda's over there." I followed the direction of her finger over to where Soda was busy pumping gas. It wouldn't have bothered me terribly that he was surrounded by a group of people, but I didn't like that that group of people was all girls. And he was grinning at them like he knew that they liked him.

It shouldn't have bothered me, after all, he was my brother, and I wasn't supposed to be jealous if he talked to other girls, but it did. Not only that, but those girls weren't exactly the nicest looking. "Broad" was the only word I could think of to describe how gross they were. All of them looked like they had spent a long time getting their hair to stand up the way it did, and their skirts were shorter than something a toddler would wear, and the couple of them wearing pants were wearing them so tight that I was sure they were too small for them.

"Why is she leaning over like that?" Mary Alice asked about one girl, who had bent over so far that she might as well have been laying on the hood of her car.

"I can see down her shirt!" I said disgustedly. What bothered me more than that thought was the fact that Soda didn't seem to be bothered by it one bit. If I had a chest like hers I would have been trying to cover it up, not show it off.

Mary Alice and I didn't make an attempt to hide ourselves. Even if we had been standing right in front of Soda, he probably wouldn't have noticed us, he was so busy showing off to those tramps. I even wanted him to spot me. Maybe then he would stop talking to them and pay attention to me.

As mad as I was that Soda was showing off that way, he wasn't the only one I was jealous of. Steve had his own little gaggle of gals standing around, and even that bothered me. I was so sure that I hated him, and yet hear I was getting angry because he was talking to other girls. I guess I thought that I was the only girl he ever saw aside from maybe his mother and his girlfriend, but it had never bothered me until I actually saw him with other girls.

"I want to go home," I said to Mary Alice.

"But we just got here."

"I don't care." I stared to walk across the parking lot. Not the back way we had come but right out front where Soda could have seen me. I wanted him to see me too. I wanted him to see how angry I was and drop everything to check on me.

"Lily wait!" Mary Alice called, coming right after me. "What's wrong? I thought we were just playing a game!"

"We can play at my house. Darry's easier to spy on anyway. There's too many people around here."

"But-"

"Lily!"

Both of us stopped walking and turned around, to see Soda looking at us. It wasn't just him either. The entire group of girls was looking in our direction as well.

"What does _he_ want?" I wondered out loud.

"Probably to know what you're going here," Mary Alice pointing out, obviously missing the fact that it was a rhetorical question.

"Lily!" Soda called again, even though I was looking right at him. He motioned for me to come over, but I just shook my head. Even thought it was what I had wanted, all of a sudden I just wished that I could be at home again, confined to my bedroom, and not here with all of these people.

Soda motioned to me again, and this time gave me a look that said if I didn't do what he said he would come over to me. It wasn't so bad being embarrassed in front of just my brothers or a couple of friends, but if he approached me in front off all those big kids I would have been mortified.

I grabbed Mary Alice's arm and pulled her over with me. I'm sure that she would have followed anyway, but I didn't think that I could go over there on my own. I could have easily ignored him and walked home, because deep down I knew that Soda wasn't the type to embarrass me, or himself for that matter, in front of people who respected him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, but he didn't exactly sound surprised to see me.

"Walking around," I said quietly.

"Are those your sisters?" some girl with a ton of dark eye shadow on asked.

Soda grinning almost proudly, nodding towards me. "This is my baby sister Lily, and that's Mary Alice, her best friend. She might as well be my sister though, she over all the time."

"They're so cute," another girl said, like she was looking at a newborn baby. I rolled my eyes and looked over at Mary Alice, who seemed just as thrilled be talked about that way as I was. If I wasn't so angry at Soda I wouldn't have made such a rude gesture in front of those girls, but I didn't really care what they thought about me at that point, or even how he felt.

I did think that it was nice that he had said Mary Alice was like his sister, but the fact that he had called me his baby sister cancelled it out. He couldn't have called me his younger sister, or even his little sister. No, he had to call me his baby sister. And in front of a group of girls that were making me feel like a baby anyway.

One of the girls made some comment about me, and they all laughed, but I didn't exactly understand what she meant by it, so I decided that I was going to get out of there.

"Sorry," I said to my brother. "Mary Alice has to get home now."

"No I don't-" she started to protest, by I had already grabbed her again and started heading towards the road by then. She didn't look that happy about being taken away, but I didn't care. I could feel myself starting to cry, and didn't need to being hanging around a bunch of teenagers when I did.

All of those things that Soda had said to me over the last couple of weeks flooded into my memory. What he had said about not wanting me to wear makeup because I would look trashy, and no baby sister of his was going to look like that. Yet there he was, hanging around those same sort of girls, and loving every moment of it. Why wasn't I able to look like that? And why did he have to talk to me in front of them like I wasn't old enough to understand what they were saying? Only a couple of hours earlier he had treated me like he actually liked me, but now I was just a baby again.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Soon as we reached my street I decided I didn't want to go home. I was too ticked off at Soda to be cooped up at my own place, and having Darry around would only make things worse. Mary Alice didn't seem to mind that we went over to her house instead. In fact I think she was relieved. I wasn't trying to hide the fact that I was in a bad mood, but I wouldn't tell her why, and I'm sure that she thought she would feel more comfortable at her own house.

I hadn't said much to her since we left the DX, and I think my grumpiness was rubbing off on her. She was starting to sigh and get irritated at little things, like a rock getting into her shoe, but I didn't think she had much reason to be angry. _She_ wasn't the one who saw her brother hanging all over a bunch of girls. Well, he hadn't exactly been hanging off of them, but that's how it felt.

As angry as I was with Soda, and as confused as I was everything going on with my brothers, I couldn't help but cheer up a little when I got into Mary Alice's house. Her place was a lot like mine, older and an not much to look at, but the inside was so different from my house. It was always clean in there, and nothing was ever out of place. Her mom actually liked doing housework, and worked all day keeping it looking it's best. The decorating in her house was all older stuff, and none of it really went together, but Mrs. Weston had a way of making everything fit and look good together.

Mary Alice's bedroom was definitely something nice to look at, compared to mine anyway. She shared it with her four-year-old sister Laurie, but she didn't share a bed with her like Pony and Sodapop did. Each of them had their own bed on either side of the room, and a small dresser next to each. They had a real big closet too, where they kept their clothes and toys. Mrs. Weston even liked them to keep their room clean. How anyone could get someone who was only four to put their toys away was beyond me. Darry could hardly get any of us to put our stuff away, and we were old enough to have the sense in us to do so.

I flopped down on my friend's bed, which, incidentally, actually had bed frame and a headboard. It didn't seem to bother her much that I was on her expertly made bed, but I don't think she could take more of my acting the way I was.

She threw herself down on her sister's bed and stared at me for a couple seconds, like she was waiting for me to say something to her. When I didn't, she threw her arms in the air and sighed loudly.

"What's wrong with you?" she demanded. "All you wanted to do earlier was spy on your brother, and then when we got there you had to run away like some baby! You dragged me out of there too and you wont even tell me what the heck your problem is!"

"You wouldn't have stayed if I didn't," I pointed out, but nicely, because I wasn't really in the mood to argue with her.

"I don't care if we stayed," she said, not any less angry, "but you could at least tell me what your problem is! One minute we couldn't leave them alone, and now you won't even go home. I thought you wanted them to be nice to you!"

"I do!" I cried. "But you saw Soda. He was being a lot nicer to those tramps there than he was to me."

"That's your problem?" she asked unbelievable. "Since when do you care if he talks to girls?"

"I don't," I said, looking away, and trying to sound optimistic. "Forget it, I don't even care."

"But you just said-"

"I just said I don't care! Can we play a game now? I don't want to spend the whole day talking."

Needless to say Mary Alice wasn't exactly thrilled to have me around after I snapped at her like that, but her mother had already invited me to have milk and cookies in the kitchen with them, and Mary Alice never actually told her that I was being hard to get along with.

I would have thought that if anything could bring me out of my blue state, it was warm chocolate-chip cookies fresh out of the oven, but even they didn't do anything for me. I was so stuck on picturing Soda with all of those girls that I couldn't think about anything else. And then it hit me.

The other day when Soda had seen me in makeup, I told him that we had borrowed some from Mrs. Weston. Well, I knew that she had makeup, and a lot of it too. There was more than just lipstick and blush. She had eye shadow and eyeliner and who knew what else. If only I could get my hands on it, I would be able to go home and show Sodapop what I looked like in _real_ makeup. He wouldn't be able to say anything to me about it either, because if he tried I would just bring up the fact that he was all over girls like that all day, and if he didn't want me wearing it then he shouldn't be with them either.

I knew better than to steal anything from my friends house, and besides, I had already promised myself that I would never do something like that again. But if I could pretend to be happy, then maybe Mary Alice would still want to play with me after we'd finished our snack. And if she did, I would tell her that we should put it on for fun, leaving out the reason why I really wanted it of course.

After we left the kitchen and we were heading back to her room, I brought it up. I said it quietly so that her mother wouldn't hear us, because if she knew we wanted into her makeup then my entire plan to get back at Soda and show him that I could do as I pleased would be ruined.

"Remember when Meg put makeup on us?" I asked, stopping her just before she went into her room.

"Yeah, why?" She still didn't sound that enthusiastic about my being there.

"Don't you want to get some on again," I said a little bit mischievously. She must have gotten the wrong idea about what I meant because she began shaking her head immediately.

"No," she said. "Nope. I'm not supposed to go downtown alone ever again."

"But-" I tried to explain, only she cut me off.

"No Lily! I got in too much trouble last time, and I can't do it again."

"You're not listening!" I barked, covering her mouth with my forearm. "I mean your mom's makeup. We can put it on ourselves."

"Oh," she said as I uncovered her mouth. "You should of just said so. I can use it whenever I want."

"Really?"

"Sure, just have to make sure to put it away after. Come on, let's go get it."

Her mom kept all of her makeup on top of the vanity in her bedroom, but Mary Alice didn't bother taking it out.

"We can just use it in here," she said, closing the bedroom door and seating herself on a cushioned stool.

I examined all of the things her mother had. Different colours in different pallets, and different tubes of lipsticks in different shades. I didn't quite understand why she had so many of those though, and only one mascara and one eyeliner. It didn't even occur to me at the time that she only needed one colour of such things.

"What do we use first?" I asked, looking over everything in wonder.

"Uh, I think we use," she hesitated a moment, "this!" She picked up the eyeliner.

I took it from her and untwisted the wand from the bottle. "How do we use this?" I asked. It was pretty clear to me that it went on our eyes, but it was runny. I wiped a small bit onto my hand and blew on it to dry, but, much like it would have if it had been watercolour paints, it ran a little bit and left streaky lines like dripping blood.

"You have to close you eyes," she explained, "and put in on just by your eyelashes.

"Oh." It sounded easy enough, but I let Mary Alice go first in putting it on me. I couldn't believe how cold it felt on my lids, and I ended up opening my eyes in shock.

"Hey!" she cried. "I can't put in on if your eyes are open."

"Sorry." I closed them again and prepared myself for the cold touch of the wand again. I hadn't been prepared for her to jab me in the corner of my eye though, and I let out a yelp.

"You're not supposed to put on inside!" I cried, reaching up to rub my eye.

"Don't touch it!" she exclaimed, pulling my hand away. "It's not dry yet. Besides, my mom always puts it right to the corner of her eye. It'll look stupid with only half of your eye done."

"Fine," I gave in, closing my eyes again. I had to let her finish, because it was the only way to get Soda really upset. And it had to look real too, not like I had put it on myself.

After she finished my left eye and went on to do my right one, I stopped her.

"Wait," I said. "I want to see."

"No! You have to wait till I'm done _everything_. That's the professional way to do it."

"How do you know what's professional?"

"Well that's what Meg did, isn't it?"

"I guess." I didn't want to admit it, but Mary Alice _did_ have a better chance of knowing about makeup and how it was worn than I did. She probably watched her mother put it on everyday. I hadn't actually seen makeup done in over a year, and at that point I couldn't have given too hoots about it.

I tried to sneak a peak at myself in the mirror as she reached over to get the mascara, but there wasn't enough time, and all I saw was a black mark on the side of my cheek from where she had accidentally touched me. I told myself that I could just wash that off after though, and turned my face away so she could do the mascara.

That didn't go so well. Having someone jab you in the eye while it's shut can be alright, but having someone stick a wand into your eye while it's open is a completely different story.

"Stop closing you eye!" she snapped.

"Well you keep poking me!"

"You're not very good at being a model!"

"You're not very good at doing this!"

"Fine," she huffed. "I wont do mascara then. You can have one eye done for all I care." She threw the open bottle down on the desk angrily and reached for blush.

I knew that she was purposely trying to hurt me my jamming the brush right into my face, but I didn't say anything about it. If I didn't let her know that it was bothering me it would only bug her more.

For some reason she calmed down after the blush though, and put the lipstick on me like she actually wanted to do a good job of it.

"Oops," Mary Alice said slowly, looking from my face to the desk.

"Oops?" I repeated. "Oops! What'd you do?"

"Nothing bad," she said, trying not to laugh. "Look," she showed me the jar of white powder. "I forgot this. I think it's supposed to go on first."

"Just forget that then."

"No you _have _to put it on. It makes your skin look good. My mom never goes out without it on."

"Can you just put it on over top?"

"Probably," she shrugged, and immediately set to work dabbing the powder on my face with a puffy pad-like thing.

"There," she said, looking me over. "Perfect. You can look."

I was about to see my completed face when she grabbed me.

"No! Wait!"

"What now?"

"I changed my mind. You do me now, and then we'll both look at ourselves the same time."

"But-" I began, really wanting to see what I looked like. "Oh alright."

Doing her makeup was a little tricky, especially since she wouldn't let me look in the mirror. She had to move all of the things from the tabletop over to her parents bed, where I was finally able to set to work.

I knew that I was supposed to start off with the powder this time around, but I figured that if she had done it wrong on me, then I would do it wrong on her too.

Putting the eyeliner on was hard for two reasons. One, because my hand was as unsteady as it had ever been, and two, because even though her eyes were closed, she appeared to be blinking non-stop. They kept flicking, and it made it hard to make a smooth line across her lids. I did the best I could, which I'm sad to admit was probably the worst application of eyeliner in the history of eyeliner.

But it _was_ my work, so couldn't help but feel happy with it.

Putting mascara on Mary Alice was about as easy for me as it had been for her. She kept blinking, but at least I was able to finish both eyes without losing my temper.

The blush was a little easier to put on with a brush than it had been with my fingers, but somehow I still managed to get the colour uneven on each cheek. She was being quiet about everything and hardly ever complained though, so it was easy for me to go about my work without too many interruptions and mistakes.

Putting lipstick on Mary Alice was certainly easier than it had been on myself, but I attributed that to the fact that I was actually able to see hers.

"Are you almost done," Mary Alice asked eventually. She must have been getting pretty tired of my taking so much time on her, but she didn't have to sound like she was so bored with it. Wasn't my fault that she had a hard face to do.

"I just have to put the powder on," I said, reaching for the jar. It was further away than I thought it was, and Mary Alice thought she would help out my passing it to me, but as I reached for it she let go too soon, and the entire thing landed on the floor, the powder sprinkling everywhere.

"Look what you did!" Mary Alice cried, jumping off of the bed.

"Me!"

"Argh! Lily! I'm not even supposed to be touching this stuff!"

"What do you mean! You said you could use this whenever you wanted!"

"Whenever I want as long as my mom doesn't find out!" She scrambled to pick up the dropped powder, but it wasn't a simple thing to do. Not only had most of the powder fallen out, but it stood out obviously on the darker carpet.

She gathered all of the makeup from the bed and brought them back over to the vanity.

"Come on," she said, "let's get out of here before my mom sees."

"I just want to see my face first," I said, heading over to the mirror.

"No Lily!" she said, her voice getting quieter every time she spoke. "We have to get out-" She stopped short as the door handle jiggled and the door quickly opened. Both of us looked over to see her father standing in the doorway.

I'm not sure which of us looked more surprised. Mary Alice and I were obviously startled by his entrance, but Mr. Weston was the one whose eyes went wide. He bit his lower lip, looking back and forth between us.

"We're going to Lily's!" Mary Alice said suddenly, looking over at me for help.

"Yeah," I said blankly. What else was there to say?

Then I caught a look at myself in the mirror. Oh boy. No wonder her dad looked like it was painful to see us. The makeup didn't necessarily look _bad_, it was just, different. And there was a lot of it. One of my eyes was completely clumped up from the mascara too. I looked over at Mary Alice, who, I realized then, looked just as interesting. But again, it wasn't bad.

"Are you wearing makeup?" Mr. Weston asked eventually.

Mary Alice laughed. It wasn't a nervous laugh either. She seemed to think it was actually funny that he had asked that, and from the looks of us, I guess it was a pretty silly question.

"Mary does your mom know you're using her stuff?" he asked, biting down on his lip again to keep from laughing. I didn't see why he had to do that. We didn't look _that _funny.

"I put it all back!" Mary Alice said desperately.

He did laugh this time. "All right. Have ah, have either of you girls seen yourselves?"

Mary Alice turned her head to look in the mirror.

"Whoa," she gasped.

Her dad laughed whole heartedly. I thought he might cry he was so hysterical.

Mary Alice looked over at me as if to say, "What's the big deal?" I felt the same way. Sure, it was surprising to see us this way, but he didn't have to make us feel like clowns. Besides, my goal wasn't to look good, it was to look like I was wearing a lot of makeup.

"Daddy!" Mary Alice shouted. "Stop laughing!"

He calmed down a bit, but he was still pretty amused.

"I think we look fine," she said matter-of-factly.

"You do," he assured her, giving her that grin that only parents have for their children when they think something they've done is funny. I missed that look.

"Does it look nice?" my friend asked, like she wanted his honest opinion.

He nodded. "Yes. You look pretty." He then added, "Both of you," looking over at me specifically." That was nice of him, and while Mary Alice actually seemed to believe it, I thought that he was just being nice.

What Mr. Weston did next thought was something that really made me miss my parents. I was pretty good at ignoring the fact that they were dead, and pretending that everything in my life was normal, but when he leaned over and gave her a hug, I couldn't help but feel like I was missing out on something.

My family was a pretty physical one, but it mostly consisted of my brothers wrestling with each other or throwing their arms around one another playfully. It wasn't often that I got hugs from people, family or not, and I wished for one right then more than ever. It wasn't something that had just occurred to me either, it was something I had been needing of a long time. I could have said to someone that I wanted a hug, but it just wasn't the same if you had to ask for it. It was better to have someone just _know_ when something was wrong.

I left Mary Alice's house pretty soon after that. I wasn't mean to her about it, and I think she was actually relieve that I was leaving. I had pretty much forgotten that I had so much makeup on, so maybe it was a good thing that I didn't pass anyone on the street. Still wasn't looking forward to going home and having Darry acting all strange around me, but I didn't have anywhere else to go.

He was sitting at our dinner table with a bunch of papers sprawled out in front of him when I got home, and looked up as I walked through the door.

"Hey," he said. "You've been gone awhile."

"Uh huh."

"You come straight home?"

"What?" Straight home from where?

"You were at Mary Alice's, right," he said swiftly, but it was too late to cover it up.

"Yeah," I replied. "I came straight home." I didn't want to say anything about it, and he didn't seem to want to bring it up either, but both of us knew that the other knew that I had stolen away to the DX with him. And all of a sudden I _did _have something to say. Any other time Darry knew I was sneaking around and spying on him he would want to know what was going on, but for whatever reason he was pretending not to care.

"Is something bad gonna happen?" I asked, making it clear that I wanted an answer.

"What?"

"You heard me?"

"Why do you think that?"

"Well everybody's acting crazy! You're all being nice to me!"

Darry laughed. "And that's a problem? We can't be nice to you?"

"_No_!"

He got up from the table. "Come over here a second." As I walked over the expression on his face changed from humoured to disturbed.

"Did you put that on yourself?"

"What?"

"What? The makeup on your face. I'm surprised you can't _feel_ it you've got so much on."

My hand shot up to my face immediately. _Uh oh_. It was meant for Soda, not Darry.

"It's just for fun," I tried to explain.

"Um, alright." He sort of shook his head like he was trying to ignore it. "It's fine. Just, don't, you know, wear it in public."

"I wasn't gonna."

"Good." I think he was trying to change the subject, because he jumped right into, "Anyway, nothing bad is going to happen."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying," he said, his tone getting a bit more serious. "I thought about what happened the other day with you and your friend."

"So I punched someone and you decided to be nice?" I asked unbelievably.

"_No_, you're friend put you down and I decided that maybe people need to lay off on you a bit."

I shook my head. "I don't believe you."

"Well I'm not lying to you."

"That's really the reason?"

"Yes! Look, maybe you forgot, but I was your age once, and I remember how mean some kids were."

I rolled my eyes. Darry still had friends that lived in Kathy's neighbourhood. They couldn't have been that bad.

"I'm serious," he said, starting to get angry. "I'm only trying to make things a little easier on you, but if you don't like it then I can tell everyone to go back to the way they were treating you before. Which I didn't think was so bad."

Why was he telling me all of this? Had I ever really complained to him that I thought people treated me badly? Alright, maybe I brought it up every time someone even looked at me the wrong way, and maybe I had gone on about never being allowed to do anything, but I honestly didn't like the phoney niceness everyone had. I wanted people back to normal, especially Darry. It just wasn't right for him to try and act sweet.

Somehow I wasn't certain that that was the only thing going on. Right then though, my only concern was the fact that if that really was the only reason everyone had changed, then I shouldn't have gotten so worked up over things. That, and I could have saved myself a trip down to the DX and seeing my brother in a completely different light than usual.

A/N: Just another thanks for the reviews. Also, if anybody has some criticism for me, I'd really appreciate it. Constructive though, not mean. Thanks!


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: It's been a couple of days since my last update. Sorry. Thanks for all of your reviews. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up sooner.

Chapter 14

I wanted to go to bed early that night. Pony was busy studying, and Soda was working late, so that only left Darry and I together for most of the evening, and he wasn't the most entertaining of company. The TV could only occupy me for so long, and there wasn't anything else to do. But I had to stay up until Soda got home, otherwise I would have had my face made up that way for nothing.

Staying awake proved a hard thing to do, because by ten o'clock I was already nodding off. I wasn't even going to allow myself to lie down though, because I didn't want to risk smudging my already messy looking makeup.

"Lily," Darry said, and I opened my eyes slowly. I had been about to let myself fall asleep.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Nearly eleven." He reached his hand out to pull me up. "It's time for you to go do bed."

"No," I pushed his hand away. "Not yet."

He laughed. "You're already passing out."

I just shook my head. "Can't go to bed yet. Gotta wait up."

"Wait up for what?"

I couldn't very well tell him why I was waiting up. "Just feel like it. It's for school."

"What's for school? You being tired in the morning and not getting up?"

"Yeah." Then I thought about what he said. "Hey, tomorrow's only Sunday."

"I know."

"So, I don't have to get up early on Sundays."

He got real quiet then, and scratched his head.

I sat up straight. "Darry?"

"Look, we have to go to church tomorrow."

"Church!"

"Yeah church, so you have to get that makeup off your face and catch some sleep so you can get up on time."

"Why do I have to go to church?"

"We all do."

"You're going?"

"Yes."

"What about Sodapop? And Pony?"

He nodded. "They're coming too."

Now I understood why everyone had been acting so strangely. They were just buttering me up so that I would want to go to church with them. No, not so I would want to go, but so they wouldn't feel so bad when they forced me to!

"I'm not going to church!" I cried, fully awake. "Why do we have to go to church? You don't like church! Nobody likes church!" That wasn't entirely true. In some ways Ponyboy seemed to like it, but that didn't mean he had to drag me down there too.

"It's one Sunday, and that's it. We can all stand to show up for one service."

"You can go," I said, crossing my arms. "I'm not."

With his mouth closed he ran his tongue over his teeth, and crossed his arms the same way I had. "You're coming to church little girl, and that's it. I'm not fighting you about this."

He turned away from me and just as he did I stomped my foot on the ground angrily and let out a little scream.

"It's not fair! Why do I have to come?"

"Because I said so. And would you quiet down!"

I decided that the best way to keep him from starting to scream back at me was to calm down and talk to him nicely.

"Why do we have to go?" It was forced niceness.

"Because I don't have a choice. I may be in charge of this family but we have people checking up all the time to make sure that I'm doing a good job of it. Now maybe you can remember punching a kid in the face the other day, or skipping school so that you could shopping. It's stunts like that that have people questioning how well I can manage you."

"But nobody called the police, and nobody told on me for hitting Kathy."

"Maybe they didn't, but there are still ways that word can get around to different people. All we have to do is go to church for one hour tomorrow, and that's it. We never have to go again, but tomorrow we don't have a choice."

"Who said we have to go? I didn't see anybody come to the house."

He sighed loudly out of frustration. "I told someone that I would take all of you to church, just once, so that you could see for yourselves how you like it. There are still a lot of people out there who think that religion is a good thing to have, and I'm not exactly in the position to argue with them and not risk losing you kids at the same time."

I know I may have gotten a little bit too upset over something as minor as going that, but for me church wasn't a good thing. For some people church was a place to feel welcome and loved, but it really scared me. No one had ever told me much about how bad church could be, and no one had ever said much to me about Heaven or Hell or any of that, but I just got a bad feeling about going to those places, after all, the last time I had been there it was to say goodbye to my parents.

I never really saw Darry as the church going type either, and as I stood in my bedroom looking out the window I thought about that. Just before I got to my room he told me that he didn't exactly want to go to church either. If he had been young enough to cry about it then he probably would have too. But instead he chose to just do what he was told, and wasn't giving me a choice in whether or not I wanted to go.

But then I guess he didn't have much choice in a lot of things either. I could see Soda heading towards the house in Steve's car off in the distance, and I realized that Darry was inside taking care of me on a Saturday night instead of goofing around with his friends like I was sure most fellows his age were. And he never complained about it either, never told me it wasn't fair that he had to stay home and take care of us.

My thoughts on Darry came to and end as Steve pulled up in front of the house. He didn't turn the car off though, and I knew why. Sitting in the front with him was some pretty girl who I thought must have been his girlfriend. Soda was climbing out of the backseat and trying to say something to him, but it must have been hard for him to do that with a girl sucking on his lips. When Soda finally did pry himself away from the blond (who was ugly as sin and had obviously bleached her hair) he rushed up the front walk.

I ran out of my bedroom, not wanting him to miss my face before he took off again.

"Hey Darry!" Soda called as he came into the house. "I'm going out for a little bit. I'll be back soon." I watched as he went into his bedroom to take off his shirt and then into the bathroom to wash his face.

"Don't be too late," Darry called from another room. "Pony's already sleeping and we've got church in the morning. I don't want you forgetting about that."

"I won't!" he said, lifting his face up from the sink. As he dried himself with a towel he said in a muffled voice, "Need something Lily?"

Well he hadn't noticed my face yet, and I had to make sure that he did before he left. I just wasn't sure how to without bringing it up.

"Who's the girl you got with you?" I asked casually, like I was just trying to make conversation.

"I don't think you know her," he said, throwing the towel down in the sink and smiling at me.

I followed him back to his bedroom. "Was she one of the girls you were talking to earlier?"

"When you were at the DX? What was up with you anyway? You ran off pretty quick."

"Seemed like you had enough girls hanging around you."

He just laughed, like he didn't disagree.

It was getting a little annoying that he was looking right at me and not mentioning anything about what I looked like, so I added, "Those girls you were with, they sure wear a lot of makeup."

"Yeah," he nodded, slipping a clean shirt on. "Guess they do."

"Kind of like tramps," I said, hinting at what he had first said to me about why he didn't want me wearing it.

He just shook his head. "Some people might say that."

Outside Steve honked the horn, and Soda turned away from me. "Sorry, better get out there before he wakes up the whole street." Then he went right out the front door.

I was about to lose my mind, when Soda opened the door again and slipped his head in. "By the way Lily, I think you have something on your face." He slipped back out before I could say anything else.

I couldn't believe him! He knew exactly what I was trying to do, and he completely ignored it! That was it. That just made me angrier than I had ever been. Angry enough to go into his room and ruin everything he owned. If Ponyboy hadn't been sleeping in there, I probably would have done it too. But I would find a way to get back at him, when he least suspected it.

Sunday morning I was out in front of the house running around the yard with my arms out at my sides like I was an airplane. I didn't have any reason for doing so, except that I hadn't done it in a long time. Sometimes, you just have to go back and do things you haven't done since you were two, simply because you feel like. Sort of like the way I could sometimes hear Soda singing Disney songs in the shower when he thought no one was around.

I was in mid jump between the porch railing and the ground when I heard someone laughing. I recognized Two-Bit's laugh right away, but as I turned to look at him I forgot about being in midair and landed in a _thud_ on the little amount of grass beneath me.

"Trying to kill yourself or something?" he asked, coming over to help me up.

"No," I said in slight agony. "I was trying to fly."

He helped me to my feet again but continued to laugh. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that kids can't fly? Heck, I've know that since I was five. Nearly broke my foot jumping off the roof of the house."

"I wasn't _really _trying to fly," I said obnoxiously. "I was _pretending_ to be an airplane."

"Oh," he said like he completely understood. "Well then I'd better join you." He didn't do anything though, just stood there, watching me.

"I thought you were gonna play," I said.

"You start."

"Alright." I thought for a moment that maybe because he was eighteen, he couldn't remember how to play anymore, so I stuck out my arms, tilted them from side to side, and did an entire run tour around the yard before coming back to him.

"You aren't flying," I pointed out in that "you're an idiot" attitude that only girls under the age of twelve can get away with. "You can't be an airplane if you can't fly!"

"I'm out of gas," he said, then laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

My thrill of having Two-Bit over wasn't nearly as great as it would have been only a couple of weeks earlier. I used to love having him around, and even though he hadn't been that bad towards me, when he yelled at me on the street that day I realized something. Of all my brothers' friends, he was the only one that I thought might like to be my friend when I got a little older, even if he wasn't my friend just then. But when he saw me after I had skipped school that day I realized that he _was _just my brothers' friends, and that he would only think of me as their little sister, nothing else.

Johnny ended up coming by the house just after Two-Bit got there. I hadn't even seen him around the house lately, probably because of the few night he had spent on our couch, he was up in morning and off to school with Ponyboy before I even left my bedroom.

A slight hope was beginning to build in me when I saw Pony, Two-Bit, Johnny watching TV together. Maybe if they were all over, Darry would forget about church, after all, it was almost nine-thirty, service started at ten, and neither he or Soda had emerged from their bedrooms yet.

But that hope soon came to an end. By nine-thirty Darry was hollering for Soda to get up. It turned out that Darry had been up and ready for awhile, and had already told Soda to get up. My hope about Two-Bit and Johnny distracting him was gone too. They were coming with us. I didn't want to say anything to Darry about it, as he was pretty agitated right then, but if he really wanted to impress someone by bringing us to church, then it probably wasn't the best idea to be bringing everyone. Johnny wasn't so bad, he hardly ever did anything, and Pony was pretty quiet too. But they weren't the problem. Soda would have been fine on his own, and Two-Bit would have been alright if Darry was there to keep him quiet, but putting the two of them together was crazy. Even I knew that Two-Bit, the walking mouth, and Soda, with a shorter attention span than my own, were a lethal combination. They were bound to cause trouble.

"Where's Steve?" Two-Bit asked when we were on our way there. "He ain't coming?"

"Nah," Soda said goofily. "He had a late night last night. Didn't make it home." Two-Bit laughed at that, and I saw Ponyboy blush a little. I didn't see why he was embarrassed about it. Even I knew what Soda meant by a "late night" and I didn't care.

I was a little nervous to be going to church, and whether I was more worried about just being there or about having a couple of goofballs with us I didn't know. Darry drove like a mad man to get us there early, because the last thing we needed was a group of six people, most of them rowdy teenagers, walking in when church had already begun.

I was also a little displeased that Soda hadn't said anything to me at all about how I had looked the night before. He hadn't said much to me that morning, and it was all pretty infuriating. He hadn't done what I had wanted at all. He hadn't even tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, and because he hadn't, I wasn't even able to argue with him. There had been hardly any confrontation at all, and it was driving me near crazy.

Before Darry would even let us go into the building, he called us all back over to the car. I was already there with him, and so was Johnny, but Pony, Soda, and Two-Bit had gone off as soon as the car was parked. I could see that Darry was slowly beginning to lose his temper, and though Pony was able to convince the other two to come back, I saw Darry's face turn red when Two-Bit called out, "Let us bow our heads in worship," loudly enough for anyone in the parking lot to hear.

"It's very important that _all_ of you are on you best behaviour," Darry said through gritted teeth. "You can't cause a scene today, and you can't talk. This is church, and for one hour of your life all of you can keep your traps shut." He looked specifically at Two-Bit when he said this, and think that was really the only one that he was worried about. "Soda, you're gonna sit next to me on one end, and Two-Bit, you're gonna be all the way on the other end."

Things didn't turn out the way Darry had hopped though. Service was just about to begin by the time we got inside, and the only place left to sit was near the back row. There wasn't enough room for all of us to sit together, so Darry let Pony and Johnny go off on their own, and sent me with them. He wanted to keep Two-Bit and Soda with him just so I could keep an eye on things. As much as I hated to admit it, I wished that I could have stayed back to. I had no idea what we were supposed to do or the words to any of the songs, and even if Darry didn't know much more about it than Ponyboy did, at least he seemed more confident about things. I wouldn't have felt as dumb next to Darry as I did next to the two shy ones, but I couldn't complain, and it _did_ keep me from being around Soda.

On Saturday night, when I found out that I had to go to church, I couldn't for the life of me think of any possible reason why I would want to. But I suddenly found myself enjoying it. They called all of the kids down for Sunday school only a few minutes after the service had started. I didn't recognize anyone there and couldn't bring myself to go to the front. Pony said I didn't have to go if I didn't want, and wasn't about to look in Darry's direction and have him tell me that I had to. So I sat there next to my youngest brother and the rest of the older people and listened to what the minister had to say.

It found my thoughts trailing away from time to time, but I did manage to listen to a large portion of the sermon with actual interest. The minister was talking about good Samaritans, and helping your neighbours and all that stuff I learned in kindergarten anyway. But he started using examples too, and it was one that had to do with stealing that really caught my attention.

"If you found your neighbour, or a member of your community laying on the street in agony, what would you do? You would help him. But what if he had on an expensive watch, and his wallet was full of bills? Would you call for help, or would you be tempted to take his positions and run?"

"Finders keepers!"

Gasps suddenly filled the echoing church as people turned around to see who would have made such an inappropriate comment. The minister's eyes shot back and forth all over the room, but neither my brother, his friend, nor I had to look back to see who that voice had belonged to. Only Two-Bit Mathews would have dared speak up with a comment like that at such a time.

For once in my life I was glad to be so small. I was sure that people would know that I knew Two-Bit, and being so well hidden amongst the adults was actually a good thing. But as people turned back to the front to see what the reverend would say, everyone became surprised.

He laughed. The minister, a man of God, had laughed at something _Two-Bit_ said.

"Young man," he said, smiling, "You're absolutely right. If someone was dying in front of you, and you could either help him or get off with his belongings, the temptation to say "finders keepers" would be greater than the temptation to help him." And the congregation laughed at him.

At that point I had started thinking off in my own world again, and only because I was thinking about "finders keepers." When I took makeup from a store, really Meg had lost it, so it was all about my "finding" it. But even though I wasn't listening to what the minister was saying, some of his words stuck in my head, like "overcoming temptation," and "repenting." It made me think that even though I had stolen, I could still try to make amends for what I had done. How I could do so though, was an issue on it's own.

After church was over we met back up with Darry in the back of the church. Needless to say he was chewing Two-Bit out for what he had done. I wasn't interested in that though, I had my own issue to deal with. At first I thought of going up to the minister and asking him what I could do, but the fear that he might tell me it was too late to take it back kept me from approaching him.

When I first stole, my biggest fear was that I would get caught for it. After the sermon though, the only thing I wanted to do was get it off my chest and do whatever I had to so that I wouldn't feel guilty every time I thought about the stuff. I knew that there were plenty of people I could talk to besides the minister, and my first thought was to tell Mary Alice. But I considered the idea that if she came to me and told me that she had stolen, then I wouldn't exactly be the best person to help. I thought of telling her mother, but sometimes adults, even the ones who you trust and know trust you, get a different opinion on you the second they hear you've done something bad. I even considered telling Two-Bit, but he had such a reputation for being a thief that he would probably just get a thrill out of it if I told him. Darry was my next choice, but anyone with half a brain knew that confessing something like that to Darry was nothing but a bad idea. I only considered Soda for a second, but chose against him because I knew that he would only tell me that I should just try and forget it. Well that, _and_ he was the last person I wanted to go to for help. No, there was only one person I knew of that could help me.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Ponyboy was the only person who would know what to do. Not only would he actually be able to come up with a way for me to stop feeling bad about the makeup, but I also think that he was a genuinely caring person. Not that my other brothers weren't, but Darry was so stuck on not losing us, and Soda would be too interested in just ignoring things if they didn't cause a real problem. Pony though, he didn't like it when people were having problems, I think deep down it really bothered him. So by convincing him that the shop girl I stole from was having a tough time, he might actually be complied to do something for me.

Finding Pony alone was going to be the big issue. Sometimes it was easy to find him sitting down reading a book, or away doing his homework somewhere, but it was when there were a bunch of other people around that made it hard to keep things discreet. Johnny and Two-Bit ended up back at our house after church, and Steve showed up in the afternoon as well. Naturally Johnny and Pony wound up hanging around each other, and I wound up sitting on the couch in an impatient boredom waiting for people to get lost so I could talk to Pony.

"Something on your mind, Lily?" Two-Bit asked. He was sitting on the floor, half watching TV and half shouting things out to Soda and Steve in the kitchen. I think it was bugging him a bit that I was sitting there sighing constantly to myself, in a way that said I wanted attention.

"I'm just bored," I said. It was partially true. I was bored, but I was only bored because I had only one thing on my mind, and the only way to get it _off _of my mind was to talk about it. And I couldn't _talk_ about it until all of them left. But I didn't say any of that to Two-Bit. I just went back to my pitiful sighing and he went back to his cartoon watching, Two-Bitting.

Steve wound up going home before supper, but Johnny and Two-Bit were still hanging around. I wouldn't have minded so much if they had just gotten away from Pony. The one time he was alone was when he went off to use the bathroom, and I wasn't about to follow him in there.

I don't think Two-Bit or Johnny had any plans on going home. Two-Bit had managed to make himself comfortable on our arm chair with a beer in one hand, and a chunk of leftover cake in the other. Soda had warned him that supper was going to be ready soon, but Two-Bit just promised him that he would have an appetite again by then. I knew by that comment that no one else seemed to have a problem with our company, so I was going to have to wait quite a while before either he or Johnny took off.

Though he had had all day to talk to talk to us, Darry chose dinnertime, when we were all together, to talk to us about church.

"What'd ya'll think about it?" he asked as we all sat down to eat.

"Church?" Soda asked. "It was alright I guess. Long though."

"I didn't mind it," Pony offered.

"Lily?" Darry asked. "What did you think?"

I shrugged, knowing that if I said I liked it, people would want to know why, and if I said I didn't, they would want to know what the problem was.

"I'd go again," Pony said, and I saw Johnny sort of nod in agreement.

"Yeah," Two-Bit said softly. "It made me feel all holy and such." Soda was the only one who laughed at that. I think Darry might have too, if he hadn't already been angry with him for what he'd called out earlier.

"We aren't actually gonna go again though," Soda said with a mouthful of food. "right?"

Darry shrugged. That was something I didn't see very often. Darry always knew the answer to questions, especially the ones that he had the most control over.

"Not next week," he eventually responded, "but we might have to show up once and a while."

There was a look of dismay on Soda's face. If his mouth hadn't been stuffed with mashed potatoes and this hadn't been Darry he was talking to he might have said that he didn't want to go anymore. I don't think it was church itself that Soda had the problem with, just the sitting still part.

A little, tiny, part of me wanted Darry to tell Soda that we _had _to go back. Really church had not bothered me, and I thought I might have been able to stand going once a week, maybe every other week. My reasons for wishing Darry would tell us we had to go were more selfish than my liking the place though. I wanted him to tell Soda he had to go, only because I knew it would drive Soda crazy. Not only would Soda have to sit through about an hour long service each week, but he would also have to be home early on Saturday nights, and up early on Saturday mornings.

"We're not going to have to go for another month or so anyway," Darry said as he cleared the dishes off of the table. I knew then that he wasn't going to force Soda to church ever, but I could still find another way to get back at Soda getting on my nerves.

I wasn't able to talk to Pony at all that night. Johnny was going to sleep on our couch, and because Soda and Pony shared a bedroom, I wasn't able to follow him in there. Darry sent me to bed early anyhow, telling me that I had stayed up too late the night before, and had to get up for school in the morning. I didn't really want to go to bed early, only because there was still some stuff going on out in the living room, because all of the older boys were still in there, but I didn't really have a choice with Darry.

Monday had one of the longest mornings of my life. Not only did I not want to be there, but nothing fun was going on at all. Our teacher was starting to make us take more and more notes down, so we spent the entire morning copying notes off of the chalk board. Lucky Kathy got to be the one to write them out on the board too. Because she wrote them on the board our teacher gave her a special copy of all the notes, typed up and everything. I had been begging my teacher to let me write out notes on the board since the beginning of the year, but I had a feeling that I was never going to do that.

"Not until you start working more on your handwriting," she said for the millionth time that day.

"I already know how to do cursive writing," I told her, as we had learned it in the third grade.

"Lily your writing is completely illegible." I knew what that meant. My third grade, and my second grade teacher, had both told me my printing was illegible. But they told me I might be better at cursive. Apparently they were wrong though.

"You've got perfect handwriting to be a doctor," my teacher pointed out before leaving me. I wasn't sure what to think of that, but I didn't take it as a compliment. Surely I wasn't smart enough to be a doctor, and I didn't think my teacher thought a girl could be one anyhow. And what did handwriting have to do with being a doctor?

Mary Alice didn't seem to be annoyed with me anymore, which I suppose was a good thing, but I wasn't any less irritated than I had been on Saturday afternoon.

"Are you okay?" she asked at recess. "You're mad all the time."

"I'm not mad," I assured her, trying to sound friendly. "I've just got something on my mind."

"What is it?"

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head. I didn't need her pestering me about it.

"You can tell me," she said. "I'm your best friend."

"I can't."

"Are you in trouble?"

I shook my head.

"Come on Lily," she urged. "You can tell me."

Even though I had told myself I wasn't going to tell anyone except for Ponyboy about stealing, I had to tell Mary Alice. It was killing me not having anyone to tell, and here she was offering to listen to me.

"I can't tell you here," I said, looking around to make sure no one saw us head around the side of the school. The last thing I needed was for Kathy to hear me. She wasn't my friend anymore, and there wouldn't be any fun in getting me in trouble I was sure, but Kathy was still mean, and would probably run to the first adult she saw if she heard what I was about to say.

"Remember when we went to the store that day?" I asked quietly, not wanting anyone to hear.

"Why do you keep asking if I remember it?" Mary Alice asked. "I'm never gonna forget it. It was-"

"Mary Alice! Do you want me to tell you or not?"

"Alright, alright. Go on."

"You have to promise not to tell anyone."

"I promise," she said casually.

"No, swear."

"I swear I won't tell anyone."

"Not even your sister. Nobody can know."

"Lily I'm not going to tell. _Anyone._"

"Promise."

"I already promised!"

"Cross your heart and hope to die!"

"I'm leaving."

"Okay," I brought my voice down again and pulled her back. "When we were at the store, I took something."

She didn't say anything, but her eyes went wide and she looked directly at me.

"I wasn't thinking!" I said defensively, afraid that she might think I was bad. "I put the stuff in my bag, and then it was too late to put back. I didn't know what I was doing. Please don't tell on me Mary Alice, please."

"Lily," she said calmly, placing her hand on my shoulder. "I said I won't tell." She lowered her own voice this time. "What did you take?"

"Lipstick."

"No way!"

"And blush."

"_And_?"

I nodded.

"Okay. Did anybody find out?"

I shook my head.

"Then it's okay. You can just hide it. I won't tell. Does anybody else know?"

"No. I'm telling my brother tonight."

"Are you crazy!"

I stepped back a bit. "What else am I supposed to do?"

"Forget it. You kept it hidden for almost two weeks! Nobody found out, you can just keep it hidden, or throw it out. But you can't tell Darry. He'll kill you-"

"I'm not telling Darry!" I said, almost laughing. Did she honestly think I was _that_ stupid?

She pulled her face back so that a bit of a second chin appeared from her neck. "Soda?"

"No. Pony."

"You're telling Ponyboy?"

"Yeah. He'll know what to do. Soda won't."

"What can Pony do? He never gets in trouble."

"He gets in more trouble than Soda."

"No he doesn't."

"Yes he does."

"No he doesn't." She was doing it again. Trying to tell me that she knew more about my brother than I did. I was about ready to scream at her when the bell for recess to end went off and we had to head to the doors to line up.

When school was over I purposely ran ahead of Mary Alice, not wanting her around to try and convince me not to talk to Ponyboy. I was nervous enough having to tell him, but having Mary Alice try and change my mind wasn't helping. I felt a little bad leaving her to walk home on her own, and trying to avoid her, plus I knew that I hadn't exactly been the best of friends lately, but I couldn't help what was on my mind.

As soon as I got home I regretted leaving her behind, only because I realized that I was going to have to wait for Ponyboy to get home from school, and, as it was Monday afternoon, he probably had track practice, it could have taken awhile. I thought of calling up Mary Alice and inviting her over, but she could easily have told me that she was angry at her for almost blowing up at her all of the time lately.

Luckily though, I didn't have to worry over the way I had treated Mary Alice for long, because Ponyboy came home earlier than I had expected. I had only had time to change my clothes and consider making that phone call when he got home. But, and I hadn't even considered the possibility of this happening, Johnny came with him. I was sitting on the couch in my usual spot when they walked in, and I practically screamed when I saw that Johnny was with him. But when I heard Pony tell Johnny that he could stay over again as long as he needed to, I was really starting to lose it.

I had to get out of the house. I had no problem with Johnny, or with his being around Ponyboy, and I even liked him alright, but now he was just around too much. So I decided to walk on over to Mary Alice's and tell her that I needed her help. As much as I wanted Pony's help, it didn't seem like I was _ever_ going to catch him alone, so I had to go to my second option (who, under any other circumstance, would have been Sodapop).

I walked slowly over to Mary Alice's. I thought that I would want to let off steam by heading over there quickly, but I couldn't bring myself to move any faster than a slug. I was a little upset about having to use Mary Alice as my help, but deep down I knew that it wasn't Ponyboy's fault. He didn't know that I needed his help, and neither did Johnny. And it wasn't just them. Mary Alice wasn't the one to blame here. She wasn't the one who had stolen, and she was doing more than my brother was in trying to help me out. Was it her fault that I didn't like her suggestions? But I knew that I would never be able to bring myself to admit any of these thoughts to Mary Alice, so I took my sweet time heading on over to her place, trying to think up another thing to do with those stolen items, so that I would never actually have to arrive there and admit to her that I needed her aid after all.

"Nice overalls."

I stopped walking and turned around. Just as I suspected, Tommy had said this. I felt myself begin to blush as he walked up to me, looking all tuff in his clothes, that made him look more like his brother's age than a twelve-year-old, and here I was in something little boys wore.

"Where you off to?" he asked, sliding his fingers along some black object in his hand.

"My friend's house."

"Mary Alice?"

I nodded. I guess hers was the only house in my neighbourhood that I ever actually went to.

"What's wrong with you?"

I was a little shocked that he would come right out and ask something like that.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well you always look so sad. Like your best friend just died." As soon as he said that I think the regretted it. "Sorry. I know 'bout your parents, but that was what, eight months ago."

I shrugged. "I'm not sad. I'm just deep in thought."

"Really?" he raised an eyebrow and grinned a little. "Guess you're thinking all the time, 'cause, ah, you're always walking around frowning."

"Maybe I just look sad when I think."

"I know things must be pretty bad, with your folks getting smashed in that accident and all, but your brothers never look like you. Usually they're smiling. 'cept for Darry, but he never seemed the smiling type anyway."

"Hey!" I said, suddenly wanting to defend Darry. "You don't know him. He used to be different."

"Yeah sure." He jumped up on someone fence post and made himself comfortable. "You used to be different too. You used to smile more."

"I'm fine, Tommy."

"No you're not. You look like a sad old lady stuck in a little girl's body."

I did something then, that in the last couple of months I never thought I could ever do. I turned to walk away from Tommy Hollis. I didn't want to have to talk to him anymore, and I didn't need him trying to tell me that there was something wrong with me. He was three years older, and I had been silly to try and tell myself that he might like me. And why was I the one who was different from before? I wasn't the one who had started dressing like a little juvenile delinquent, and I wasn't the one who was carrying a switchblade around, just asking for trouble. Just when I was about to tell myself that I wasn't the one who was stealing, I had to tell myself that I was, and that I was changing too. I was almost as bad as Tommy.

He had changed the way he looked by styling his hair differently and wearing different clothes. I had tried to change the way I looked by wearing makeup. Tommy was becoming a typical, bad boy greaser. And I was becoming a greaser girl. I was younger than those trashy looking girls, but did they really start dressing the way they did because they wanted to look good, or because they wanted to tick people off. They probably wanted to get back at their parents, or their family, or friends. Girls who came from homes like Kathy did never turned out that way. It was kids who came from neighbourhoods like my own, homes like my own, where parents were dead, or in prison, or nonexistent, that turned out bad.

"Tommy!" I called, looking back. He was still sitting on the fence, looking at the road and thumbing the handle of his blade like he couldn't believe he actually had one. "I need to tell you something!"

A/N: Sorry, this one may have been a little shorter than the ones I've put out lately. I'd love to know what people think should happen with Soda. What should Lily do to him? Or should they just make up? I've got a couple ideas, but I'm not happy with them. All suggestions are welcome.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"You're kidding me, right?" Tommy asked, the second I finished telling him what I had really intended to tell Ponyboy. "You would never steal."

"I'm not lying," I assured him. "And now I don't know what to do about it."

"What's there to do?" he shrugged. "It's not like they miss it over at that store. They have tons of stuff. I've stolen junk from them millions of times."

I gave him a disbelieving look, but didn't argue with that. "Tommy I didn't steal _junk_. I stole makeup. And makeup is expensive. I could go to Hell for this."

"Whoa, whoa," he stopped me. "Hell? Nobody goes to hell for stealing makeup. Nobody goes to Hell at all. It doesn't exist."

"Really, because I went to church the other day, and I looked at a Bible, and I saw the word _Hell_ in there."

"In a book? Look around you Lily Curtis. We're living in hell already. See that house down there," he pointed across the road, to a place that didn't have any front steps leading up to it's front door. Cinder blocks were there in place of steps. "What could be worse than living here?"

"I could go to jail. That's where they send kids like me."

"Kids like you! They don't send kids like you, like us, to jail. They send us to live with other people, people who aren't our parents. And you stole that stuff awhile ago. If people haven't tried to take you away from your brother already, do you think they're gonna do it now? You need to calm down. You can't take the stuff back, and there's no sense in getting rid of it since you went to the trouble of stealing it. It's not the end of the world if you tried stealing once. Everybody's tried it."

"Not everybody."

"Name me one person you know that hasn't nicked something even once."

I wanted to say I knew that my brothers didn't steal, but I didn't know that for sure, and it wouldn't have made them look too great to someone like Tommy. Besides, he would probably know of some time that one of them actually did to it, and I didn't want to know about it, not really.

"See, you can't think of anyone. And look at the people in your house all the time. Two-Bit. Everybody knows he does it. What are you afraid of anyway. Hell, or your brother finding out about it?"

"I don't know."

"It's your brother. If you're really afraid of going to hell, then you'd know that you have a long time to wait. It's Darry that you don't want finding out. You're afraid to tell him."

"So what if I am? Your brother's not exactly the easiest fellow to get along with."

He snorted. "Don't have to tell me that. But the difference between your brother and my brother is that whenever I tell mine that I just stole something, he's proud of me. Your brother though, he acts like he's too good for that."

"Maybe he is. I don't see your brother giving up everything to take care of you."

"My brother isn't twenty. And you don't have insult him because your brother isn't exactly perfect himself! Just because he's taking care of you know doesn't mean he's never done things before. And he fights, and goes to rumbles. Just because you think something about your brother doesn't mean that everybody else thinks he's mister perfect."

"I never said that! But it's a lot easier having a brother who doesn't care at all about what you do than one who won't even give you room to breath! " I never thought I would actually have the nerve in me to argue with Tommy like that. He was, well he was Tommy! It's funny, how when you think one thing about somebody, and then you talk to them, your opinion really starts to change.

"Look," he said, like he was trying not to sound too mean to me, "maybe you think that it's better having a brother who gets into trouble and who thinks it's great when I follow in his footsteps, but it's not. He's hardly ever nice for me, and he's only ever there for me when his own reputation is on the line. He doesn't look out for me the way your brothers do, and he doesn't try and keep me out of trouble either. I'm not so different from you. Yeah, maybe your mom and dad are dead, but my parents might as well be with them. My dad's hardly ever around, and every time he comes crawling back to my mom telling her that he's sorry for whatever he did, she takes him back! My brother is only three years older than me and I'm always trying to do stuff to impress him so that he'll like me better. I bet you do that too. You might not even realize it, but I bet that you want your brothers to like you better."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked. I didn't see what any of this had to do with me stealing, or telling him Darry wasn't bad.

"Because I don't have anybody else to tell!" he said angrily, and I saw his lower lip begin to tremble. "Everybody around here has problems, and we're too full of ourselves to tell other people about them. Look at you, you're just a little kid and you've got bigger problems than me. But you're smart enough to keep them a secret. You won't tell anybody when you're really upset. That's why you look so sad all the time. That's why anyone around here looks so sad all the time. Because we're too damned chicken to tell people that there's something wrong!"

"Stop yelling at me!" I cried, getting a little frightened by his swearing and the way his hands formed into fists. I felt bad for him, and I sort of knew what he meant, but I didn't like how angry he was getting.

"I have to go," he said suddenly, and started to walk away. I know the only reason he left though, was because he was starting to cry.

There's something about children, when looked at by an adult, that makes them seem cute and innocent. Even kids who are thieves, or tell lies for the heck of it, or skip school just because they feel like it, are looked on like puppies, like they don't really know what they are doing. People, like my brother Darry, always seem to forget what things were like when they were little. For kids like Tommy, and even kids like me, being forced to grow up in a bad neighbour hood, with a lot of bad people, things weren't just little games. Tommy was the way he was because he had nobody to show him the right way to do things, and he didn't have anyone who really cared about him. He didn't have his parents looking out for him, and stealing had probably started off as a way to get their attention. But things change from attention seeking to a way of life. If I kept wearing makeup for attention, I would end up becoming like those girls I couldn't stand. I would end up being called names that I knew were too bad to even think of, let alone say out loud.

But I didn't realize any of this when I was nine. When I was that young, all I was starting to realize was that everybody had problems I didn't know about. I had always thought Tommy Hollis was good guy, even if he was bad, but I was learning that he had problems. Problems that I couldn't even begin to imagine.

I never went to Mary Alice's. I went home instead. I thought about what he said, about how I was just a little kid, with bigger problems than him. But I didn't really think so. What were my problems? That I had stolen makeup? That my brother had more interest in teenaged girls than me? No, those weren't problems. They were things that I was needlessly turning into problems. But they didn't have to be.

The only problem I had that I could honestly come up with was that my parents were dead. That was it. And I had people around me trying their best to make things better for me, and for themselves. What did Tommy have? Two parents who were alive and well but hardly knew he existed. I had always thought his mother was such a good one, but I suppose things are different looking from the outside in. If any of my brothers had been taken to jail, I wouldn't have been proud, I would have been embarrassed, because it would only further symbolize what we really were, greasers. Darry had a job, Soda had a job, Ponyboy had skipped a grade and had the best marks of anyone I knew. But if any of them got in trouble, I mean real trouble, with the police and all, it would make them hoods. Not just because they looked like it, but because they acted like it.

One thing I could do for myself was force myself to stop worrying about Soda. I was only wasting my time and energy by doing things that he refused to acknowledge. But I had to do something about the makeup. I had to do something to keep myself from becoming like Tommy. I had to tell Ponyboy about it, I had to. I had tried talking to Tommy, but it had only made things worse for me. It made me realize too much.

Johnny was still around when I got home, but he was sitting in the front with Two-Bit. It looked like Two-Bit was trying to convince Johnny of something, because only one of them was doing the talking. Ponyboy wasn't around them, and I decided to take that opportunity to get to him.

As I passed by them I couldn't help but wonder what Johnny and Two-Bit's problems were. Johnny's were a little more obvious, but Two-Bit only ever seemed angry when it came to the socs. Maybe he was actually lucky enough not to have problems at home. I tried to convince myself that no, some people out there didn't have problems, but I knew that I was only kidding myself.

The door to my brother's bedroom was closed, and I knocked softly, hoping that maybe he wasn't there. The biggest issue with trying to confront your problems is always the confronting part, and I wasn't sure if I was actually ready to tell someone in my family what I had done. But the next thing I knew, Pony had the door open, and was asking me what I needed.

"I have to talk to you," I said quietly. I didn't want the boys in the living room knowing I was in there.

Ponyboy let me, and asked what it was.

"I did something," I said. This was going to be harder to tell him than I thought.

"Something bad?" he asked, like he might have known already.

"Something really bad."

"What?"

"I don't know."

He rolled his eyes. "Lily you can't come in here and tell me that you did something wrong, and then not know what it is."

"I don't know how to say it."

"You want me to guess?"

I nodded.

"Did you skip school again?"

I half laughed. "I'm _never_ skipping school again."

"Did you hit another kid?"

"No."

"Did you break something?"

"No."

"You stole something." He said this like he had known all along, and was just trying to warm things up.

I nodded, giving him a confused look. "How did you…"

He shrugged. "I could tell. You're kind of nervous all the time, like you're afraid of anyone asking you the wrong question or finding out. I figured it out a while ago."

"But you didn't say anything."

"I didn't know for sure."

"But you really think I could steal something?"

"You just told me you did," he said, sounding confused himself. "Did you really, or are you just trying to bother me?"

"No, I did. You aren't gonna tell Darry, are you?"

He shook his head. "I wouldn't even know what to tell him."

"That I stole?"

"I guess. Wouldn't be much to tell. Not like I know what you stole, or even if you really did."

"Why would I make it up?"

He sighed. "I'm trying to make it seem like I don't know about it. If I don't know, I can't tell."

"Oh. But I want to tell you."

He raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"I feel bad about it." I was afraid that I might cry then, because I really did feel bad, and I didn't have to keep up appearances for Pony. "I wasn't thinking when I did it, and now I'm afraid people are gonna be mad at me, and that we're gonna get taken away, and I'm going to Hell, even though Tommy said we're already in Hell, and I don't know what to do!"

Pony didn't say anything, but looked at me like he wasn't sure what to think. I'm sure he hadn't expected my little outcry there, and I hadn't expected to do it either, but I couldn't take it back.

"What did you steal?" he asked, after what seemed like a long time of his just thinking things over. He must have just planned on leaving things where they were, because he waited for me to answer his question.

"I took some makeup."

"Makeup? You get dared to or something?"

"I just felt like it."

"Where'd you get a hold of it anyway?"

"The makeup? Downtown."

"You've been holding it this long?"

"Yeah."

"Where is it?"

"My room."

"Well, I never heard anyone say anything about it, so I don't think anyone knows."

"I don't care if anybody else knows. I know! I can't stand knowing that I stole something. You have to help me Ponyboy. What can I do? I already tried ignoring it, I tried using the stuff to get it off my mind, and I tried telling people to see what I should do."

"Who'd you tell?"

"Mary Alice."

"Who else?"

"Mary Alice." He didn't need to know that I had asked Tommy. People had already told me about hanging around kids like that, and even if I didn't think the same thing as them, I knew not to go around giving up the fact that I was being defiant.

"You said you told _people_."

"I did tell people. Mary Alice is people."

"No, she's a person. People means more than one. Who else did you tell?"

"Tommy," I admitted. It was no use in making it entirely obvious that I didn't want him knowing that I had talked to him.

"Tommy who? Tommy Hollis?" He didn't even sound surprised.

"Yeah."

"What did he say to do?"

"To forget about it. But I already tried it. So you have to help me come up with a better idea. You can do it."

"Lily," he said, but stopped there. He had to think about what he was saying. "Look, it's true. You have to forget about it. Sometimes people make mistakes, and you have to just forget about them. You already stole, and you can't take something like that back without getting yourself in more trouble than it's worth."

"I can't forget it!" I said, actually starting to cry. "It's too hard. Please, there has to be something else. You're smart! You can think of something better than doing nothing, can't you? Please?"

He looked at me for awhile, then looked around his room, not once moving away from the doorway. Finally, he said,

"On Saturday, I'll go downtown, and give the stuff back. I'll say my sister did it, and she felt bad, but you don't come with me, because you won't get away with it if you're there."

"What if they say you did it?"

"They won't."

I wasn't sure if I could believe that, after all, it didn't matter what he stole, people would accuse him of doing so if he brought back items that weren't paid for. But he insisted on me getting the makeup for him, saying that he would hide it in his own room until Saturday, and bring it back bright and early, so that I could forget about it.

I gave him the lipstick and the blush, but I knew that I wasn't going to feel completely relieved about having them off of my hands until he gave them back to the store.

Waiting for Saturday to arrive was nearly impossible. I kept wanting to go through Pony's things to find the makeup, just to make sure that he still had it and that he hadn't just thrown in out on me. I couldn't do that though, because if anyone, whether it was Ponyboy or not, saw me going through his things, they would want to know what I was doing.

By Thursday afternoon I couldn't even get out of the house to play with Mary Alice, because I had to keep an eye on things an make sure that Pony wasn't going to throw stuff away or try and take off with it. If he knew how paranoid I was he didn't let on, but it really was hard trying to stay calm about something when it wasn't even in my hands anymore.

Just before supper that night the entire gang was around, although not everyone was going to be eating with us. Darry was trying to get Two-Bit and Steve to move their wrestling match from the kitchen floor to the living room, while Pony was setting the table. Suddenly, from another room, we heard Soda starting to yell.

"Ponyboy!" he was calling. "Ponyboy!" Everyone rushed over to their bedroom to see what was going on, and there, standing next to the bed, was Sodapop, holding up the lipstick and blush. "_What is this_?"

A/N: Again, another slightly shorter chapter, but hopefully posting two in one day will make up for that. Thanks again for the reviews, I liked your ideas, and in case you couldn't tell I'm trying to incorporate them in here.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: _Goodness_! I can't believe the amount of reviews I got for the last chapter, and so quickly too. Thanks a bunch. I had wanted to post a new chapter right away just because of the response I got, but for some reason couldn't seem to get into it. I wrote the first, I don't know, quarter, or this down late last night, then typed it up this afternoon (or yesterday afternoon I suppose). Then I started watching all of the Elvis Costello videos I could find on you tube, and then I wrote a little, and then downloaded some music, and then I wrote a little, and then my mind told me that doing a really bad job of painting my nails was more important than getting this finished. But then I was able to set myself on the right track, thus only finishing the varnish on my left hand and leaving the nails on the right one completely bare. And, ah, yeah, if anyone actually bothered to read this entire note, I'll have you know that my nails are now hot pink, and I am extremely grateful that there are people out there interested in my writing. Okay, I'll just stop now before this gets longer than the actual chapter itself.

Chapter 17

Everyone in the room was smiling from ear to ear. That is, everyone whose last name wasn't Curtis was smiling from ear to ear. Soda looked like he _wanted_ to smile, but wasn't sure what to think. Pony looked like he was racking his brains to come up with an excuse, and Darry looked about ready to crown him. I was mentally trying to give Pony ideas on what to say. I think he felt a little too surprised himself to just say that they were his girlfriend's, and Darry giving him the icy look of death didn't help much either.

"These better belong to a girl," Soda said hopefully.

"Well they aren't mine!" Pony cried. I wanted to help him out, but by doing so it would only make the situation worse.

"Were did you get them?" Darry asked slowly.

He half shrugged. "A friend. I'm just holding them for awhile."

Two-Bit and Steve howled at that.

"Just holding 'em!" Two-Bit repeated through his laughter.

"That's what I told my folks first time they found my smokes!" Steve joined in.

"This ain't funny," Darry said, but I think Pony was the only one really worried about the way he said it.

"I'm just holding…" Pony trailed off, unable to complete the statement.

"Everybody get in the kitchen and eat," Darry ordered. "Except for you," he pointed to Ponyboy, "and you," he nodded at Soda.

Everyone went back to the kitchen, but as soon as we heard the bedroom door shut, we were back over by the room to listen in.

"Look at me," Darry was saying in a low voice. "Ponyboy, did you have a girl in here?"

"No," he replied meekly.

"Where did you find this stuff Soda?"

"Behind the mattress."

"Tell me Ponyboy, how else it would have gotten there, unless you had a girl in here?"

We had to lean in closer to the door to hear his attempt at a response. "I said that I'm just keeping them-"

"I know what you said, but what girl would ask someone to hold her makeup for her? It's usually something she's going to carry around with her, don't you think!"

Pony didn't say anything to that, but Soda did.

"What girl would leave her makeup behind? You said a girl would want to keep it with her. If he really did have a girl in here, she would probably be the same age. Most fourteen-year-old girls don't own much makeup. So whatever stuff she did have, do you think she would be leaving it behind at someone else's house?"

"I didn't have a girl over," Pony said again, and if I hadn't known it was the truth, I wouldn't have been very convinced by the way he stated it.

"Who is she?" Soda asked, almost like he didn't believe him either. "Do I know her?" Come to think of it, I think he actually wanted to believe that Pony had had a girl in there.

"You know her," Pony admitted. The guys hiding out in front of the door looked at each other like this was the most exciting thing any of them had heard in a long time. _I_ had heard enough though, and wanted to go back into the kitchen before I had to listen to Pony drop my name.

"Who is it?" I nearly jumped when I heard Steve ask this. I hadn't realized that he had followed me back away from the door.

"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting down.

"Pony's girl. Who is it?"

"How should I know?"

"You just walked away before he said it. Nobody walks away unless they know something."

"You walked away."

He gave me a nasty look, the sort of look people give when they know you're right about something but don't want to admit it.

"Just give it up," he demanded, but I wasn't about to give myself in, and I wasn't going to make something up either.

"Steve," I said in a rude voice, and trying to match the ugly face he had just given me, "I'm a _girl_. Girls don't care when boys get caught with girls makeup. We don't care about the same things boys do."

He sort of looked at me for a second like it had never actually occurred to him that I was a girl. For a moment I thought he was going to say something intelligent to me, but instead he stuck his hand in a bowl of vegetables and pulled them out with his unwashed hands. I made a mental note not to eat any of them that night.

When my brothers returned to the kitchen, each of them had different looks on their faces. Soda was sporting his infectious grin, and playfully slapped Pony on the back as they sat down to eat. Darry looked more relieved, but I noted that there was a hint of happiness there too, like he was actually proud that Pony might have a girlfriend. Ponyboy looked almost pleased with himself, but I didn't see what he had to be so proud of. The only girl involved in this was me, and it wouldn't look good for him if people ever found out that he was holding it for his sister.

It was almost funny to see how excited everyone could get over Ponyboy potentially having a girl in his life. I wondered if people would react the same way if I was caught with a boy in the house. I didn't think so, but then, what would I be doing with a boy in the house anyway?

A tiny part of me felt embarrassed for my brother. Sure, he was getting a lot of attention and people were starting to think different things about him, but none of it was true. If anyone ever found out the truth, they would never let him live it down.

It was on the way to school the next day that I saw Tommy again. He was walking with his regular group of friends, and I couldn't help but feel a little let down when he passed by me without saying anything. It had once been that I expected that, but this time was different. I wanted him to at least acknowledge me. He couldn't really have forgotten all of those things he had said to me, and if he remembered, how could he ignore me? He had sort of looked at me, and then looked away very quickly so he wouldn't have to say anything, and it would have felt better if I could just think that he hadn't seen me at all.

Mary Alice wasn't at the corner when I got there, and I could only wait so long for her before I had to go off to school alone. She wasn't there when I arrived, and she didn't show up after me either. For the first time in a couple of days I was able to think of something besides Ponyboy. Mary Alice never missed school, and I wouldn't have worried much about it, except that she had been absent the day before as well.

Recess was a little boring without her. It's not as though we didn't have other friends we played with during that time as well, but it was just different not having her around. But I soon got over her absence though, because my teacher asked me, yes me, to write out the notes on the chalk board.

"If it doesn't work out I'll ask someone else to step in," she said quietly before I started. Not wanting someone to take my place, I was extra careful to write everything as neatly as I could, but after a while my arm got extremely tired of being lifted above my head. I had never realized that it could feel so awkward writing on a flat surface while standing, and after filling all three boards, I still wasn't used to it. I wouldn't give up though, not when my teacher, and possibly my whole class, expected me to. The best part about it though, was when I finished and got to keep the neatly typed copy off those notes. It was a good thing too, because they were probably the only ones from the entire year that I was actually able to understand.

On my way home I decided to stop at Mary Alice's to see what was wrong with her, but her mother wouldn't even let me inside.

"Sorry," she said almost worriedly, "but both girls have the chickenpox. Mary Alice won't be out of the house for a few days yet."

I wouldn't have minded so much that she was sick, if it hadn't been on the weekend. Now I was going to have to find someone else to play with. There wasn't much to do at home with no one around to play with, and I wasn't really in the mood to go outside an play with the kids on my street. I wasn't really in a mood to do much of anything, so instead I went to put my things away in my room, and wound up falling asleep in there.

"Lily. Hey, Lily, wakeup."

I rolled over to see Darry crouching down next to my bed.

"You're home early," I said drowsily.

He laughed softly. "It's past six. How long have you been sleeping?"

"I don't know. Since I got home."

"Well why don't you get up now. You won't be able to fall asleep tonight if you get too much rest now."

"Oh well. It's Friday, I don't have to get up early tomorrow. Unless you're making me go to Saturday morning church now too."

He laughed again. "Nope. But come on," he lifted me out of bed and to my feet. "Let's get some food into you."

We went out into the kitchen together, and for the first time in what must have been at least a week, no one else was around. As much as I was nervous around Darry sometimes, and as much as he treated me like I didn't have a mind of my own at times, it still felt special to be alone with him. It was probably because as far as I knew I was actually on good terms with him, and when I was actually able to get along with him without a fear of him getting mad at me for something, it was actually nice.

There wasn't actually any supper made, but as Darry went about preparing it he spoke to me.

"How was school today?"

"Alright. I got to copy the notes on the chalkboard."

"Oh yeah?" It didn't seem to impress him.

"Yeah, and Mary Alice has the chickenpox, so she got to miss two days of school. Might even have to miss more."

"With the chickenpox? Don't those keep people in bed for a couple of weeks?"

"I don't know. I never had 'em."

"Can you pass me a bowl from the cupboard over there?" he asked, sort of ignoring what I was saying.

As I handed the bowl over to him I asked, "Where are Soda and Pony?"

"They went out tonight."

"Wish I had someplace to go," I sighed, climbing up onto the counter next to where he was working. "I'm always stuck at home."

"You know, you can go out if you want. You just have to ask."

"Even if I did ask I wouldn't have anywhere to go. I'm not old enough to go to the places you guys can go to, and all my friends have to be inside by dark."

He looked like he was going to point out that I was supposed to be in before dark as well, but must have thought better of it, because he shut his mouth again.

"How come they get to stay out late?"

"Well they're a lot older than you for starters."

"I know, but just because they're older doesn't mean I shouldn't be aloud out."

"What would you do late at night Lily? You'd probably be the only kid your age out."

"No. _Some_ kids get to stay out late."

"Oh yeah, what kids?"

"I don't know. I can't think of any right now."

"Yeah, because there aren't any. And I think you're just starting to disagree with me for the fun of it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you're arguing about being allowed out when you don't even care about it."

"I care. I wouldn't ask to stay out late if I didn't care."

"That's what I mean. When was the last time you asked me if you could stay out late?"

He had me there. It was true, I was only arguing for the sake of an argument, but seldom was there a time where I got to argue with Darry just for fun. It would have been more fun though if he actually caught on to the fact that this was supposed to be a game. Could it really have been that long ago that he had had one of those childish arguments that went absolutely nowhere?

"So I need to talk to you about something," he said after stirring a pot on the stove.

"What?" I asked. I honestly had no clue what he would want to talk to me about.

"If I said Ponyboy, what would you think?"

"If you wanted to talk about Ponyboy?" Somehow I was starting to get the feeling about what he was bringing up, but didn't want to give myself away if I was wrong.

"I want to talk to you about what happened last night."

"What happened last night?"

"Lily," he said slowly.

"You mean the makeup, don't you?"

He nodded. I was suddenly starting to wish that I was across the room and not stuck on the counter right next to him.

"What do you know about it?" I asked. Maybe this was just a test. I hoped that it would just be a test.

"I know enough about it to say that it was yours, and not some girls."

"I'm a girl!"

"You know what I mean. You stole that makeup."

"Who told you?"

"Soda."

"Soda? How did he know?"

"Pony told him."

"Pony?"

He gave me a disbelieving look. "Sweetheart, do you honestly think secrets are safe in this house? Pony and Soda tell each other everything, and as long as they know something, chances are others will find out too."

"Darry I'm sorry!" I started right away. "I didn't mean to take it. I mean I did mean to take it, but I felt bad right away, and I tried to put it back, but I couldn't think of how to do it without getting caught. I won't ever do it again and I'm really, really, really sorry but please don't get angry at me!" I was on the verge of hysteria, but as soon as I finished speaking I was able to calm down a little.

Darry had that taken aback look on his face that Pony had a few days earlier when I did practically the same thing, and when he didn't start screaming at me I was definitely surprised.

"I already know all this." That was it. That was all he said. Well I couldn't handle him just turning away from me then, like he wasn't going to say anything about it, so I had to keep the conversation going.

"How did you know?"

He looked back over at me for a second, like he was thinking really hard, then turned away again. Then he turned back towards me really quickly.

"I'm gonna tell you something," he said, pointing a spoon at me like it was supposed to be a threat, "but you can't tell anyone else about it. It's just between you and me, alright?"

"Okay." I wasn't sure if he wanted me to promise him I wouldn't tell. Did twenty-year-olds make promises like that?

He sighed loudly and sort of rubbed his forehead like he couldn't believe that he was actually about to say this. "When I was in the third grade, my class went on a field trip." He stopped there.

"I like fieldtrips," I said hesitantly, not sure where he was going with this.

"It wasn't even a trip really," he continued, keeping his head up but looking at the floor. "It was the last week of school, and it was sort of like a picnic. We had to walk over to a park, and we met our parents there. But a few of us sort of wandered away from the adults, and ended up in some little store. I don't even remember what one it was now, or where we were, but I remember people were pretty upset when they found us. Sort of like they thought something bad was gonna happen to us." He stopped again.

I didn't know what to say this time. I wasn't sure what this had to do with what we were talking about before. I thought that maybe it would have been a more relevant tale to tell back when I had skipped school, or maybe he could have just never shared it at all. I don't know what it was, but I didn't exactly like the side of my brother that I was seeing. The "I sort of understand what you're going through" thing was a little strange, and to be honest, I wished that he would go back to his old yelling, making me feel bad for what I did, self.

He laughed a little then. I never heard a laugh like that. It had a hint of a choke in it, but it was undoubtedly a small laugh. "There is a reason I'm telling you all this," he assured me. "Things had just happened so fast, what with taking off and then being found and all, that I didn't have a chance to think about what I did."

He didn't have to tell me what he did. I knew already. "You took something from the store, didn't you?"

He nodded. "It was the first, and the _only_ time I ever did something like that. Boy did I feel rotten about it after. Couldn't sleep much after I did it."

"Did you get caught?"

"Sort of."

"You sort of got caught?" It was funny that he said that, because if I ever tried to tell him that I "sort of" did my homework, or "sort of" cleaned my room, he would want a straight answer.

"I told Dad," he admitted. "It wasn't even anything worth stealing, a candy bar or something stupid like that, but I couldn't eat it. I had it on me for two days before I cracked and went and told Dad what I did."

"What'd he do?"

"Nothing. Told me not to do it again, that it wasn't right, and if the wrong person had caught me I could have been in a lot of trouble."

"That's it? He didn't get mad or anything?"

"No. But when I was sixteen, he told me that he had known all along what I had done, but didn't want to tell me at the time."

"How did he know?"

He shrugged. "I don't know? Guess he could just tell things like that about me."

"Why did you steal anyway?"

"Why did you steal makeup? Probably because you weren't thinking straight, right? Now, I should be like Dad and not tell you the rest until you're older, but I'm just gonna tell you right now that I knew about the makeup from the beginning."

"How? I never told anyone."

"I found it in your drawer when I was putting your clothes away. Which, by the way, is something you're old enough to do yourself."

I wasn't about to give him the opportunity of lecturing me into doing more housework, so I pressured him for more information. "How come you didn't say anything when you found it?"

"Because it's okay to make a mistake, as long as you don't make the same one twice. But this is the last I want to talk about it. I'm gonna forget that you stole that stuff, and you're gonna forget what I told you, got it?"

"Uh huh."

"And Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want you telling anyone else that the makeup was yours. As far as anyone knows, it belongs to Pony boy's _friend_."

"Got it." I couldn't help but smile. Even Darry knew to keep it a secret.

"One other thing," Darry said.

"What now?"

"Soda told me 'bout your little makeup wearing and whatnot. You aren't putting that stuff on again until you're sixteen."

"Sixteen! Darry that's not fair!"

"Okay, seventeen."

"Seventeen!" I complained. "That stupid Sodapop! I could just kill him!"

"Whoa, hold on there darlin'. I'm just kidding."

"Oh. Yeah, me too."

He didn't believe that for a second. Maybe I _had_ sounded a little too angry when I was threatening to kill Soda.

"Couple weeks ago you were having problems with Pony. Now is there something wrong with Soda?"

"No," I grumbled.

"What is it?"

"I said I don't have a problem."

"Fine."

"Fine?" He was just going to give up?

"Yeah, fine. I don't care."

I didn't mean to say this, it just sort of slipped out. "Soda's got a girlfriend."

He blinked a couple times. "Soda's always got a girlfriend."

"You wouldn't understand," I said quietly, hoping he might not hear that. I guess he didn't though, because he went to turn off an element, and then asked me to grab him a couple of plates.

I felt a tremendous amount of relief that night. Darry wasn't angry with me, and I didn't have worry about people finding out the truth concerning Pony. I wondered if Darry ever shared stories with Pony and Soda about what he used to do when he was a kid, but I didn't marvel on it for too terribly long. Instead, I let myself believe that I was the only one special enough to know his secrets, and drifted off to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Wow, thanks to everyone who reviewed. The last chapter got my most amount of reviews so far! Thanks a lot.

Chapter 18

I woke up Saturday morning with a new plan. It came about during a dream I had had the night before, and that dream had probably had something to do with the conversation Darry and I had had. It wasn't so much of a plan really, but a mission. Only I couldn't call it a mission because I wasn't sure how to go about doing a mission, so instead it was a goal. My goal, was to find Darry a girlfriend. When he had pointed out that Soda always had girlfriends, I felt a little bad, because I couldn't remember the last time that he had had one, and even if he did work, and take care of us, it didn't mean that he didn't deserve someone around. He couldn't let us stand in the way of his falling in love.

I just stayed in bed and tried to think of girls that would be good for him. She had to be pretty, because, well because I wanted him to have a pretty girlfriend. She had to have a sense of humour, but she had to be really serious too, because Darry wasn't exactly the goofiest of people. She had to be about his age, and she couldn't want too much from him money wise, and she had to be nice.

It was easy to think up what the perfect girl for my brother _should _be like, but it was hard to actually think of a girl who was like that. For one thing, the girls near Darry's age around out house only wanted boys for certain things, and Darry wasn't going to be able to give those things. And I wasn't going to be able to find a girl from a rich neighbourhood for him, because even if they did have money, they still wanted boyfriends who had money too.

I couldn't think of any girls that I actually knew for Darry at all, whether they were right for him or not, and there wasn't much place for me to go looking for one. As much as I hated to do it, I decided to go and ask for help. Rather, I was going to get help without actually telling people what I wanted.

Ponyboy was the first person I saw when I left my bedroom, so naturally he was the first person I thought to talk to.

"Hi," I said, jumping practically on top of him on the couch. "What'ya doing?"

"Reading," he mumbled, trying to push me off.

"What are you reading?"

He looked at me. "What do you want?"

I shrugged, moving back and leaning against the arm of the sofa. "I just want to talk."

He put the book down. "Okay."

Well that was a first. Usually I had to pester people for ages before they actually gave into talking to me.

"Do you have any girlfriends?"

"Goodbye," he said, picking the book back up. So much for him being willing to talk.

"No! I mean, do you have any friends that are girls?"

"I guess so."

"Aren't you gonna ask why I want to know?"

"Why do you want to know?" I could tell that he was already annoyed with me.

"I'm just wondering. You have a lot of boys over all the time, and-"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Pony! You're taking everything all wrong. How old are your oldest girl friends - friends that are girls?"

"I don't know Lily."

"Come on, I have to know."

"What for?"

"Just because." I guess it was sort of silly thinking that Ponyboy would have any friends old enough to be interested in Darry, or the other way around. He wasn't being much help anyway, so I decided to leave him alone to get some breakfast, and catch Soda, who was on his way into the kitchen as well.

I think I heard Pony mumbling something angrily about me as I left him behind, but I didn't worry about it, because the faster I was able to find Darry a girlfriend, the better.

"Hi Soda," I said, meeting up with him in the kitchen through the other doorway.

"Morning." I don't think he was fully awake as he opened the fridge and pulled out the chocolate milk, but that was all the better for me, because he wouldn't be thinking too hard when I asked him questions.

It was no use starting off gently when he could easily catch on to what I was asking, so right away I began with, "How many girlfriends do you have?"

"Millions," he said, looking at the chocolate milk like he had never tasted anything like it before.

"Soda! I'm serious."

"Just one."

"Just one? Who-" I stopped myself before I got too upset with him. "I mean, how many friends that are girls."

"Oh, well when you put it that way, millions."

"How old are they? Are any older than you?"

He looked at me like he wasn't sure how to take such a question, and then turned back to his milk, guzzling it down.

Apparently finding Darry a girl was going to be harder than I thought, especially since I didn't want to let anyone know what I was up to. As soon as Steve came through the front door though, I realized that I could tell people what I was up to, just not my brothers, because word would get around too quickly. I wasn't sure about telling Steve either, because he was bound to tell Soda, but I could at least try and ask him. Heck, as much as I couldn't stand him, he might have been the key to finding someone for Darry.

"Hi Steve," I said as he walked into the kitchen.

Both he and Soda looked at each other like there was something wrong with me. Maybe being overly friendly to him wasn't the best way to seem like I wasn't up to something, but I hadn't actually meant to sound _excited_ to see him.

"Uh, hello."

Well, at least I was getting better at causing people to make faces they had never made before.

"Ah, Steve?" I was getting a little shy now, after realizing that he really didn't want me talking to him.

"Yeah?" He and Soda were still looking at each other like I was nuts.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"He only has one girlfriend," Soda told me.

"What?" Both Steve and I asked.

He looked at his friend when he answered. "She's going to ask how many girlfriends you have. She already asked Pony, and she asked me. Next she's gonna ask Darry. Probably Two-Bit even." His eyes sort of lit up then. "Why don't you go ask Two-Bit, Lily? He'd have an interesting answer for you."

The two of them laughed at this like I wouldn't understand what he meant. I didn't think it was funny though. Couldn't I ask a couple of questions without people making fun of me?

"I just want to know if you know any girls who are a bit older than you," I stated, hoping that maybe they would just tell me of a couple.

"Why?" Steve asked, taking the milk from Soda and drinking it. "You looking for a big sister or something?"

He was almost right about that, but I wasn't in the habit of telling people with milk dribbling down their chin that they were right about something.

"Why don't you go ask Darry," Soda suggested. "He's probably the one with older friends." I couldn't help but notice that he sounded like he wanted me to leave, and not having anything to say to the two of them anyway, I spun around on my heal and left. Would have been a pretty impressive exit too if I hadn't bumped into the wall mid-turn.

I knew that I wasn't going to have any luck with the guys around my house. They were going to ask too many questions for me, and besides, if they did tell me they had friends Darry's age, what was I supposed to say then, that I wanted to meet her?

I decided to get out dressed and head outside to look for someone. It was a farfetched idea I know, but there wasn't much else for me to do anyhow. I didn't bother getting any breakfast, because Soda and Steve were in the kitchen still, and I didn't want to go back in and face them. Sometimes it bothered me how easily I could become embarrassed and afraid to face people again.

On my way out of the house I shouted out that I was going to play outside. I think Darry was at work anyway, so nobody was going to stop me. He was the only one who ever cared where I was going, and even then I think the only reason he pestered me to know where I was off to was because he wanted to make sure I wasn't getting into trouble.

The first place I thought to head over to was Mary Alice's, but since she was sick I knew that I was going to have to do this one on my own. Between the two of us we could probably have come up with someone for my brother, but it was no use wishing that she was around. I walked up to the opposite end of my street, where I wasn't used to going, and tried to think of someone. It would have to be a girl who was already awake. Darry was pretty good about being up early and responsible about things, and he would want a girl like that too.

A girl like that was going to be hard to find in my neighbourhood. The only twenty-year-olds up early on a Saturday mornings were the ones just coming home from their night out, or the ones taking their babies for walks. I guess it wouldn't have been so bad for Darry to have a girl who had a baby, but that would mean that they were always taking care of someone. I think he had enough to worry about without having to take care of someone else as well.

I had already walked all the way up and down my street before I saw someone I could talk to. Unfortunately, it was Tommy, and he was heading in my direction with two of his friends. What they were doing I didn't know, but I didn't bother paying any attention to him. After he had completely ignored me the day before, I highly doubted that he was ever going to talk to me.

"Hey TLC," he said as they passed by me. I was surprised at this, not only because he was actually speaking to me again, but because he had called me TLC.

"What?" I said, stopping and looking over at him. What was TLC supposed to mean?

"I said hi," he laughed, and his friends joined in.

"What's TLC?" I asked quietly. I might have been able to speak to him the other day without a problem, but with his friends around it was like I was shy all over again.

"TLC," Tommy said like I should have know. "Come on, you really don't know what it stands for?"

I shook my head. Was it some nasty expression boys had? They always had harmless sounding nicknames for people that were actually pretty rude.

"Think about it," Tommy urged, as though there was some big joke on me. "I'll give you a hint. The 'C' stands for Curtis. Want to know what the rest is for?"

"No!" I cried. Last thing I needed was him telling his friends my name was Tiger Lily. I didn't know how he knew about it anyway. I'd never told him my real name. Maybe his mom had told him or something, she probably knew, but I didn't need word of it getting around. I wasn't going to die of embarrassment if they knew, but it was one of those things that kids would tease me about. As much as Ponyboy liked his own name, people still laughed at him sometimes. Not so much Soda though. He was just too much of a Sodapop for people to make fun of him.

"Where's your partner in crime?" Tommy's friend asked.

"Mary Alice? She's sick."

"Oh yeah," Tommy said. "So what are you doing then?"

"I'm going home," I said, ready to head back. It was one thing to be out on the street with Tommy alone, but when his friends were around it made me a little nervous. I could point out that there were better things for pre-teens boys to do than harass younger girls, but the truth was, around my place there really wasn't. Wasn't much of anything for kids their age to do. They were too young to stay out late without getting brought home by the police, and they were too old to play the kind of games kids my own age played.

"Say Lily," Tommy called me back. "Saw you walking down the street there. Look like you're thinking pretty hard. Got something on your mind?"

"No," I muttered. I couldn't help but get the feeling that he was trying to keep me there, like something was up with them. I was going to walk by them too, but they stepped out in front of me.

"I have to go home," I said. I could see my house from where I stood, it wasn't that far away, but it looked like miles with them standing in the way of me.

"Move," I said weakly.

They all laughed.

"What's your problem?" Tommy asked. "We're not hurting you."

"I _have_ to go home." I knew there was something up. People were pretty close around my house, and I we sort of had this silent understanding that we would look out for each other. But I was starting to get scared none the less.

"Don't cry," one of them said, grinning like he was really enjoying this.

"I'm not crying!" I snapped. Maybe I cried in my own house, but there was no way I was going to let them make me cry. I wanted to though. I wanted to get home, and never see them again. Why were they trying to scare me? What had I ever done to them?

"Look," Tommy said quietly, putting his face up real close to mine, "I have a real problem with you."

"What are talking about?" I honestly had no idea what was going on.

"Yeah," he said, ignoring my question. "A problem. You've been-"

"Got a hearing problem or something Curtis? 'cause Tommy's standing mighty close to you."

Tommy stepped away from me immediately. Never in a million years would I have expected to be happy to see Will Hollis. Even if he was Tommy's brother, he had a certain sound in his voice that said he wasn't thrilled to see him. And he had called me by my last name. He wouldn't have done that unless he was on my side.

"You going somewhere?" Tommy asked his brother. There was a sudden nervousness about his voice. I enjoyed it too. There's nothing more satisfying than seeing someone trying to scare you getting scared themselves. Will looked awfully big next to those boys too. He wasn't very tall, but he had a build about him that made him look pretty rough and scary.

"Don't you have anything better to do than scare little girls?" Will asked gruffly.

"I wasn't-" Tommy started, but his brother interrupted him.

"Get lost, would ya! Some tough guys you are, trying to scare a kid her age."

Tommy and his goons made a move to leave. They were all frightened, I could tell, but when Tommy was far enough away from his brother to know that he wouldn't go after him, he called out, "See you later _Tiger Lily_!" If I hadn't been so confused and scared about what was going on I would probably have cared more about that.

All I wanted to do was go home then, so I went to get away from Will quickly. I said a quiet "Thanks" to him as I passed, but wasn't really sure about why he had just done that.

"Hey," he called, and I stopped. "Don't worry 'bout him."

"I'm not," I assured him. I was trying to sound tough, but my voice was starting to break anyway.

"No really," he said, taking a drag of his smoke. "He ain't gonna bug you. I'll make sure."

"Why did he do that?" I asked. I hadn't said two words to Will since I'd become old enough to know better, but I thought maybe he would know what his brother problem was.

"Look," he said, like he didn't really want to be talking to me. "Some kids think they're tough if they pick on other kids. Don't matter if they're younger or if they're girls. He won't bug you again. _I'll make sure_." He turned away from me then, like that was enough to satisfy me, but I knew that he wasn't going after his brother. I decided to get home and off of the streets, because I didn't need Tommy catching me alone again.

I remembered the conversation Tommy and I had had a few days earlier, where he got upset because he thought I had insulted his brother. He had even said that Will didn't look out for him. I hadn't believed it though, because I knew deep down that even my brothers were always looking out for me. Now I sort of understood why Tommy was so messed up. His brother had just shown up out of nowhere, and instead of helping _him_, he came to my rescue. He didn't even know me, but he was helping me out. I knew that if Darry showed up someplace and Soda was picking on someone, Darry would help Soda out, even if he thought Soda was out of place.

Knowing this though, didn't stop me from being a little on edge. As soon as I got home I went right in side and shut the door behind me. I was heading towards my bedroom when Soda and Steve saw me. They were both in their work shirts, and Soda was tying his shoes, so I knew they were about to leave.

"Say," Steve said, "was that you I just saw talking to Willie Hollis?"

"So what?"

"Can I ask you something?" Soda asked, grin on his face.

"What?"

"How many boyfriends do you have? And by boyfriends, I mean friends that are boys." He and Steve both had a good laugh at that, but I didn't think it was funny. It hurt more than anything.

I guess I had never thought much about it, but Ponyboy seemed to be the one who noticed things around our place. The second Soda had taken off from the house Pony was at my side.

"You okay?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Uh huh."

"What'd he say to you?"

"Who?"

"Lily I saw Tommy and his friends. What happened?"

I shrugged. "He was nice to me a couple days ago. All he said was that he had a problem with me."

"What'd his brother say?"

"That he's not gonna let him bug me anymore." I could feel the tears swelling in my eyes. A few day sago I had thought that I was okay with Tommy not liking me. But I guess that I hadn't come to accept it yet.

"Stay away from them Lily," Pony warned.

"But I don't get it. I never did anything!"

He didn't seem to know what to say to that. I think he wanted to say _something_, but I walked away before he could. I just needed to think on my own.

I tried to remember everything that I had said to Tommy. I remembered how he had walked away from me, almost crying. Maybe he had been trying to get back at me for getting him so upset, but I didn't think that that was it. Maybe Tommy really did just have problems, or maybe he was just trying to get to me by being nice one day, and then mean the next.

I stayed in the house all afternoon. I didn't want to go out anymore. It wasn't so much that I was still afraid of Tommy cornering me, but more that I didn't want to confront him anymore. I was able to convince myself for a short bit of time that the only reason he had tried to scare me was because he thought it was funny. Lots of people did that. Even my own brothers and their friends sometimes chased after kids or threatened them just for the heck of it. But every time I told myself this, and every time I found myself believing it, a small part of me had to say it wasn't true, and that there was more to the issue than just this.

It was strange in a way. A couple of days earlier I was thinking that greasers and socs were the only people who had issues with each other. But maybe it was more than that. Maybe people in the same group could hate each other too. Even if you hadn't done anything to each other. I wasn't even upset about how he had treated me and how people in general treated each other. What I hated was the fact that I had so many questions about why people were the way they were, but no one to answer them. My parents would have understood, but I knew that even my brothers didn't. They were sore about the way we lived too. I knew it, but I didn't like to question it. I still liked to believe that everything was perfect with them.

That morning I had been ready to go out and find Darry a girlfriend. By the time evening rolled around that was the farthest thing from my mind. When Darry got home I had completely forgotten about it, I was too concerned with the other thing. I don't know if Pony talked to him about it though, because he seemed in a pretty good mood, and didn't say anything to me.

I was sitting in my room with the door open, attempting to work on some of my homework when Soda walked in the room.

"Hey," he said. "You hungry?"

"No." Even though I was hungry I wasn't interested in talking to him.

"Well I am."

"Oh." I just shrugged. I thought of telling him that we kept the food in the kitchen and not my bedroom, but didn't have the energy for it.

"You want to come with me and get something?"

I looked up at that.

He laughed. "Come on. I'll take you out."

"Really?" I tried to hold back a smile, with great failure.

A/N: Alright, so this is probably one of my least favourite chapters, to tell you the truth. I just couldn't think of what to write. There's a certain point in the story that I'm trying to get to, and I wasn't exactly sure how to get there, so please don't be too terribly disappointed with this one.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I had two things to be thrilled about. One, was that _Soda_ was taking me out. And the other, was that Soda was taking me _out_. I never got to eat out anywhere. Soda and Pony went out often, but that was because they were old enough to go off with their friends for meals.

"Where are we going?" I asked, practically skipping as I followed him towards the front door.

"Don't know yet." On our way towards the car he asked me, "Where do you want to go?"

"I can pick?"

"Yeah." It sounded to me like he was actually surprised that I might be thrilled by this prospect.

"Can we go to the Dingo?" Normally, people wouldn't chose to go to such a rough place like that if they were given any choice in the world, but it was different for me. That was a place where my brothers got to go all the time, but it wasn't exactly a place you took kids my age. Soda didn't seem to mind it, but he still had words about it.

"Alright, we'll go to the Dingo, but we're eating in the car then."

"How come?"

"If anything happens I've got to get you out of there as fast as possible. Darry'll kill me if anything happens to you."

I thought about that. It was a little funny thinking that Darry might actually get angry at Soda. And over me too.

"What could happen?" I asked, climbing into the car. It was exciting to think that there might actually be something going on.

"I don't," he admitted. "But if there's too many fights we're leaving. I shouldn't even," he started, but trailed off. I knew he was going to say that he shouldn't even be bringing me, but I didn't question it. I knew as well as he did that he shouldn't be, but I didn't care. I _wanted_ to go there.

"So I heard something today," Soda informed me as we drove along the road.

"What?" I thought he might actually be about to tell me something secret, but it wasn't what I expected.

"Those kids you were talking to on the street today, heard they were bugging you."

"Oh," I said. "It's fine." I didn't want to tell him the truth. As much as I liked having his attention, I didn't like people worrying about me like I couldn't take care of myself.

"You sure they weren't picking on you?"

"No. We get along all right."

He laughed at that, but it wasn't because he thought it was funny. It was the kind of laugh people give when they know you're lying.

"I got a question," I said, trying to pull away from the Tommy conversation. I wasn't even sure what was going on with it myself, and didn't need to be pestered about it.

"You've got a question? Well shoot."

"Okay," I said, trying to come up with the right way to word it. "Why doesn't Darry have a girlfriend?" Maybe it wasn't the toughest question to word.

"A girlfriend?"

"Yeah?"

He shrugged. "Guess he doesn't have time for one. Maybe he doesn't want one."

"But he could have one?"

"I guess." He was grinning now. "You trying to get him one or something? Is that what all those questions were about this morning?"

I was about to admit that yes, it was, but instead a let out a bit of a scream. Soda had just taken a sharp turn around a corner, and then sped down the road so quickly that a felt myself being pushed back into my seat.

"Slow down!" I cried. "You're going too fast!"

He just laughed. Then, to make maters worse, he started jerking the steering wheel back and forth so that the car was zigzagging across the street.

"Soda!" I wailed. "_Stop_!"

"Alright," he agreed, and slowly brought the car back down to a normal speed. As soon as he had stopped though, I sort of wished that we were going fast again.

"So you think Darry needs a girlfriend or something?" he started up right away.

"I don't know. You have girlfriends."

I caught him groaning a bit. "Listen, are you still mad at me because I was talking to a couple of girls? Because I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to do that. You never said anything about it before."

"I wasn't mad about it," I lied.

"Ha!" he snorted. "You were too mad!"

"I was not!"

"Oh alright," he said sarcastically.

"I wasn't!"

"Yeah? So why'd you walk away from me when I was talking to you?"

"I don't know."

"Because you were mad."

"No. I wasn't _mad_."

"Then what were you, jealous?"

"No." I was sure he would catch me blushing, so I had to look down.

"No kidding," he said, sounding almost surprised. "You're jealous that I was talking to some girls?"

"I never said that."

"So why'd you put on all that makeup then? To try and make me jealous, right?"

"No. I was _trying _to make you angry."

"That's always a good way to get attention, huh?"

"Leave me alone."

He just laughed again. I wasn't really that angry at him, more embarrassed than anything, but when he let out a second bit of laughter I was starting to get annoyed.

"Stop it Soda!" I said fiercely, looking up at him.

He only seemed to think that it was funny. "I'm only kidding, calm down."

"No!" I cried, and punched him in the arm. It was the hardest punch I could give, but I don't think it hurt him much.

"Watch it," he said, suddenly serious. "Don't hit people like that." I could have pointed out that I had seen him hit people before, but it wasn't anyone in my family that I had seen him hit. I knew no one in our house was very big on hitting one another.

"Sorry," I mumbled. I wasn't really sorry, in fact it almost felt good to let out my anger like that, but then I reminded myself that I should probably be a bit nicer, as he was the one taking me out.

"It's okay," he said, then fluffed my hair up a bit. He must have been catching on to the fact that I didn't want to fight, because he wasn't trying to anger me anymore.

"I'm not jealous," I tried to assure him.

"I was just kidding," he said.

"But I'm not."

"You just said that."

"I'm not. I just, well, how come you spend so much time with other girls?"

He didn't say anything for a couple of seconds. "I spend time with you too."

"When?"

"I don't know. We're spending time together right now."

"This doesn't count!"

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I mean that you never spend time with me. Except for now. But you spend time with other girls."

"Well, that's different."

"How is it different?"

"Well you're my sister for one thing."

"So? What can you do with those girls that you can't do with-"

"Look!" he cut me off. "We're here!"

Yeah, I knew _why_ he cut me off, but I didn't think that it was really fair. I wasn't going to bring it up again though. It had been hard enough trying to tell him how I felt the first time, but if he was going to cut me off, then I was just going to forget about it too.

After we had ordered our food things lightened up a little. We were able to talk about other things, like my school, and friends, and even food, but somehow the conversation got back to Tommy Hollis.

"I didn't know he was bothering you," he said. "If I'd of know I would have gone over and said something."

"It's okay," I assured him, but a teeny part of me wondered how he couldn't have known Tommy was bugging me with his face just inches away from my own.

"If he gives you a hard time you can come talk to me. I'll make sure he stays away from you."

"That's what Will said."

"Yeah, well they aren't exactly the happiest bunch in his house. Try to stay away from him, alright?"

I nodded, but I had to bring it up. "He was nice to me the other day."

"What do you mean?"

"Well he wasn't nice, but he was talking to me, and telling me stuff. How come he would be nice, and then be so mean?"

"Don't know. Like I said, stay away from him. And if you have problems, tell me. You always try and hide stuff from people. It could get you hurt one day."

"I don't try to hide stuff." That could have spawned another argument, but just as I was saying it, a couple of girls walked over to our car. They were about Soda's age, maybe even a little older, and they didn't seem to care that he had someone in the car with him. They both leaned into the window and started talking away.

"Why Soda Curtis," one said, "I haven't seen you in a while."

"Hey," Soda said, and if he felt bad about them being there after what we had just talked about, he didn't show it.

"Didn't know you were going for girls so young now," the second girl pointed out.

"Oh yeah," he said, looking over at me. "Actually, this is my baby sister Lily. I'm sort of out with her right now. But maybe I'll catch up with you girls later."

They whispered a couple of things in his ear, and he started to blush. I'm sure the only reason he did though was because hew as afraid I might have heard them. After they had walked away he turned back to me. I was leaning into my seat with my arms crossed, giving him a half smiling, half annoyed look.

"What?" he asked, knowing very well what it was.

"See, you always have girls around. Even when we're _spending time_ together."

"That's not fair. I didn't ask them to come over here."

"Yeah," I agreed. "I guess not. But you made plans with them. You never tell me that we'll make plans for later."

"You're my sister! We live together. I see you everyday!"

He had a good point with that, so I ignored it.

"And how come every time you introduce me to someone you say I'm your _baby_ sister. How come I'm never just your sister?"

"Oh hell Lily," he sighed, and slumped back in his seat. "You're a real picky kid, you know that."

"Don't you mean a real picky _baby_."

He gave me a dirty look then, and though he didn't say anything, his face sort of summed up how he was feeling. It was one of those "if there weren't a bunch of people around right now" glares. I admit that I was giving him a hard time without need too, but I guess after holding everything in for such a long time I was having trouble keeping quiet. Maybe that's what he meant when he said that if I didn't tell people how I felt I would end up getting hurt. He looked like he wanted to hurt me right then.

"You know you can be really hard to get along with," he informed me. "I'm trying to be nice to you, but you're not making it easy."

"Well I'm serious. How come you can't call me your kid sister. You call Pony your kid brother."

"But he is my kid brother. I'm only two years older than him."

"Oh well. I'm your kid sister. I'm a kid, not a baby."

"You are to me." I think he regretted saying that. I knew what he meant by it, but it didn't exactly help matters. I knew for sure then that Soda didn't think of me as anything but some nuisance he had to look after. If didn't think of me that way then he wouldn't have told me that he thought of me as a baby.

He started to pull out of the parking lot then.

"Why are we leaving?" I asked.

"You want to stay?"

"No."

"Lily," he said softly.

"What?" I snapped.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah you did."

"No, no I meant that I don't think about you the same way I think of girls like the ones we just saw. You're different."

"Yeah, I'm a baby."

"Would you stop saying that! All I'm trying to say is that I'm never gonna see you the way that I see other girls. For one thing, you're still just a kid. Heck, I'm still a kid. But you're my baby - you're my _younger_ sister, and I'm not gonna act the same way around you that I do around girls. But I don't mind spending time with you, and-"

"You don't mind," I repeated, breaking into his speech. "You don't mind taking me out, because you have to. You wouldn't have even brought me with you if Darry hadn't told you to."

"That's not true." I knew he was lying. I had figured it out at the very start that this must have been Darry's idea, but I didn't want to say anything, and truthfully, I didn't want to believe it myself.

"Can we just go home."

He sighed, like he wanted to say more, but didn't. He just drove off towards the house, and the two of us sat in silence.

A/N: I know this is an extremely short chapter, but I really just want to leave it as it is. It'll stand better than if I throw in a bunch of stuff just to stretch it out.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: I know I've been gone a really long time, but I had to take a break from this for a while. Enough people were nice enough to contact me about it though, and so I'm going to continue. Sorry it's taken so long, and I apologize for such a short chapter, but I wanted to do a shorter one just to get myself back into this. Thanks a lot to everyone who has read or reviewed this. I hope to have the next chapter up shortly, and I promise, it will be longer.

Chapter 20

Things were quiet around the house that evening. Not only because Soda and I hadn't spoken much to each other since we had gone out to eat, but also because Darry and I were the only ones home. I didn't know exactly where my other brothers were, and I didn't really care either. I was still upset with Soda, so naturally I wasn't going to ask where he was. But things still got pretty boring after awhile with only Darry to talk to. He wasn't interested in speaking with me, and instead read the paper. By eight o'clock the sun had gone down, but I didn't want to sit around the house any longer.

"Can I go out?" I asked.

"What?" he said, looking up from his paper.

"Can I go out?"

"Where to?"

I shrugged. "For a walk."

He shook his head. "It's dark out."

"Just for a few minutes," I begged.

"You can go tomorrow."

"But Darry-"

"No." He didn't yell, but he didn't say it nicely either. I could tell he wasn't in the mood to argue, but that didn't change the fact that I was still bored, and wasn't ready to take "no" for an answer.

I decided that because he didn't seem interested in an argument, I wouldn't give him one. Instead, I sat in front of the TV for about as long as I could stand it, and when I was certain that Darry was lost in what he was reading and wouldn't notice, I slowly got up and moved towards the front door. I pushed it open, and took a step out onto the porch. Darry said nothing. So I walked right outside and let the screen shut behind me.

"What do you think you're doing?"

I turned around and Darry was standing right inside the doorway, and it startled me to see him so close.

"I'm just gonna sit on the porch," I said, and quickly sat on the bench in front of the window.

He nodded as if to say he understood, then opened the door and followed me outside.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he sat next to me on the bench and opened his newspaper once again.

"I'm just gonna sit on the porch," he said, and I got the feeling that he was imitating me.

"I want to sit alone," I said.

Looking at me out of the corner of his eye he said, "She shouldn't have tried sneaking off if you wanted to sit alone."

I sighed loudly and crossed my arms, knowing very well that he had just come and ruined any chance I had of going for a walk. I didn't think it was exactly fair for him to tell me I couldn't go out after letting the boys out, and it wasn't even my bedtime yet. So I decided to try one last thing to get me away from the house for awhile.

"Darry?"

"Yes?" he answered in a frustrated voice.

"Remember when we talked yesterday?"

"Uh huh," he nodded.

"Well you said that I can go out after dark."

He lowered the paper and turned his entire body to look at me then. "When did I say that?"

"Y-yesterday."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Are you trying to tell me that I said something, even though I know that I didn't?"

"But you did. I said that none of my friends are allowed out after dark, then you said that I'm allowed out, but there wouldn't be anything for me to do out here because I'm the only kid allowed out."

"That's not how I said it."

"But Darry it is." Maybe there was an urgency to my voice because I really wanted to go for a walk, but I think the real reason for it was because every time I contradicted him, my brother inched a little closer to me and got a slightly angrier look on his face too.

"Lily I told you that you weren't allowed outside like Pony and Soda because you're younger. Then I told you that even if you _were_ allowed out, you would be the only one out here. But don't you try and tell me I said something that I didn't just so you can have your own way, because it isn't going to work. You've been in a bad mood lately little girl, and if you want to go around being rude and grumpy to people then that's fine, but you aren't going to get much of a chance to treat people that way from your bedroom. I don't know what's wrong with you, or why you're always so angry, but every time people try to help you just act like this. So either you can tell me right now what's going on with you and why you're always in such a foul mood, or you can go and sit in your room and think about it until you're ready. Now which is it?"

I wasn't sure what to say. He had said everything so quickly and so quietly that I didn't even know how to react. Usually when my brother got mad at me he had a good reason to, and I could see it coming, but he just said those things so suddenly. It wouldn't have been a surprise to me if he had started screaming at me out in the open where any of the neighbours could see for trying to get my way, but it would have been nice to at least get a little bit of a warning first.

I guess I hadn't said anything for a long time, because before I knew it, Darry was talking to me again.

"I take it you're going to your room now?"

"Huh?"

"Well you haven't said what's wrong yet. Go on inside."

"I don't want to go to bed yet," I protested.

"Then start talking."

It took me awhile to come up with the words, but I don't think that it bothered Darry. He waited patiently for me to come up with an explanation. It was a hard thing for me to do, because I had already poured my heart out to Soda earlier, and things hadn't turned out so well.

"I think I'm sad," I said quietly.

"You _think_?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Why do you think you're sad?"

"I don't know. Sometimes it's because you and Soda and Pony get to do whatever you want, and you can go anywhere, but I have to stay here all the time. And you have lots of friends over, but I only have a couple of friends that even live around here, so it's hard to get to see them, and it isn't fair that I have to be the youngest, because you guys are so much bigger than me, and you get to hang out around each other, but I'm always left out because I'm a girl, and you get to be in charge, and Soda never has to go to school again, and, and…" I trailed off, and the tears that had been welling in my eyes took over and became great sobs. I hadn't meant to start crying like that, and I hadn't planned on everything coming out so rushed and confusing, as I'm sure it must have been for Darry. But he didn't get angry like he normally did, and try to tell me that I was being silly. He didn't say that I needed to stop worrying about what other people get to do either. Instead, he put his hand on my back, and let me cry.

I felt silly bawling in front of him like that, and as soon as I realized what I was doing, I tried to stop myself. I wasn't able to completely calm down, but he must have thought I was ready to keep talking, because he started up again.

"That stuff's not really what bugs you is it? Because it's always been that way. You've always been the youngest, and-"

"But not everything's the same," I interrupted, and looked up at him, tears filling my eyes once more. Suddenly, I was able to ask the question that had been burning in my mind for months. "How come they had to die?"

"I don't know." I could tell from the way he responded that he had been expecting this question, but I wasn't satisfied with his answer.

"How come it was our parents? Why didn't it happen to one of my friends? Why do we have to have people coming to check on us all the time? How come it wasn't somebody else?"

He was quiet for a moment, and then he repeated to me what he had said before. "I don't know."

I had wanted to ask someone these questions ever since my parents had died, but I didn't know how. Darry wasn't making talking about it any easier though. All he ever said was "I don't know," over and over, until I burst into tears again.

"I wish they were still alive," I managed to tell him. It was strange, crying out there with him right in front of me, when usually I wanted him to think I was too old to do so. I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't help it. I had tried so hard to keep my parents from my mind, whenever I felt the thought of them creeping up, but it was all I could think of then. I didn't say it, but I thought that if my parents were still alive, one of them would have known what to say to me then, while Darry seemed so unsure of himself.

"I wish they were still alive too," he admitted to me, and before I knew what was happening, he reached his arm around me and pulled me close to him.

He said, "I don't think it's fair either," and wrapped both arms around me, his large frame practically swallowing my tiny body in it's embrace. It hurt, to be hugged so tight, to have him squeezing me so hard, but it felt nice too. Part of me wanted him to let go, because the crushing feeling was almost too hard to bear, but a bigger part of me, the part that had wanted a hug for so long, never wanted him to let go of me again. I felt safe, and even though I didn't understand why my parents were dead, and although my brother did not have the answers I was looking for, having him hold me that way almost made up for those things. I never had any doubt that my brother was there to protect me, but right then I was completely sure of it, and felt secure.

I cried harden then than I think I had ever cried before. It was into Darry's chest, but I think even he could hear me clearly. And he hugged tighter. In all my life I had never seen my brother cry, not even when he was younger, and I thought that maybe the reason he kept tightening his arms around me was because he was afraid to cry. It occurred to me that maybe he didn't know how to cry any more. Maybe he had kept everything bottled up inside for so long that he didn't know how to let out the tears. Or maybe he just didn't want to. It wouldn't have been right for him to let people see him bawling the way I was. He was a big, strong, tough guy. No, he was more than a guy, he was a man, and men didn't cry, especially not out on the front porch where anyone could see.

I don't know long we sat there for, but I do know that I felt tremendous relief. As I each tear fell, I felt like everything might be getting better. It was strange how quickly I could start to feel better. I didn't feel as sad as I had only a few minutes earlier, and silly things I had been worrying about seemed to make more sense. I didn't have to worry, and suddenly things seemed so simple again.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

When I awoke the next day I was in my bed, with the covers drawn over me. Immediately I wondered where Darry was, and I why I was alone. It took me a moment to realize that I must have fallen asleep on the porch the night before. I couldn't remember being tired, or having had someone carry me to bed, but figured that it must have been Darry who brought me there. As I crawled out of bed I found that I was still wearing the clothing I had worn the day before, but instead of changing I just adjusted them to look presentable, and headed out to the kitchen.

As I entered the kitchen I saw on the clock that it was only six-thirty. I couldn't believe how early it was. A couple of years earlier I could have slept a total of three hours at night and still be full of energy all day, but it only occurred to me then, as I watched the second hand ticking away, that I hadn't been able to do so in quite awhile.

I wasn't really sure what to do so early in the morning, and just sort of stood around the room trying to think of something. It was too early to go outside, but no one else seemed to be awake, and I didn't want to wake anyone up at such an early hour on the weekend. The house was quiet and peaceful, but the stillness became almost eerie after a while. Silence during the daytime in my house wasn't the same as it was during the night. In the dark, it was like things were supposed to be quiet, because that was the time that people slept. During daylight though, the quiet was unfamiliar, and unwelcome.

I moved towards the cupboard to get a glass, hoping that if I could find something to occupy myself, I wouldn't be bothered by the calm, but I stopped myself after only two steps. The sound of my bare feet on the kitchen floor was so loud and awkward that I was afraid it would wake everyone up. Surely they were all still sleeping, and any noise I made would wake them. Yet I didn't have the patience to stand around the kitchen waiting for one of my brothers to emerge from his bedroom, so as quietly as I possibly could, I moved from the middle of the kitchen and over into the living room. Any noise I was making died down the second my feet hit the carpet, but just to be safe, I sat in the nearest chair to wait for the rest of the household to get up.

It wasn't until I had found myself a comfortable position on the chair that I noticed someone was sleeping on our couch. I gasped slightly, startled by the sight of the body slumped over our sofa. Even though he had his back to me I could tell right away that it was Two-Bit. He was too small to be Darry, yet too big to be Soda or Ponyboy. It was a little strange sitting alone in the room with him while he slept, but told myself that I wasn't going to leave. After all, this was _my_ house. Besides, I had just taken such care to keep quiet, and I wasn't about to venture all the way back to my bedroom just so he could be alone. Not that it would have mattered much to him that I was there. Seemed almost like he was dead. I couldn't see him breathing, but that might have been because he had his jacket on.

Looking passed Two-Bit I noticed that his car was parked out front of our house. I thought it was strange that he would sleep at our place, especially if he was able to drive. He didn't live very far away, and it would have been just as easy for him to get there as it was to get to the sofa he was now passed out on. I didn't wonder about why he there for long though, because a completely different thought popped into my head. There was his car, and there he was. I remembered something from a couple of weeks earlier, and it suddenly donned on me who could be Darry's girlfriend. I didn't know why I hadn't thought of it before, maybe because I knew that this girl was too far away for me to contact. But if Two-Bit was there, he could drive me.

As the sound of Two-Bit's soft snoring filled the room, I looked out the window and began to devise my plan. I was actually starting to get excited about it, not only because I was going to find a girlfriend for my brother, but also because this was going to be like a real adventure. It took me awhile to devise the plan, but I thought it was a pretty good one, even if it was just in my head. Finally I was so excited with it that I forgot all about being quiet, jumped out of my chair, and went over to the desk to find a pencil and paper. I slammed the drawer behind me, or maybe I left it open, I couldn't remember in all the excitement of it, and went into my room, shutting the door behind me. I do remember that I slammed my door, which was probably the reason that I heard voices coming from the room next to mine.

I picked up a book off of my dresser, then sat in the corner of my bed to write. This way, if anyone walked in, they wouldn't see what my plan was. Or know that I was even up to something for that matter.

I could hear someone walking around outside of my room, but chose to ignore it and got to work on my plan instead.

OPERATION GET DARRY A GIRLFRIEND

1. Tell Two-Bit the plan.  
2. Write note for Darry.  
3. Get ride from Two-Bit.  
4. Go to store.  
5. Talk to Meg.  
6. Wait for Darry to show up.  
7. Get Darry to start talking to Meg.  
8. Make sure Darry falls in love with Meg so he doesn't kill me for doing this.

It seemed simple enough, and getting Two-Bit to drive me downtown wouldn't be too hard. I would get him to leave me alone, and make him promise not to tell Darry that he had driven me. I would find Meg, the girl at the makeup counter, and talk to her long enough that Darry would come looking for me, but before I could get in trouble, he would see her, and, well, it was pretty obvious what I thought would happen.

On a second sheet of paper, I wrote my note for Darry.

Darry,  
I know you said no, but its daytime, and I took the bus to the department store downtown. Don't worry, I'll be home soon.  
Love Lily

It was short and to the point, and I figured that as soon as he saw that I had taken the bus he would come after me himself. I could have easily taken the bus, but I knew that I should have a backup plan just in case. If Darry still got mad at me, I would be able to tell him that Two-Bit brought me down there, that way I couldn't be in trouble for doing something I wasn't supposed to. I just had to hope that he would be happy enough about meeting a girl to ignore the fact that I lied in the note.

I soon heard Darry, Soda and Two-Bit talking in the living room, but no one came to my door. I assumed that it was still pretty early, and for once prayed that no one would come to get me. There were still a couple of things I thought of that I wanted to perfect before telling Two-Bit my "mission", and just as I was satisfied with my work something donned on me: It was Sunday, and the store would most likely be closed. I didn't know fore sure that it was, but if Two-Bit drove me all the way downtown and it was, then he probably wouldn't want to do it again.

Just as I was thinking that he might not want to drive me, something else occurred to me. He might want me to pay for gas.

"Where can I get money?" I asked myself, and figured that my best bet would be to ask Darry. But he would want to know what I needed money for, and I could lie to him, but it wouldn't really be fair to take money from him anyway, seeing as I was doing something for him. It would have been like buying a gift for someone with money they gave you.

"How much does gas cost?" I wondered, as I went to hide my plan under my mattress. It didn't look like I was going to have much luck seeing Meg that day, but I remembered how Darry had found the makeup in my dresser. If I put the note in there and he found it, everything would be ruined.

It was almost eight o'clock when I left my bedroom again, this time to find only Two-Bit in the living room. He was awake, and sitting on the floor watching the TV. It was funny to see him looking so energetic and excited over show, when just a little while earlier he looked as if he had been knocked out.

"Hey Two-Bit?" I asked, thinking that this was the perfect opportunity to talk to him.

"Hey!" he said, looking over at me, but I think the excitement came from what he was watching, and not from seeing me.

"Can I ask you something?" I questioned, as I sat down on the couch.

"What?"

He didn't look at me, which made me wonder if he was even listening, but I went ahead anyway.

"Well at school we're doing this project," I said, starting off with a lie, "and we have to talk about how much different people pay for stuff."

"Uh huh," he said after a moments silence. I knew for sure that he wasn't listening.

"How much does it cost to put gas in your car?"

He didn't answer.

"Two-Bit?"

"What?"

"I asked how much it costs to put gas in your car."

"Oh I don't know, couple a bucks. Why?"

"It's for a math project," I explained.

"Project? They have math projects now?"

"Yeah. I have to make a graph."

"Oh." He laughed a little. "Seems like a funny project, writing about gas money." He turned his full attention back to the TV, and I decided that it wasn't the right time to tell him about Darry and Meg. At least I knew he needed a "couple a bucks" for gas, so maybe if I could find some change around the house I could use that to pay him.

Knowing that I wasn't going to be going downtown for a while yet, I set about finding the cash right away. I didn't think it would count as Darry's money if it was just laying around, and even though something being in a coat pocket didn't count as laying around, it was the first place I looked.

There was a nickel in one of the coats, and a quarter in the other. It seemed like a lot of money to me, enough to buy a couple of candy bars or some sodas, but thirty cents wasn't even close to a dollar, let alone the two or three that Two-Bit would want.

The next place I checked was under the couch cushions. Two-Bit was too engrossed in the TV, and though I could see Darry in the kitchen, he had his back turned to me. I was sure that he wouldn't mind me looking for loose change if he knew that's what I was doing anyhow, especially if it meant he didn't have to shell any out of his own pocket for me. I had a lot more luck with the couch too. I was up to one dollar and twelve cents by the time I'd put the cushions back in place, and under the sofa was another three cents.

There was nothing in the desk drawers, which disappointed me because I thought of all places to find money, that's where it would be. I was busy crawling underneath the desk to see if any money had fallen behind it when I heard Soda's voice.

"What are you doing?"

"You asking me?" I said, and noticed my voice echoing from under the wood.

"Yeah." He got down on his knees and looked at me. "Something down here?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"What are you doing then?"

I shrugged. "Just playing."

"Oh." He didn't bother to move.

"I'm playing alone," I informed him. I could have told him what I was really doing, but then he would have told me to ask Darry for money, and I've already said why I didn't want to do that.

"Darry told me to come get you," he said.

"What for?" I grumbled, not in the mood to quit my search.

"He wants you to come get some breakfast."

"Not hungry."

As soon as Soda left me I crawled out from under the desk and rushed over to his bedroom. I wasn't having anymore luck finding what I needed, but I knew that if he was talking to Darry that I would have a couple of minutes to look around his bedroom for some cash. I told myself that it wouldn't count as steeling if I found it in there. It was only if I went into someone's wallet that it would be considered steeling.

Ponyboy was in the bedroom, but he was still sleeping, so I did a quick check of the area just in case there was something I could grab. I was about to leave the room when Darry happened by. I held in my breath, hoping that he might not notice me, but it was as though my being so quiet actually drew his attention to me.

"What are you doing in there?" he asked, backtracking towards me.

"Oh, you know," I muttered, trying to think up an excuse while shoving the change in pockets, "I, ah, I just came to wake Ponyboy up!" With that, I flopped down on the mattress next to my brother. As I landed he began to stir, and Darry guessed that something was going on right away.

"What are you doing?" he hissed. "Get off his bed."

I didn't though. Instead, I shook Pony's shoulder. "Hey, Pony, wake up."

"What do you want?" he asked, opening his eyes halfway. He was still half asleep, but I could tell from his voice that he wasn't pleased with having his sleep disturbed.

"Come on Ponyboy," I said, "it's morning, you gotta get up."

"Go away," he said, and pulled the blankets up over his head.

"Lily," Darry said, and lifted me right to my feet.

"Hey!" I cried.

"I said to get off his bed," he said, and took me out of the room. "What do want to wake him up for?"

"I just wanted somebody to play with," I said quietly. I didn't mean to sound so pathetic, and usually when I did Darry would just tell me to smarten up, but this time he actually seemed to pity me.

"Hey," he said softly, "let him sleep for now and you can play with him when he wakes up."

"It's okay," I said, because I hadn't actually wanted to play with Ponyboy at all.

"No, I'll make sure he plays with you when he wakes up."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he smiled, "but right now I want you to eat some breakfast."

I felt kind of bad for making Darry think that I needed his pity, but the idea of Pony playing with me was exciting. He hardly ever did anything with me, and even if he would only do it because Darry told him he had to, at least I was going to have someone to play with.

Pony slept in pretty late though, and I was starting to give up the hope that I would get to play with him. I was sitting on the kitchen floor when Darry came in and spotted me.

"What are you doing?"

"Waitin' for Ponyboy to get up."

"Why don't you go do something productive, instead of sitting around all day." So much for him feeling sorry for me.

"I'm gonna wait for Pony," I declared, and sighed loudly, thinking that he might take the hint and wake him up.

"At least get up of the floor," he said, sounding a little irritated. "Why are you sitting down there anyway?"

"It's the only place I can bounce a ball inside. 'cept for the bathroom, but Soda's having a shower."

"Get up. You're gonna get sick if you sit down there."

"But I sit on the living room floor all the time."

"That's different."

"Why's it different?"

"It just is. You know what, it's nice a nice day. Take your ball and go for that walk you wanted."

"I don't want to anymore."

"Go," he said in his warning voice, and I knew to get up before he got really angry. Just as I was starting to wish that he could be as nice to me he had been the night before, my brother called me back into the kitchen.

"Yes?" I asked in fake politeness.

"Here." He handed me a quarter.

"What's this?"

He shrugged. "Get yourself a treat or something."

My eyes went wide with excitement. "Can I spend _all_ of it?"

"Reckon so," he nodded. "Gave it to you, didn't I?"

"Gee thanks Darry!" I exclaimed, and gave him a quick hug around his waist before running outside.

I skipped all the way to the store, and was as happy as could be. Not only did I have a whole quarter to spend on whatever I wanted, but pretty soon I was going to make Darry feel as happy as I felt. Besides that, it was a warm, sunny day, and even if my best friend was stuck inside with the chicken pox, at least I had my own adventure to look forward to.

It wasn't until I was on my way home, with of bag of candies in one hand, a bottle of cola in the other, and leftover nickel in my pocket that my mood changed. I was walking about three streets away from home when Tommy turned the corner, heading right towards me. He was too close to me and it was too late to duck across the road, so I had no choice but to try and walk by him. I was thankful that at least he was on his own.

I tired to avoid looking at him, but couldn't help it. Maybe his slicked back hair was tuff, but it didn't do much to hide the black eye he was sporting.

"You again," he said, cutting me off in my tracks.

"Hi," I mumbled, looking at the sidewalk. I knew that if I looked up I would only be able to stare at his eye, and that would only cause bigger problems.

"You know," he said in a real low voice, "I've got a problem with you Curtis."

"I have to go," I said quickly, but he wouldn't let me by.

"Seems like every time I turn around you're out here you're getting in my way."

"I - I didn't, I mean," I stammered.

Then Tommy did something that I hadn't expected. He started to laugh, and not in a cruel way either, but in a genuine way, like he actually thought that I had said something funny.

"You crack me up Lily. I was just kidding."

I couldn't help myself any longer. I had to look at him, had to see if he was really laughing. And just as I thought, I was immediately drawn to his right eye, where it looked so fresh that it wasn't even done bruising yet. The skin surrounding his eye was completely bloodshot, and there was a dark violet rim around the entire thing. The purple seemed to be spreading from the outer corner and down to his cheek, and I thought it might be swollen too, but it was hard to tell from the way he squinted through his laughter.

"What's so funny?" I finally snapped, unable to bear anymore of his teasing.

"You are," he replied, calming a bit.

"I never said anything funny!"

"You really were scared of me," he said like he was revealing a dark secret, "weren't you?"

"No."

"Sure you were. Yesterday, and just now. I can tell."

"I was not! And being scared isn't funny."

"It is too. I was only kidding about having a problem."

"You weren't. And you weren't joking yesterday, I know that."

"Sure I was. We just didn't stick around long enough for you to figure it out, is all. I was just trying to give you a good scare."

"Well it didn't work."

"Sure it didn't."

"It didn't. Just because you're a boy doesn't mean I'm scared of you. I have three brothers, remember. And _you_ were the one who got scared when Will came and told you to go."

"I was not-" he started, but stopped himself.

"Say," I said, in an attempt to change the subject _and_ figure out what had happened to his face, "Where'd you get that black eye?"

He brought his hand up to his face quickly, and started to turn red. "Nowhere."

I knew right away that he got it from home. It was probably his brother's doing. If he had been in a fight, or even if another kid had beaten him up, he would have boasted about it so that he could look tough. But he was acting embarrassed, and ashamed which meant that it came from someone that he didn't want to tell about.

I felt sorry for him. Sure, he had been pretty mean to me over last couple of days, but I guessed that that was just how he was. How could he be nice if he got beat up at home? Both of his parents were alive, yet he was often bruised from someone in him own household. I lived with my brothers, but aside from getting yelled at a lot, nothing much ever really happened to me.

"It looks cool," I assured him, and noticed his face light up a little when I said it.

"You think so?"

"Yeah. Like you got in a real tough fight or something."

He nodded as though he agreed, and finally moved aside so that I could get on my way.

"Look," he said just before I moved on. "Sorry 'bout yesterday. We were just having fun, you know?"

I didn't tell him that it was okay though, in fact I said nothing at all, because I didn't think it was right to call picking on another kid fun.

When I got home I felt as lucky as could be, because Two-Bit was leaning against his car having a smoke, and he was alone.

"Perfect," I said, and approached him happily.

"Hi."

"Well hey there little Curtis. What are you up to?"

"Oh nothing," I sang, leaning against the car alongside him. "You?"

"Just waiting around."

"For what?"

"Steve's coming by to fix my car."

I worried suddenly. "Why? Is it broken? Can you drive it anymore?"

"Calm down," he laughed. "I don't know what's wrong but you don't have to worry."

"But what if I needed a ride somewhere?"

He blinked, then looked around a couple of times. "You blind or something?"

"No, why?"

"I'm Two-Bit."

"I know."

"If you want a ride somewhere you should be asking Darry. He's your brother."

"I know that! But what if I need you to drive me somewhere?"

"_Do _you need me to drive you somewhere?"

Slowly I nodded.

"Well where to?" he asked, flinging his cigarette to the pavement. I may have been mistaken, but he actually seemed like he _wanted_ to drive me.

"It's a secret."

"Oh. My car don't drive to secret places. Says so in the handbook. It's got to know where it's going."

"I can tell your car where I need to - I can tell you where I need to go."

"Well then why is it a secret?"

"Because Darry can't know about it."

"Now hold up a second. I'm not driving you anywhere unless you tell me what's going on first. If Darry can't know about it then it's probably something that can get you into trouble."

"Who cares if I get in trouble?"

"I do."

My face must have lit up when he said that, because he let out a laugh.

"I only care because if you get in trouble, then I get in trouble. And I don't need your brother getting mad at me."

"I won't get in trouble, and neither will you."

"You still have to tell me what's going on before I drive you anywhere."

"Okay, but you can't tell anyone. Promise?"

"Cross my heart, hope to die."

That was good enough for me. I proceeded to tell him my entire plan, from leaving the note behind so that Darry would think that I had taken the bus, to introducing Darry to Meg. His grin got wider and wider the entire time I explained it to him, but as soon as I was finished he had to burst my bubble.

"I'll drive you," he promised, "but how do you know Darry's going to like her?"

"Oh he will. She's the type of girl he likes."

"How do you know what type of girl he likes?"

"I'm a girl. Girls know what kind of girl their brothers like."

"Oh," he nodded, but we both knew that I was just making up excuses.

"When do you want to go," he asked eventually, after thinking it over.

"Well I wanted to go today, but I think the store is closed."

"So tomorrow then?"

"I have school."

"Yeah me too. Now wait a minute. We can go anytime, but how do you know if she's working?"

He had me there. I had no idea when she worked, and it wasn't like we were good friends or anything. I had met her once.

"When did you go to the store?" he asked, interrupting my worries.

"I haven't gone in awhile."

"I know, but what day did you go? It was a Friday, right?"

I nodded. "Yes, because I was supposed to go to a sleepover."

"No problem then. I'll drive you on Friday."

I shook my head. "I can't skip school again. Darry will kill me before I even get to introduce him to Meg."

"Well after school on Friday, I'll drive you."

"You will?"

"Sure. I'll pick you up from school and we'll go straight downtown."

"But that will be too early. And I have to leave the note out for him."

Two-Bit sighed. "You think too much. How's this: Friday, I'll pick you up here at four o'clock. That way you can leave the note out, but we won't be downtown too long before your brother shows up."

I agreed with that plan, but must have made him promise me ten times that he wouldn't forget to pick me up on Friday before I would leave him alone.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I could hardly stand having to go to school Monday morning. What made it worse was knowing that I would have to sit through five days of it before I could get Darry a girlfriend, and I thought it was going to kill me. Waiting for the time to pass by was like waiting for someone else's birthday party. It was all I could think of, and it was all that I cared about. Of course I didn't have anyone to talk with about it, as Mary Alice was still out sick, and I was not close enough with any of the other kids in my class to dare trying to explain things to them.

By Tuesday decided that I was tired of waiting. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to wait until Friday I ran all the way home from school to try and meet Two-Bit at the house. I was hoping that if I had enough time I would be able to convince him to pull everything off with me right away, before Darry got home.

I guess I could have called it the worst luck in the world, because just as I got home I saw Two-Bit driving away from the house. It wasn't in my direction either, and he didn't see me waving to him.

Unlike most nights, when he would have shown up at the house whenever he got bored, he never came by again. Not even _after_ Darry got home from work, when I thought I still had time to pull something off.

I sat by the front window all evening eagerly awaiting Two-Bit's arrival. I thought every car that passed by might be his and by seven o'clock was really starting to get fed up with waiting. Why was it that every time that I actually _wanted _people to be around they had to go off and stay away from the house?

Apparently Darry was starting to get fed up with my waiting by the window too, because without any warning he snapped at me for wasting so much time. 

"Would you quit looking out the window?" he said sharply as he walked into the room. "You've been sitting there since I got home."

"So," I said, "I'm just waiting."

"For what?"

"Something."

"What?"

"Just something."

"_What something_?" he asked, clearly getting frustrated.

"Nothing," I said, hoping he would take a hint from the tone of my voice and leave me to my window watching. 

"Well if it's nothing then go do something else."

"There's nothing else to do," I said, leaning over the back of the couch and pressing my nose against the window.

"How about your homework?"

"I already did it." If anything was going to make me move away from that window it definitely was not homework.

"You did?" he asked in disbelief.

"Uh huh." Naturally I was lying.

"So if I look through your stuff it'll be done."

"Yup."

"Alright," he sighed. The second I heard him moving I jumped up from the couch and raced ahead of him to my bedroom. I couldn't understand why he couldn't be one of those people who believed in one last chance, meaning that this was my last chance to tell the truth and do my homework, and he could leave me alone. That would have been too easy for him though, so of course he had to follow me and yell some more.

"You said you did your homework," he called after me as he headed towards my room.

"I did some of it," I lied, scrambling to open my notebook so that it would look like I had at least _tried_ to do something.

"So you lied to me," he said, standing in my doorway. 

"No I didn't."

"How is telling me you did your homework when you didn't not lying Lily?"

"I - I don't know." Compared to other times Darry yelled at me this was nothing, yet for some reason I was practically in tears already. He had seemed to be in a relatively good mood when he got home and hadn't been expecting him to get so angry over something so minor.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, so quietly in fact that I wasn't sure if he had heard me.

"You better start watching yourself Lily," he said angrily, "otherwise things are going to be pretty bad for you."

I wasn't really sure what to take from that. One minute he was fine with me, the next he was screaming. I had hardly done anything wrong yet he was practically threatening me. It should have been enough to turn me off of trying to find him a girlfriend, but of course my only thought was that the sooner I got him a girlfriend, the sooner he would start to be nice to me again. Besides, I couldn't help but think that he had been doing a lot of threatening lately without ever really backing the threats up.

That said, I still knew that I wasn't going to be able to get the store that night without also getting myself killed, but I also wanted to speed things up and make Darry happy faster so that I wouldn't have to get yelled at for the next four days straight. I just sort of assumed that Two-Bit would be around on Wednesday and planned on asking him to help me out a couple of days earlier than expected. I knew that Meg may not have been working that day, but figured it was at least worth a try. What I hadn't planned on was getting in trouble at school.

It was not as though I had done anything wrong, but I was so focused on getting home to catch Two-Bit that I was unable to pay attention during class. My teacher seemed almost pleased to send a note home with me stating that I hadn't finished my math homework from the night before. I had tried to do it, really I had, but I just didn't understand it. It hadn't helped that Darry had been yelling at me, but I didn't dare use that excuse on my teacher, and I knew that when Darry saw the note he wouldn't care about that.

I didn't run home from school that day, nor did I even think about going after Two-Bit. I knew that no matter how much Darry might like the idea of my finding him a girl, he would not be happy when he saw the note. It would pretty much boil down to him getting mad at me for going to the store with Two-Bit when I should have been doing my homework.

As soon as I got home I sat at the table to work on my math from the day before. I tried the first question, but didn't understand it at all. Math had been so easy for me before when it was just numbers, but recently we had started getting word problems. I couldn't mix the words in with the numbers, and was not even sure where to begin. By the time I had skipped ahead to the third question things had become so frustrating I let out a scream and started to scribble furiously on the page.

"What's going on?"

I looked up and saw Soda standing ahead of me with a confused look on his face.

"Did you just scream?" he asked.

I nodded, tossing my pencil down and crossing my arms. I hadn't realized that anyone was home.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't understand my homework."

"What is it?" he asked.

"Math."

"Let me see," he said, and reached out his hand for the paper. I passed it to him and watched as he read it over. Soon a confused look covered his face and I could see that he was just staring blankly at the page.

"Well?" I asked.

"Is Pony home yet?"

"No."

"Huh. Well, maybe, I don't know. Are you sure this is fourth grade math?"

"Yup."

"Let me look at it for a minute." He then walked out of the room with my paper, leaving me sitting at the table wondering what he was going to do with it.

Five minutes later he ran back into the kitchen, the open ends of his shirt flowing behind him like a cape.

"I figured it out!" he said happily, slamming the paper down on the table.

"Okay," I said, laughing nervously.

"Look see," he began explaining it to me. I would have been lying if I said that I understood most of it, but at least I was getting it done. By the end I did understand a couple of things, but not nearly enough to get by.

"That didn't take too long," Soda pointed out, "did it?"

"No," I admitted. "Now I just have to do today's homework."

"Today's?" he almost groaned.

"Yeah. That was only yesterday's math. My teacher said I have to have it done for tomorrow. Plus I have to have a note signed." I said that last part quietly. Usually he was pretty good about things like notes, seeing as they were really Darry's business, but this time I wasn't sure how he would react.

He asked to see the note, and I handed it too him. After he read it over what seemed like a few times he just asked simply, "How come you didn't do it?"

"I tried," I replied pathetically, "but it was too hard." Then without meaning to I suddenly blurted out everything from the night before, from Darry getting mad at me for looking out the window to his yelling at me for lying about having done my homework.

When I finished speaking, Soda looked at me long and hard like he wasn't really sure what to think of everything. It wasn't long before I was getting tired of this silent staring, so I reached across the table and tried to take the note back from him.

Instantly he pulled it away from me the way he might have if he were teasing me.

"Hey!" I cried, reaching again. "I need that back."

He shook his head. "Let me deal with this."

I sat back in my chair and folded my arms. "You're going to give that to Darry?"

"Yeah, so don't you worry about a thing."

I wasn't sure whether having Soda give the note to Darry for me would turn into a good or a bad thing, but at least it meant that I could put off direct confrontation with my oldest brother, even if it was just for a little while longer.

It was just before dinner when Two-Bit showed up. I was sitting on the front porch with one of my school books (trying to steer as clear of Darry as I possibly could), and cursed my luck that this hadn't been one day earlier.

"Well hello there Little Curtis," he said cheerfully, "what're you doing reading on a nice night like this?"

"I feel like it."

"Oh," he said, leaning against the railing. "So how's school?"

"Fine," I answered slowly. I knew something must have been up, otherwise he would have already gone inside to see if there was some food for him.

"You like school, don't you?"

"Not really."

"No?"

"No."

"Well then how come you're reading?"

"Because I have to," I sighed. "My whole class has to read this."

"Why don't you like school?"

I rolled my eyes. "Nobody likes school."

He grinned. "Some people do."

"Do you?" I asked.

"Oh sure."

"Why? It's so boring."

"Nah, it's okay." There was something about the look on his face, and as he sat next to me on the porch I couldn't help but think that I wasn't going to like what he had to say. "Anyway Lily, I wanted to ask you something."

"What?" It came out sounding almost vicious. I was pretty sure I saw him flinch a little, but he was probably just trying to repress a laugh.

"Now don't get mad at me," he said, holding his hands together like he was praying or something, "but I think I forgot something."

"Forgot what?"

"Well it's just that I can remember you and I were talking a few days ago."

"Uh huh," I said, feeling anger starting to bubble inside of me.

"It was by my car right?"

"Yes."

"It's kind of embarrassing," he said, running his hand across the side of his head, "but, well, I just wanted to ask you if, well, if you can -"

"What is it?" I cried, hardly able to take any more of his stalling.

"What were we talking about? Now I remember that I said something about doing you a -"

"Two-Bit!" I practically screamed, and punched him as hard as I possibly could in the arm. It didn't seem to hurt him much though, because he just started laughing hysterically.

"Two-Bit you promised!" I said sheepishly, looking down at my book again. When I realized that he had only been joking it didn't really bother me, but I couldn't help pretending that I was really hurt by him.

"Hey," he said, patting me on the back the way he would have any of his friends, "I'm just kidding with you."

"It wasn't funny." I kept my face down with my hair covering my it. I knew that if I even caught a glimpse of his smiling face I would start to smile too and give myself away.

"I'm sorry," he said, almost sounding sincere. "You know I'll be here on Friday, right?"

"Four o'clock?" I said hopefully.

"Four o'clock," he assured me.

"You won't forget?"

"No! I was just kidding you. I never forgot about Friday. I mean how could I? You drilled it into my brain the other day that I have to be here at three-thirty Thursday afternoon to pick you up."

"Four o'clock on Friday!" I corrected, looking up at him once again. When I saw the look on his face I realized that he was only kidding, and couldn't help but feel a little silly. I couldn't believe how easy it was for him to tease me, especially since I had been trying to do it back.

He got up from the steps and headed inside, laughing to himself as he did so. Once the screen door had closed behind him he turned back to me.

"Four o'clock on Friday, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"I'll be here," he said, sounding quite sincere, "I promise." He disappeared from the door then, but right before he did I was sure that I saw him wink at me. I may have been mistaken, but I liked to think that he really had winked at me.

Darry didn't say anything to me at supper about the note from school, nor did he mention it after supper while I was watching TV with Pony and Two-Bit. By the time I was ready for bed he still hadn't spoken to me about it, but then neither had Soda, so I was beginning to wonder if maybe he had forgotten to tell Darry. I was almost worried about it, because if he had forgotten to give it to Darry then I would be in even more trouble than I could possible imagine.

I was having a hard time falling asleep due to worry, but when I tried to leave my room to go and talk to Soda Darry just told me to get back to bed.

"I just need to talk to Soda for a minute," I stated, but made no attempt to move further down the hallway.

"You're supposed to be sleeping."

"I'll only be a minute," I said hopefully.

"He'll be here in the morning. You can talk to him then."

"But I need to-"

"Lily," he said in a gruff warning voice. "Bed. Now."

"Oh fine," I grumbled, pretending to, but not actually slamming my door shut behind me as I went back to bed.

I was just about to fall asleep when someone opened my door loudly and flopped down on my bed next to me.

"Soda?" I asked, looking into his smiling face. "What are you doing?"

"Here," he said, holding a piece of paper out to me.

"What's this?" I asked, reaching out from under the covers to take it from him.

"Look at it," he urged me.

I unfolded the paper and realized that it was the note from my teacher. Right at the very bottom was Darry's signature.

"Thanks," I said, unsure of what sort of reaction he wanted from me.

"Darry's not going to talk to you about it."

"He's not?" I figured that he had just given Darry the note and this was why I hadn't heard anything from him yet.

"No. I talked to him, and he's not going to say anything to you about it."

"Really? Thanks Soda. Thanks a lot."

The grin on his face slowly disappeared.

I groaned, realizing that there must have been some sort of a catch. "What is it?"

"He promised me that he won't mention anything about the note so long as you keep out of trouble."

"I don't get in a lot of trouble."

He cocked his head to the side. "Really?"

"I don't. People get me in trouble."

"Well then you have to promise that you wont let people get you in trouble."

"I can't help it if people want to get me in trouble. After all Darry's the one who always has to lose his-"

"You're killing me Lily!" he interrupted, and threw his head down on my pillow. "Would you please just try and be good."

"I'll try," I promised, and couldn't help but think that I had been promising people that I would try and stay out of trouble a lot lately.

"Thank you," he laughed, and rolled over to face the ceiling. He stayed in there for awhile too, just talking to me about his work and this car he and Steve had been working on. It reminded me of the way things used to be when he came into my room almost every day after he got home from work to talk to me. It was different too, and even though I enjoyed his company I couldn't help but feel a little bit strange. It was almost a sad feeling, but not quite. I wished that everything could go back to how they used to be, but I figured they never really would.

I told Soda about my plans for Friday. I hadn't really planned on doing so, it just sort of came out of me, and I was excited to have someone else to tell about it. He had the same look on his face that Two-Bit had when I told him, and again I felt like he was actually interested in it.

"You think he'll like her?" he asked, wanting to know what she looked like.

"Yeah. She wears makeup, but not lots of it like your girlfriends do."

"Hey!" he cried, sounding almost hurt.

"Well they do wear a lot of makeup."

"I guess so. Anyway what else about her. She wears makeup? Is that it? Does she wear anything else?"

"Yeah. She was wearing a dress, but maybe she owns a couple of them, I don't know. And she has really nice hair that she does all fancy like, and she wears these high shoes that go 'click, click, click' when she walks. They make her really tall too, and she's super friendly."

"What's her name?"

"Meg."

"How old is she?"

I shrugged. "Probably the same age Darry is."

He raised and eyebrow. "You don't know how old she is?"

"No, but it doesn't matter. He'll like her anyway."

"What if she's thirty?"

"She's not thirty!" I laughed. "You can go there and see her yourself if you want to know how old she is."

"Maybe I will."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Can I come with you on Friday?"

"Uh," I hesitated in replying. Normally I would have loved to have him come along with me, in fact I would have loved for him to want to do anything with me, but this time I did not really want him there. Actually I wouldn't have minded him coming along, but I was sort of excited about being able to go alone with Two-Bit. I had been alone in the house with Two-Bit before, but it wasn't often that I got to be any place else with him. The last time I had been alone with him in a car it wasn't under the best of circumstances, and while I was trying to convince myself that I didn't like him, the thought of having him to myself for part of an afternoon was kind of nice.

"Who's driving you again?" Soda asked when I didn't respond to his question.

"Two-Bit," I said, knowing very well that he knew exactly who has driving me.

I caught him starting to smile a bit, but the he cleared his throat. "Well I can't go then anyway. Two-Bit's car is awful bad right now and it can only carry so much weight around. I'll stay here on Friday so that when Darry gets home I can make sure he gets the note you're leaving him."

"Okay," I agreed. "But then you won't get to see what Meg looks like."

"Sure I will."

"How."

"Well she's going to be Darry's girlfriend isn't she? I'll probably be seeing so much of her soon that I'll wish he never met her."

A/N: So, yeah, an update for anyone who may still be interested in this.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews!

Chapter 23

By the time Friday afternoon rolled around I could hardly contain my excitement. I ran all the way home again, or as far as I could before I had to slow down to brisk walking instead. I got home well before four o'clock though, and Two-Bit had yet to arrive. I made a quick point to put the note out for Darry and then went and waited by the window so that I could run outside the second Two-Bit got there. I still had fifteen minutes to wait when the one thing I hadn't been counting on happened.

"Hey Lily?" I heard Ponyboy call from behind me. I had known that he was home yet in my anticipation of the next couple of hours had failed to pay much attention to him.

"Yeah?" I asked casually, still looking outside.

"Darry'll kill you if try and go downtown again."

I spun around quickly. "What?" I rushed out to the kitchen where I saw him standing over the kitchen table looking at my note.

"That's mine!" I cried, snatching it away from him.

"Hey," he said, sounding almost hurt, "I'm not gonna tell him."

"You're not?"

"No, because you're not going."

"Yes I am!"

"No you're not!"

"I am too!"

"No, you're not."

We could have gone on this way for hours, or, if I had been smart and thought about things I could have just told him what I was really doing. He would have understood, and probably felt the same way about it that Soda had, but it never occurred to me to do this.

"How come you read that?" I asked, not yelling but practically on the verge of tears.

"It was just sitting here on the table. What was I supposed to think?"

"It says Darry on it! You should have left it for Darry to read it!"

He looked around like this was the stupidest thing he had ever heard. "I'm just trying to help you. Do you know how my trouble you can get in if you go down there again? Do you know how much trouble I'll get in if I just let you go?"

"You won't get in trouble. Let Darry find the note himself. Just say you never saw it."

"Then he'll just get mad at me for not paying attention to things. No, you're not going." He crossed his arms. "No." If he thought that would stop me he was sadly mistaken.

"I'm going," I stated boldly, but didn't move yet. _I_ didn't want to see what he would try and do to stop me, but something inside of me wanted to see if he would do anything.

"No you're not." 

"Yes I am." I turned and walked all the way to the front door of the house. I didn't step outside but instead turned around to see if he was coming after me. Just as I thought he hadn't even stepped out of the kitchen.

I made a point of being as loud as possible when I opened the front door and stepped onto the porch. I hadn't planned on going anywhere from there until Two-Bit came to pick me up, but even if I had I wouldn't have been able to get very far.

Ponyboy was after me out the front door with a Superman-like speed. Once outside he did nothing but stare at me like it was supposed to be an incentive for me to get back in the house.

"I'm going," I said after a moment's silence.

"Lily please," he half begged, "would you just get inside."

"Why? I'll miss the bus if I stay here."

"What bus? There is no bus to downtown from here."

"Well I'm walking to somewhere where there is a bus." He was making everything impossible for me.

"I'm not joking around. Come inside."

"I don't want to go inside."

"Well you're not going downtown." He didn't seem to have a hard time keeping his voice down, but I was getting extremely frustrated and wanted to start screaming at him.

"I don't want to go inside!" I repeated in a louder voice, as I couldn't think of anything else to say.

He stood there with a look of defeat on his face, like he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop me. Just as I felt a smirk starting to spread across my face he threw the front door open, grabbed my arm, and pulled me into the house.

"Hey!" I cried as he pushed me into the living room and then slammed the door shut behind him.

"I said to come inside," he said as he walked by me.

The easiest thing for me to have done at that moment was turn and run out the front door, but again I wasn't thinking things through very well. I could have stopped an explained what was really going on to him as well, but that never occurred to me either.

I think I had meant for words to come out as I ran at my brother, but the only sound that escaped my lips was a shrill cry.

My attempt at knocking Ponyboy to the ground failed, and instead he wound up falling over the back of the couch.

"What are you doing?" he cried, this time his voice definitely louder than usual.

"You should have let me go!" I cried angrily as I punched him in the back of the legs.

"Hey!" he growled and scrambled down off the couch and onto the carpet. As he tired to stand I jumped on his back and began pounding on him wherever I could. His back; his chest; his arms; the last one landed on his neck and that was when I found myself being thrown down to the floor with Pony suddenly standing over me, a violent look on his face.

"What is your problem!" he yelled, suddenly lifting me from the floor and placing me on the couch, probably as gently as he could manage in such a situation.

I kicked him in the leg. "You won't let me go downtown!"

"So you have freak out like this?"

Having no comeback for this I just kicked him in the other leg.

"Ow! Would you stop it!"

"No!" I went to kick him again, this time in a more unpleasant part of his anatomy, but he just jumped out of the way. As he did this I jumped up off the couch and grabbed him around his waist, which actually did end up knocking him to the floor.

"Would you cut it out?" he asked, almost nicely. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Will you let me go?"

"You're the one holding onto me!" he coughed, struggling to get free. I wasn't holding very hard, but it's never comfortable to have someone choking you.

I dug my foot into the back of his knee and tightened my grip as much as I possibly could. "Will you let me leave the house?"

He tried to say something, but I couldn't make out what it was. His face was pretty red at his point, so I loosed my grip again, only to have him grab both of my arms, flip me over, and pin me to the ground. I was left looking up into his cold eyes, and just when I thought he might start screaming at me I heard clapping, followed by laughter.

Pony let go of me immediately and stood up. I looked over at the arm chair, where Two-Bit was sitting and laughing to himself like a maniac.

"Oh man! This is the saddest thing I've seen since - this is the saddest thing I've ever seen!"

"He was trying to beat me up!" I cried.

"I was not," Pony said, his voice somewhat quiet again. "I was just trying to keep you from getting yourself in trouble."

"What happened?" Two-Bit asked, still laughing.

"She was going to try and take the bus downtown."

"No she wasn't," he said. "I'm driving her."

"You're, you're what?"

"I'm driving her. I said I would be here at four to pick her up. It's three-fifty-eight, which means I'm two minutes early."

Pony turned to me. "He's driving you?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I tried to."

"No you didn't! You told me you have a bus to catch."

"That's what I meant."

"The bus?" Two-Bit asked. "Now Lily, you didn't forget that I'm supposed to pick you up, did you?"

Before I could answer he burst out laughing again. "This is a good day for me. Scored myself a free lunch, scored myself a couple of other things too, and saw a greaser get beat up by a little girl. This might be the best day ever."

"She didn't beat me up," Pony mumbled, "I just didn't want to hurt her, that's all."

"Yeah sure," Two-Bit nodded. "Happens to me all the time. You ready to go Lily?"

"What are you going downtown for?" Pony asked as Two-Bit helped me to my feet.

"We're just going to pick up a girlfriend for Darry," he explained as if this was something we did all the time. "I'd invite you along but Soda asked me - I mean, the car is broken and I can only fit so much weight in it."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Sure it does," Two-Bit nodded, giving my brother a look that I couldn't read. I knew that they were keeping something from me, but the excitement of getting downtown was starting to build again.

"Can we go?" I asked Two-Bit as I headed to the front door.

He and Pony exchanged another look, before Pony sort of rolled his eyes, told us to have fun, and disappeared into his bedroom.

There was hardly any traffic as we headed downtown, but the cars leaving downtown were unbelievable.

"Look at all those cars," I said in awe. "Where's everybody going?"

"Home," he pointed out.

"But it's not even five o'clock yet."

"Different people do different things."

"I guess. I just didn't think there were this many people downtown at once."

He gave me a sort of sideways look. "You don't get out much do you?"

"I do!"

"You ever leave the neighbourhood?"

"Not really."

He sighed. "It's probably for the best anyway. There's not much out of there but a lot of bad.

"What do you mean? A lot of bad what?"

"Just stuff. Stuff kids don't need to see."

"There's lots of bad where we live too."

He nodded. "I guess. But it's different you know. Everywhere is different."

I was going to ask him what he meant by this, but for some reason he decided to start racing one of the other cars on the street. The car ahead of us was being driven by a boy about the same age as Soda, and I didn't think he was doing anything wrong, but apparently Two-Bit did, because he started yelling at him.

"Look at this guy!" he cried happily. A couple of curse words escaped his mouth before he moved into the next lane to pass the boy. He stuck his middle finger up at him, laughed really loudly, and then sped ahead.

"What are you doing?" I asked, looking through the back window to see that the boy was now trying to pass Two-Bit.

"Racing!" he said with an almost frightening look in his eye. He kept glancing at him through the mirror, before hitting the gas at full force and taking off down the road.

I screamed and fell back against the seat, looking for something to grab onto.

"Two-Bit!" I shouted as he swerved around another car. "Slow down!"

"Hold on," he said, as though there was just one last thing he had to do before he could stop.

"Please!" I cried. I had my eyes closed tightly and was holding on to the side of the car door for dear life when I felt a sudden gust of wind against one side of me, and a painful grip on the other.

Two-Bit must have let out a dozen curses I had never even heard before, but I wasn't paying attention to that. I was too busy starting to scream as the car door flew open, terrified that I was going to go flying out.

Suddenly there were car horns honking and the loud sound of air blowing mixed with the blaring music on the radio. I cried out again, this time just begging Two-Bit to stop, and realized that this was probably the end of it all.

The car swerved for what seemed like forever before coming to an stop. I realized that I was still safely in the passenger's seat, but Two-Bit didn't let go of me yet. Actually it seemed like his grip around my arm was getting stronger. He held on for quite some time but I just sat there with my eyes closed. Finally he let go of me and switched of the radio.

He broke the silence by pressing down hard on the horn and let a nervous laugh. He let go of the horn.

"Holy - that's, that's never happened before."

I opened my eyes slowly and stared wide eyed at the street ahead of me. I looked to my right and saw that my door was still in tact, just hanging wide open. I looked at Two-Bit who had this wild look on his face, but not the wild look of someone who was having fun. It was the look of someone who was petrified.

"Are you alright?" he asked, not looking directly at me, but rather to the side of me.

"I'm okay," I said, realizing that I was in fact perfectly fine. My heart was pounding something fierce, but other than that I was wonderful. I hadn't fallen out of the car, and I had Two-Bit to thank for that.

"I'm really sorry kid," he said slowly.

"I'm okay," I assured him. "Honest."

"You could have been," he started, but stopped himself. "How did the door open like that?"

"I was probably pulling on the handle or something," I said, closing the door. I heard it latch shut. "See, it's fine."

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked.

"Yes." I laughed a little. "I was actually kind of fun."

"Maybe I should take you home," he suggested, starting the car up again.

"But why?" I asked, more upset by this than I was by nearly falling out of a speeding vehicle. "We're closer to getting downtown than we are from home, and besides, Darry probably left already. Do you know how much trouble I'll be in if he comes downtown looking for me and I'm not even there?"

"Do you know how much trouble _I'm_ going to be in when Darry finds out that I practically killed you? He'll kill me!"

I shook my head. "Not if he doesn't find out about it." 

He was about to say something but stopped.

"I won't tell if you won't," I promised sneakily.

A sly grin came over his face. "All right," he nodded, and took off down the road. "All right."

Two-Bit dropped me off out front of the store about ten minutes later.

"I'm going to look for a place to park," he said as I hopped out onto the sidewalk. "You go on ahead and I'll meet up with you in a minute."

"You're coming in with me?" I hadn't actually planned on having him come inside with me, after all he was a boy and I couldn't think of any reason why he would want in the store. I wasn't about to complain about it either, and asked if he wanted me to just wait out front for him.

"No you go in," he said, "I'll come find you."

Inside I felt extremely grown up. Here I was on my own (more or less) in a downtown department store, having just been driven by a teenaged boy. Not only that, but I had almost been killed along the way. Something that should have scared me, and probably would have just a couple of months earlier, was now something I had actually sort of enjoyed.

I felt a slight flash of worry as I made my way around the bumbling store, only because I couldn't remember where the makeup counter was. The worry disappeared quickly when I saw some of the other kids in the store, everyone of which was with an adult of some kind. At least I got to be on my own. I took this as a sign that I was more mature than the rest of them, and decided that if I should at least stop at one of the mirrors and take a quick look at myself before going after Meg. I saw one lady do this before she disappeared out of my sight, and figured that this was something all grown ups did before meeting with someone important.

The mirror she had looked in was a bit too high for me, but after looking around a little I found one that was at my level. It was actually part of a display case, but it did the trick. I could see a couple of things that needed fixing on me, my hair being the biggest one, but there wasn't much I could do about that.

"You're gonna be hard pressed to find a girl for your brother in the mirror."

I rolled my eyes and turned to look at Two-Bit, who was leaning over a chair of some kind.

"The only people in mirrors are imaginary," he went on. "Or are those vampires? No I'm pretty sure it's people. Who's that girl in the mirror again?"

"Alice in Wonderland?" I replied as I walked around to the other side of the chair.

He stood from the chair and followed me. "No the other girl."

"There's no other girl in the mirror."

"Yes there is. You know who I mean."

"Alice when she was through the looking glass?"

"No. The other one. Bloody Mary, that's it!"

"Who's she?"

"You know, stand in front of a mirror and she'll rip your face off."

I stopped in my tracks and looked up at him with interest. "I've never heard of this."

"Not much to hear about. You have to stand in front of a mirror, in the dark, and say her name a bunch of times, while spinning around in a circle. I guess she's supposed to come out and rip your face off for disturbing her from the dead."

"She's dead?"

"Well yeah. I don't know many living people that like to hide out in mirrors."

"Where'd you hear about it?" I asked, wishing I could try it right then and there.

"I can't remember. A girl told me about it once."

"Did you ever try it?"

"Do I look like I had my face ripped up?"

I snorted. "Yup."

I didn't have nearly as hard of a time finding the makeup area with Two-Bit around, but that didn't mean that I wanted him to _stay_ around.

"I see her," I said quietly. "You go away now." 

"Gee thanks. I drive you all the way here and now you want me to go away? That's real nice of you."

"Well you can't come with me. You'll scare her off."

"That hurts. You at least have to show me which one she is."

"She's that one right over there." I tried to point inconspicuously to Meg, who was helping an older woman with something.

Two-Bit whistled real low.

"Hurry up," I pushed him, "go away. I have to start talking to her before Darry gets here."

"I'm going, I'm going."

Once I was sure that he had disappeared for good I made a point of heading directly to the counter where Meg had done my makeup that first time. Assuming that this was were she would return to when she finished up with the other lady, I began looking at the different lipsticks in front of me.

"Can I help you find something?" I heard Meg's friendly voice come from behind me and turned quickly to face her. I had become so absorbed in the products behind the counter that I completely forgotten I was waiting for her.

Meg's face lit up somewhat when she saw me.

"You've been in here before," she said, shaking her head like she remembered exactly who I was. "You were with a couple of your friends weren't you?"

"Uh huh," I nodded. It had only just struck me that I didn't even think of what I was going to say to her while I waited for Darry to arrive.

"What is your name again? Lily?"

"Yeah. And you're Meg, right?" I tried to make it sound like I sort of recalled seeing her, but not really.

"Yes. So what can I help you with today? Something to cover up your wrinkles?"

"I don't have wrinkles!"

"I know, it's just that last time you were telling me that, oh never mind. Would you like the lipstick and mascara deal again today."

I felt my stomach turn over. "What?"

"Lipstick. And Mascara? You got it when you were here last time."

"No I didn't!"

"Sure you did. You were sitting right on that stool there. I drew lipstick on your cheek. Don't you remember?"

I let out a relieved laugh. "Oh yeah. I thought you meant, oh never mind." I didn't mean to imitate her that way, but she seemed to enjoy it because she never stopped smiling.

"Come on," she said, leading me back to the stool behind the counter. "I'll give you lipstick and mascara again, only I'll give you a different lipstick colour this time, okay?"

"Sure," I agreed. The way she moved interested me, maybe because I hadn't noticed it at all the last time. She swung her arms around freely and used a lot of hand gestures while she spoke. She never stopped talking this time either, and started telling me about the older lady whom she had been helping before me.

"The truth is," she admitted, "I never really wore much makeup before I started working here. I always felt really uncomfortable in it. But I had to start wearing it regularly in order to sell makeup. Some of the other girls who work here _think_ they know everything about the stuff. I know enough to get by, but I can't always tell what goes with what skin tone and what not going to 'enhance the wrinkles'."

"How long have you worked here?" I asked. 

"Three years. It started out as summer job before my last year of high school, and then it turned into a weekend job during the school year, and now that I've graduated I work here everyday."

"Everyday?"

"Well I get weekends off now, but believe me if I could I would go back to school and work just on weekends."

"But then you'd have to go to school all week and work all weekend. You wouldn't ever have time to play - I mean relax."

"Maybe not," she agreed, seeming to miss the last part of what I had just said, "but at least I would get to see my friends everyday."

"Don't you like the people you work with?"

"Oh sure, but I'm used to a different crowd."

I was about to asked her what sort of crowd she was used to, but couldn't find the words. Just behind her I could see Darry heading towards me, and I had to hold back a smile. This was the moment I had been waiting for.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

The look on Darry's face was that of someone intending to kill. He was heading straight for me too, like he had known exactly where I was supposed to be. I jumped down off of the stool and moved directly behind the counter, leaning over as though I was a saleslady. Darry came up by the other side of it, leaned over, and brought his face right up close to mine.

In a low voice he said, "You're lucky I don't throttle you right here," which I knew meant, "I'm going to slaughter you."

"I left you a note," I stated, not worried in the least about his threatening voice.

"That don't mean it's okay for you take the bus alone!"

"Well if I waited for you to get home I wouldn't have been able to come at all. You'd have said no."

"We're going home right now."

"Darry not yet." I had to find a way to introduce Meg first.

Lucky for me, she introduced herself.

"Can I help you?" She didn't sound friendly towards him like she had with me.

Darry had a look on his face that said he wasn't in the mood to deal with her, but the second he glanced up I noticed that the look changed a little bit. It didn't exactly soften, but the anger in his eyes seemed to be temporarily clouded over with something else.

"Is there a problem?" :Meg asked as Darry stood tall. The second they made eye contact I could see that she was blushing, even through all of that makeup.

"Not really a problem," Darry started, but she cut him off.

"This can't be your daughter."

He chocked back a laugh. "Lily? No she's my sister." Through clenched teeth he added to me, "My soon to be dead sister."

"She was just showing me some makeup," I tried moving the subject along.

"You're not old enough to wear - do you have lipstick on?"

I rubbed my lips together. "And mascara."

He half rolled his eyes. "Wonderful."

"I'm sorry," Meg apologized to my brother. "I didn't realize that she wasn't allowed to wear makeup. I wouldn't have put it on if I had known."

"No it's fine," Darry assured her. "It's not your fault."

"No really," she went on, and I got the feeling that she didn't want him to leave yet. "I don't want to get her in trouble. All girls like to try on makeup when they're little."

"Don't worry. It's not the makeup that's got her in so deep."

"I hope it's nothing I did."

"He thinks I took the bus to come here," I explained, not wanting her to worry, "and I'm not allowed to take it alone. I'm not supposed to come downtown alone either, but it's kind of the same thing."

"Were you even allowed to be here last time I saw you?" Why did she have to ask that?

"Not really," I admitted. "It's kind of complicating."

"You were supposed to be in school," Darry remarked, taking all of the complications out of it.

"But you had your friends with you," Meg remembered. "I guess I thought you just had the day off from school."

"Do you know each other?" Darry asked. "And what do you mean I _think_ you took the bus downtown?"

I sighed overdramatically. "I'm met her last time I was here. Darry, this is Meg. She works here. Meg, this is Darry."

They shook hands quickly and said hello quietly, with slight smiles on their faces. Then Darry cleared his throat.

"What?" I asked.

"There were two parts to that question Lily Curtis."

A look of shock came over Meg's face, but I needed to come up with a lie fast and paid little attention to her.

"I did take the bus." That was all I could think of.

"That's not what it sounds like."

"No I took the bus, I just wanted you to think that I didn't."

"How else would you have gotten here? And how did you figure you were getting home?"

I shrugged. "I did take the bus. And I left the note because, because I thought you would come pick me up when you saw it."

Here was a change. I had not one but two people staring at me in confused silence, no doubt wondering how the heck I thought I could get away with something like that. It would have been nice if I could just tell them that this was all really about me trying to get them together, but if I did that there would have been no point in this trip down in the first place.

"What bus did you catch?" Darry asked, breaking the silence.

"The same one I caught last time."

"Which one was that?"

"The one by my school." I would have said the bus near our house, but thanks to Ponyboy I knew that it didn't even exist.

"You must have caught it right after school then," he remarked. "You wouldn't have had time to go all the way home and get back to school to get down here this quickly."

"No."

"No what?"

"No I caught it right after school."

There was another moment of silence before Darry turned to back to Meg.

"I'm sorry for bothering you at work like this."

"Are you kidding? I have never had a more interesting day than I have this afternoon. Usually it's, 'What do you think? Red or brown?', but with this girl it's like a movie or something. When I was that young I never would have tried cutting across town on my own, and believe me if I had I would have been in _so_ much trouble it would make your head spin."

"Still, we're probably taking you away from something."

"Like what? Giving complementary makeovers? Technically I did that for your sister, so really you've just been helping me do my job."

Darry raised an eyebrow. "Alright, I guess. We should get going and leave you alone. You must have some work to get back to."

She snorted. "Not really."

Darry laughed, and I mean actually laughed, like he found her funny.

Somehow they managed to talk about me while forgetting I was there, which worked out well because I just returned to my stool to do some waiting.

"So do you take care of your sister?" she asked him, leaning on the counter slightly.

"Yeah, since my folks passed I've got her. My brothers too."

"How many are there? Two of them?"

He nodded. "They're a lot older than Lily though."

"How'd you manage to get custody of a girl? If you don't mind my asking. Was it hard?"

He sort of shrugged. "It wasn't easy. It took forever but what they decided is that it would be easier on all three of them to keep them together." He said something else to her, but it was so quiet that I couldn't make out what it was.

I soon lost interest in their conversation and turned my attention to the other customers, who seemed to be gearing up to leave the store. The amount of people did seem to be dying down, but Darry and Meg's conversation only seemed to be building up. I didn't care to listen to them since they were mostly making stupid jokes that I didn't understand and laughing softly to each other, but I couldn't walk of anyplace else either. Had this been any other time I probably would have asked Darry if we could leave, but I didn't want to pull him away from her yet.

Apparently Meg's boss wanted to though, because another one of the sales ladies was sent over to tell her that she needed help.

"I'll talk to you later," Darry said to her as I met him around the counter.

"Yeah," Meg smiled. "It was nice seeing you. You too Lily."

"Bye," I waved, glad to be finally leaving.

Darry's pace was rather slow as we walked through the store. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning anymore, which I took as a good sign.

"Do you like her?" I asked.

"Why?" I thought I caught a smile coming on there, but he stopped himself.

"Well it looked like you do."

"I don't think that it's any of your business." His stern voice was starting to show through again.

"I'm just wondering. I think she liked you."

"Maybe."

"Well she's pretty isn't she?"

He stopped walking and looked down at me, arms crossed. I did the same only instead of looking down I looked up.

"You seemed to be forgetting something Tiger Lily."

I winced, then bit my lip like I was trying to remember. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Putting on makeup. I know you didn't want me to. I won't do it again."

"Give me a break," he said, a hiss coming out rather than a yell. "I don't care if you were trying on makeup."

"You don't?"

"I mad that you took the bus the bus downtown on your own."

"Oh that."

"Yeah that."

"I don't understand something though." I planned on telling him about going with Two-Bit if he got too angry, so I wasn't really concerned about his rising anger.

"What don't you understand?"

"I am not allowed to take the bus alone, or am I not allowed downtown alone? Because what if I wanted to take the bus alone just around our neighbourhood? Would you say no?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you're not allowed on the bus alone."

"But I can come down here alone?"

"Sure."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but the only way you can get down here alone is by taking the bus alone, and you're not allowed to do that."

I tried to say something else, but there was nothing else to say. He had a good point, and he knew it too because he left it there.

"Where's Soda?"

"Soda? Probably at home."

"No he came with me to help find you."

"Oh. How would I know where he is then? I've been with you the whole time."

"Just keep quiet."

I did as I was told as we looked all over the store for our brother. We passed by those pretty dresses Mary Alice and I had looked at before, and I wanted to stop and look again but Darry wouldn't have it. By the time we did find Soda I thought he was going to have a heart attack, because he wasn't even in the store but instead at a small candy shop next to it. Two-Bit was in there with him, but Darry paid little attention to that.

"Oh hey Darry," Soda said before Darry could speak. "I see you found Lily."

"Yeah." I could tell he wanted to say more, but Soda and Two-Bit were talking to the two girls working there, and he probably didn't want to embarrass them. Instead he just stood with his arms folded over his chest and a frown on his face until Soda got the message.

"We've got to get going," he said to the girls, slapping a hand down on Two-Bit's shoulder.

"But we'll be back," Two-Bit promised, and then whispered something in one of the girl's ears which sent her into a fit of giggles. I would be lying if I didn't say that I felt a sense of outrage at this, but was able to keep calm by reminding myself that Two-Bit had slept more nights at my house than he ever would at hers.

Outside Darry spoke to Soda.

"What were you doing over here when you were supposed to be helping me find your sister?"

"I passed by and saw you with her, so I decided to come out front to wait for you, only I got sidetracked."

"Where'd you pass by us?" Darry asked, like he suspected something was up.

He hesitated. "In the girl section."

"Which one?"

Soda looked down at me, then said weakly, "The makeup section."

"What were we doing?"

"Talking to some girl." He said this with great confidence, like he actually had seen this, but Darry didn't seem to believe it.

"What did she look like?"

"Like a girl?"

"She was real nice looking," Two-Bit jumped in. "Nice hair, pretty face, great body."

"What are you doing here?" Darry asked.

"Who, me?" Two-Bit looked hurt.

"Yes you."

"Oh I frequent this joint."

"Really."

"Yeah. See, look at this." He pulled a couple of things out of his pocket, both of which he had clearly stolen. One of those things was a tube of lipstick.

"How'd you get that?" I asked in awe. "You weren't even near the makeup!"

"Lily," Soda nudged me.

"Well he wasn't." Then I realized why he had nudged me.

"How do you know he wasn't there?" Darry asked.

"Uh, because I never saw him there."

"Maybe he was there before you were."

"Which I was," Two-Bit said quickly. "Anyway I'm going to cut out. I've got things to do, people to see, gifts to give. Busy night ahead of me."

He took off around the corner before any of us could say goodbye. Darry looked back and forth between Soda and I with an amused yet confused look on his face.

"You can explain on the way home."

He was pretty quiet on the walk to the car and kept ahead of us, so Soda took the opportunity to ask me about what had happened.

"Did he talk to her?"

"Yeah. I think he likes her too."

"Did she like him?"

"Yes! They talked for a long time. We only left because her boss wanted her to get back to work."

"What'd they talk about?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I wasn't really listening."

He laughed. "You always listen in on people."

"No I don't!"

"You could be a spy. You're lying needs work, but you're pretty good at spying on people."

"I only listen when I think people are talking about me."

Darry had tons of questions on the way home, most of which were for me.

"How did you get downtown?"

"I already told you I took the bus."

"After school, right?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't go home at all?"

"No!"

"Did you see anybody else before you caught the bus?"

"Like who?"

"I don't know, anybody."

"No. I just went right to the bus stop."

"You didn't stop anywhere else?"

"Why are you asking so many questions?" Soda asked. "She told you she caught the bus after school."

"I'm just wondering how your school books got back to the house if you went straight downtown."

"That's because," I started, but couldn't come up with anything to back it up. I had completely overlooked this point.

"That's because you didn't catch the bus straight after school."

"I guess not."

"How did you really get downtown?"

I looked to Soda for help. Darry must have seen this because he spoke again.

"I know Soda didn't drive you because he was at work. And Ponyboy doesn't drive. So who does this leave?"

"A taxi cab," I tried.

"Two-Bit's taxi maybe."

I groaned. "How'd you know?"

"It was pretty obvious. Two-Bit wasn't there when I got there, but he was when I left. And you just happened to have been in the store with him."

"No I wasn't!"

Soda looked over his shoulder at me. "Quit while you're ahead."

"Don't think I'm forgetting about you," Darry turned on him.

"What did I do?"

"I don't know, but I know you did something."

"How do you know I did something if you don't know what I did?"

"Well for starters you didn't seem to question why Two-Bit was there."

"That's not a good argument," Soda joked. "He's always showing up suddenly in unexpected places."

"You didn't come look for me and Lily either."

"I told you that I-"

"I know what you told me," Darry interrupted, "but I never saw you come by there at all."

"You were too busy talking to Meg," I said. There was truth in this, and even though Soda hadn't come by he could have easily been missed if he had.

"You be quiet. Sodapop if you had come by I would have known because you wouldn't walk away from a pretty girl without introducing yourself."

"Ha!" I laughed, like this was proving what I had been think for quite sometime.

Soda looked back at me again. He gave me a look that was a cross between "shut up" and "I'm going to hurt you if you don't shut up." I turned and looked out the window.

"Would you just tell me what's going on?" Darry didn't say this like a question. It came out as more of demand, and Soda and I looked at one of another like we were trying to decide who would explain.

"It was your idea," Soda pointed out.

"You're older," I retorted.

"And bigger," he added, as though it was a threat to me.

"Did you like her?" I asked Darry.

"Why?" he asked like I had asked the question ten times instead of just once.

"Because I want you to like her."

"Why?"

"Because then she can be your girlfriend."

He swerved the car a little bit on the road. "What?"

"If you like her she can be your girlfriend."

He rubbed one of his temples and let out a light laugh. "It doesn't exactly work that way."

"Why not? She likes you."

"Yeah," Soda asked sounding somewhat like he was making fun of me. "Why not?"

Darry gave him a mock punch in the face, but I didn't see what the big deal was. Why couldn't she be his girlfriend? If they both liked each other then what was the problem?

"So you're not going to go with her?" I asked.

"I didn't say that."

"So you will!"

"I didn't say that either."

"Oh."

"It's just not as easy as you think. Things are more complicated than just liking someone. I've only met her a couple of times, and we can't just decide to date each other just because you had us talking."

"But you can see her again," I said. "You know where she works, and you know her name, and you-"

"Hold up," Soda cut in. "What do you mean you only met her a couple of times?" He laughed. "Did you already know her?"

Darry laughed this time. "We went to high school together."

"You did?" I asked. "You never said anything."

"I didn't realize it at first. She looks way different than she did in school."

"So who is she?" Soda asked. "Do I know her?"

"I thought you walked by. You would know if you had seen her."

"We already went over this part. I didn't walk by. Now do I know her?"

"Maybe," Darry said mysteriously. "Her name's Meg."

"I know," Soda said, like he knew he was missing out on something.

"Meg Reeves," Darry pressed, and somehow I knew there was something Darry knew about her that I didn't.

"Meg Reeves?" Soda repeated the name a couple of times as he tried to figure it out. "You mean-" he stopped himself and laughed at Darry. "_The_ Meg Reeves?"

"Yep," Darry nodded.

Soda slapped his knee and laughed again. "Well I'll be."

"What?" I asked.

"Never mind," Darry said, the smile disappearing from his face instantly.

"What is it?" I asked Soda.

"Nothing," he assured me, trying to calm down.

"Come on," I begged. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," Darry insisted. "Just forget it."

"Is it something bad?"

"No," Soda said. "Not for Darry anyway."

"Shut your trap."

"If it's not bad then why are you laughing?"

"You'll understand when you're older," Darry promised, but I didn't want to wait until I was older, I wanted to know then.

"Please tell me. I'll understand. I know I will."

"No you won't," Soda stated.

"It's not important," Darry said to me while handing something that was in his pocket over to Soda.

"What's that?" I asked as Soda unfolded the paper. He held my hand back as he unfolded it and then handed it back to Darry.

"You're kidding right?"

"What was it?" I asked. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Soda said, the same time that Darry informed me that it was a phone number.

"Who's phone number?" I asked. "Meg's?"

Darry just nodded.

I laughed this time, and threw my arms around Darry's neck.

"Would you sit down!" he cried. "And don't try and choke me while I'm driving."

"She was hugging you," Soda pointed out. "See?" He leaned over in the seat and hugged Darry around the waist, and I couldn't decide what was funnier, the goofy look on Soda's face or the disgusted one on Darry's.

"You are going to see her," I said happily when Soda let go of him.

"Maybe," he said.

"I knew it would work!"

"Doesn't mean you can take off any time you want something."

"But it wasn't for me," I remarked, "it was for you."

He let out a deep breath. "Okay, thank you. But next time Lily just remember that if I want something I can go and get it myself."

Soda sort of snickered to this statement, but Darry just ignored him.

"I'm serious though. This is the last time you do something like this."

"I didn't do anything wrong though. I didn't come alone because Two-Bit was with me the whole time, and even Soda knew where I was."

"You lied about taking the bus though."

Soda groaned. "You can't blame her for that."

"I guess not," Darry admitted, "but it was still a lie, and you've told enough of those lately to last a lifetime."

"I have not!"

"Yeah. You lied about your homework just the other day."

"Are you still mad about the note?"

"What note?"

"The note I gave to Soda to give to you." I was in the middle of saying this when Soda turned around and made a motion for me to shut up, but I didn't understand why he was doing this and finished my sentence.

"Soda never gave me a note."

"Yes he did. It was the one about my homework. You signed it and everything." As soon as I finished saying this I realized why he had wanted me to keep quiet.

"Sodapop," Darry said slowly, "what note did I sign?"


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Soda didn't answer Darry and instead lowered himself in his seat.

"I asked you a question! What note did I sign?"

"You didn't sign any note," Soda replied faintly.

"Well Lily seems to think I did."

"Can we talk about this at home?" Soda asked.

"No! We're talking about this right now!"

I thought about lying and saying that I had only been joking about the note from school, but I knew that Darry would be able to tell that it was a lie, and he was angry enough as it was. Besides, I wasn't really sure why Soda would lie to me about such a thing, and why he hadn't just shown Darry the note in the first place.

"Lily got a note send home the other day."

"What did it say?"

"That she didn't do her homework." He hesitated when giving up this information, and I realized that he was just trying to keep me out of trouble.

"Was the note for me?" Darry asked.

"Yes."

"How did you get it then?"

"She was just showing it to me, that's all."

"Then how come she thought I signed it?"

He didn't answer.

"I will pull this car over if you don't start explaining yourself!"

"I took it and said that I would get you to sign it."

"I can't believe this!" Darry cried. "You forged my signature!"

"I'm sorry," he apologized meekly.

"You know better," Darry said, his voice getting quieter. He sounded almost disappointed. "Why would you do that?"

"I don't know." Now Soda sounded upset. "I was going to show it to you, but you looked so tired after work, and I knew you would get mad at her, and then she would get upset, and I was trying to keep everything from turning into a war."

"I wouldn't have gotten mad," Darry said, and both Soda and I snorted.

"You're always mad at her," Soda said as non-threateningly as he could. "And if it's not her it's Ponyboy. I know it was wrong Darry, I do, but really does it matter if she didn't do her homework that much?"

"This isn't about Lily right now," Darry said, and I liked how for once things weren't about me. "This is about you forging my signature. I would be just as mad if you had forged it on a note for Pony or anyone else."

"I said I'm sorry," Soda said desperately. "What else do you want me to say." I could see how uncomfortable he was sitting there next to him. It was once in a blue moon that Darry got genuinely upset with him, and I knew that he didn't like the be the cause of someone's anger.

Darry didn't say anything else to him and for the rest of the ride home we sat in an uncomfortable and awkward silence. I understood why Darry was upset, but at the same time I didn't know how he could hold it against Soda. He had only been trying to save everyone from conflict.

When we got home Soda went straight into his room. Darry followed him right in and a moment later Ponyboy came out, closing the door behind him.

"What's going on?" he asked me, looking back towards the bedroom like he had just seen something very strange.

"I think Soda's in trouble."

"Soda?"

"Yeah."

"What for?"

"I got a note the other day and Soda saw it, so he said that he would take it and get Darry to sign it for me, only today I found out that Darry never got the note and that Soda was really the one who signed it."

Pony blinked a couple of times. "Is Darry really mad?"

"I think so, but he might not be because he didn't do it for a bad reason."

"He told me that he did it," he admitted, "but I didn't think anyone would find out."

"I didn't mean to tell Darry. I didn't even know."

"It's not your fault. You can't help doing something if you don't know. How did it go with that girl?" I couldn't help but notice his sudden change of subject.

"What girl?"

"The girl at the store downtown. The one you wanted to introduce to Darry."

I perked up a little. "It was pretty good. He liked her, and she liked him, and she gave him her phone number, only it turns out that Darry knew her all along because -" I stopped suddenly. "Hey! How did you know I went to the store for that?"

"Soda told me when he got home from work. He wanted me to come downtown with them but Darry wanted me to stay in case he couldn't find you and had to call home to let me know."

"But I didn't really take the bus."

"Darry didn't know that."

"Right." I sat down on the couch. "Sorry I got mad at you earlier. I didn't mean to."

He shrugged. "It's alright. Anyway what were you saying about the store? Darry knew the girl?" 

"Oh yeah. They went to high school together. They weren't friends, but I guess he knows who she is because he was telling Soda about her in the car. They kept laughing about her but wont tell me what it is. I don't think Soda actually knows her, but he has to know who she is because he called her '_The_ Meg'."

"'The _Meg_'?" Pony asked. "That's all he called her?"

"He said her last name too but I don't remember it. "It was Right or Reed or something like that."

Pony though it over for a moment then said, "Reeves!"

"Maybe."

"Meg Reeves! That's who you took him to see?"

"I guess. Who is she?"

Now he had that same goofy grin on his face that Soda had earlier. I tried to find out from him who she was but he wouldn't tell me. I would have kept asking too but the sound of Darry's voice was starting to escape from the bedroom, and boy did he sound upset.

"Sodapop Curtis don't you dare!"

Pony and I exchanged glances and I wondered what could Soda could possibly have said to upset Darry so much.

I could not make out exactly what Darry was saying to Soda and got up from the couch to get closer. Ponyboy reached for the back of my dress and held me back.

"Let go," I told him.

"Leave them alone," he said nicely. "You wouldn't like it if we listened in while Darry yells at you."

"I guess not," I agreed, sitting back down. "Do you listen when he's mad at me?"

"No," he said, "because when he's yelling at you he's not yelling at me."

"And when he's yelling at Soda he's not yelling at either of us."

"I don't like it when he yells at Soda," he said, somewhat defensively. "What did Soda ever do to him?"

I didn't know how to answer that, and thankfully I didn't have to ponder the question for very long because almost as soon as he finished asking it there was a knock on the door.

Pony went over to answer it first, but I followed right behind him. We didn't have to open the screen door though because it was just Two-Bit, standing with his back to us.

"Two-Bit?" Pony asked.

Before turning around he looked over his shoulder cautiously. When he seemed satisfied that whatever it was he was looking for wasn't there he faced us properly.

"Why are you knocking?" I asked. He never knocked.

"Is it safe to come in?" he asked quietly.

"Can you hear the yelling from outside?" Pony asked.

"Yelling? No. What yelling?"

"Darry's yelling at Soda," I informed him.

"Great," Two-Bit said. "I guess it's not safe to come in. He's that mad, huh?"

"Not about the store. I don't think he cares about that."

"Then what is he mad about?" he asked, finally opening the door and coming inside.

I explained once again why Darry was mad, adding that I didn't think it was fair. It didn't seem to bug him too much though, because he just parked himself on the floor and leaned against the back of a chair.

"But he's not mad about the girl?" he wanted to make sure.

"No."

"He got her phone number," Pony told him.

"Did he?" he asked as though he knew he would.

"It was Meg Reeves." Pony said this like he would know what he meant.

Two-Bit's eyes went wide. "I _knew_ she looked familiar! She must have done something with her hair. No, she was just wearing different clothes the last time I saw her. And a lot less of them too!"

"What?" I asked, but Pony hushed Two-Bit before he could say any more about that.

"Who is she?" I asked, thinking maybe I could get Two-Bit to tell me even just a little bit about her.

"A girl who used to go to my school," was all he offered.

"But how come everybody knows who she is?"

"We just happen to know everybody," he kidded.

"Why won't anybody tell me about her."

"Darry can tell you about her," he said.

"He won't."

"Ask him again when you're alone," Two-Bit urged me. "Maybe he'll tell you then. Oh and ask him how well they knew each other."

"Why? How well did they know each other?"

"Ask your brother," he said, then added, "maybe not today though. He doesn't sound like he's in the best mood." 

Two-Bit went quiet as the door to the bedroom opened and Darry came out. Without looking at us he headed of into his own room. The three of us in the living room remained silent as Soda joined us and took a seat next to Ponyboy on the couch.

I don't think any of us knew what to say, and then finally Soda ended the quiet streak.

"I think he just grounded me." He didn't say it like he was upset, but more like he couldn't actually believe that it had just happened.

"For how long?" Two-Bit asked, turning it into a joke.

He shrugged. "I think he said a week."

"A week!" I cried. "That's nothing. I've been grounded for three weeks before!"

"So have I," Soda reminded me. "I'm practically seventeen. I've done my time."

"Could be worse," Two-Bit tried to help. "He could have, I don't know, beaten you."

"How could that be worse?" Soda asked. "At least I could still leave the house."

"You still get to go to work," I asked, "don't you?"

Soda laughed. "Yeah. He can't ground me from there."

"I wish he could ground me from school," I stated.

Darry came out of his room a while later and asked to speak with Soda in the kitchen. This time I didn't care what Ponyboy said, I was going to listen to what Darry had to say. The second Soda was in the kitchen and had his back turned to me I snuck up behind him and hid behind the wall. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that Two-Bit and Ponyboy were motioning for me to get away, but I just ignored them.

"Soda I'm sorry I yelled like that." Darry was apologizing. I couldn't believe it. He hardly ever apologized, and usually found some way to justify his reason for losing his temper.

"It's alright," Soda said quietly. "I shouldn't have said what I said."

"Look I'm not going to ground you. I know you're sixteen but you work hard for this family. Next time something like this comes up though could you let me deal with it. I don't even want to think of how much trouble could have come of this if her teacher thought that note was forged."

"I know. I'm sorry, and I guess I wouldn't have minded being grounded that much."

"At least you'd have had Lily to keep you company."

"What!" I cried, and then shut my mouth quickly.

Soda took a step back and seemed surprised to see me standing there. When I entered the kitchen I noticed the big smile that had across Darry's face.

"Why am I grounded?" I asked.

"For eavesdropping," he informed me.

"That's not fair!"

"I'm just kidding you. I knew you were there the whole time. But you're lucky I don't ground you."

"I know."

"You're off this time, and it's only because I'm in a good mood again." For someone in a good mood Darry didn't sound very happy.

For someone who had just been in a rather unexpected fight with his brother Soda seemed quite happy, because the second the phone rang he ran to answer it like he was ready to go ahead make last minute Friday evening plans.

Alone in the kitchen with Darry I decided to ignore Two-Bit's earlier suggestion and ask about Meg again.

"How come everybody knows who Meg is?"

He thought it over., while pouring himself a glass of milk. "I guess she's just really popular."

"But even Two-Bit knows that you know her. How do you know her?"

"I told you we went to school together."

"Did you ever talk to her at school?"

"Not really," he said, then admitted, "We did see each other a couple of times outside of school."

"Did you like her then?"

"Yeah," he said, "I guess."

"How well do you know her?"

Darry chocked on his milk then, which I thought was kind of strange because it didn't seem like a very good reason to spit out your milk. "What do you mean?"

"That's what Two-Bit said. He said 'Ask your brother how well he knows Meg'. How well do you know her?"

"Not very well," he said quickly before going out into the living room.

I followed after him.

"Two-Bit," he said.

"Yeah?" Two-Bit asked from the floor where he was now wrestling with Soda.

"Would you like to be the one to explain the facts of life to my sister?"

"Huh?" Soda let Two-Bit out of the headlock he had him in and they both moved away from each other.

"What are the facts of life?" I asked.

"Two-Bit is going to explain them to you the next time he tries to get you to ask me about how well I know certain people." Though Darry was saying this to me, the entire statement was directed completely at Two-Bit.

"Hey don't try and pass that off to me," Two-Bit retorted. "It's your department. Besides, you have more experience than I do. You could probably explain things better."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "What does the facts of life mean."

Two-Bit looked at me seriously. "Well, when a Darry and a Meg love each other very much-"

He was cut off by Darry smacking him none too gently on the back of the head.

"Hey!" he cried. "What'd you interrupt me for? Although, you must be used to getting interrupted when you're in the middle of something important. You are used to it, aren't you Darry?"

"Yeah and I bet you're used to it too," Darry said, not in a goofy voice the way Two-Bit had but in a cold voice, like he wanted him to shut up.

"Darry?" I asked.

"What?"

"Why won't anybody tell me what the facts of life means?"

"That's it! Two-Bit's going to tell you."

"All right," Two-Bit agreed, getting to his feet, "but I have to warn you Darry, my descriptions will be graphic, and I will not be held responsible for any new terms this girl learns from me."

He came over to lead me away from my brothers, but Darry just ended up shoving him back to the ground. Well, it wasn't really a shove, but Two-Bit managed to make it look like one.

"You just keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you," Darry threatened, but I didn't really understand why he was angry when just a moment earlier he had been telling him that he had to explain things to me.

"Is anybody going to tell me?" I asked finally.

Darry sighed. "I was just kidding. The facts of life can't be explained. It's just something you learn as you get older."

"That's what the fifteen-year-old mommy's parents told her," Two-Bit spat, and this time it was Soda who smacked him on the back of the head.

"Get out of my house," Darry ordered him.

"But, but I'm watching TV."

"Fine," Darry said. "You can stay, but if you say anything else I'm going to _throw_ you out."

"Well I'll just shut up then," he agreed, but only two seconds later he was shooting his mouth off at Soda and Ponyboy about something he had heard earlier in the day. 

It seemed a little strange to me when Darry chose that Friday night to go out. Two-Bit was the one who suggested it, having actually invited Ponyboy to go out with him. Soda wanted to go but for some reason suggested that Darry go instead, and offered stay home with me. I wanted to go along as well but didn't bother telling anyone that. Even though I didn't get to go I was kind of happy to see that Darry did, but I wasn't really sure why.

The second they were out the door Soda turned to me. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. We could make cake."

I shook my head. "We always make cake."

"I like cake." He sounded somewhat insulted. "We can watch TV."

"We always do that too."

"We could play hide and seek," he suggested, but did not sound like he wanted to play it at all.

"I'm too old for hide and seek."

"Since when?" he scoffed.

"I don't know. And there aren't enough people to play."

"Yes there are. One to hide and one to seek. You could hide and I could - I don't want to play anyway."

"Good. What are we going to do?"

"I don't know. I'm the only one who's come up with anything. You try and think of something."

"Fine." I thought for a while, and then finally it hit me. "Let's play Bloody Mary."

"Bloody what?" he asked. "I don't want to make mess tonight. We're going to have to clean it up after."

"No!" I laughed. "It's not a messy game."

"What is it then?"

"It's just a normal game. Two-Bit told me about it."

"If Two-Bit told you about it then it can't be normal."

"Just listen! You have to stand in front of a mirror with the lights of and say Bloody Mary."

He had a blank look on his face. "Are you sure you don't want to make cake?"

"Yes! Come on Soda I never played it before."

"When did you hear about it?"

"Today."

"Fine. But it doesn't sound like much of a game. You stand in front of a mirror and say Bloody Mary. What happens next?"

"You didn't let me finish. You have to spin around while you say it, and then she's supposed to show up in the mirror."

"Then what? Does she give us an idea for something better to do?"

"Soda!"

"Okay, okay. What really happens?"

"Two-Bit said that she comes and rips your face off."

"I hate to break this to you Lily but either he hasn't tried it or it doesn't work."

I was beginning to get frustrated with him. "He already told me that he never tried it."

"Okay then."

"We need candles," I decided when Soda finally agreed to try it out.

"Did Two-Bit tell you that too?"

"No. But we have to have the lights off and things are always scarier with candles."

"Okay, if you want them."

I had to think about where I could find candles, and for the life of me I could not come up with any place in the house that we kept them.

"Why don't we just do it without candles?" Soda suggested.

"That's no fun," I complained. "I know. How about we just light a bunch of newspaper on fire in the sink. Then we can just turn the water on when it gets too big."

"How about no," he shot me down. "If we burn the house down Darry will have a heart attack. Where'd you get an idea like that anyway?"

"Mary Alice and I tried it at her house with her sister's old colouring books."

"Why?"

"We wanted to roast marshmallows."

"Are you - who though of - did it work?"

"I don't know," I said secretively. "What do the facts of life mean?"

"Hey, I remember where we have candles!" He ran from the room quickly, leaving without any answers.

It turned out that the candles were in Darry's closet, of all places, but Soda couldn't really tell me what they were doing there. He just set them up on either side of the sink.

"Well this is good," he said when he saw me in the bathroom. "You're not even tall enough to look in the mirror."

"I don't think I have to be as tall it," I said. "I probably just have to be able to see it."

"But how does it count as standing in front of a mirror if you're not standing in front of it?"

"Well I'll just stand on a stool." I pulled the stood up to the sink.

Soda closed the door and turned the lights off, then took a spot next to me by the mirror. There wasn't much room for us, and even with the stool I was still much shorter than him.

"What do we do?"

"We say Bloody Mary and spin around."

"Okay. Bloody Mary," he started, and spun around. When he saw that I wasn't spinning turned me and made me spin too. "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, you're not saying it, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary."

I joined him in the chanting halfway through, and we must have gone through it about twenty times be fore I got dizzy from spinning and fell off of the stool. I grabbed the shower curtain on my way down and ended up landing on my feet.

"Lily!" he cried and flicked the lights. "What happened?"

"I fell," I laughed, still holding on to the curtain in order to keep my balance.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I didn't see anything, did you?"

He shook his head. "No." He opened the bathroom door and looked like he was ready to leave.

"You want to stop?" I asked.

"No, but I think it's supposed to be just one person at a time. The other is supposed to wait outside."

"I thought you hadn't heard of this," I remarked, letting go of the curtain.

"I haven't," he admitted, "it just makes sense that you do it alone."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It's supposed to be a scary game. How can if scare you if you're with someone?"

"I don't know." It did make sense that we should be alone in order to be scared, but I didn't know if I liked the idea of being scared on my own. "You can go first."

"Why me?"

"Because you're older."

"But it was your idea. Besides if you get your face ripped off I can take you to the hospital. If I get mine ripped off you can't do anything for me."

He had me there, but I didn't really like the idea of having my face ripped off.

"I'll go first," I agreed in the end.

"Be careful," he said. "Don't fall off the stood again. If you get dizzy stop."

"I will," I promised, and watched as he walked out the door. I went and closed the door behind him, braced myself, and shut the lights off. The candles offered me enough lights to find my way back to my stood, where I climbed back up and gazed at myself in the mirror. It was somewhat creepy the way the light only shone on parts of my face, and it felt kind of like I was a skeleton. I had held a flashlight up to my face this way before, but that wasn't nearly as creepy as it was with the flickering flame.

I swallowed hard before beginning. The first "Bloody Mary" came out rather softly, only because I was embarrassed to be talking out loud in an empty room. The second "Bloody Mary was a bit louder, and I was being careful not to spin around too quickly.

The more and more I said the name the faster my spinning got and the louder my voice became, only out of the growing fear I had that something might actually happen to me. Each time I passed the mirror I tried to see if anyone had shown up yet, but never saw anything more than the reflection of the wall behind me.

I ultimately wound up spinning so fast I knew that I would fall over if I didn't stop. The next time I saw the mirror I grabbed hold of the sink and stopped myself, looking directly into the mirror. Now the only thing that I saw was my reflection, just as I had before, with the candles flickering on my face and whatnot, but for some reason I scared myself into thinking that my face was bright red, which it was really not.

The scream that came out of me was one that would come out of someone who was about to be murdered, but I was so frightened by own imagination that I could not move away from the mirror nor could I stop looking at my reflection.

Within moments the door had flown open, the lights were on and Soda was in there comforting me. With him in there things didn't seem so bad, but he wanted to know what had scared me so much.

"What did you see?" he asked, like he almost believed that there was something there.

"Just my face," I admitted.

"What else?"

"Nothing else."

"Well how come you were screaming?"

"I don't know. It was scary. You try it."

"No. We're done with this game."

"That's not fair! I had had to do it and I'm way younger than you!"

"You didn't have to try it."

"I know but I don't want to be the only one who did it."

"You said you didn't see anything."

"I didn't, but maybe you will."

"Fine," he agreed. "I'll try it once, but then we're going to stop it for good."

"Okay," I said, happy that he was going to give it a go.

Once he was inside of the bathroom I was a little scared again, only because I was alone and could see everything outside of the house. Not that anything bad from outside came inside, but it was still scary just being by myself.

Soda was in there for quite awhile and I could just barely make out the sound of his chanting. I was really starting to get scared at this point but when I heard his voice slowly getting louder I realized that he was alright. Then, without any warning, I heard a blood curdling scream. Next thing I knew the door had flown open and my brother emerged from the bathroom.

"We're never doing that again!" he told me. Behind him I could see that both of the candles had been blown out, and though I didn't mention it to him I wondered if he had been the one to do it. After all he didn't have much time between chanting, screaming, and rushing out of there to blow them out.

He grabbed hold of me and took me all over the house, where he turned on every single light switch before grabbing a blanket out of his bedroom, heading into the living room, and wrapping it around us on the couch.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, finding this slightly funny.

"Nothing," he said, his voice sounding more or less normal.

"How come we're hiding under this blanket?"

"I'm cold."

"What did you see in the mirror."

"Nothing. Don't ever play that game again."

"I won't."

"Promise me you won't."

"I promise. I didn't really like it anyway."

We ended up spending the rest of the night on the sofa watching the TV, though I fell asleep before the others got home. They ended up waking me up just from their loud talking, and though I was still half asleep I was sure that I heard Darry ask why there were candles lit in the bathroom.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews and messages. I haven't updated in so long because this was actually only intended to be something to tide me over until an original idea came along. Naturally it had to take over, so I'm sorry that I haven't been as frequent in updating as I once was. Also, sorry for the length of this chapter, but it's just my start of trying to get back into this. Thanks again and enjoy!

Chapter 26

It was around the same time that Mary Alice returned to school from her bout with chicken pox when Kathy began parading around with her new friends. Mary Alice and I were sitting outside at recess talking about the leftover pockmarks on her arm when we noticed the three girls walking around the playground, pointing towards different people and laughing loudly to themselves. I wasn't sure of either of the other two girls' names, but I did know that they were in the fifth grade and probably lived in the same neighbourhood as Kathy. They each wore a pretty dress, one in pink and the other in yellow, and they had their hair done so nicely that I could not help but feel a secret jealousy towards them.

It was nearing the end of recess when they took notice my friend and I across the schoolyard, and when they did Kathy began saying something quietly before all three of them burst out into fits of laughter.

"What's their problem?" Mary Alice asked, shifting uncomfortably on our bench.

"I don't know," I said, "but I wish that they'd stop pointing at us. Don't they have other people to bother?"

Apparently they didn't though, because only a second after I said that the three of them started marching in our direction, the same evil look pasted across each of their faces.

"Want to go somewhere else?" I asked Mary Alice.

She shook her head. "We don't have to move because of them." She had a point. We shouldn't have felt like we needed to run away at our own school, but at the same time I could remember the last confrontation that I'd had with Kathy and couldn't promise myself that this one wouldn't be exactly the same.

"Well hello," Kathy sang when she approached us, using that false friendly voice that she had once used on others when we played with her.

"What do you want?" I asked, standing slowly to face them. Mary Alice did the same, and though neither of us were _really_ tough, we knew enough kids who were to know how to look like we weren't the least bit intimidated by her.

"I just came over to introduce you two to my friends. This," she said, nodding to the brunette in the pink, "is Joyce. And this," she pointed to the redhead in the yellow, "is Lynn. Joyce, Lynn, this Mary Alice and she's Tiger Lily."

"It's just Lily," I informed her harshly, crossing my arms over my chest. That was a big mistake, because suddenly all three of them began to laugh.

"I told you," Kathy sang, while Mary Alice and I exchanged confused glances.

"Told them what?" I asked, wanting to know what this joke was about.

"Oh nothing," Kathy rolled her eyes, but was still smiling enough to make me curious.

"Really," I asked. "You're laughing about me and I want to know why."

"You really want to know?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Absolutely positively sure?"

"Yes."

"You're one hundred percent sure you want to know."

"I already said yes."

"So your absolutely positively one hundred and fifty percent sure that you want to know."

"I'm sure enough that if you don't tell me soon I'm gonna punch that crooked nose off your face!"

Even my threat didn't wipe that ugly grin off her face. She just turned to her friends. "I _told _you she has a temper."

"Come on Kathy," Mary Alice urged gently, like she didn't want to be part of the joke herself.

"Fine," Kathy gave in. "I was just telling Joyce and Lynn how neither of you wear a bra yet." All three of them began laughing again, but I didn't see what was so funny.

"You don't wear a bra either," I pointed out to Kathy, which put a quick stop to their giggles.

"I do so!" she spat.

"Since when?"

"Since last year. I just never told you because I didn't want you to feel ferior of me."

Mary Alice snorted. "Ferior's not even a word. Dummy!"

"Is too."

"Is not. It's _inferior _for your information, and we don't feel _inferior_ to you because you don't wear a bra, and even if it's a training bra you don't need one because you've got nothing to fill it with!"

I was proud of Mary Alice for that. She had been out of school for awhile and already she was back knowing the meanings of words that I didn't even know existed. Neither of Kathy's new friends even snickered at that though, and they quickly told us why.

"She actually does wear a bra," Lynn informed us snobbishly, "and it's not a trainer either. We were there when she bought it and we'd know better than you anyway because we actually wear them."

"Yeah," Joyce jumped in with a voice as equally snooty as Lynn's. "And you two better pray that you actually get something by next year other wise the other fifth grade girls are going to make fun of you so bad that you'll want to drop out of school."

"Yeah," Kathy said. "Everybody in the fifth grade wears a bra. Even the girls in trainer's get made fun of."

"How do you know we don't wear them?" Mary Alice asked, though I could have pointed out the most obvious of reasons why it was clear we did not.

"Please," Kathy sighed. "Everybody knows you don't. Besides," she looked at her friends when she said this next bit, "even if they could fit into bras they're both too poor to buy one."

I felt the urge to punch her again, and I was just starting to make a fist when Mary Alice put her hand down on mine to stop me. They noticed, because they all starting giggling again.

"Look," Lynn said, "they're holding hands."

"We are not!" I said as each of us pulled our hands away.

"It looked like it to me," Joyce said.

"Me too," Kathy laughed.

"Fine!" I snapped, taking a step closer to them. "We were holding hands. Happy?"

Joyce let out a slight laugh then.

"What?" I said through clenched teeth.

"It's just that Kathy was right."

"About what?"

"You are kind of short for a girl your age," she said, her smile growing wider. "Actually you're really short. I wonder if you're really a midget."

I was just about to clock her when I heard Lynn cry out, "What are you staring at?"

"Oh nothing," Mary Alice sang, and I stepped back to see that she was leaning over and looking right up into Lynn's face.

"What is it?" Lynn begged to know.

"It's just that you have the longest nose hairs I've ever seen." She stood up straight. "Even my grandpa doesn't have hairs like that."

I don't think Mary Alice saw it coming, because I know that I didn't, but a split second later Lynn reached up and smacked my friend with the back of her hand, and believe me I was surprised that I didn't see teeth go flying out of her mouth. She didn't make a sound though, didn't cry out loud or anything. Instead, she brought her own hand up to her face, like she couldn't believe that somebody had actually just hit her.

Apparently the other girls couldn't believe it either because they all looked entirely shocked. Nobody said anything for a moment and we all stared at Mary Alice in silence to see what she would do. Our silence was interrupted by the school bell, and suddenly Lynn seemed to realize what she had done.

"You better not tell anybody about this," she said to her threateningly. "If you do I'll just deny it."

"Don't worry," Kathy said hatefully. "They're greasers. They aren't allowed to rat out other kids."

All three of them turned to leave before we could respond to that, but as they walked away Mary Alice shouted after them, "Don't trip over your boobs on the way inside." It wasn't much of a comeback, but then she had just been smashed in the face so I couldn't exactly hold it against her.

I knew that she was not going to tell on them. Mary Alice didn't tell on anybody, and though we wouldn't have admitted it, Kathy was right. We weren't the type of kids to rat on people, but that was clearly not what made me angry about her. I could see the tears beginning to fill Mary Alice's eyes as we walked into the school, but I wasn't sure whether they were from the physical or the emotional slap across the face.

Though it had never bugged me before, all I could think about for the rest of the afternoon in class was that my chest had yet to develop anything. It was flat, and while I looked around at a the other girls in my class I noticed that none of them had much of anything either. There were a few who had hints of _something_, but it was definitely nothing to brag about, and two of those girls were a bit on the chubby side and I thought that maybe their weight had something to do with it.

Mary Alice clearly had nothing, but then Kathy looked about the same and she was wearing a bra. One thing that really bothered me though was that both Lynn and Joyce did have breasts, and they were almost as large as some of the junior high school girls. I didn't know what they looked like a year earlier, but I knew that I didn't even have a year before the fifth grade to work on getting into a bra.

On the way home from school Mary Alice and I discussed the events from recess, and it seemed that she had some of the same concerns that I did.

"I don't think we can grow something before the next grade," she said, sounding worried. "My mom told me that it has to do with nature and that we can't control it." I was surprised to hear that she had actually spoken with her mother about such a personal matter, especially since it was something that I thought girls only spoke with their friends about.

"Maybe we could just get bras," I said. "If Kathy can then so can we."

"Except that we don't have any money. And we don't know where to get one, or how to pick one out."

Sometimes I was concerned about how easily she could come to such depressing conclusions, but I wasn't going to complain about it this time because I knew that it was true.

"At least I know that my mom's got big ones," Mary Alice said with hope in her voice. "I guess that mean's I'll get them too. What about your mom's?"

I shrugged. "I never paid attention to them." In truth it had never been a very big deal. Sure when I was really little I used to wonder what it would be like when I actually grew breasts, but it wasn't something that little kids really had to worry about. It shouldn't have been something that a nine-year-old worried about either, but when other girls are concerned about it then it's hard not to be.

"What if they don't grow?" I asked. "Everybody's gonna laugh at us."

"I know," she admitted. "Do you think boys won't like us if we don't have huge boobs."

"Since when do we care if boys like us?" I asked, though I knew that if I found out a boy did like me I would have died and gone to heaven.

"I don't know, but boys do like it when girls have big ones. You ever see your brothers or their friends go out with girls who have flat chests?"

"I don't know. I don't usually see who they go out with. Besides, Kathy doesn't have anything either." I was only kidding myself though, because the wish right then that I had my own breasts was not nearly as strong as my desire to even own a bra.

Just then Mary Alice raised her hand up to her head.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"My face hurts," she said, and turned to show me where Lynn had struck her.

I gasped when I saw it. "Have you looked in the mirror at all?"

"No," she answered nervously. "What's wrong?"

"Well you've got a black eye, 'cept it's not on your eye. It's on your cheek."

"She bruised my cheek?"

"It looks pretty bad too."

"I have to see it," she said as we took off running towards her house. When we got there we rushed up the steps and in through the front door where we made our way through the house to the bathroom. I thought she was going to faint when she saw it.

"It's not _that_ bad," I tried to tell her, but even she could see that it was pretty grim.

"Mary?" Mrs. Weston called as she walked into the bathroom. "I didn't know if that was you. Oh hi Lily. How are you girls?"

"Fine," Mary Alice replied, keeping her face turned away from her mother so that she wouldn't see her bruise.

"What's wrong?" Mrs. Weston asked, sensing that her daughter was upset.

"Nothing!"

"Mary? What happened?" She walked around to the other side of us and as she did Mary Alice moved again. After she did that her mother grabbed hold of her firmly and turned her to see what she was hiding. Her eyes went wide when she saw the bruise, and I could tell that she was concerned.

"What on earth happened?" she asked, her voice in almost a whisper.

"Nothing," she replied, and I could see the tears filling her eyes. I could remember how when my mother was alive no matter how much I told myself that I was not going to cry the second I saw her I would begin to bawl.

"Did somebody hit you?" her mother asked. "You didn't get into a fight, did you?"

She shook her head. "No, a girl slapped me."

"With what, her fist!"

"She backhanded her," I explained.

"When? On your way home?"

"No, at lunch."

"Did you tell a teacher."

Neither of us said anything, and Mrs. Weston sighed. "Who was it?"

Mary Alice shrugged. "One of Kathy's friends. Lynn or something."

"I'm calling the school first thing in the morning," her mother said and I could see her anger rising.

"No you can't!" Mary Alice cried. "She's a year older and she'll hate me if I do."

"I don't care if she hates you Mary she practically broke your cheekbone! You should have gone to a teacher."

"I wasn't going to tell on her! Besides, it doesn't even hurt that much."

Her mother just looked at her for a moment, like she was trying to decide what to do. Finally she shook her told us to go outside and play.

"You think she's going to tell on Lynn?" I asked once we were outside.

"Probably. She's always worried about me when I get hurt. I just don't want Lynn to get mad at me. What if she tells people stuff about me?"

"What's to tell?" I asked. "She doesn't even know you."

"But Kathy does."

She came home with me so that we could continue our conversation while I dropped my books off. Our talk was really going nowhere, after all neither of us had the answers we wanted, and as we sat on my front steps we only seemed to confuse ourselves more.

"I wonder why they were making fun of us," Mary Alice said. "We've never done anything to them."

"Like Kathy said, it's because we're greasers."

"But we're not even. Just because our families are and because we live over here they make fun of us. We're not nearly as mean as Kathy is."

"I know," I said. "Sometimes I think that when I grow up I want to be rich so that I don't have to live in a place like this, but what if I have a daughter? I don't want her to be rich. Sure, I want her to have nice stuff but I don't want a kid who's stuck up like Kathy is."

"I know, but you could tell them they aren't allowed to be stuck up."

"But then I can't give them nice things either, because you can't have lots of stuff without being stuck up."

"Why not? Lots of the older girls 'round here are stuck up and all they have are cigarettes and lipstick."

"But they only pretend to be stuck up," I explained.

"Why would they pretend?"

"So that boys will like them."

"Boys like girls who are stuck up?" Mary Alice asked. "Why?"

"I don't know. Probably makes them seem more mature or something."

"But I thought they liked girls who have big boobs."

"They like that too." Where I was getting these facts from I'll never know, but it seemed reasonable at the time.

"So for boys to like us we have to have huge boobs, and act stuck up?"

I nodded. "I think so."

"Well how come we have to have them? Why don't boys?"

"Because that would be weird."

"Well it looks like I'm not going to have boobs for awhile," she pointed out, "and I if I ever try and act stuck up my parents will spank me back to kindergarten, so I guess I'm never going to have a boyfriend."

"Neither will I," I said, and even though I didn't want a boyfriend right away, I figured that by high school I would be ready for one.

"Who needs boyfriends anyway?" she asked. "What's the point?"

"I guess so we can get married."

"Then what? What's so great about being married?"

"Well your parents are married."

"Yeah, but I heard my aunt say that they only got married because my dad got my mom pregnant. That's another thing. How do you get somebody pregnant?"

"From doing 'it'," I said, as though I knew all the answers.

"I know _that_," she scoffed, "but I don't actually know what 'it' is."

I understood exactly what she meant. I knew that "it" was just a secretive term for sex, and I knew that being a virgin meant you hadn't had sex and not being a virgin meant that you had, but that was all I knew. Mary Alice and I both learned about that in the first grade when one of the boys in our class was playing the "yes or no" game. He went up to everybody and asked "Are you a virgin". Everybody except myself and one other boy said yes, and of course the joke was that we weren't virgins because we'd had sex with each other. But what I didn't know was how people could actually have sex, and what the act of losing your virginity meant.

Another thing I knew was that it wasn't something that I could talk about. It was one of those things that from birth you automatically know that you aren't supposed to talk about. It's okay around friends, but definitely not around family and never around a teacher, because they would tell your parents, and then you would really be in trouble.

"Do you think we know anybody who's done it?" Mary Alice asked me, and just as she did Two-Bit came strolling down the street and up to our front steps. We tried to stifle our curious giggles when he did but he knew something was up because instead of going inside to see Pony he sat outside with us.

"What are you doing?" he asked, grinning happily along with us.

"Talking," I replied.

"About what?"

"It," I said, thinking that he would have no idea what I was talking about.

"Oh," he nodded. "You're a bit young for that yet, aren't you?"

Mary Alice and I quickly looked at each other, wondering if he was talking about the same "it" that we were. He must have been though, because the next thing he said couldn't have been about anything else.

"I guess I learned about that stuff when I was your age. Back then I though I knew everything there was to know. Now I figure I do, but heck, maybe when I'm twenty-five I'll look back and think that I was an idiot for trying. What do you two know anyway? And who told you 'bout it, Darry?"

"No! We figured it out ourselves."

He whistled and then nodded. "Who am I to judge."

I didn't understand what he meant by that, but apparently my friend did because she suddenly punched him in the arm and said, "You're disgusting!"

"I'm kidding," he laughed. "So what exactly were you saying?" He seemed too amused to really be interested in what we were saying, but I figured that since I actually had a boy around to ask questions to then I might as well ask them.

"How come boys like girls to have big you-know-whats?"

He tilted his head to the side and squinted like he was trying to think. "Can you ask me that again in a couple of years?"

"Fine," I said, "but how come girls have to have big ones?"

"Yeah?" Mary Alice asked. "How come boys don't have to have anything big?"

He stood quickly then, and ran a hand along the side of his slicked hair. "I can't believe it."

"What?" we asked.

He crossed his arms over his chest and looked almost distraught. "I am actually uncomfortable answering you girls. I've never been uncomfortable about this stuff in my life." Hw took a deep breath. "I need a drink." With that he took off into the house, leaving Mary Alice and I sitting there and wondering what was wrong with him.


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Thanks again for all of your reviews!

Chapter 27

After Mary Alice went home I headed inside to find something else to entertain myself. Ponyboy and Two-Bit were goofing off out back of the house, while Darry and Soda had yet to return home from work. For the first time in a few weeks I actually felt like getting my homework done, so of course it had to be the night that I had none to do. I needed something to keep my mind off of the questions that were buzzing around in my head. I didn't care as much about whether or not boys liked me yet, and there was one major question plaguing my thoughts: How could I grow breasts fast? It wasn't like I had someone around to ask, and even if I did they probably wouldn't tell me.

I was pacing back and forth in the kitchen trying to come up with an answer for myself when I decided that maybe I had more of a chest than I thought. After peeking out the back window to make sure that my brother and his friend were still occupied, I dashed into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Before I even stepped up on my stool I stood below the mirror and remembered how earlier Kathy's friend had made fun of my height. It did seem strange to me that I was so short. None of my brothers were really lacking in height, and my folks' hadn't had it bad either.

I noticed though, as I looked above me, that I could actually see the reflection of the top of my head there, and if I stood on my tiptoes I could even see my eyebrows (provided that I raised them). It wasn't even a month before that that I could see pretty much nothing of myself in that mirror, and decided to shrug off the comment about my lack of height for the time being. After all, it seemed like I may have been starting to catch up in that department.

I pulled my stool out then and stepped up to get a good look at myself. It was hopeless though. No matter what way I looked at myself, whether it was from the front or in profile, I was a flat as a board. I tried sticking my chest out in order to give the illusion that I had _something_, but the only illusion that it gave was that I had something crawling down the back of my dress. I was just about to step down from the stool when my eyes landed on it: the toilet paper.

I did not waste anytime grabbing handfuls of that stuff and then jumping back up on the stool. I bunched it up and shoved it down my shirt to see what it would look like if I actually had them, but to my dismay the second I pulled my hands away my dress front just flattened the paper so it looked exactly like what it was, crumpled up pieces of tissue. Then I had a thought. If toilet paper didn't work then maybe something else would, something that could be rolled into a ball so that it actually looked round. The first thing I thought of were socks, because, as I figured, they were the only thing in the house that could actually be rolled.

I took the socks from Pony and Soda's room, only because theirs was the closest to the bathroom (and I knew that they would have bigger ones than I did). I slipped into the bathroom again and this time put the socks, one pair for each side, under my dress. I did so with my back to the door just to be safe, and I didn't want to see until I actually had them in place, but when I stepped up to the mirror I was actually surprised. They didn't look bad, and except for being slightly squashed under my dress they were alright. It was somewhat disappointing to see them though because I knew that they weren't real and that I would have to wait for a long time, perhaps even forever, to get some of my own.

I stuck my chest out slightly just for effect, and then turned to all sides just to see what I looked like from all angles. I should have known better. The second I had turned towards the door the knob turned and Soda walked in.

We both stood there for a second, him staring at my chest and while I stared at his face, which was turning slightly red. Then the reality of the situation hit me, and I hit the roof.

"Soda!" I screamed. "Get out!" He didn't though, and just stood there. I was sure that I saw him starting to crack a smile, but I couldn't handle him doing that. "Get out of here!" I screeched in humiliation as I grabbed the closest thing to me, which just happened to be a brand new bar of soap, and threw it at him. It hit him right in the face, and finally I think he realized what was going on.

He even opened his mouth to say something to me, but I wasn't going to listen to him.

"Go away!" I cried, and reached into my shirt, pulled the socks out, and threw both pairs at him. He caught them and stepped back out of the room, and the second he did I jumped off of the stool and slammed the door shut, locking it this time.

I slid down to the floor and kept yelling at him. "You should have knocked! I can't get any privacy in this stupid house!" I didn't need to yell like that, and I knew it, but I was so embarrassed and felt so ashamed of myself that I couldn't help it. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. My eyes filled up with tears, but that's all I could get out. Then, from outside of the door I heard my brother talking to himself.

"Hey," he said, sounding almost pleased. "These are my socks."

I almost laughed at that, but I couldn't bring myself to make any noise. All I wanted to do was go crawl into my bed and die, but I couldn't do that if I was locked in the bathroom, and there was no way I could face Soda now.

I sat there for what felt like an eternity, feeling sorry for myself and wishing that I had never done such a silly thing, or at least that I had locked the door. Eventually I could hear Soda and Pony talking out in the kitchen, but I covered my ears so that I didn't have to hear what they were saying. If Soda was telling him about me then I didn't want to have to hear it. I quickly slipped out of the bathroom then, as I was sure that they would not notice me, and went into my bedroom. I did just as I had wanted to do the entire time I was in the bathroom, and that was crawl under my blankets. Unfortunately though I didn't die, but instead had to endure the pain of my embarrassment.

The hardest part about wallowing in self pity is that it gets boring pretty quickly. After a short time I longed to get out of my room, but the thought of facing people was just too much to handle. So I thought about it. I knew that Soda wasn't the type to try and embarrass me and he hardly ever brought up things like this in front of others. It would still be hard to be with him face to face, so I decided that I would swallow the lump in my throat, get out of bed, and find something else to do. I also told myself that I wasn't going to talk to him of face him, so I suppose now that I wasn't facing this as maturely as I thought I was at the time.

I got up out of bed and hovered around my doorway for a moment, trying to decide for sure if this was what I wanted. Then, before I could turn back, I forced myself to open the door and walk out of my room. As a force of habit I went towards the living room, and by the time I saw that Soda was in there on the phone it was too late.

I couldn't turn back at this point, so instead I announced loudly, "I'm going to the park!" and hopped that somebody had heard me.

Just as I got to the bottom of the steps Darry met me on the front walk, and I couldn't even look him in the eye.

"Where are you going?" he asked, somewhat nicely.

"To the park," I informed him, and tried to get by before he could stop me. It was never possible to do that.

"Wait a minute," he said, and I stopped where I was, not bothering to turn around. I had a fear that Soda could have told him about me. I knew that it was almost impossible, but the fear was still great enough to keep me from looking up at him.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Come eat some supper first. You can go to the park for awhile afterwards."

"Please?" I begged, "Just for a few minutes?"

"After supper."

"But then you'll say I can't go because it's too late."

"I'm going to say you can't go at all if you don't stop arguing with me," he stated, and it didn't matter if I argued with him anyway because he only grabbed me by the back of my dress and dragged me into the house.

"I'm not hungry," I tried to reason with him, but the second we were inside I dropped the argument. I had had enough embarrassing moments for one day without having Darry yell at me on top of all of it.

Dinner was extremely painful to sit through. Not only was everybody quiet, but I had to sit directly across from Soda, whom I suspected was trying to get my attention the entire time. I kept my eyes glued to my place, but finally when Darry spoke to us I had to look up.

"What did you all do today?" he asked.

"Me and Steve fixed three cars," Soda said. "It's funny 'cause they all had the exact same problem." He went on to explain what those problems were, but I knew nothing about cars and didn't understand what on earth he was talking about.

"Ponyboy?" Darry called on him.

Pony just shrugged. "Went to school, the usual."

"Lily?"

"Nothing," I said quietly, then remembered, "Mary Alice practically got punched in the face!"

"Practically?" Darry wondered.

"Well it was more of a backhand, but she's got this awful bruise on her cheek now."

"Who did it?" Soda asked.

I looked at him for the first time that evening by giving him a quick glare. Then I responded, "Some friend of Kathy's."

"Why'd she punch her?" Pony asked.

"Because Mary Alice told her that she had nose hairs."

"You better not be getting in any more fights," Darry said cautiously.

"I didn't have anything to do with it," I said, and completely left out the fact that I had been about to get into a fight myself. "It wasn't a fight anyway," I said. "Mary didn't hit her back or anything. She didn't tell a teacher either but now her mom wants to tell the school."

"You just make sure that you keep your nose out of trouble," Darry pushed, and it took all of the thrill out of potential fighting out of it for me. He could never let me have fun with things either, he always had to move to the practical way of thinking and tell me that I wasn't allowed to do something.

Nobody said much after that, but once Soda nudged me with his foot. I refused to look at him and instead kicked him as hard as I could without it going noticed. I didn't see the look on his face, but there was a grunt that told me he felt it.

I made my way out to the living room after supper, while Darry and Ponyboy did the dishes. I was sitting on the couch staring at the TV, which hadn't even been turned on, trying to forget all about what had happened earlier. The problem though was that whenever I tried not to think about something I only thought about it more, and that only made me more frustrated.

"What are you doing?"

I practically jumped when Soda jumped down next to me on the couch, and I was about to get up and walk away from him when he pushed his arm in front of me to keep me from moving.

"Why do you keep ignoring me?" he asked.

"Why wont you leave me alone?" I shot back.

"Because you won't even pay attention to me." I wanted to tell him that I knew exactly what that felt like, but I didn't bother. I wanted to keep giving him the cold shoulder.

"Is this because of what happened in the bathroom?" he asked.

I had to look at him after that, only so I could give him my "you've got to be kidding me" look.

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't even know you were home."

I kept giving him the look. He had to know that I wasn't nearly as upset about him walking in as I was about what he had walked in on.

"You can't be _that_ stupid," I spat.

"What?" he asked, looking almost hurt.

I crossed my arms over my chest the same way I had on the playground, and thought that he might get the hint from that. He didn't.

"What?" he asked again.

"Don't you remember?" I cried.

"Remember what?"

"What you saw?"

"Oh you mean you with my socks down your shirt?" he asked jokingly. "Look, I'm even wearing the socks now."

I thought that was a bit gross, but I didn't say it. I was too angry at him for turning this into something to laugh at.

"You're really mad about it?" he asked.

I nodded furiously.

"Heck," he said, "that's nothing. Darry's walked in on me doing something a lot worse than that."

"Oh yeah? What could be worse than that?"

I looked at him then as his cheeks turned pink. He bit the inside of his mouth, swallowed hard and then seemed to nod to himself as he said, "He's walked in on me in the shower before."

I didn't know what Darry could have really walked in on, but I knew that it wasn't Soda in the shower. "You practically naked half the time. Why would you care if Darry saw you in the shower?"

"I dunno. I'm just trying to make you feel better."

"Well it's not working. Besides you're boys. Who cares if Darry sees you?"

He thought about that for a second. "If it means anything to you I've stuck apples down my shirt before to see what it would look like if I had them."

"What, boobs?"

"Yeah," he admitted, though he looked uncomfortable when I mentioned the term "boobs".

"Well at least you don't have to worry about it."

"And you do?" He actually laughed at me.

"Yeah," I said, pulling away from him. "If I get to the fifth grade and I'm not wearing a bra they'll all make fun of me."

"Who will?"

"The other girls in my class."

"Why, do they wear them?"

"No, but you have to by then otherwise the fifth grade girls think you're a baby."

"But if they don't wear bras either then how can they make fun of you for it?"

He had me there. It had never occurred to me before that they might not be wearing them either, and by the time I was in the fifth grade the fifth grade girls would be in the sixth, so I wouldn't see them anyway.

"Hey Soda?" I asked after a moment of thoughtful silence.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm too short?"

"Why?"

"Well somebody called me a midget."

He laughed. "You're not a midget."

"You sure?"

"Yes," he said. "Besides, I kind of like that you're so short."

"Why?"

"Because then," he said, as he threw his arm around my waist and pulled me to the carpet, "it's easier to pin you to the floor!" With that I found myself trapped under him, as he held me down with one hand and tickled me with the other.

"Stop," I begged, "please Soda! Don't!" He stopped tickling me but failed to get off of my chest, and well, I don't know what I was thinking but suddenly I blurted out, "I need a bra!"

He looked dumbfounded as he asked, "What for?"

"Because I'm a girl."

"Yeah but, what I mean to say is, and don't take this the wrong way, but you don't have much to well, fill one out."

I could feel my face get hot then. "You think I'm flat as a pancake don't you!"

"Actually," he said with a straight face, "you're more than flat."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're kind of grow inwards," he stated, "like a bowl or something."

"Soda!" I barked, and with my free hand punched him in the face. I didn't plan on doing that, and though I didn't hit him hard I'm sure that he didn't appreciate it.

"Ouch," he said, lifting his arm off of me and up to his face.

"Sorry," I said, but I did think that it was kind of funny.

"If my nose starts to grow crooked then I'll cut off all your hair."

"I didn't even hit your nose."

"Doesn't matter," he said, and although he crawled off of me and leaned against the back of the couch he still sounded friendly. "Hit me again and I'll have to do something about it."

"Oh yeah?" I taunted, "like what?"

"I'll tell Darry."

"Tell Darry what?" I never understood why Darry always walked in when we mentioned his name, but his voice sounded almost accusing, like Soda was hiding a deep dark secret of mine from him.

"You don't want to know," Soda laughed.

"Sure I do," Darry said, taking a seat on the end of the couch. "I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know."

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because, it's a secret."

I was afraid of what he might actually tell Darry, and braced myself for something major.

"Give it up," Darry said, and I noticed that when he was trying to order Soda around it didn't sound nearly as threatening as when he did it to me.

"Nope," Soda said, pursing his lips together.

I breathed a sigh of relief, but a moment later Soda opened his mouth again.

"You can guess if you want."

"I don't want to guess."

"Aw come on."

"Fine. Is it bad?"

"Are secrets ever good? Come on, guess."

"You gotta give me a hint."

"Okay, boys."

"What about boys."

"You're supposed to be _guessing_."

"Alright. Lily likes a boy."

Soda nodded. "Go on."

I raised an eyebrow, unsure of where he was getting this from.

"Do I know him?"

"Oh sure, but that's not what you're supposed to guess."

"Soda I give up."

"You're not very good at this Darry."

"Would you just tell me what it is."

"Fine," Soda gave in. "Lily's got a boyfriend."

"I do not!"

"No she doesn't," Darry said matter-of-factly.

"How do you know?" Soda asked.

"Because Lily's not allowed to date until she's sixteen."

"Thanks a lot Sodapop!" I cried and punched him again, this time in the arm.

"Oh Darry," Soda sang.

"Yeah?" he replied, sounding somewhat confused.

"Lily just hit me." Soda turned to me then. "See, told you I'd tell him if you did it again."

Later that night as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. I was thinking about what Darry had said about my not being allowed to date until I turned sixteen. I didn't like that idea, since I would be almost two years into high school by then, but at the same time it would take a lot of my worries about boys away. I was just beginning to drift off into a peaceful sleep when I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," I said faintly.

Darry came in quietly, and leaned down on the floor next to me. "Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay."

"Well I just got off the phone with Mary Alice's mom."

"What did she say?"

"Says she's taking Mary Alice shopping on Saturday and wants you do go along."

"Really?" I asked, suddenly excited.

He half laughed. "Yeah. She said you can sleep over on Friday night too."

"I haven't been to a sleep over in ages."

"I know. Get back to sleep now. I just wanted to come in and let you know."

The second he was out of my room I jumped out of bed and headed down to Soda's room. I had a feeling that he had something to do with this, and knew that I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep until I spoke to him.

Ponyboy was sitting on the bed reading with Soda was leaning against the open window and looking outside.

"Soda," I said as I went into their room without waiting for an invitation.

"Hey. I though you were in bed."

"What did you say to Darry?" I hadn't meant to sound so accusing but it just came out that way.

"Nothing, why?"

"Because I'm going shopping on Saturday."

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's not a bad thing."

"Then why are you mad at me?"

"Because you must have told him about what you saw in the bathroom."

Pony looked up from his book, suddenly interested.

"What did you-" he started to ask.

I cut him off crying, "Nothing!"

"Lily I swear I didn't say anything to Darry."

"You promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"Hope to die?"

"Yeah! Stick a needle in my eye too!"

I tried to look at him like I didn't believe what he was saying, but it was hard to do since Soda never promised to hope to die unless he was absolutely serious.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! I'm happy to see that you're still enjoying this!

Chapter 28

As I walked to school with Mary Alice the next morning I told her about the events of the previous evening, leaving out the part where Soda walked in on me with socks down my dress.

"I think Soda might have told Darry what I said about a bra," I explained. "Why else would he call your mom and ask her to take me out."

"He didn't," she informed me. "I was telling her all about what happened with Kathy and she said that if I really want we can go pick one out this weekend. Then she said that we should ask you to come, on account of your brothers probably not knowing that you'd need one anyway."

"So Darry didn't call her and ask her to take me?" I asked.

"No, she called him. Aren't you excited? I haven't been shopping for so long. Do you think they make pink bras? I think I want a pink one. But I think all of my mom's are white. She doesn't wear a trainer though."

She rambled on to herself for quite some time, and I just took the opportunity to reflect on my own thoughts. I felt extra special, after all my brother didn't even ask her to take me, she just up and decided that she should. I never realized that there could be anyone out of the house who ever gave me a second thought, but then I did spend so much time around Mary Alice that it must have been hard not to notice me at times.

The bruise on my friend's cheek had gone from bad to awful. She had her hair pulled to that side in order to try and cover it up but she wasn't fooling anybody.

"What's your mom going to do about your face?" I asked, trying not to stare.

"She's calling the principal," she replied sadly. "Says that she can't send me to school looking like this without giving them an explanation. Then she said that 'people will talk'. Like I care what people say. If I did I would have punched that stupid girl right back. In the nose too."

I thought it was strange that she could say she that she did not care what people said, but at the same time the only reason either of us wanted trainers was because we wanted to fit in. I didn't say it though, one, because I knew that I was just as guilty as she was of trying to pretend like I didn't care, and two, I wasn't about to get into an argument with her when we had a sleepover and shopping trip coming up.

Just as Mrs. Weston had told Mary Alice she was going to, she called the school. We had hardly sat down for class when a secretary came to the door, calling both Mary Alice and I out. Then, and to our surprise, Kathy was called out too. We refused to look at her as we headed down the hallway towards the office, and as we followed the secretary I noticed that the clicking of her heels on the floors sounded much different than Meg's had. Meg sounding sophisticated and pleasant in hers, while this woman sounding old, grumpy and somewhat frightening.

Kathy did not seem to be worried as we took a seat in the office. She sat in the chair and held her head high, and did something that I had never noticed anyone my age do before; she crossed her legs!

I had tried to sit with my legs crossed before in our living room after watching movies where the leading women in their fancy dresses did, but it never worked out the same way for me as it did for them. It hurt a bit, and my leg didn't cross over nicely as much as it just rested there, my ankle barely making it across to the other side.

The principal called Kathy in first and as the door to his office shut behind her I could not help but exchange a nervous glance with Mary Alice. I knew that I had not done anything wrong, and neither had she, but if Kathy was in there first then it meant that she could come up with all of the stories that she wanted, and we would have to find some way to disprove them. I wasn't exactly comfortable in the office anyway. He had been so strange the last time and I wasn't looking forward to being in there with him again. From the looks of it he was going to call us in individually too, and that only made the butterflies in my stomach worse.

Kathy came out of the office after about five minutes and told Mary Alice that it was her turn next. I watched as she nervously got out of her chair and headed into Mr. Roberts office, her eyes glued to the floor the entire time. After Mary Alice went in the principal stepped out into the front office for a moment and handed the secretary a piece of paper. He disappeared into his office again and the secretary disappeared down the hallway. The second she was gone Kathy turned on me.

"You're a little rat."

"I didn't say anything."

"Oh yeah? Then how come they called you down here too?"

I shrugged. "Beats me."

"Well if you didn't tell then it means that Mary Alice did, and that makes you guilty too."

I would have asked her how it made me guilty but I wasn't about to let my friend take the fall for this.

"Mary Alice didn't tell! Somebody from the school probably saw."

"No they didn't."

"How would you know?"

"Because they would have said something after recess, not the next morning." She gave me a nasty look and I could tell that she was trying to come up with the meanest thing to say. "You know that nobody likes you, right? You're nothing but hood, a rat, a good-for-nothing fink."

"Oh yeah," I said, quickly coming to my own defense. "You're nothing but a spoiled, ugly, two-faced little-" I had to stop there and quickly sit back in my seat as the secretary was returning with two girls. I wasn't surprised to see Lynn and Joyce walk in a take a seat next to Kathy, but it would be a lie to say that I wasn't glad to have the secretary back. At least with her there the three of them couldn't say anything to me, but she couldn't stop them from glaring at me, which they did until Mary Alice finally emerged from the principal's room. Joyce was called in next, and I couldn't help but wonder why he had yet to call me in, after all I had been there longer than the other two.

I wanted to ask my friend what had happened but I did not dare speak up in case Kathy or Lynn heard me. It was weird too, because once Mary Alice came back out the secretary started watching the two of us like hawks, as if she though _we_ were the ones who were going to start causing some trouble.

Joyce was in longer than the two before her had been, and when she finally came out, nearly ten minutes later, Lynn was called to replace her. I was about ready to throw up now. I knew why he was saving me for last. It was because he had more to say to me than the other girls. I had a feeling about what he wanted to talk to me about too, and I was not looking forward to it. Things at home were actually starting to feel okay and I hadn't been in nearly as much trouble lately as I had been before, but I worried that if I said the wrong thing to the principal then I might get in trouble.

Wasn't like I had much to worry about. Everything at home was just like we were supposed to have it. Food, water, electricity. Darry was probably harder on us about things like homework and school nights than our parents had ever been, but I still had a fear that I could say the wrong thing. What if we weren't eating the right food? What if my grades weren't high enough to show that I actually did do my homework (most nights), and what if they knew that Darry worked two jobs to support us? What if they thought that he should have one job instead? And oh boy, what did people think about Sodapop working instead of going to school?

By the time I was actually called into the office my thoughts had been running through my mind so deeply that I forgot entirely why I was being called in in the first place, and that was because of Mary Alice getting hit in the face.

Mr. Roberts shut his door behind me as I took a seat in front of his desk. I noticed that this time his curtains were open, revealing a plain view of the front of our school. I looked in his direction, but instead of looking directly at him I looked just beyond him and hoped that he wouldn't notice.

"I understand that there was some trouble on the playground yesterday," he began. His voice didn't sound angry but he still acted very serious and it didn't help my nerves any. "Now I've spoken to all of your peers and they've told me their sides of the story. I'd like to hear your account now, but I just want to remind you not to leave anything out."

I though for a moment before I started, wondering what his last little comment was about. I was sure that I hadn't down anything that could get me in trouble, but you never gave people little reminders unless you know that they were up to something.

"Mary Alice and I were playing together at recess," I began carefully, "and then Kathy came over to us. She had her two friends with her, and we didn't even know them. Then Kathy started to make fun of us, and so did her friends, so Mary Alice and I tried to say stuff back. We weren't making fun of them, just trying to tell them that what they were saying isn't true. Then Joyce started making fun of me and calling me a midget. Lynn got angry at Mary Alice for staring at her, and Mary Alice told her that that she has hair in her nose. She was only joking but Lynn got angry and hit her in the face with the back of her hand, hard. That's all that happened."

I left out a couple of things, like the fact that we had been warned not to tell. I knew that if I told him that then it really would make me a ratfink. I also skipped the part about exactly why they were making fun of us at first. I would rather have been expelled than mention the word "bra" in front of a man like him.

"Are you sure you haven't forgotten anything?" Mr. Roberts asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," I nodded. I knew that I had not left anything out either, which put me in a bad spot. Either he was trying to see if I would confess to something that never happened just to see if I was telling the truth, or somebody had said something about me and he thought that it was true.

"I want you to think long and hard Miss Curtis. If you can think of _anything_ else that might have happened yesterday then this is your last chance to tell me. I wont hold it against you if you tell me right now."

"Nothing else happened," I told him right away, knowing that if I spent even a second thinking about it he would think that I was lying. "Honest."

He swallowed hard then, and with his lips pursed he ran his tongue along his teeth. He stared at me for a minute like he was still waiting for me to confess, but it was a waste of time because I had nothing to confess.

"Lily three girls have told me that before Lynn slapped Mary Alice you punched Joyce in the stomach. The only reason that Lynn even hit your friend was because Mary Alice was trying to hit Joyce too, and that had it not been for-"

"That's not true!" I cried, then looked down quickly when I realized that I had just cut my principal off.

"I beg your pardon," he said, the anger in his voice coming through clearly.

"I didn't punch anybody! And Lynn didn't slap Mary Alice. She practically punched her!"

"Do not raise your voice at me."

"I'm sorry," I said sheepishly. "But I really didn't hit her."

He took a deep, loud breath. "The only reason that I can think of that you and Mary Alice would keep from informing a teacher about this incident is because you were involved in it in a negative way as well."

"That's not why," I said, almost under my breath. I clenched my teeth to keep from yelling at him, but I couldn't keep the tears from filling my eyes. I looked down at my knees again and wished that I could get out of there. I hated him for believing them over me, and I hated Mrs. Weston for calling him in the first place. I hadn't done anything and now I was in more trouble than anybody.

"If you didn't punch Joyce in the stomach," Mr. Roberts asked like he believed that I had done it anyway, "then why is it that she, as well as Kathy and Lynn, told me that you did."

"They had to have made it up."

He shook his head. "I don't think so. None of them knew that they were going to be called down here today, and when Joyce and Lynn came down Kathy had already been in to see me. There's no way that they could have made that up, so unless you can give me a reason for them making this up then I have no choice but to believe them."

It made sense. Of course he had to believe them. How else could they have known to come up with the same story three times. I had been sitting out there in the office with all three of them and even I didn't see them say anything to one another. I still hated Mr. Roberts. How could he just ignore me? Didn't he care what I had to say at all? He just took their side right away, and I knew why that was. It wasn't really because they had all come up with this story and it seemed too believable to deny, it was because they were rich. They looked innocent, and they acted it too. I didn't act out towards my principal, but I never acted fake towards him like I'm sure they did. For the first time I wished that I was sweet. Not tough or cool, or strong, or beautiful, but sweet. If I had been sweet, even fake sweet, I could have gotten myself out of this mess.

I hadn't said anything to him for awhile, and just prayed that he wouldn't see the tears running down my cheeks. He didn't say anything either, but sat there, breathing deeply, like he was waiting for me to say something. Finally, he was the one that spoke.

"You can go back to class now. You'll spend your recesses in the office with Lynn, and I'll call you back in here when I come up with a suitable punishment for you."

I couldn't get out of that office fast enough. The other girls must have already been dismissed because none of them were out there, but I didn't go back to class right away. Instead I headed to the girl's bathroom, where I splashed some water on my face. I looked into the mirror and knew that if I went back to class right away that everybody would know that I had been crying. My eyes were bright red and swollen, and my face looked dirty from where the tears had rolled down. I tried to look normal but it was no use. I couldn't help but cry some more. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair. How could he accuse me of such a thing? I didn't know what was worse really, to be accused of something you did not do or the knowledge that you were going to be punished for it.

I wished that I could talk to Darry right then. I knew that he wouldn't believe what Mr. Roberts did. Maybe he was mean to me a lot, and always getting angry and me for something, but I also knew that he wouldn't let me get in trouble for something that didn't even happen. I knew that I couldn't see him then though. He was at work and there was no way that I could call him, and it was the same with Soda and Pony too. I could have run away from school, but I knew that it would be pointless. Darry would have been upset with me for that, and I would not help in making Mr. Roberts believe me.

Eventually I was able to stop crying, and just as I was on my way back to class the bell for recess went. I wasn't going back to the office though, not yet. I had to find Mary Alice first, and tell her what had happened. I found her just as she was about to walk outside.

"There you are," she said happily when she saw me. "What did he want to say to you?"

"Kathy and her stupid friends told him that I punched Joyce!" I cried, unable to keep my voice down. I was about to start crying again too, and Mary Alice looked like she had just been punched in the face again.

"You never even touched them!" she spat. "Are you in trouble? What's he gonna do to you?"

"I don't know. I have to stay in the office for recess and he's gonna tell me when he knows."

"I can talk to him," she said, "and tell him the truth."

"Don't," I said. "He wont believe you, he didn't believe me. I'm just gonna have to get in trouble."

"We can't just let them get away with this!" she said. "It's not fair."

"I know," I said. "I'll get them back, don't worry."

"Me too," she said, wanting in on it.

"I better go before he starts looking for me," I said. I didn't really feel up to revenge, but at the same time there was no way that I was going to let Kathy and her goons get away with this.

I spent my recesses in the office, just as Mr. Roberts had ordered. I didn't look at Lynn. I refused to even glance in her direction. During class I kept my eyes away from Kathy too. I was so angry that I couldn't concentrate on any of the lessons. How could anybody do such a thing?

As we neared the end of the day my anger began to turn into worry. I knew that there was going to be a punishment waiting for me, and I was terrified to find out what that was. I remembered the threat about the strap from the first time that I was in the office, and made a promise to myself that if he pulled it out of his drawer then I would run away. I didn't care about after that. I would never go back to school if I didn't have to, but I was not going to let him hit me for something that never even took place.

He called all three of us back down during the last half hour of the day. Lynn and Joyce were already seated when we got there, and just moments after we arrived he called the five of us into his office. We stood at the front of his desk, just like Kathy, Mary Alice and I had that time before, and waited to hear what he had to say.

"Your behaviour yesterday was unacceptable," he began, standing before us. "I doesn't matter to me which of you did the hitting and which did the name calling, it was not right for any of it to have gone on. None of you have the right to treat each other the way that you did, and I do not want to hear about this kind of situation regarding either of you five again. Tomorrow all of you will spend your recesses in the office doing extra homework that your teachers have assigned, and your lunch will be here as well. If this happens again then I assure you there will be dire consequences." He said a lot more, but I couldn't listen to him. I knew that if it had only been rich kids involved then he would have let them off without so much as a warning, but because Mary Alice and I were there he had to bring us all in for punishment.

He let three of the girls go then, but kept Lynn and I back. The first thing that he did was pull the strap out of his desk and place it on top.

"Lily's seen this before," he said, and I eyed the doorway, prepared to run out the second he tried to use it. "Lynn, because this is your first offence, I wont use it on you, but be warned that next time we have this kind of trouble it will be forced to."

I couldn't believe it! He wasn't going to hit her, when she had actually hit somebody, but he was going to hit me for something he didn't even know if I did for sure!

"Lily," he continued, "because I'm not using this on Lynn I wont use it on you either. It's not because I don't think that you deserve it, but let me tell you that if you are in here for any reason ever again, be it with someone who deserves it or not, I _will_ use it on you."

I was scared of that threat, but since he was keeping from using it a second time I began to wonder if he ever really used it on girls or if it was only there to scare us. That didn't keep me from hating him anymore than I already did though. I wanted to tell him what he could do with that stupid strap, and his dumb school too.

"I've written notes for your parents and guardians," he said, leaving the strap exactly where it was. "I expect them to be signed tomorrow, and we will discuss your punishment in full then. Lynn, you may return to class."

I almost passed out there. What was he keeping _me_ back for?

Lynn left quickly, and Mr. Roberts kept me standing there.

"What's gotten into you lately?" he asked immediately. "You used to be such a well behaved student. What's going on at home."

Oh gee, I don't know, I wanted to say, but I didn't. I kept quiet. It was none of his business. I never understood why teachers always blamed what was going on at home for what happened at school. I didn't have to deal with people like Kathy at home. School was the only place I ever had to deal with them. 

"How are things at home?" he asked.

"Fine," I said angrily. I wasn't going to give him anything that he could use against me.

"Are you getting along alright."

"Yes." This man was an idiot. He had just proven to be my biggest enemy, and now he wanted to chat about my home life. I wanted to tell him that kids weren't nearly as stupid as he thought, but I didn't. If he could make it all the way to being a principal without figuring that out then he never would. I wondered why someone who seemed to hate being around kids so much could want to work with them. If you asked me I would have told you that children's logic was sometimes much more plausible than that of adults.

I think he knew that I wasn't going to answer him anymore, because a minute later he handed me my note for Darry and told me that I could leave. I didn't even look at him again as I headed out of there and out into the hallway. I wasn't going to head back to class either. There were only a few minutes left and I didn't want to have to see anybody else. Instead I made my way to the side doors of the school. I was going to skip out and going home. I was just about out the doors too when I saw Kathy, Lynn and Joyce standing in the corner there, laughing to one another.

As I walked by Kathy looked at me and said to her friends, "I bet she doesn't even shave her legs."

They all laughed at that, but I just stormed out the door, thinking angrily to myself, _I'm supposed to shave my legs now too!_


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I know that this is a short chapter but there should be more soon.

Chapter 29

I marched home being probably the angriest that I had ever been. I wanted to scream and kill someone and throw the temper tantrum of my life. Would that have been so wrong of me? I could have turned around and tried to fight those three little - I won't repeat what I was _thinking_ of calling them - but I knew that it was three against one, and as delicate and girly as they seemed I knew that they could hold their own against me.

Our street was practically deserted seeing as school had probably yet to let out. I didn't care though. At that moment I felt as though the entire world had turned it's back on me. I felt like an idiot. How could I have thought that morning that my principal might actually care enough to ask concerned questions? He didn't care about me. He just thought the same thing as everybody else, and I couldn't even try to prove him wrong. I couldn't get a job, or move to a better neighbourhood. Even if I tried to work harder in my class he would still think the bad things about me that he always had, just because of where I came from. And how could he have expected me to tell on Kathy and her friends about hitting Mary Alice? Didn't he remember what it was like to be a kid. You didn't tell on other kids, whether they were from your neighbourhood or not. You just didn't do that.

I shoved through my front door and then slammed it shut behind me.

"Why the hell is that door always unlocked?" I asked myself angrily, knowing very well that it was because we didn't anything worth stealing. Why lock a door when nobody's going to try and come in anyway?

I walked all the way through the house and straight out the backdoor. I don't know why I did that but I had nowhere else to go. I walked all the way around the house to the front door and walked in again, slamming the door behind me just as I had the first time. I went to the kitchen then and opened the note from Mr. Roberts. I took a pen from the counter and wrote across the top in big angry letters "HE'S A LIAR" and underlined it three times just to get my point across. I threw the pencil at the window and left the note where it was for Darry to find.

The next place I approached was my bedroom, where I slammed my door loudly so many times that I thought it might fall off of it's hinges. Then I kicked the wall, but it hurt my foot more than anything else. I opened my dresser drawers and pulled all of my things out and threw them around the room. I never even wore those things anymore anyway. Once my drawers were emptied out I picked up my pillow and began beating it against my dresser top until finally the pillow came out of the case and I was left whipping the dresser with a sorry excuse for a piece of fabric.

I quickly became exhausted with my anger and leaned against the wall, finding it hard to breath.

"It's not fair!" I yelled, wanting to cry but was too angry to let the tears escape. "It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!"

I had to leave my room again, so this time I went to the living room and found myself looking out the front window. I stood there looking out as a few of the high school kids walked down the road. There were a couple of girls out there, maybe a year older than Ponyboy, who were laughing happily to each other. They both wore tight skirts that just barely covered their knees. Their hair was done nicely, and I wondered how they found the time to do it. One was fishing through her purse for something and stumbled on her heels. She caught herself on a fence post and then both girls exploded into laughter. I thought that they were just like Mary Alice and I, only older and dressed in things that I could never get away with wearing. They were both happy, at least for the time, but would probably feel sad later on. After all, kids in their grade probably called them greasers too.

That's when the girl who had tripped pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her purse and handed one to her friend. She took one too and then they lit them up. They leaned against the fence for a moment, like they just wanted to stand back and enjoy their smokes. It made me so sad. I could never be like that. How did they turn into that? What if they had been like me once too? What happened to them?

A moment later big smiles spread across both of their faces as a couple of boys showed up, each with cigarettes in their own hands. One of them kissed the girl who'd produced the cigarettes, only this wasn't just any kiss. This was the kind of kiss they didn't show in movies and it was right out there in the open in the middle of the afternoon.

I was disgusted.

I turned around and stared at the living room, feeling the urge to destroy the place in the same way that I had my own room. I couldn't though, and I knew that it was wrong. I could only imagine what would happen if I tried it, and I was already in enough of a mess to dig myself in any deeper.

I had to do something though, and I was so infuriated that I just wasn't thinking clearly. I stormed towards the bathroom and shut the door behind me and made sure that I had locked the door this time. Immediately I eyed what I wanted. I didn't know whose razor it was, but it was sitting on the edge of the sink just calling out to me. I grabbed the razor and a bar of soap then moved to the bathtub and then began running the water. I would have used the boys' shaving cream but I didn't want them to notice that any was missing.

I had seen my mother shave her legs a dozen times and knew that it was simple. I just had to wet my legs, lather the soap up, and then shave away. As I pulled my shoes and socks off and swung my legs over to the side of the tub I ran a hand along my left leg. The hair was so light and short that it was hardly noticeable, but I was going to show them that I could shave too.

I slipped one of my legs under the warm faucet and spread the water around it. Then I pulled my leg away and got the soap wet. After covering my leg in soapy bubbles I dipped the razor under the water quickly and then brought it to my leg. I started right under my knee. Don't know what I did wrong but all of a sudden there was a warm feeling, almost like a tickle. Then came the blood, turning the soap bubble red as it trickled down my leg, while the actually location of the slice looked almost purple.

"Oh no!" I cried as I quickly shoved my leg under the water to rinse it off.

"Ahh!" I wailed as the force of the water sent a sharp pain through my leg. I went to pull away but wound up slipping into the tub. I was really starting to cry now and just sat there, my bottom drenched and my leg gushing blood.

The blood didn't stop running from my leg though, and I really started to panic. I finished rinsing my leg off and winced through the pain, then jumped out of the bathtub, water dripping everywhere, to grab tissue. I held to my leg but soon there was more blood than it could soak up. I grabbed more and continually rolled the toilet paper to my cut. It did nothing to help and I was bawling, terrified of what would happen. I thought that I would never stop bleeding, I really did.

"I'm gonna die!" I sobbed to myself as I finally grabbed a folded white towel and pressed it against the skin. "I don't want to die. I'm gonna die. I'm sorry Darry, I didn't mean to be so bad. I don't want to die." I had myself in a rambling fit until finally I could speak no more for the power of my tears.

"Hey?" somebody knocked on the door loudly. "Lily you in there?"

"Go away!" I screamed at Ponyboy, who must have just come home from school. I wanted him to just disappear, and hoped that he hadn't heard me babbling to myself.

He knocked again. "What are you doing?"

"I said go!" I cried. How could I tell him what had happened?

"Will you open the door?"

"_No_!" I screamed, and buried my face between my knees to keep him from hearing my further cries.

I could hear a sort of clicking nose coming from outside the door but paid little attention to it. Next thing I knew Ponyboy was kneeling down next to me.

"How'd you get in here?" I asked, no longer screaming.

"I broke in," he said simply. I could see that he had gone pale and he asked, "What happened."

"I cut my leg," I told him, trying to swallow my tears back as I did.

"How?"

"Shaving."

"You shave?"

"No! That's why I cut myself."

He pulled the now blood stained towel away and examined my leg.

"How can one little leg have so much blood?" he asked himself, but I didn't have an answer for him.

He ran a clean part of the towel under the bath water, which I had forgotten to turn off, and then brought it over to my leg. I pulled away the second it came in contact with my skin.

"That hurts!" I cried.

"I know but it's not gonna stop bleeding unless you take care of it."

So I bit my lip and let him clean the cut up. I didn't say anything to him while he was doing it though, but was actually surprised at how much he knew about taking care of a cut. He assured me that it looked worse than it actually was, and it eventually did stop bleeding.

He helped me clean up the bathroom too but I could see that he looked kind of faint as he tossed the bloody toilet paper away. I had calmed down quite a bit too, but as we left the bathroom and headed into the living room it all started up again.

"What happened to you?" he asked as we sat down next to each other on the couch, and I knew that he wasn't asking about shaving.

"I got in trouble at school today."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing," I said, and I could feel sadness instead of anger piling up this time. "Remember how I said that Mary Alice got punched in the face yesterday?"

He nodded.

"Well her mom called the school and our principal made all of us go see him. But Kathy and her friends told on me and said that I punched one of them in the stomach, and that's why Mary Alice got hit. I tried to tell him that it was a lie, but he wouldn't believe me. He gave me a note, and I have to stay in at recess, and tomorrow he's gonna give me a real punishment. I didn't even do anything. Why won't he believe me?"

Pony didn't answer that, but I guess it was because we both knew the answer without having to say it out loud. He did put his arm around me though, which I thought was nice since he hardly ever even looked at me anymore. I might have really started crying again but I no longer had the energy.

"Darry will believe that I'm telling the truth," I asked, "won't he?"

"Sure," he said almost too quickly. "You didn't do anything wrong."

We were quiet for a minute. It felt nice just to sit there, and for awhile I knew that I didn't have to worry about Mr. Roberts. I did not have to care that girls had lied about me, or that I had been wrongly accused of something. I didn't have to care about any of that because I actually had somebody around who probably knew just as well as I did that things for people like us were just not fair.

Maybe Pony was older, and maybe we had nothing in common. Maybe he was a boy, and a smart one at that, and maybe he was in a gang, but for that moment I felt like we were exactly the same. We both lived in a place and had to deal with the fact that people didn't like us for any other reason than the fact that we come from there. And just like me, there was nothing Ponyboy could do about it.

"Hey Pony?" I asked, cutting into the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Please don't tell anybody that I was trying to shave."

"I wont."

"You don't think Darry'll notice, do you?"

"Nah. Besides it was Soda's toothbrush that you used."

"He wont notice that I moved it?"

I felt him shake his head. "You could replace Soda's razor with a toothbrush and he probably wouldn't notice."

For the first time that afternoon I laughed wholeheartedly.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Please don't hate me for this one.

Chapter 30

When Darry got home I was sitting on the front steps staring blankly at the street ahead of me. I didn't feel up to running around much, and there wasn't much else that I could do. He only said hi to me as he went into the house, but a couple minutes later he came back outside. He walked halfway down the steps, sat next to me, held up my principal's note, and raised an eyebrow.

"You want to explain this." He wasn't asking.

"Did you read it?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded, "but remember yesterday when you told me that you weren't fighting? Who's lying?"

"He is."

"Why would your principal lie Lily?"

I shrugged. "I guess he didn't lie. It was Kathy. She and her friends said that I punched them, and he believes them because all three of them said the same thing. It's not true though."

"And you told him this?"

"Yes!"

"What did he say to you?"

"He said that he can't believe it because three people all have the exact same story."

"Didn't you try to explain to him what really happened?"

I thought that he was accusing me of not sticking up for myself, so when my voice began to go shrill it was only because of this.

"He wouldn't believe me! He doesn't believe anything I say! I never hit anybody but he doesn't care. The other girl isn't even in trouble and we all saw it happen. Mary Alice has the bruise to prove it! He didn't even threaten to strap the other girl and she's the-"

"He strapped you?" Darry cried, grabbing me by the shoulders.

"N-no, but he told me that he's going to if I'm ever in the office again."

"He was gonna strap you!" He didn't exactly say this to me, but rather thought out loud about it. He sounded pretty angry too, and the grip on my shoulders tightened.

"Darry you're hurting me," I said, fighting back the temptation to cry. I wasn't sure who he was angry with, and if it was in fact me who had him in such a huff then I didn't want him to think that I was trying to cry my way out of this.

He got up then and stormed into the house, dropping the paper on the front steps as he did. I got up quickly and followed behind him. He was pacing back and forth in the living room, much like I had been earlier in the day, and it wasn't long before Soda and Pony emerged from other parts of the house to see what all the stomping was about.

"Darry?" Soda asked in a gentle concerned voice.

Darry paid no attention to him though, and instead walked around with his hands balled up into fists.

"What kind of person accuses a little girl of something he didn't even see her do, and then threatens to strap her! He doesn't get to strap you Lily. Only person that can hit you is me."

Didn't I feel special.

"He's got some nerve sending a note like that home and asking me to sign it. Doesn't even want to talk to me about it or nothing. What kind of person does he think I am? Does he think it's okay to hit my baby sister? Like I'm not going to say anything about it? 'Oh sure. You go right ahead and beat her. Oh, and ah, while you're at it, why don't you take your head out of your ass and take a look at what's really going on!' People like him make me sick." He walked passed my other brothers and pointed his finger at them as he yelled, like he thought that they were someone else or something. "Think that just because they've got a little bit of power that they can treat people like this. Treat kids like this. It ain't right. You don't do that to kids, especially not little girls!"

Soda was looking at me like I had done something terrible, and after a few moments a silent storming around Darry wound up in his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him as he went.

"What was that?" Soda asked quietly, like he wasn't sure if it had really just happened.

I didn't have to explain it to him though because Pony did. It seemed like he actually knew more about what went on then I did though, and Soda seemed to understand fully.

"What do you think Darry's gonna do?" Ponyboy asked Soda.

"I don't know. I'll bet he gives the principal a piece of his mind though."

"I hope he kills him," I said spitefully. Soda just laughed and ruffled my hair like this wasn't the big deal that I thought it was.

Darry was calm for the rest of the night. He said nothing else about any of this and seemed to be acting like it never happened. He did see the state of my bedroom though, but if he was bothered by it he didn't say so to me.

In the morning he still wasn't saying anything about it, but he was quieter than usual. I dared not bring it up, and even though I had no signed not for school I said nothing. I was scared of getting in trouble for it, but what else could I do? I didn't want to set Darry off again while he was on his way to work anyway.

On our walk Mary Alice wanted to know right away about what Darry said.

"He got really angry and he hasn't said anything else about it since last night."

"Is he gonna talk to Mr. Roberts."

"I don't think so," I said in deep despair. "What am I gonna do? It's not fair for me to be in trouble for this."

"You could skip again," she suggested. "I bet Darry wouldn't mind this time since it would be for a good reason."

"No. I'll get in trouble with Mr. Roberts for that sooner or later anyway. I wish Lynn had never hit you. Then I wouldn't be in this stupid mess."

"I just don't understand why they said that _you _did it. I'm the one she hit. It would make more sense for them to try and blame me."

"I know," I admitted. It was something that I had been wondering about myself. How on earth had I become so involved in this? And why was it that for the last couple of days I had more questions and problems than I did answers?

"You're still coming over tonight," Mary Alice asked, "aren't you."

"For what?"

"Our sleepover!"

"Oh yeah!" I had completely forgotten, but for a few minutes I was filled with excitement and was able to ignore my upcoming fate.

I didn't get to see Mr. Roberts in his office until after lunch recess, which made the morning practically unbearable. I just wanted to get my visit in the office over with. A small hope was filling me and I was starting to pray that he had forgotten about it, but as soon as the bell went and three of the girls headed back to class from our assigned seats under the watchful secretary's eye, Mr. Roberts exited his office and approached us.

"Here's the note you wanted," Lynn said, happily providing him with a signed note. I knew that her parents hadn't gotten mad at her. If they had then she wouldn't have had that smarmy grin plastered across her piggy face.

"Thank you," he said. "You may return to class." He turned to me and held out his hand immediately, not even waiting for Lynn to leave.

I looked away, not sure how to tell him that I had nothing.

"I'm waiting for your note Miss Curtis." I never understood why teachers and principals called me by my last name when I was in trouble. You would think that they would want to treat you like a baby, yet they call you a name that only adults are addressed by.

"I don't have it," I said, starting to feel angry again. This was so unfair. Not even "you can't go an play with your friends because you didn't do your homework kind of unfair, but _really_ unfair.

"Go to your class and get it," he said, "then bring it back to me right away."

"I can't," I said.

"Why not?" Like he didn't know.

"Because I don't have it." I said that a little boldly, but I still wasn't looking at him.

"Why don't you have it?"

I shrugged.

"Did you give it to your brother?"

I just shrugged again. If I told him the truth he wouldn't believe me, but if I lied and said that I did then he would want me to produce it for him.

"I asked you a question and I expect an answer."

"I never gave it to him." He was forcing me to lie, and I didn't like it.

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't do it." I looked him directly in the eye then, but I wish that I hadn't. I had never seen anyone so angry before in my life. Not Darry, not Soda, not even my own parents. His right eye was starting to twitch and his lip had curled into an evil grin, like he was thinking of all the horrible things that he could do to me.

"Get into my office," he ordered. "Now."

I moved over there as slowly as I could and took a seat before his desk. He didn't come in after me though and instead shut door tight.

I sat there, absolutely terrified. I wanted to run out of there and take off from the school. I wanted to scream at everyone and tell them that life was unfair and that our school was a terrible place to be. I had a feeling that I knew what was coming up, and I was so desperate to escape from him that I even considered crawling out the window. Tons of thoughts were spinning around in my head and I was about ready to pass out, not from fear but instead exhaustion. I could have died, and wished that I had just asked Darry about that note. What did I care if he was grumpy at work? I was the one who had to deal with all of this.

Mr. Roberts came in then and suddenly the thoughts in my head stopped spinning. He closed the door quietly and then walked over to his desk.

"Stand up!" he practically shouted.

I jumped to my feet.

There was a painful silence as we glared at one another. I was terrified but I wasn't going to let that stop me from looking him in the eye. I was trying to think of something to say, anything to let him know that I wasn't happy but he spoke first.

"Your behaviour has been unacceptable."

"No it hasn't." Okay, maybe _that_ was unacceptable, but I think I earned the right.

"Don't you _dare_ talk back to me. I have never had a student act so utterly disrespectful towards an adult. And what's worse is that you act as though there's nothing wrong with it. You were the one who punched a girl and you have to accept the consequences for your actions. I sent a note home with you in order to allow you guardian to take care of this but you obviously didn't want it that way either. You might be able to avoid letting your brother know about what's been going on at school but I've seen it all. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"I didn't do, and that means that you didn't see _anything_."

He licked his lips. "You've left me with no other choice." Without any warning he reached into his desk and pulled out that hated strap. "Hold out your hand."

There was nothing I could say to that, but I wasn't about to hold my hand up either.

"I said hold out your hand." He was only halfway done growling this when my hand shot up in the hair. I could see that I was shaking but as much as I tried I could not steady it.

He didn't even say anything else, just raised his hand up in the air and then sent the strap whistling down through the air. I pulled my hand away, causing the leather to smack against his desk instead. The sound made me wince, and there was no way that I could let him do that. I was sure that he would have knocked my hand right off. I was too shocked to try and run, but it was instinctive to pull away from somebody who was trying to hurt me.

"Don't try that again!" he snapped as he grabbed my hand and held it in his own so that I had no choice but to take it. He raised the strap again and gave me a look that said I had been defeated. I didn't even think of crying though. He wasn't going to get that satisfaction from me.

The strap came down with great force against my hand and an intense pain quickly followed. I tried to hold in a cry of agony and made an attempt to jerk my hand away, but he was holding on tight as I shouted out loud. He didn't even give me time to process the first hit before raising the strap again.

Suddenly the door to the office was bashed open and Darry stood there, looking like he had run all the way over here. He stood in the doorway and snarled at Mr. Roberts, "You lay another damned finger on that girl and I swear to God I'll kill you."

I had never been happier to see him in my life, and I really wanted to cry joys of relief then.

"Who are you?"

"I'm her brother," Darry said gruffly, like he should have remembered him. Mr. Roberts must have known that he wasn't the person to mess with because he immediately let go of my hand.

"I guess you didn't hear about the trouble your sister got in yesterday?"

"I heard about what people made up, yeah."

"It wasn't made up Mr. Curtis, it's true. I've got three girls who can testify to that too. Now if you'd like to continue this discussion in private then I'll be happy to do so. We can send your sister outside to wait."

"No," Darry said. "You're accusing her of doing something that she didn't and I think she deserves to hear you apologize."

"I will not apologize for something that she did do."

"I wouldn't be here if I thought that she had done it and-"

"I can assure you Mr. Curtis that your sister has lied to you about-"

"Don't even try and accuse a nine-year-old girl of being a liar. She didn't lie to me and she wouldn't lie to you. She's knows better."

"Are you suggesting that I accuse three innocent students of lying?" Mr. Roberts seemed pretty ticked off, but I don't think that anybody could have looked as terrifying as my brother. I was happy to see him like that though because I knew that he was angry for me, and not at me.

"I'm telling you that those three lied."

"That's not possible."

"But it's possible that Lily did?"

"She's been in here before."

"Along with Kathy, who was one of the girls involved."

"Kathy wouldn't lie."

Darry snorted. "Yeah and she wouldn't tell the truth either."

"I think we're done here," Mr. Roberts said, shoving the strap back in his drawer. But Darry wasn't done.

"You've got no right to hit kids the way you do."

"That's not your place to-"

"I'm talking. You don't have the right to hit anybody, especially when you don't even know if they did anything wrong. What kind of grown man beats a little girl? Or any kid even? Just because you don't like what she did. Maybe she's got a reason for it. You should here the stuff those other girls were saying to them. And Mary Alice's face is covered in a bruise but you didn't even care about that did you? Did you check to see if the other girl had a bruise too, or even a mark? Was she complaining that it hurt?"

"It was on her stomach. I couldn't exactly ask her to show me that, now could I?"

"No, I guess not, yet you can go around blaming somebody for something that didn't even happen. That's pathetic."

There was a stiff silence in the air until Mr. Roberts said, "Get out of my office. Take your sister with you. She's suspended until further notice."

"Yeah, figures. Come on Lily." He grabbed hold of my arm and dragged me out of that office, straight down the hallways and into the school parking lot, where our car awaited us.

Before we even got in he knelt down in front of me, taking my small hands in his big ones and examining them. "How many times did he hit you?"

"Once," I replied, but it still felt awful. To be hit like that, held in place against my will with no say in the matter was a terrible experience, and I really did envy all of the boys who had come out of the office that way before. Now that I was out of the office all I could do was let the tears flow freely, and I didn't even care what Darry thought about me. That had been one of the scariest moments of my life, and I had no idea what was going to happen next. What would my principal do the next time he got me alone? If he could lose his temper that much the first time I could only imagine how he would be when he gave me what he really thought I had coming.

"I was so scared Darry," I sobbed, wanting him to know just how upset I was by this. "He really wanted to hurt me."

"Don't worry," he said, wrapping his arms around me tightly in a hug. "Everything's alright. It's not as bad as you think. Could have been a lot worse."

I suppose that was true, but the words didn't do much to make me feel better about it. At the time what helped was that he was hugging me so tightly, and I didn't even think about the fact that we were out there in the middle of the sidewalk for all the school to see. I was safe, really safe, and not only did I know that for sure, but Darry had actually come to my rescue.

He let go of me finally and I wiped my tears on the back of my hand.

"How'd you know to come?" I asked as he stood tall.

"I planned on coming on my lunch break. I asked the secretary for you and she said that you were in the office. Then I heard the strap. I wasn't gonna let him hit you."

"He got mad 'cause I didn't have the note."

"I should have given you something. I'm sorry."

"That's okay."

"Come on," he said, opening the car door for me. "You've got to get ready for a sleepover and I have to get back to work."

He shut my door then ran around to the other side. He climbed in, shut his door and started the engine. Then he turned to me.

"I hope you learned a lesson today."

"What lesson?"

"Yelling at people wont get you anywhere."

A/N: I would really like to know what people thought about this chapter. Did you enjoy it, hate it? Was Darry's reaction anything like you had hoped it would be? I appreciate the insight. Thanks!


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: Thank you for your reviews. I love getting feedback! I'm glad you like the last chapter because I just wasn't sure.

Disclaimer: I don't own the song mentioned in this chapter. I don't know who does, but I know it's not me.

Chapter 31

Despite everything that happened I didn't feel so bad once I got home. I knew that this was in Darry's hands now and that whatever happened he would deal with. He didn't have much time to spend with me at the house. He stayed as long as he could but he did have work to get back to. When he left I quickly thought about what I was going to bring to my sleepover, but had a long time to wait before Mary Alice even got off school. I didn't really know what to do. I wasn't thinking about school or my principal, but every so often the memory of the entire situation slipped back into my mind.

I decided to clean the kitchen. It was looking pretty grim and I knew that it would take a good chunk of my time. I hated having to reach all the way down to the bottom of the sink when I could feel all the little bits of food and whatever else was down there on the tips of my fingers, but I managed, and also refilled the sink as many times as I possibly could. I remembered Darry telling me something about how we needed to be carefully about how much water we were using, but I figured that the things he told me were only meant to be put into practice when he was actually around.

As I scrubbed the counter tops clean I actually began to enjoy myself. Really I didn't mind cleaning so much, it was when I had people around that it bothered me. I was always expecting somebody to tell me that I was doing something wrong and putting things away in the wrong spot, but alone I could do whatever I wanted. I imagined for awhile that this was my house, and that I was the mother, and it was my job to take care of things, and make sure that it was clean, and that everything was taken care of. It was fun to imagine this too whilst cleaning other people's messes, but once I was finished with the kitchen and went into my bedroom the fun ended quickly. I had made the mess in there, and I did not feel like cleaning it up.

Clothes were everywhere, my bed was unmade, the drawers from my dresser were sitting on the floor. I groaned, but cleaned it up. I could hear Darry's voice in my head reprimanding me for going to a sleepover without getting my room clean first. He never got mad at the boys for not having their room clean, but I guess that could be because they hardly spent as much time in their's as I did in mine.

Once everything (that I was going to clean) was done, I picked out my nicest dress and folded it nicely so that I would have it to wear shopping on Saturday. Then I packed a couple of other things, not nearly as carefully as the dress, and placed them by the front door so that I would be ready to leave when the time came.

When Mary Alice finally did come to get me she knocked on the door. I knew who it was too because she was the only one who knocked on the door when they came over. I couldn't blame her though. Sometimes I wanted to knock on the door just to see what strange person was spending time in my house uninvited.

"What happened?" she asked excitedly, and I could tell right away that stories must have already been going around.

I explained everything that had gone on in great detail, so that she wouldn't miss out on any of it, but that didn't mean that she wasn't going to ask the questions she had.

"Darry did yell at Mr. Roberts?"

"Yes."

"Did he hit him too?"

"What? No! I just told you what happened."

"Oh, well some of the older kids are saying that he saw the principal strap you so he did it back to him."

"No, he'd be in jail if he did that."

"Well where is he anyway?"

"At work." I couldn't believe it. Who came up with this stuff? "How'd people even know he was down there?"

"The whole third grade class could hear it. And a couple of other kids who were in the office did too. So did Darry really say that he's taking you out of the school? Do you have to change schools?"

"No! I told you everything. I'm not changing schools, and the only person who got hit was me. Now are we gonna go or not?"

"Alright," she said, but she still filled me in on all of the stories, one of which was that Mr. Roberts and Darry were planning on having a big fight later on.

"Oh sure," I said, "the greaser-teacher rumble." People would have paid to see that.

When we got to her house her mother was concerned about me too. She immediately rushed to me and looked me over from head to toe. "Tell me everything that happened."

So I explained it all once again, from Darry getting angry the night before to his confrontation with my principal. She was appalled to hear that he had actually hit me and I could see as she left Mary Alice and I to play that she was thinking hard about something.

The biggest problem Mary Alice and I ever had when we were playing together was her sister. I thought Laurie was cute and didn't mind it if she wanted to play with us, but Mary Alice would rather have pierced her own ears with a steak knife than play with a four-year-old.

"What's wrong?" I asked, after she kicked Laurie out of their bedroom the second time. "Why can't she play with us?"

"Because she's a baby! And she doesn't play right."

"I'm not a baby," Laurie said, but her sister paid no attention to the statement.

"Go away!"

Laurie put her hands on her hips then, something I was sure she had seen her mother do, and shot at Mary Alice, "It's my room."

I don't know how my friend could have said no to her after that. She was just too adorable, but Mary Alice didn't seem to think so as she shoved her out of the room and then shut the door behind her. She held it shut as Laurie tried to get back in, but after only a couple moments of trying she stopped, and Mary Alice came back to me.

We were playing with her dolls, which was something we normally did at her house. If anyone at school had asked what we did we never would have admitted it, and I would never tell my brothers that this was what we usually did. I was sure that we were too old for this, but I suppose you're only too old for something if the person you don't want knowing about it finds out about it. Mary Alice didn't mind playing with them, and her mother didn't seem to care that we did either, so her place was a safe one to do it.

It wasn't fun for very long though, because after only a few minutes Mrs. Weston barged right into the room with her hands on her hips, the exact same way that Laurie had done it.

"What's going on in here?" she asked.

"Nothing," Mary Alice replied. She must have forgotten about what she had done.

"Why wont you let Laurie play in here?"

"Because she wont play right. She keeps taking the toys from us and says they all belong to her."

She nodded to the doll Mary Alice was holding. "That is hers."

"I know but we're playing with it too."

"I'd like you to let your sister play too."

"But Mommy I told you she wont play right."

"Well if you don't want to play with your sister than you can take yourselves right outside. This is her room too and if you wont share then you can't use it at all."

Both of us sat there a second like we weren't sure what to do. I didn't think that it was fair for Mrs. Weston to kick me out too when I had been willing to let Laurie play, but I guess she thought that I would rather play with Mary Alice more anyway.

"Go on," she said when neither of us moved. "Outside." We got up and headed out the back door, but Mary Alice didn't do it without a show. She grumbled the entire time about how unfair it was but I don't think Mrs. Weston could have cared less.

"It's not fair," Mary Alice said. "It's not my fault that Laurie's too little to play, and my mom always takes her side on it because she's the youngest."

"You did kick her out."

"Oh well. It was my room first."

I didn't understand what she was so upset about. I would have loved to have had a sister to share my room with whether she was four or fourteen-years-old. It would be like having a best friend around to talk to all the time.

We took to walking around the neighbourhood trying to find something to do. We didn't see many kids our own age out playing, but maybe that was because most of the kids were either a couple years younger or boys. The kids a couple of years older than us didn't play anymore, and the ones who did play weren't the kind we would have played with anyway.

Somehow we wound up near this small area of forest. I was pretty sure that I knew the entire area that surrounded it but I had never actually gone inside. It seemed to be the same for my friend, so that was when we decided to go exploring.

"What if we get lost?" she asked.

"We just keep walking," I stated. "We'll just end up a couple of streets over."

And so we walked. There wasn't much to see at first, just a few trees and some flowers. It all looked pretty normal, but eventually we couldn't even see the street behind us.

It was Mary Alice who decided that was should start exploring some more and go further into the woods, and I didn't argue with her. The more we got into the woods though the more we realize that there was nothing else took look at and after plenty of trees and rocks we felt like the fun was coming out of the exploration. It was clear that other people had been down here before though because we crossed over a small creek by taking the little bridge that someone else had put up. It was more like four pieces of wood nailed together than a bridge but it still looked pretty new.

"I'm getting hungry," Mary Alice complained, and the second she said it I realized that I too was starting to get pains in my stomach.

"We should probably try to get home," I suggested and she agreed.

"Which way should we try?" she asked.

"That way," I said, pointing to my right.

"Why that way?" she asked.

"Because I think we should."

"Well I think we should go the other way," she argued, and pointed to her right.

"Fine," I said, "you go that way, and I'll go this way. We'll see who gets lost."

"No!" she cried. "We have to stay together. If one of us gets lost how will we know where to find the other?"

"Fine," I grumbled. "We'll take your way, but if I doesn't work then we're taking mine."

We walked for about five minutes and I followed Mary Alice's lead, but it soon proved to be the wrong way.

"I don't recognize any of this," I said as we walked through another herd of trees.

"How can you tell?" she asked. "It all looks the same."

"Yeah but I think I would remember something. I think we should try going another way." She didn't argue this time, but my way wound up being about as useless as hers.

"What about that bridge?" she asked. "We should look for that. Remember we came down the hill and then we crossed the bridge. If we find a hill then we can find the bridge."

"What do you think I'm looking for?" I asked, though that thought hadn't even crossed my mind.

Just as we were saying this too we came across an abandoned old car. It was really old, and full of rust. There was no trace of windows or an engine, and it must have been sitting there in the dirt for a long time because there was no path around for it to have driven.

"How do you think this got here?" my friend asked, as marveled by it's presence as I was.

"Maybe somebody crashed here," I said.

We looked at each other, terrified.

"What if there are dead bodies around?" she asked.

"Let's get out of here!" I cried, and we ran away from there as fast as we could.

Our fear, though completely unnecessary and mostly caused by childish fun, worked out well for us because we came to a break in the trees. There was a hill ahead of us. Well, maybe it wasn't a hill but rather a drop-off from a higher level of ground, but still, we knew that this was where we wanted to go.

"It still doesn't look familiar," I said as Mary Alice and I decided to take a break and sit ourselves down on the ground for a while.

"It's hopeless," she sighed. "We're lost forever. I didn't even think these woods were so big."

"Me neither," I said, and though I realized that I had probably been wrong about them ending only a couple of streets away from our own I decided to keep it to myself.

"The hill looks close," Mary Alice pointed out, "but it's gonna take us forever to get back up there.

"I know," I agreed, exhausted from looking at it.

Suddenly, Mary Alice opened her mouth and screamed at the top of her lungs "_Help!_"

It didn't take me long to catch on, and soon I was screaming right along with her. We didn't keep that up for very long.

We were both laying down on our backs when we heard somebody calling to us.

"Hey!" a boy called. "Hey! What are you doing?"

We sat up quickly to see Tommy Hollis and one of his friends at the top of the hill on their bikes, looking down at us like we were morons.

"We got lost!" Mary Alice said, but I wished that she hadn't.

"How do you get lost in here?" he asked.

"We can't find our way back up."

"What are you talking about? The path's right here!"

We could see that the path was right there, but it was the _getting_ to the path that we had the problem with.

"There was a bridge," Mary Alice explained. "Do you see it from up there."

Tommy pointed just slightly to his left. "You mean those planks of wood right there?"

"Yeah," she replied, sounding slightly embarrassed. I would have lied and said that it wasn't what I was looking for, but she didn't know any better.

The two boys just laughed at us as those drove off, without offering anymore help.

We sat there for awhile, I think just trying to get over own embarrassment, when Mary Alice gasped loudly.

"What?" I asked looking over at her like she might have been bitten by a bug of some kind.

"Look," she said, pointing to nothing in particular.

"Look at what?" I asked.

"That. It's a blue butterfly."

I looked around in the direction that she was pointing and saw that yes, indeed, there was a blue butterfly fluttering around.

"Don't you know what it means?" she asked.

"What?"

"A blue butterfly is the most rare of all bugs. They only come out when people need help."

"Yeah," I said, adding ,"If we follow it then it will lead us home." Never before in my life had I ever heard anything as absurd as the mystical blue butterfly, but for some reason I went along with it. I think it was our way of getting out of the woods without actually admitting that we had taken aid from a kid like Tommy Hollis. I'm also sure that this bug did absolutely nothing to help us, but at that point and for quite some time after the two of us had ourselves convinced that it was this butterfly that had saved us. Deep down I knew the truth, but I never admitted it.

We followed the butterfly all the back to the bridge, and once we got there we completely forgot about it and headed back up the path on the hill.

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" I asked

"Cars. I can hear cars."

Indeed I did hear a car, and pretty soon we were back out on the street, extremely happy to be out of there and back in a familiar face. Of course we had to run home right away and find Mary Alice's mother, to explain to her everything that had happened.

"A blue butterfly?" she repeated, nodding to herself. "Oh sure, I think I've heard of that."

"Yeah," Mary Alice told her excitedly, "and it lead us right out of there. We thought we were done for." We conveniently left out the fact that Tommy had come by, but really it wasn't all that important anyway.

"How long were we gone for anyway?" Mary Alice asked. "Two, three hours?"

"Well it's about quarter to five," her mother said, "so I'd say just passed half an hour." The next time we repeated the story we left out that little fact too.

In the Weston's back room, which served as a both a family and playroom, there was a record player set up. We had music at my house too, but none of the stuff that Mary Alice did. Fun records, happy records, records that didn't make me want to go deaf. Don't get me wrong, I loved some of my brothers music, but some of it was just noise to me.

After dinner the two of us found ourselves listening to our favourite song of the evening, "I Think We're Alone Now" by Tommy James and the Shondells. They must have had eight dozen records on their shelf but for some reason this was the only song that we wanted to hear. As far as I can remember it was because we "identified" with it after our little adventure out in the woods.

At the top of our lungs we sang along and danced to:

"Children behave,  
That's what they say when we're together,  
And watch how you play,  
They don't understand,"

because to us it meant that we were still playing with dolls and being told what to do and that nobody else understood what we meant.

"And so we're,  
Running just as fast as we can,  
Holdin' onto one another's hand,  
Tryin' to get away into the night,  
And then you put your arms around me,  
And we tumble to the ground,  
And then you say,"

and here we were playing together in secret so that nobody would know what we were really up to.

"I think we're alone now,  
There doesn't seem to be anyone around.  
I think we're alone now,  
The beating of our hearts is the only sound."

And now we were in the woods, away form everybody else and able to do whatever we so pleased.

Alright, so maybe we had no clue as to what we were really singing about, but it didn't matter because we liked the song and were going to continue playing it until we were told to go to bed. I swear we repeated that song for over an hour straight. We left for half an hour to have a piece of cake in the kitchen and then played it for another half an hour at least. Mary Alice even let Laurie come in and sing with us because she didn't seem to mind the repetition at all. Everyone was getting along well with each other and we were having a great time until finally Mr. Weston came in and shut the record player off.

"Hey!" we all cried, wondering what was going on.

"If I have to listen to that song one more time I'm going to break this record!" We knew that he was kidding but he still took the record away. After that we didn't want to listen to anymore music as he had somewhat killed our joy for it. Mary Alice was no longer interested in letting Laurie play with us either, but since it was now too dark to play outside again she and she couldn't really kick her out of the living room she decided to let her watch TV with us.

We spent the rest of the night watching it, and eventually Laurie had to go to bed. Mary Alice and I were allowed to stay up as late as we pleased, but eventually we both passed out on the living room floor, just before the late night scary movie that we had been looking forward to started too.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing. I'm so happy to have reached over two hundred reviews, and I'm glad to see that people are still enjoying this one! Sorry that it's taken a couple of days to update, I've just been so busy that I couldn't find the time to write.

Chapter 32

On Saturday morning I found many surprises awaiting us, the first being the wonderful breakfast that Mrs. Weston had prepared. There were so many things on that table that I didn't know where to begin, everything there being from sweet to savory and hot to cold. Mary Alice acted as though this happened every Saturday morning, and from the looks of it I was sure that it probably did. She knew exactly what she liked and what she hated, and never even stopped to think about it.

The second surprise was that neither of us had to help out, as Mr. and Mrs. Weston were going to clean the kitchen afterwards. And when they did finish cleaning Mrs. Weston gave me the best surprise of all. She was going to do our hair before we went out shopping!

Mary Alice had her hair done first and I could tell that she hated it. She squirmed and fought and argued that it was just fine the way it was, and I had to admit that even after sleeping on it her hair still looked better than mine brushed. As she was getting her hair done I could see that her bruise didn't look nearly as bad as it had the day before, but it was definitely still noticeable. Her mother said nothing about it though so I decided that I should ignore it too. Laurie had her hair done right after her sister, but that was because it only took a couple of strokes to her short curls before she was looking good as knew.

Mrs. Weston took the time to brush my hair softly. I didn't have many knots in it as I always brushed my hair, but from sleeping on it there were still a few that needed some combing out. She placed her hand gently on the back of my head as she brushed and I wanted to fall asleep then. It was so soothing and relaxing to feel her tender touch. Once my hair was fully brushed she parted it down the middle and ran the comb under water to dampen the hair slightly, before tying each half into a ponytail. She then tied pink ribbons around them and to finish it off curled my hair around her fingers to give it a slightly bouncy wave.

I couldn't believe it. I looked completely different, and I felt different too. I bobbed m head from side to side in the mirror, admiring this new look. For once I could actually see what Soda meant, and I had to agree with him in saying that I looked cute.

I was happy from then on as we left the house with Mrs. Weston. Mary Alice was grumbling the entire walk to the car about how Laurie was coming with us, but her mother wouldn't listen to any of it.

"This is a girls day," she said, "and there's no reason why Laurie shouldn't come along too."

"She's a baby," Mary Alice complained quietly, and though her mother heard it the only response she gave her was evil glare. I had seen that before from my own mother, and I'll tell you that was one thing I'll never miss.

On the ride downtown the Weston girls chatted with one another but I wasn't really interested in speaking to them. I was too busy looking out the window and thinking. Not about anything particular though, just about everything in general. I was genuinely happy right then, and I wanted to feel as good forever as I did at that moment.

When we got downtown Mrs. Weston found a place to park and then carried Laurie in her arms as we walked a few blocks to the store. It was funny because the last time I had been downtown I had felt especially grown up for being alone as well as with Two-Bit. Now though with my friend and her mother I still felt as special, but maybe that was because I knew we were going to do something special.

When we got into the store I was amazed by what I saw. Women's undergarments were everywhere. From brassieres to panties they had more than I had ever seen before. I could see stocking and these strange pieces of fabric that looked almost like skirts but had bits that fell from them. Nightgowns hung on a couple of racks, but these were like no pajamas I had ever owned before. There lacy ones, and transparent ones, and colorful and frilly ones. Some that seemed so short I was sure that any woman wearing it would have to call it a shirt.

While Mrs. Weston was talking to a lady about what we needed Mary Alice and I went of to look around ourselves. What I found most interesting were the bras. The shapes and sizes of them were incredible. Small ones sat next to large ones, while plain ones were next to some with pointed cups. It was such an incredible place to be and I was so excited to get my bra, but then the shop lady handed Mrs. Weston ours and I couldn't help but feel disappointed. There were a couple of small bras in her hands, but they didn't look like bras to me. They were more like small pieces of white fabric sewn together with a couple of straps.

I tried to hide my disappointment as I headed off into the change room.

"Are you girls sure you don't want any help?" Mrs. Weston asked when both Mary Alice and I told her that we wanted to do this on our own.

"We're okay," Mary Alice called from her own dressing room, while I just nodded as though she could hear me.

I took off my dress first and looked at myself in the mirror. It was almost depressing how flat I really was, but I pulled the bra off of it's little hanger anyway and looked at it. It was kind of cute, with little pink bows on the end of each strap, and the straps did have bits of lace sewn to them, but I was still quite disappointed in having to wear something so tiny in the first place.

I had some trouble putting it on. How was I supposed to be able to snap it closed with the straps over my shoulder? After slight struggling I put it on but could feel the straps over my skin and felt slightly uncomfortable. I scratched the area and tried to ignore it but it was proving to be difficult. Finally I turned around and faced the mirror, expecting to hate what I saw. Boy was I surprised.

Maybe I had no need for a bra and nothing to fill one out with, but I looked good. I could tell that I looked more grown up in it too, and thought that if other people could see me in it they would think the same thing. Not that I would ever be walking around with my top off, but if that ever happened at least they would think I was mature. Besides that, I would also be covered up.

We didn't spend nearly as much time in the store as I thought we would, but that was only because both of us chose the first ones we tried on. Mrs. Weston paid for them at the front. Each of us got two, one in pink and the other in another colour of our choosing. The sales lady handed us our individual bags with the bras wrapped neatly inside, and we were on our way. We expected to head back to the car but Mrs. Weston had another surprise for us.

"Where are we going?" Mary Alice asked as she led us towards the big department store.

"You'll see," she said secretively, and we continued to follow her in silence.

As we headed inside of the store I tried to contain my excitement. I had no idea why we were here, and I wasn't even sure if we were here for me. Maybe this was just for the Weston girls. I knew that Darry had given Mrs. Weston money for our shopping trip, but I had no idea how much and was trying to brace myself in case she began to ignore me.

We passed by the makeup section and I looked around for Meg, but there was no sign of her. I was somewhat relieved not to have to see her. It was funny how I had been so excited about her before, but I had no idea whether Darry had even called her back and didn't want to have to bump into her. I almost dreaded having to face her for reasons that I couldn't explain and was glad to get out of that area.

We arrived at the girl's section of the store where Mrs. Weston turned to us.

"You can each pick out one dress."

"Really?" I asked, practically choking as I did.

She smiled and nodded. "Yes. I'll show you which ones you can chose from, alright?"

She knew exactly where she was going for the dresses that we could pick out, but the second we go there I didn't even have to look. I knew exactly what I was going to get. I noticed that Mary Alice had grabbed a few dresses to try on, and so I did the same thing, taking two dresses that I thought looked absolutely horrible, and then picked the one that I actually wanted.

In the dressing room I tried on the first dress that I had picked, a plain green one that fell completely straight and made me look like a leaf of lettuce. I even tried to like it, just for a moment anyway, but it was impossible. This was possibly the most unflattering dress that I had ever tried on in my life. And so I moved on to the next dress, I pale yellow one that actually looked like a skirt with a shirt and vest attached. I actually did like this one, but it was the colour that really threw me off. I just couldn't see myself walking around in a dull yellow outfit and feeling good about it. So I took it off.

That's when I came to my pink one. I had tried it on before and knew that this was exactly what I wanted. Having tried on the other two dresses before I knew that I would feel especially pretty in this one, and when I looked in the mirror I decided that I never wanted to take it off. It hung so perfectly from my waist to my knees, and the powdery pink looked absolutely perfect with the pink bows in my hair. I spun around in the mirror to see what I looked like from all angles and loved what I saw.

As I was admiring myself Mrs. Weston called to me.

"Yes?" I asked.

"How are you doing in there?"

"Fine," I said, trying to hide my happiness.

"Can I see?"

"Ah, sure." I stepped out from the room to show Mrs. Weston. She had Laurie standing next to her, but when she saw me shook looked quite pleased.

"Why Lily," she said. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," I said, feeling myself blush.

Mary Alice stepped out of her change room then and I got to see the dress that she had chosen. And wouldn't you know it, it was the white party dress that she had picked out the same time that I had chosen my pink one. We laughed at each other when we saw what we had chosen, while Mrs. Weston and Laurie just gave us puzzled looks.

There wasn't much argument as to which dresses we were going to buy. Mrs. Weston had already picked out a dress for Laurie before Mary Alice and I were even out of the change room. It seemed that Laurie knew exactly what one she wanted and refused to try on anything else. Mrs. Weston paid for the dresses, and once again our purchases we wrapped up nicely and handed to each of us in our own bags. Now I felt more important than ever, being downtown and carrying my own shopping bags, like a real lady would.

Mrs. Weston had one last surprise for us though, as she brought us into a little restaurant and told us that we were going to be eating lunch there before we returned home. I was thrilled to sit at our table while the waiter took our orders, and as I looked around the place I noticed that a few of the other customers seemed to be out shopping too, as they were mostly young women with shopping bags next to them.

"So have you all had fun today?" Mrs. Weston asked as we awaited our food.

"Yes," I replied, "thank you."

"I had fun too," Mary Alice told her.

"Me too!" Laurie sang, smiling sweetly to her mother.

"Well I'm glad. I had fun too. Now how would you girls like to go see a movie before we go home?"

"Yes!" All three of us cried, sending a couple of looks our way.

"Well alright, we'll go after lunch."

We had a quiet conversation during lunch, which began with us discussing what movie we hoped was playing and ended with a us deciding that if we could have a bedrooms done in any colour they would be purple. Well, Laurie actually wanted an orange room, but Mary Alice said she would kill herself before she slept in an orange room, to which her mother gave her that warning look again. Laurie said that they could do half a room in purple and the other half in orange, but Mary Alice only told her that the two wouldn't go together.

"Besides," she said, "we're only pretending that we're painting them. We aren't really."

"I know we're only pretending!" Laurie said, sounding hurt. She was so little and cute, but sometimes I got the feeling that she understood and knew a lot more than grown ups gave her credit for.

We went back to the car after lunch and drove to the movie theatre close to home. We left our shopping bags in the trunk and then headed towards the ticket booth. "The Jungle Book" was playing, and we all agreed that we would go in and see it. Even Mrs. Weston seemed excited about it, which I thought strange since cartoons were supposed to be for kids.

I could say that I liked the movie, but that would be a lie. Oh sure, I _enjoyed _it, but I definitely wouldn't have gone to see it again. There were some things that I liked, like a couple of the songs and one or two of the characters, but over all I just didn't like it. It was funny enough for me but the biggest problem for me was the fact that the animals talked. Not that this was the first film I had seen with talking animals, but I just never understood what the big deal was about them. I liked Mickey Mouse okay but that was because he didn't go around acting like a mouse all of the time. I much preferred stories about people, and with a couple of exceptions I could hardly stand the animal ones. I didn't mind some, like "Cinderella", where the animals were around but the humans had a role too. I couldn't explain it, especially since both Mary Alice and Laurie seemed to have loved it. Laurie even wanted to go in and see it again, but Mrs. Weston informed her that it was time to go.

The one thing that I really did enjoy about this one though were the birds. I think they were vultures but at the time I was certain they were eagles. Anyway they reminded me of the Beatles (and later I realized that there was a reason for that), and the entire ride home Mary Alice and I continued a back and forth conversation as we imitated the only bit of their lines that we could remember.

"Okay, so what we gonna do?" she asked, giving her best attempt at an accent.

"I don't know," I replied, attempting my own accent. "What you wanna do?"

"What we gonna do?"

"I don't know, what you wanna do?"

"I don't know, what we gonna do?"

"I don't know, what you wanna do?"

"I don't know, what we gonna do?"

"I don't know, what you wanna do?"

"Look, I always say 'What we gonna do?' then you say 'What you wanna do?' then I say 'What we gonna do?' Let's do _something_!"

After this we reversed so that I could perform the big outcry at the end, and then we switched over once again. Sometimes we would go through asking the question "What you wanna do?" ten times before either of us remembered what to do next, but we had fun doing it, and it reminded us of those times when we had no idea what to do and just asked each other over and over again until much time had been wasted.

When we got back to the Weston's we were still saying it until finally Mrs. Weston had grown tired of it.

"Girls!" she cried as nicely as she could. "It's not funny anymore."

That only caused us to laugh harder, but we stopped anyway and went off into the house. We decided that we wanted to try our dresses on again, this time with bras on underneath just to see if we could feel the difference.

We each took a corner of the room and changed facing the wall so that we couldn't see each other naked and tried the clothes on. I could definitely feel a difference having the bra on underneath. I wasn't sure what the difference was or whether I liked it or not, but I could rest assured that there was one.

We paraded around the room for awhile in them and then decided that we should have a tea party in. We hadn't done this in a couple of years at least but it was fun because this time around we actually got to have hot tea and everything. Mary Alice actually let Laurie play too, and the only difference this one had from our parties of the past was the fact that we skipped out on using toys as guests. Of course Mary Alice's dolls got to take part, but that was because she didn't consider them toys.

We took this as an opportunity to practice our British accents, not like the vultures but rather like sophisticated tea drinking ladies, which is what be pretended to be. Putting on an accent seemed easy enough. I was sure that mine sounded just fine but I think that my friend thought the same thing and believe me it was the farthest thing from an accent that I had ever heard.

We were very careful not to spill anything on our new clothes as we ate, and when we were finished we took the things off and put them back in their boxes. I considered keeping the bra on but decided that it would be best to save for school instead. I wasn't sure about wearing it around the house yet either, as I knew that I would be mortified if any of my brothers saw that I was wearing it.

It was time for me to go home after we finished changing, and after Mrs. Weston handed me a sealed envelope and told me to give it to Darry she asked Mary Alice to take me home. She said that it was so I would have someone help me carry my things, but I wasn't so sure about that. I suspected that she wanted Mary Alice with me so that nothing bad could happen to my new things. I didn't know what could happen exactly, but was glad to have someone around for the walk anyway.

Just before we arrived at my house Mary Alice started up with the movie quoting again.

"Do you want to play tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I said, "sure."

"What are we gonna do?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. What you wanna do?"

"I don't know. What we gonna do?"

"I don't know-"

She tried to cut me off but seemed to forget what she was going to say, so instead we both cried out at the same time, "_Let's do something_!"

I was laughing as I said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," she giggled as she headed back to the street, "See you."

When I got home I passed by two of my brothers and went straight to my room to put my new things away. I pulled my new pink dress out of it's box and just looked at it for a moment, admiring it's beauty. Then I hung it up perfectly and pushed it out of the way of the other clothes so that I could admire it whenever I felt like it. This was a special outfit and one that I would only wear on special occasions. This was not a bad thing though, as my old special occasion dress was now going to become an everyday dress, so I didn't feel as though I was losing out at all.

I then unwrapped my bras and placed them in my top drawer. I was about to walk away from the room then but decided that it would be best not to. I couldn't just leave them there where anyone who went into my drawer (mainly Darry) could see. So I took them out and then put them in the very back of my bottom drawer, underneath all of the old clothes that I never even looked at anymore. I would try one on again later, when nobody was around to know what I was doing.

I folded my bags up and placed them on the floor under my dresses. I didn't know why I was keeping them, but decided that having nice white boxes with matching tissue paper might come in handy sometime, and besides, it was fun to have a reminder of a pleasant shopping trip.

Darry and Ponyboy were out in the living room sitting together, but neither of them said anything. Darry was busy filling out some piece of paper while Pony looked like he was doing his homework. It seemed to me like they might have been mad at each other or something, but I was so used to Darry being mad at somebody that I didn't even pay much attention to it. Instead I threw myself down on the couch next to Darry and sighed loudly, hoping for some attention.

"Hi Lily," he said as though he knew exactly what I was doing.

"Hi," I said.

"How was your sleepover?"

"It was fun."

"Yeah? What'd you do?" I could tell that he wasn't really listening but just asking the usual question.

"We got lost," I told him.

"Glad you found your way home," he said, so I knew that he had to be at least half listening. "How was shopping?"

"Fun. We went out for lunch and to a movie after."

"What'd you go see?" Pony asked.

"'The Jungle Book'."

"Oh." He sounded a little disappointed.

"Did you like it?" This was Darry.

"Uh huh." I didn't want to tell him that I hadn't liked it, and I really was grateful to at least get to go to the movies.

"Good. What did you buy today?"

"A dress," I said, "and two-" I stopped myself.

"Two what?"

"Oh nothing." I pulled out the envelope from Mrs. Weston and handed it to him, hoping to stop any further questions. It must have though, because he said nothing else, only took his envelope form me and continued filling out his work. I sat there next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. I had had a lot of fun with my friend that weekend but was happy to be home nonetheless.

"Hey Lily?" Darry said softly as I was starting to fall asleep.

"Huh?"

"You're hair looks nice."

I pretended not to hear that, but was secretly pleased.

A/N: I'm just wondering if there is anything people would like to see, as far as say, "events" or storylines go. I feel like I'm pulling away from my original feel for the story and would like to know what the readers want again. If you have any ideas I'd love to know. I love hearing from people and it's the main thing that keeps the ideas coming. Thanks a lot!


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: Thank you all so much for reading and giving me your insight. I've read all of your thoughts and suggestions and have come up with some new ideas from them, so thank you very much. I just want to let you know though that I wont be ageing Lily, at least not yet anyway. That would bring too many drastic changes to all of the characters, and I'm sorry to say that I don't like the idea of writing a fic set in the 70s. It's always a possibility for the future though, so I'll never say never. Anyway, hope you enjoy. I like knowing that my readers are happy!

Chapter 33

Darry was pretty calm and quiet for the rest of that Saturday and seemed to be thinking a lot. Come Sunday though his mood seemed to change completely and he was insisting that we all get up early and clean the house. I thought that this was kind of unfair seeing as I had cleaned the entire kitchen _and_ my bedroom on Friday before I went out and hadn't been home much since then, but I didn't say this out loud. Darry was in an energetic mood but it didn't seem like the kind where he was willing to put up with an argument. I could see that even Soda wanted to give Darry a piece of his mind about cleaning first thing in the morning but he didn't say anything either.

Darry assigned everyone a job and I was the unlucky one to get the kitchen.

"I just cleaned it on Friday," I reminded him as nicely as I could. "Can't I do something else?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

"But I always clean the kitchen."

"Yeah, because it's the only room you can clean properly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that anywhere else you clean you just start shoving things into corners and under furniture to get out of doing the job right."

"That's not true," I mumbled, but headed off to clean the kitchen anyway.

We had the entire house spotless by late morning and finally Darry let everyone go off and do whatever we wanted. I met up with Mary Alice and spent the afternoon with her, but come that evening I was getting worried about Monday morning. No one had mentioned anything about school and what I was supposed to do. Mr. Roberts had said that I was suspended. How long was this supposed to last? I thought about it all the way up until Darry sent me to bed, and after that I had to ask him about it. He must have had some ideas otherwise he wouldn't have sent me to bed on time.

"Darry?" I asked, coming out of my room in my pajamas and speaking to him at the table.

"Uh huh?"

"What's gonna happen tomorrow?"

He slid in his chair and looked directly at me, resting one elbow and the table and the other on the back of the chair. "What do you mean?"

"Do I have to go back to school?"

He nodded.

"What about my principal?"

"Don't worry about it."

"But he suspended me, remember?"

"I said don't worry about it. I'll figure it out tomorrow."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. It'll be fine." He moved off the chair and gave me a slight hug. "It's time for bed."

I was ready to leave for school the next morning and stood outside the front door waiting for Darry. He had informed me just as I was about to leave that he would be driving me, and I was relieved to know that I wouldn't have to be going to school alone.

I had grown tired of waiting for him and was leaning against the railing, looking down at the ground. I was wearing my old fancy dress, which was just like wearing a new dress because I had only worn it to school twice that year. Had I not been worried about going back to schoolI probably would have been more excited about it.

Darry came out eventually and closed the front door behind him. I was just starting to walk down the steps when he stopped me.

"Come here a second Lily."

I turned around and joined him by the front window. "Yeah?"

"I want to talk to you about something."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No. Just sit down."

I took a seat on the bench and he sat next to me. He took a couple of deep breaths before starting, and I could tell that he was having a hard time trying to figure out what to say to me.

"Look, what happened on Friday was wrong."

"You mean when Mr. Roberts got mad."

He blinked a couple of times. "Well, yeah, that was wrong and he shouldn't have lost his temper like that, but I shouldn't have said what I said either."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

I could see him trying not to smile. "No, no, I should have been calm. I know better than to yell at people like that, and I want you to know that it's not acceptable when adults act that way."

"But he was yelling too."

"I know that, but just because somebody else does something wrong doesn't mean that it's okay. You don't get anywhere by yelling at people and you definitely don't get yourself out of trouble."

"But I thought-"

"Just listen. I have to go in and apologize to Mr. Roberts for the way that I acted now. If I had stayed calm and talked to him nicely then there wouldn't have been any problems and he wouldn't have suspended you."

"But he did it because-"

"He did it because of the way _I_ acted. This had nothing to do with you. It started that way but it's not anymore. It's between your principal and I now."

I was confused. "Why are you telling me then?"

He looked slightly frustrated. "I just want - I'm trying to tell you that I'm sorry for what happened. It wont happy again, and I want you to understand that the way I acted was inappropriate, and it can't happen again. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I replied, still confused. Why was this turning into a lecture for me? Adults confused me so much sometimes.

When we got to school Darry and I went to the front office. We sat together on the chairs for a few minutes before the secretary let him into the office. I sat there alone and waited in great agony. I wasn't really sure I understood what was going on and was pretty nervous about it all. Darry was in there for quite some time and I was starting to get nervous about what happened next. Would I get in trouble? Would Mr. Roberts accept Darry's apology? Would I have to change schools?

Darry came out eventually. He walked right up to me and said quietly, "I've got to go now. Everything's fine. Your principal just wants to talk to you, alright? Oh yeah, make sure you come home right after school today and stay there."

"Okay," I said, then watched as he left the office. I waited a moment and then braced myself for another meeting with the principal. Darry hadn't seemed upset when he left, but that didn't mean that Mr. Roberts wouldn't have mean words to say to me.

I knocked softly on his door.

"Come in." He sounded pleasant enough, but maybe he didn't know it was me.

I went in and nervously stood by the door.

"Come in," he repeated, "take a seat." He still sounded alright, but I still wasn't sure.

I sat down and held onto my books like they could be some sort of protection.

"I just finished speaking with your brother," he began. "We've both agreed that what happened on Friday was inappropriate. Things got out of hand and I want to apologize to you for what happened. That said, your behaviour was also inappropriate and it can't go without punishment. You will spend all of your lunch recesses inside this week cleaning the desks in all of the classrooms. This should give you time to think about what you've done. The three girls who accused you of punching them last week have been spoken to and punished accordingly. You'd better get to class now before you're late."

And that was it. I got up and left without saying one word to him. Maybe I was happy not to be suspended, but I could not help but feel like he was turning this on me. Why was it that I still had to be punished for something after he had hit me? I wondered if it was something that all adults did or just the ones in power, but decided that I had better grow up to be a teacher or something with equal authority, that way I would be able to get away with treating people unjustly and only have to give a slight apology.

When I got to class I saw Kathy had already taken her seat. She looked at me smugly as I passed in front of her, and I knew then that she really had been punished. If she had gotten away with something she would have looked at me like she knew she was sweet and innocent, but this look meant that she hadn't gotten away with things but wanted me to think otherwise.

I think that my teacher knew something that I didn't because she was extra nice to me and told me that she would give me an extra day on the homework that I had missed. I was so pleased with her giving me this extension that I actually finished it during recess so that I could hand it in at the end of the day. When I did she seemed even happier.

"Why thank you Lily," she said. "You know you're a very smart girl. If you work hard in school you might even be able to skip a grade like your brother did."

I was pleased to hear this, but I didn't say so. What nobody knew was that I was extremely jealous of Pony for getting to skip a grade. I knew that he was smart, and so did everybody else. It just seemed like they forgot how smart I could because they were so proud of him. After my teacher gave me that compliment though I decided that maybe I did have what it takes to skip a grade, and promised myself that I would work a little bit harder at my homework each night (which wouldn't have been too difficult seeing as I wasn't working terribly hard anyway).

I didn't do my homework the second I got home though, and instead went out to play with Mary Alice. We were in her backyard playing hide and seek when I remembered that I was supposed to be home.

"I have to go!" I told my friend, and ran off before she even had a chance to ask me why. I ran all the way home, worried that Darry might have been out looking for me when I realized that it wasn't even time for him to be finished work yet.

Ponyboy was sitting out front having a smoke when I got there.

"Hi," I said, slightly out of breath. "Is Darry home?"

"Not yet," he said, exhaling smoke in one big puff. I took a seat next to him, admiring the way he did it. I had never tried smoking before, and truthfully the smell of it was so bad that I didn't think I would ever want to, but the way some people could make rings with smoke and blow it out their noses always fascinated me.

"Did Darry tell you to come home right after school?" Pony asked.

"No," I lied. "Why?"

"Because he told me to."

"Oh. What for?"

He shrugged. "Don't know."

"Oh. Well what are you-" I stopped myself when I saw Steve pull up in front of our house and get out of his car. He sometimes came around when Soda wasn't there, but I didn't like it because he always said unkind and nasty things that I could never defend myself against.

"Hey," he said, as he walked passed us and went into the house.

"What's he doing here?" I asked Pony cheekily.

"None of your business," Steve called from inside the house, and I wondered how he had even been able to hear me from so far away. When I went inside he was going through our cupboards looking for food, and though I was hungry I decided not to go in there. Instead I side tracked to my bedroom and waited for him to leave. I ended up waiting so long that I decided just to get started on my homework, and before I knew it I was all done. Well, almost all done. I still had no idea how to do my math homework, but I did the best I could and tried not to think about it too much.

By the time I was done my work I had forgotten all about Steve and went out to the kitchen to find myself something to eat. I was busy rummaging through the fridge to find something that actually looked edible when he began talking to me.

"So d'you get kicked out of school or something?"

I turned around quickly as I slammed the fridge door shut. "What?" I didn't know that he was there and was somewhat scared to see him leaning against the wall drinking a coke.

"Whoa!" he laughed with cola still in his mouth. "What's wrong with you?" He obviously knew that he had startled me but I didn't want to admit it.

"I'm just looking for something to eat."

"Good for you."

I turned around and climbed up on the counter, irritated at having him watch me as went through a cupboard.

"Did you or didn't you?" he asked.

"Did I what?"

"Get kicked out of school?"

"That's none of your business."

He took another swig of his drink and then swallowed it loudly. "It's no big deal. I was just asking."

"Well I didn't."

"You didn't get kicked out?"

"No."

"That's not what I heard."

I looked over my shoulder at him angrily. "And what did you hear?"

He shrugged, and looked out the window.

"Steve!" I picked up the closest thing around to chuck at him which just happened to be a knife. I thought twice about throwing it at the last second, but he had already looked over and saw what I had been about to do.

"You don't want to do that," he said in a tone that made me feel like an idiot. This of course meant that I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"I can throw it if I want."

"Yeah, you _can_ throw it, but I wouldn't if I were you."

"Why not? You can't stop me."

"No," he admitted, "but I'll kick your ass if you do."

Darry came around the corner from the living room just then with a few groceries in his arms. "Steve don't cuss in front of my sister. And if you kick her butt then I'll kick yours."

I gave Steve a look as if to say "ha ha" but Darry caught it because he put the groceries down and said, "Get off the counter Lily. And give me that." He took the knife from my hand and tossed it in the sink. I don't know what was worse, Steve being told that he was gonna get his butt kicked or me having something pried away from me like I was a baby. Well, I wasn't going to leave it at that.

"Darry," I said, "Steve thinks I got kicked out of school."

"I do not."

"Yeah," I shot, "you said that you heard I got kicked out of school."

"I was kidding," he scoffed, then put his empty bottle of coke down on the stove. He added, "Don't take things so personal," before heading out the back door.

"I don't know why you let him in here," I said to Darry, who was now busy putting groceries away.

"I don't," he half joked. "He lets himself in."

"Then why don't we lock the door on him?"

"Because then we'd have to lock the door on everybody else. Besides," he passed me the milk to put away, "what if Soda said that he didn't want Mary Alice in here anymore. You wouldn't want that."

"She hardly ever comes in here anymore anyway. And she never bothers people."

"I don't know 'bout that."

"Who does she bug?"

"Ponyboy."

"She doesn't bug him!" I laughed. "He just thinks she does. At least somebody likes him." I said that last part quietly and was thankful when Darry said nothing in response to it.

Steve left before supper, and Soda wasn't even home yet. Ponyboy wanted to go out after but Darry wouldn't let him.

"No, you're staying home and we're gonna clean this place up."

I groaned. "We cleaned yesterday."

"And we're gonna do it again today."

"Do we have to clean tomorrow too?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded, "and everyday until all of you start cleaning up after yourselves."

"What about the laundry in the hall?" I asked him. "You put that there."

"Yeah and I'm gonna clean it up." He gave me a dirty look and added, "Don't get smart with me." I couldn't help but grin. I knew that I was right.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

After school on Tuesday Mary Alice met me at my desk.

"Are you coming?" she asked.

"Can you walk alone today? I have to talk to the teacher."

"Oh," she looked puzzled. "Are you in trouble?"

"No," I said, "I just need to talk to her."

"Alright," she said, "want to come play when you get home?"

"I can't," I told her, "Darry wants me to come home right after school."

"Oh," she said and looked hurt, "okay."

"Well he didn't say I can't have someone over. I'll call you when I get home."

She brightened up then. "Okay. I'll see you later."

I stayed in the classroom until everyone else had taken off and then went up to talk with my teacher. She seemed to have expected that I would want to talk to her because she shut the classroom door as I approached her, then turned and smiled at me.

"What can I help you with?"

"Well ma'am," I started, not really sure what to say, "I've been trying real hard to get all of my homework done."

She nodded. "It shows."

"But I don't understand how to do my math. I try to do it but it's really hard."

"Have you tried asking your family for help?"

"Yes," I said, then somewhat lied as I added, "none of them are any good at math either."

"I see," she said, "but you would like to get some help."

"Yes."

"Alright Lily. When can you work on it? After school?"

I thought about that one quickly. "I guess so. Except yesterday and today my brother told me I have to come right home after school, so I don't know if I can anymore."

"Well how about during one of your recesses?"

"Okay," I said hesitantly. I hated to give up a recess, but I did want to get the help.

"You come see me tomorrow and I'll find a way to help you, alright?"

"Alright," I said, smiling. "Thanks."

I decided that I wasn't going to tell anybody about getting help with my math. Since I was doing it during school they wouldn't even know about it, and I wanted to keep it a secret so that I could surprise people when they saw how well I was doing.

When I got home I called Mary Alice immediately so that she could come over and play.

Mrs. Weston answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, is Mary Alice there?"

"No I'm sorry she's not. Is this Lily?"

"Yes."

"She asked me to tell you that she's out at the park playing with a couple of other kids."

"Oh," I said, somewhat disappointed. "Thanks." I hung up the phone feeling slightly hurt. Mary Alice knew that I couldn't go out and play and yet she went out without even telling me first to see if I could actually go.

It felt kind of like I was grounded again. Sure I could go outside, but I couldn't go away from the house and there was nothing to do in the yard on my own anyway. I went to my room to change my clothes. I was about to put on my overalls but realized that since buying my new dress I actually did kind of enjoy wearing skirts and such. Still I wanted to wear my overalls too, so I compromised by putting on the overalls and then put my skirt overtop of them. It felt a little strange, seeing as the pant half of the overalls were much bigger than the skirt, but I was able to shift them so that it worked.

I started to do my homework but found that I couldn't concentrate so I moved out to the living room with my school papers to watch some TV while I worked. I worked on some reading problems while half watching the second half of the afternoon movie, but eventually I became so engrossed in what was on that I forgot all about my homework. I slowly slid down to the floor and pushed my books to the side, then grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around my arms.

Ponyboy came in while I was watching TV and said hello to me, but I just nodded slightly and continued to watch my movie. He came out after and started to watch with me. He said nothing, and after a while I forgot that he was there. When it ended he shut the TV off.

"Hey!" I said. "What'd you do that for?"

"The movie's over."

"So. I was gonna watch the next show."

"You're always watching TV."

"I was doing my homework too. And I do not _always_ watch TV. There's nothing else to do since Darry just made me come home again."

"Yeah me too," he said, like he was wondering why that was. I wondered too, but I knew that if I asked Pony why he would just tell me not to worry about it. It was easy for him to act that way towards me, but when he didn't like something he didn't have a problem telling it to Darry. Maybe he didn't yell it and stat a big fight like I did, but he didn't always accept things for the way they were either.

I stayed in the living room with the television off and finished my homework. I still didn't understand my math, but I knew this time that I wouldn't have to worry about it at all.

Soda came in from work with Two-Bit just as I was closing up my school books. Ponyboy had disappeared outside again and I didn't know where he was.

"Hey Lily," my brother said to me as he ran towards the phone and made a call.

"Howdy," Two-Bit said, parking himself on the floor next to me.

"Hi."

"What are you up to?"

"Homework."

"Oh wow. I haven't done any of that in awhile."

"Don't you get in trouble?"

He threw his head back and laughed. "Nah. They don't even ask me for it no more."

"Then how do you pass your classes?" I asked.

"Easy," Soda said, joining us as he hung up the phone. "He doesn't pass."

"Hey I pass some classes."

"Yeah, speech class maybe."

"They have speech class in high school?" I asked.

Soda shook his head, but Two-Bit was starting to get a little defensive. "I passed a science class."

"Oh yeah," Soda sounded unconvinced. "What kind of science?"

"Geography!"

"That's not science!" I cried.

"It is too."

"No it's not," Soda pointed out.

"Chemistry is too a science."

Soda and I both laughed, hard.

"What?" Two-Bit asked, but it sounded like he got the joke.

"You said geography!" I pointed out.

"No I didn't said chemistry."

"No you didn't, you said geography."

"No, I would remember if I said chemistry - I mean geography - I mean chem- I said geography!"

I was rolling around on the floor laughing at this point. I couldn't help it. I had the feeling that Two-Bit had been joking around the entire time but it didn't really matter. He made it sound so believable that I thought maybe he was just trying to cover up his own mistake.

"What the hell are you wearing!" Two-Bit laughed, and I stopped laughing to see who he was talking to. When I sat up I saw that it was me he was looking at, but I wasn't really sure what he was talking about.

Soda pulled the blanket I had wrapped around me away and looked as though he was trying not to laugh.

I stood up quickly and looked down at myself, finally realizing what it was that they were laughing at.

"What?" I asked. I wasn't really embarrassed. This wasn't the worse thing I had been seen wearing, and it hadn't really occurred to me that this could be something to laugh at.

"You know you've got pants on under that skirt right?" Soda asked as nicely as he could.

"Yes I know that. I did it on purpose."

"I get it," Two-Bit said, then looked at Soda. "This is one of those things where girls try to get away with wearing pants to school."

"It is not," I said. "If I wanted to wear pants to school I would."

"You can't do that," Two-Bit said.

"Then can't make me take my clothes off," I said.

"They'd make you go home and change," Soda told me.

"No they wouldn't," I argued, just for the sake of argument.

"It's true," Two-Bit said. "Happened to a girl at my school. They told her she had to go home and change."

"What if she said no?" I asked.

"She did. So they suspended her."

"That's a stupid reason."

"I don't think it's so stupid," Two-Bit said.

"Easy for you to say," I shot, suddenly changing my opinion about wearing dresses. "You don't have to wear one ever."

"Heck I'd wear a skirt to school."

"You would?"

"Yeah, but they'd just send me home to change."

Soda looked to the side and grinned, but I didn't think it was so funny.

"Do you think girls should have to wear skirts?" I asked him in the sweetest voice I could. I know that it had an effect on him too because he looked at me like he wasn't sure how to answer.

"Oh I don't know," he said plainly. "I never really thought about it."

Steve came through the front door as he was telling me this.

"Say Steve," Two-Bit said. "do you think girls should have to wear skirts anymore?"

"Sure," he said. "It makes for easier access."

Both Two-Bit and Soda grinned at this but I had no idea what it meant.

"What does he mean?" I asked my brother.

"Nothing," he said, still smiling.

"But-"

"Will you go get me a drink in the kitchen?"

"Fine," I sighed, just happy to be asked to do something by him.

I decided that I would give Soda a drink and then go out in the backyard. I could probably find something else to do and as much as I wanted to stay in with the boys I knew that they probably wouldn't want me around. I brought Soda his drink and then turned to go back to the kitchen.

"Thanks a lot Lily," Two-Bit said to me.

"For what?" I asked, looking back at him.

"For getting us all something to drink," Steve finished.

"You can get yourself something," I said.

"It would have been polite to ask us all if we wanted something," Steve said, and I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"Well Soda's the one who wanted a drink so he can get you something if you want it." I left the room then, hoping that they didn't see me blushing. I should have known to ask them all if they wanted something, but it wasn't like they had ever said anything about it before.

In the backyard I sat down on the grass and looked up at the sky. There were hardly any clouds in sight and the sky was bright blue. The weather had been pretty warm and I wondered how long it would be until I started having to wear warmer clothes outside. I hated having to wear a jacket. It was just harder to run around in and it always made me feel sad because I knew that it was no longer summertime.

I thought about how things would be for Christmas, and wondered how we would do everything this year. It was definitely going to be strange. I felt bad about it, but I did wonder what we were going to do for presents. We had never had huge over the top holidays, not like Kathy and her family did, but I had a feeling that this year would be our smallest Christmas ever.

I was still looking up at the sky when Soda stepped up in front of me and blocked the sun from my eyes. He was smiling brightly and I couldn't help but smile up at him.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Nothing. Where's everybody?"

"Steve and Two-Bit? They left."

"How come you didn't go with them?"

"Can't," he said as he crouched down next to me. "Darry wants me to stick around the house today."

"You too?" I sat up quickly. "What's going on? How come he wont let any of us go anywhere? Did we all do something and he just doesn't want to tell us."

He shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Then what is it?"

"Could be anything. Maybe he just thinks we're all getting too wild and out of control."

"That's stupid," I said. "He can't make you stay home. You're too old."

"I'm not that old," he said. "Anyway I don't mind staying home for one day."

"Oh yeah? Just wait till he starts making you clean."

"We cleaned the whole house a coupled days ago."

"And he made us do it again yesterday. You weren't here, lucky."

He looked towards the street like he was trying to think of what could be up with Darry, but if he ever figured it out he never said anything to me about it.

"Want to come in and make some supper with me?"

"Not really," I grumbled, but followed him into the house anyway. I was never much help in the kitchen, but I think he just liked to have the company.

"You know if we had ice-cream," he said to me, "I'd dye it purple for you."

"Would it taste like grapes."

"Like grapes?"

"Yeah, like you know how grape juice is purple. Purple ice-cream would have to taste like grapes."

"No it would taste like vanilla, I would just make it purple."

"That's boring."

"What if I dyed it green?"

"Then it would be green?"

"I know that. I mean what flavour would it be?"

I thought about it for a minute. The only green fruit I could think of were grapes and I didn't want to say that again, so instead I said, "It would be broccoli flavoured."

"Broccoli?"

"Uh huh."

"That's disgusting."

"Who wants green ice-cream anyway. You'd feel like you're eating mold."

"I like green food."

"I do too, when it's supposed to be green."

"Fine, what colour would you make ice-cream?"

"Brown."

He looked horrified. "_Brown_?"

"Yeah, 'cause then it would be chocolate."

Darry was pretty quiet all through supper but it wasn't a calm quiet. He ate so quickly that I wasn't sure how he manage to get all of that food in his mouth. Something was clearly on his mind but none of us asked him what it was. He excused himself from the table shortly after finishing his meal and disappeared into the back of the house.

The three of us looked at each other but said nothing about it. Darry had been in strange moods like this before, and usually something happened in the end that caused it to seem justified.

After dinner Ponyboy sat at the desk to do his homework while Soda and I went into the living room. He was sitting on the floor while I sat on the couch behind him.

He threw his head back onto my leg and said, "I want to do something!" That's when I noticed his hair.

"Wow," I said, grabbing a handful of it. "Your hair is really long."

"Thanks," he said, pulling away and smoothing the hair back down. The second he had his hand away I ran my hand through it again. "Would you stop?"

I had never really touched his hair before, or anyone's for that matter, and I was actually surprised at how gross it felt. It was kind of hard and left my skin feeling oily. As I pushed the hair away though I could feel that under the surface it was soft, and really quite nice.

"Can I braid it?" I asked.

"Can you braid my hair? No."

"Please?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Because. My friend showed me how to do a French braid once before and I just want to see if I can do it."

"Shouldn't you do it on a girl?"

"Do you see any girls around? Just look at the TV." He did as I said and faced the TV, so I began trying to braid his hair. I didn't know if a French braid was hard to do because of the length his hair or just because I had never really attempted to do it. Every single time I thought that I was getting the hang of it pieces would slip out from between my fingers. It didn't help that it was so stiff either.

"Ouch!" he cried when I yanked on a piece of hair to separate it from another section.

"Hold still," I said, showing him no mercy. He had no idea what it was like to have to brush through ratty hair, and I wasn't going to feel sorry for him for one little pull.

"I'm doing your hair next," he said in slight pain. "And I'm gonna pull every single strand right out of your head, one by one until you go bald."

Just for that I grabbed a piece of hair from the back of his head and yanked it out.

"Hey!" he cried, and his hand immediately shot to his head. "That wasn't funny."

"Yes it is," I said, giggly happily to myself.

"No it's not. If you do that again I'm not going to let you finish. I'm gonna have to redo my hair after this too."

"You could just leave the braid in."

"But I wont."

I wasn't getting much further on the braid so I started it all over, much to his disliking. I was about halfway though this one (which wasn't much better than the first), when Darry came through the room and picked up his car keys.

"I've got to go out for a bit," he said. "When you two girls are done playing beauty shop I want you to go in and clean that kitchen up."

"But we made supper," I reminded him.

"And I bought supper." He had me there.

"We'll do it," Soda said, and stood up right away. I knew that it was because he didn't want me touching his hair anymore, but I didn't mind. I knew that I could always get him another time.

The second Darry was out of the house Soda turned to me. "How come he gets to go out?"

A/N: Thanks for reviewing. There's one question/suggestion I've had from a few people that I thought I would answer in here. It's the one asking if this story takes place before or after the book. While I can tell you for sure that it is NOT post book, I'm not really sure if it's pre book either. Right now it's kind of just an AU story, and I would give you more of an answer than that it's just that I'd be giving something potentially major away if I said anything else. If anyone has any questions to ask me feel free to message me. It can be difficult to answer anonymous questions in here, especially since it takes up a lot of space, but I'll try and do the best I can. Anyway, thanks a lot! I'm glad that so many of you are still enjoying this one.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

I met my teacher in the hallway as I was on my way out for recess the next morning. She was definitely expecting me this time because she pulled me back into the classroom.

"How are you doing today Lily?"

"I'm okay."

"Good. Now, I've found a solution to your math problem."

"What is it?"

"I found a student in the sixth grade to help you with your work. You can meet during afternoon recess for now, but once the two of you are comfortable I'll allow you to work out your study times together. How does that sound?"

"Good." I was happy, just imagining how it would be having a tutor of my own. And in the sixth grade. She would have to be smart, which meant that she wouldn't be mean. Maybe we would become friends too.

"You can go to the sixth grade room starting Monday morning," she told me. "Okay?"

"Alright. Thank you."

I was on edge the entire afternoon trying to think of who my tutor could be. I was trying to remember who I knew from the sixth grade, and at recess Mary Alice and I even tried pointing them out in the schoolyard. I didn't even mind having to return home straight after school again just so I could do my homework and try and think of who it would be. Would she be pretty? Would she like me? Most of all though I just wondered if she had a little sister of her own.

Friday was almost the same way. As I walked down the hall I checked to see if any older kids looked at me strangely, like they knew we were going to have to start working together. There was nothing though, so I knew that I was going to be left wondering all weekend long.

"You want to come to the park with me?" Mary Alice asked as we were walking home that day.

"I can't. I have to go home again."

"Again? What'd you do anyway?"

"Nothing. Darry just wants me home."

"And he isn't even telling you why?"

"No."

"Well I wish you could come out. It's boring being all alone."

I thought that over. It was boring being at home too, and this was Friday. Besides Darry had been coming home late from work every night that week, and he hadn't even noticed that I had been home each of those afternoons. He never would have noticed if I actually had gone out, so would it really be a big deal if I did this time?

"Can I drop my books off at your house," I asked. I didn't want to go home and risk being told that I had to stay, and so I didn't. Instead we dropped our books off and then had some milk and cookies that her mother had just made with Laurie. We had to come up with a creative way to get out of the house without Laurie seeing. Mrs. Weston didn't mind if we went off and played without her, but she didn't want us leaving her home screaming either. So instead with went into her parents' bedroom and climbed out their window onto the porch. We jumped off the porch too, not because we had to but because we felt like it, and went over to the park to play. There were a couple of really small kids using the swings, so we decided to play on the monkey bars for awhile.

As we were climbing the top Mary Alice stopped near the middle and waited for me.

"What?" I asked casually as I wrapped my knees around a bar and lowered myself into an upside-down position.

"Did you wear your bras this week?" she questioned once she had joined me in hanging from our knees.

"Yeah. Did you?"

She attempted to nod but it just looked like she was having a spasm of the head. "Do you think anybody noticed?"

"I don't know. Did anybody notice yours?"

"I don't think so."

"Are people supposed to notice it?"

"Well isn't that the point?"

"I thought it was so that we could prove we need one."

"Well yes but, oh never mind."

I could tell that there was something she was trying to get to but didn't bother pressuring her to continue. She was always thinking something crazy and I didn't need any new worries in my head about what people were thinking about me.

As we were sliding back up through the bars this little boy ran up and started laughing at us. He was usually playing in the park when we were there, but he was only about six and the most annoying thing I had ever met.

"What is it Mikey?" Mary Alice asked angrily as we sat back down properly.

"I can see up your skirt!" he sang. "I can see up your skirt!"

My friend and I exchanged evil glances before jumping off the bars and chasing after the little brat. He ran fast, I'll give him that, and the accompanying screams were something for a little guy to be proud of, but this wasn't the first time that we had been bothered by Mikey and it probably wouldn't be the last either. From what I knew about him he lived alone with his mother, but she was out working during the day so he was on his own after school to do whatever he wanted. This meant that he was terrorizing the kids in the park until supper time, but it also meant that he couldn't go crying to his mother after we got a hold of him.

When we finally caught him it was near the other side of the park nobody was around to see us.

"Let go of me!" he cried, but even he knew that this was really just a game because it wasn't a cry of desperation.

"Take it back!" Mary Alice said.

"Take what back?"

"That you saw up our dresses."

"But I did see up your dresses!"

"Fine," I said. "We're just gonna have to tickle you till you take it back."

"_No_!" he shouted over dramatically as we pushed him to the ground. Mary Alice got his shoes off and tickled his feet while I got him on his sides and under the arms.

"Take it back!" we ordered.

"I can't!" he said in a laughing agony. "I can't breath! I can't breath!"

We stopped tickling just long enough for him to catch his breath and then started up again.

"Please!" he begged, and I knew that he was really beginning to hate this.

"What?" I cried, looking at Mary Alice.

"I think he wants us to stop," she said, clearly understanding what I was doing.

"He does? But he didn't take it back."

"Oh," she laughed. "Too bad."

"Alright!" he said, and we paused. "I take it back."

"Good," Mary Alice said as we let go of him and stood up.

He stood up and scratched his dirty blond hair and picked up his shoes. "I'm gonna tell my mama that I got jumped by a couple of crazy girls!"

"Go ahead," I said, laughing.

"Yeah," Mary Alice added. "See if we care."

Mikey ran off then, leaving us to find something else to do. The park had lost it's fun and besides that we didn't want to risk having Mikey tell someone on us.

"Want to go to the woods again," she asked me. "I bet we can find our way around this time."

"Alright," I agreed, not being able to come up with anything better myself.

There was one thing Mary Alice seemed to be interested in in those woods, and it was that beaten up old car we had seen the last time we were there. It took us a while to find it, but when we did it looked just as it had when we left it, mostly covered in leaves and branches and other debris.

"So do you think it's haunted?" she asked me.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Could be." I didn't think it really was, but I didn't want to rule out that possibility either.

"If it is then why isn't there a ghost here?"

"It only comes out at night." I didn't mean to sound so matter-of-fact about that, it's just the way it came out.

"How do you know if it only comes out at night?" she asked. "You just said that you don't know if it's really haunted."

"I don't," I sighed. "I just mean that all ghosts only come out at night."

"But you do think it could really be haunted?"

"I guess so."

She was starting to brush some of the branches off the top of the car and tried to get through the window.

"What are you doing?" I asked, pulling her back.

"I want to see if there's a body inside."

"Why?" I asked. "That's gross!"

"What if there is? What if this person got into an accident and nobody knows what happened to them?"

"Have you heard of any missing people from around here?" I asked.

"No, but maybe they've been here awhile." She went to get in the car again, but I just stood back. I had a bad feeling about this and I didn't want to be around that car anymore. It just made me think about my parents and their accident and I didn't want to think about them getting hurt.

"Come on Mary Alice," I said worriedly. "Let's go."

"Hold on!" she said from inside the car. "I'll be out in a second. I think I see something."

"I'm going!" I said loudly and walked away from the car.

"What's your problem?" she asked as she followed after me. She sounded somewhat concerned and I did feel bad for wanting to leave suddenly, but didn't know how to explain my feelings to her either.

"I just don't like being out here," I said plainly. "It's creepy, don't you think?"

"I guess so," she agreed, then seemed to be a little frightened herself. It wasn't a sunny day like it had been when we were out there the last Friday, but instead the sky was clouded over and it looked like it might rain. I could tell that it was going to start to get dark out soon too, and just wanted out of there.

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

"We can go back to my house," she suggested.

"What about Laurie?"

"Well we can go back to the park then. We just wont go near Mikey."

"Okay," I agreed. We didn't have any trouble finding our way out this time, and before long we were on our way back to the park.

The swings were free when we got there and so we took them quickly, then looked around as we were flying through the air for any sight of Mikey.

"There he is," Mary Alice said, pointing towards the other end of the park. He was playing with a couple of other little kids, and we were relieved to hear his laughter.

"He probably wont tell on us anyway," I thought out loud. He was just at the age where he could still tell on people without feeling guilty but I knew that it wouldn't be long before he realized that kids didn't tell on other kids, no matter what.

"Even if he does tell on us it's not like we did anything wrong," she pointed out.

"I know," I said. "And he bothers people all the time. Why would we be the-"

"_Lily Curtis!_"

I was startled to hear someone shouting my name, and stopped pumping my legs immediately.

"Who's that?" Mary Alice asked.

"I don't know," I said, jumping to the ground and looking around.

"There," she said, jumping down next to me. "It's your brother."

I looked over towards the street and saw that it was Soda who had called my name. Then I realized that he wasn't actually looking at me, and figured that he hadn't actually spotted me yet.

"Do you have to go?" Mary Alice asked me.

"No," I said. "Come on, let's get out of here." We ran to the closest place we could find for cover, which just happened to be behind a tree.

"Are you in trouble?" she asked.

"Maybe not," I said hopefully, but I knew that the only time Soda would be out looking for me and calling me by my last name was because I was in trouble.

"How long are we going to wait here?"

"Until I think it's safe to go out again."

"But you said that you might not even be in-" She stopped talking when a long shadow appeared in front of us, and as I turned to look I saw that Soda was standing there next to the tree. He did not look happy.

"I gotta go," Mary Alice said quickly, then ran off right away. I couldn't blame her. It's one thing to try and protect your friend, but when you know there's nothing you can do to get them out of trouble then the only decent thing to do is leave them alone and spare them the embarrassment.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"You were supposed to come right home after school," he said accusingly.

"I was?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "and don't say it's not true because I was right there this morning when Darry told _all_ of us that he wants us to stick around the house.

I didn't know what to say. He was right, and there wasn't anything I could do to try and fix this. I wasn't about to get angry either. I could handle snapping and being disrespectful to Darry, because that was the only defense I had against him, but I couldn't act that way to Soda when he was upset, only because I knew he would hold it against me for days and take it personally.

"Is Darry home?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Is he mad?"

"Oh yeah."

"But why? He never told me why I had to stay home."

"Yeah well we found out why about an hour ago."

"Why?"

"Darry's been worried all week that a social worker's gonna show up for a surprise visit."

I had an awful feeling in my stomach. "Did she come?"

He nodded again.

"What happened? Why'd she come? Are they taking me away!"

"Calm down," he said, but he didn't sound very sympathetic. "She just came to check up on us. And they aren't taking you away. You're lucky she likes us. Darry made up some story about you being at a sleepover tonight and you're lucky he did too because you know how much he hates to lie about stuff like that."

"I'm sorry," I said, and felt tears coming to my eyes. I felt bad partly because I knew that I was in trouble but mostly because I knew that if the social worker made a surprise visit it was because somebody wanted her in there. And maybe Soda was wrong, maybe they were going to take me away.

"Look don't cry," Soda said, and I could tell that he was starting to let his guard down a little bit. "Nothing's gonna happen."

"Yeah but I'm in trouble now."

"You're always in trouble."

"If that was a joke it wasn't funny."

He looked at me seriously. "It wasn't a joke."

I tried not to cry, I really did, and was moderately successful. Though the tears weren't pouring down my face I still wasn't able to keep them from filling my eyes.

"We've got to go home," Soda said.

"How mad is Darry?"

"He's pretty mad."

"As mad as when I skipped school?'

"Not quite that mad, but pretty close."

"Great," I sighed.

"Don't worry though," he said somewhat spitefully. "I won't tell him how you ran away from me when I called you."

"You saw me running?"

"How else would I have known that you were behind the tree?" He pushed my back to get me to start walking, and although I went slowly I did start to head towards home. "Besides," he said, "we couldn't find any of your school stuff at home, and you didn't change clothes either. We thought something might have happened to you."

I tried to avoid telling him that I had intentionally stayed away from the house by asking, "How come Darry's home so early?"

He half-laughed half-snarled, "It's almost six o'clock."

I was uncomfortable walking with Soda, and I couldn't tell if he was really angry or only pretending to be to scare me. I wanted it to be just pretend, but even if he was pretending it was because he knew that I had done wrong. I wasn't looking forward to facing Darry either , and prayed that something might happen in between that moment and when I got home. Nothing did though, and about ten seconds later Soda and I were walking up the front steps of the house. I could see through the window that Darry was just waiting to kill me.


	36. Chapter 36

A/N: I can't believe it's been almost a year since my last update on this story. I know it's taken awhile but I hope you can still enjoy! I continue this at the request of a friend on , and I guess I'm just begging you not to hate me for this one. I know some people might not like it, but it's just kind of where this chapter had to go.

Chapter 36

I can pinpoint the exact moment in my life that I was more nervous about something than anything before. It was the six seconds that I spent between the bottom of the steps and the front door, praying in my heart for some sort of salvation. I dragged my feet up the stairs, feeling my stomach drag along the ground. I didn't fee butterflies, I felt sick. The anticipation of my fate would have been enough to stop me too had Soda not been walking behind me, guiding me do to the door.

I think I felt a gentle nudge of pity on my shoulder from him which would have been comforting if the door hadn't been thrown open a second later.

Darry stood there looking at me and for a moment I thought I saw a hurt look in his eye. I don't know how long the next moment lasted, but it felt like forever. He didn't say anything for the longest time, and just stood there staring at me.

I wondered if I was supposed to speak, and what I was supposed to say, but the words wouldn't come to my mind. Instead, I blurted out, "I'm sorry!"

He didn't want to hear it. "Shut your mouth." Stepping aside, he waited for me to come into the house. I was afraid to pass him too, worried about what he might do, and the fact that Soda was so close behind me didn't offer any comfort, not this time.

I had two options once I got into the house, run to my room or go to the living room. At this point I figured Darry would want to scream at me, so I moved into the living.

Big mistake.

"Go to your room Lily," Darry practically snapped, like he was trying to hold back his anger.

"I just-" I started to explain why I had gone in there in the first place, but he cut me off.

"I don't want to hear it and I don't want to look at you right now. Go to your room."

"Fine!" I said, sounding sharper than I had meant to, but only because I was trying not to burst into tears.

"You do not want to be yelling at me right now little girl!"

"I wasn't-" I started to argue, but decided against it. Instead I ran to my bedroom, not wanting to make him hate me any more than he already did at that moment.

I was careful not to slam my door as I backed into my bedroom, but I wasn't still for very long. I sort of paced back and forth, trying to decide what to do. Should I jump out the window and run away? Should I go back out and try to explain things? Not that there was anything to explain. There was only one thing I did know, and it was that I could definitely not wait around for Darry to come to me. The wait would kill me. Even worse than the wait was the worry. I had no idea what he was going to say to me, or better yet, do. Suddenly I knew what I could do to pass the time.

Listen.

The walls in the house were paper thin, and it was easy for me to hear Darry and Soda talking. All I had to do was lean against my door and I could hear them clearly (especially since Darry was making no attempts to be quiet).

"The park?" he was saying. "What the heck was she doing at the park when she was supposed to be home."

"Well come on," Soda said, on my side, "she's a kid. She wanted to play with her friends."

"I don't care what she wanted to do I told her to come home."

"Well she hardly ever listens to what you tell her."

"That's the problem," Darry shouted as though Soda should have figured that out. I'm sick and tired of it. Now no judge is going to let that girl stay in this house if I can't take proper care of her."

"Nobody said you can't take care of her."

"Taking care of kids, Sodapop Curtis, means knowing where there are after school and disciplining them when they do something wrong."

"Well you yell at her all the time!"

I could have kissed Soda. He was actually standing up for me. Not that he didn't always stick up for me, but sometimes it was hard to tell Darry that you didn't like what he was doing.

"Well," Darry said, his voice suddenly getting lower. "Yelling clearly hasn't done her any good."

I think Soda whispered something back, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. Suddenly I felt even worse, knowing that they were discussing something I wasn't going to like. Next thing I knew there was a tap on my door and Soda was standing in front of me, looking kind of pale.

"Come out here," he said, somewhat gently but almost like he was sick himself. "Darry wants to talk to you."

"Can't he come here?" I asked, too scared to move.

"You better do what he says," Soda advised. "He's not happy."

Like I needed him to tell me that.

I went back out to the leaving room, hearing my heart pounding in my head with every step I took. Darry was standing in front of the couch, and when I arrived he pointed to it.

"Sit."

I sat quickly, not wanting to cause more damage.

"You know you should have come home after school, right?" He was asking me this as though I had just done one of the dumbest things I had ever done in my life.

"I know. I said I'm-"

"Don't tell me you're sorry Tiger Lily because I know you're not."

I cringed at the sound of my name but dared not argue with him.

"If you were really sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place, and you wouldn't have run from Soda when he called you."

I couldn't believe it. Soda had ratted me out for that! I looked up at him, but he just looked away with an ashamed look on his face.

"And if you were really sorry," Darry continued, keeping my attention away from our brother, "you wouldn't have been so quick to try and get out of trouble."

"I didn't try-"

He interrupted me again. "The second you came through that door you were starting to argue with me, and I know that you were going to try and tell me why you shouldn't be in trouble next."

"No I was only-"

"You're still doing it."

"Because you keep interrupting me!"

I sucked in a deep breath the second I said that and shut my eyes tight.

The next voice I heard was Soda's.

"Give her a chance to explain." He was so quiet that he sounded almost scared, but it was enough for me to open my eyes again. The comfort didn't last very long.

"Explain what?" Darry asked angrily. "Explain that she went out after I told her to stay home after school? That she's sorry I had to lie to the social worker and tell her she was staying the night at a friend's house? Explain that even though I've given her tons of chances she's still disobeying me!"

"I mean let her talk," Soda said.

"Fine," Darry said, crossing his arms and looking at me expectantly. "Explain yourself."

I looked back and forth between my two brothers, not really sure what to say.

"Now's your chance Lily."

"Well," I started, "well I ju-just wanted to go out and play. You didn't tell me why I had to stay inside and it's Friday and Mary Alice didn't want to play alone. It's not fair. I didn't know the social worker was coming over. You never told us."

He waited for a second to see if I was going to say anything else, then spoke.

"First of all, I don't care what you wanted to do, you never go anywhere without telling someone first. We've been through this before, remember? And second, I do not have to explain anything to you. I am in charge in this house and when I tell you not to do something then you listen. So when I told you to come home after school then you should have done it, even if you didn't want to. I don't have to tell you things if I don't want to. I am the one who keeps this roof over your head and puts food in your mouth, and unless you want to be taken away and go live somewhere else then you will do as you're told."

I am the one who keeps this roof over your head and puts food in your mouth. I had heard that line many times before. It was something my dad used to say to my brothers when they were in trouble, only I never thought that I would hear Darry say it, especially not to me.

My oldest brother crouched down in front of me at an uncomfortably close distance to my face. "Tell me Lily, do you want to go live somewhere else?"

"No," I said, tears in my eyes because I was afraid he was going to send me away.

"Are you sure. Do you want to go somewhere where there's a family, with parents, with a mom?"

"No!"

He stood up. "Alright then, go to your room."

"What?" I was confused. He wasn't sending me away and now I had to go to my room. "I thought you wanted to talk to me more."

"I told you to go to your room."

Alright, so "go to your room" sounded fine, it was when he added, "and wait for me," that I started to get nervous.

"Wait for what?" I wanted to know, but was too scared to ask.

In my bedroom I sat nervously on my mattress, listening against the wall again to hear what they were saying. I couldn't make out most of it, but what I could didn't sound very good.

"Darry you can't do that," Soda was telling him.

The next thing I understood was, "Parents do it to their kids all the time."

"But this is different."

It was hard to understand them again and the next thing I knew the front door opened and closed, and I new someone had left the house.

I could hear footsteps in the hall and I was worried Darry was going to kill me and never tell anyone, but he didn't kill me. Instead he calmly opened my door and said, "Come with me."

For some reason I didn't have a problem getting off the bed and following him down the hall to this bedroom. It was when he closed the door behind him that I started to get worried again, but I didn't say anything.

"This has to stop Lily," he started as he sat down on his huge bed. "I know you don't always like the rules I give you but that's just the way things have to be if we are going to get to stay together. You are old enough to know better than to do a lot of the things you do, and I'm not letting you get away with it."

"You never let me get away with it," I reminded him, and was surprised when he didn't get angry.

"Well it's going to be different now. If you want to break the rules and stop listening to me then that's fine, but you're going to have to face consequences for it. Every time you stay out after I tell you to come in, every time you lie to me, every time I get a note home from your teacher, you are going to get a spanking. You aren't-"

"You can't spank me!" I cried, not wanting to hear the rest. I had suspected this was why he had taken me into his room, but I didn't want to believe it.

"Don't tell me what I can't do," he said sharply.

"But I'm nine years old! I'm almost ten! Nobody ever spanked me before! I'm too old now."

"You're not too old," he assured me.

"Says you, besides, I'm a girl."

He laughed. "What's that go to do with it?"

"You can't spank girls."

"Oh really?" he asked. "And who made up that rule?"

"I don't know. Who made up spanking?"

He rolled his eyes. "Come on Lily, this isn't a joke."

"I'm not joking. I don't want a spanking."

"I know, that's why it's a punishment."

I was starting to feel helpless. "I promise I won't be bad again."

"I'll bet," he said before grabbing my arm. He must have noticed that I was inching towards the door, because I suddenly found myself standing right in front of him, my wrists locked in his strong grasp.

"Dar-ry!" I begged, trying to squirm away.

"Hold still a second," he ordered, and I did as I was told. "Now listen. I know you don't want a spanking, which is exactly why you're getting one. Nothing else has worked with you and so I'm going to try this out instead. I'm not doing this because I really want to Lily, I just want you to think twice before you do things."

"I will think twice. I will!"

"Then this will just help remind you."

"Easy for you to say," I said, trying to get free again. "Nobody ever hit you."

He snorted. "Don't kid yourself."

I don't know what he was thinking, but a second later he let go of me, probably thinking that it would only be for a second, but I saw my chance and it took it. In a flash I had his door open and was running into my room. He was fast though, and I didn't even have my door closed the whole way before he was up behind me, hollering like usual.

"You shouldn't have done that!" he said while I struggled to get my door shut. I couldn't put up much of a fight though and in a second he was in the room and had grabbed me around the waist.

"No!" I screamed, kicking as he dragged me to the closest room, which happened to be the kitchen. "Let go of me!"

"Stop it!" he said, pulling a chair out from the table. He sat down and then grabbed my shoulders and quickly threw me across his lap, but I wasn't having any of it.

"It's not fair!" I shrieked, trying to get up. He held me down easily with one hand though, so I started punching him in the leg.

That's when he pulled my dress back and gave me a sharp smack on my seat. I yelped in surprise, not so much because it hurt but because he had actually hit me.

"I hate you!" I screamed, struggling even harder than before.

"That's fine," he said, "you're still going to listen to me." With that he started smacking me more, lightly at first but soon he was hitting harder, and I was really starting to get upset.

I guess I had never really thought of it before, but this was not what I had expected a spanking to feel like. My skin felt dry, like it was being stretched with every slap. I was kicking and flailing like a mad woman but it didn't seem to bother him. He just kept hitting me like he was out to prove something.

"Please Darry! I'll be good. I'm sorry!"

"You weren't acting very sorry, trying to run away like that."

"I only did - I just - you're hurting me!" I couldn't think properly through the pain to explain to him that I had only run because I was scared. He must have known that, and yet he wasn't letting up either.

"I want you to be good Tiger Lily," he said, delivering a smack to the lower part of my bottom, which was surprisingly more uncomfortable than other spots.

"I will be good!" I promised, not bothering to tell him that I hated being called "Tiger".

"I know you'll be good, because you don't want another spanking, do you?"

"No - oh, owe!"

He had just sent a couple more swats down and believe me, I was not enjoying it one bit.

"Let me up now!" I cried, sure that I couldn't handle the pain anymore.

"Another thing," he said, and gave me three sharp spanks. "Stop trying to tell me what to do. You are nine years old and I am twenty. You have no right to try and order me."

"Okay I won't do it again!"

He stopped then, but I had a feeling from the way that he still held me down that he wasn't done yet.

"Do you have any idea how mad I was when I found out that you weren't home today?" he asked. "I'm not trying to be mean just to make your life miserable, I actually have reasons for telling you what I do, but you're not making things any better for yourself when you refuse to listen."

"Sometimes I just forget," I tried to reason, but he wasn't having any of it.

"Well, you're not going to forget this time, are you?"

"No." I hoped for a moment that he was going to let me up, but no such luck. The spanking started again, and this time is was harder and faster. Up until this point I had been so focused on getting away from him that not one single tear had come to my eye, but after what I had already endured I couldn't take it anymore. I went from being completely dry eyed to having tears falling down my cheeks, and I couldn't understand why Darry wasn't affected by any of it.

"I'm s-sorry!" I sobbed. "Please let me go!"

"Are you going to come home after school when I tell you to?"

"Uh huh."

"Are you going to do something after I tell you not to?"

"Yes - I mean no!" I hadn't really been listening to him, just giving him the answers I thought that he wanted. I was bawling like a baby now and felt awful about it, not so much because I was in pain but because of the position that I was in. If anyone came into the room, and there was a pretty good chance of that happening in my house, I would have been mortified. Here I was with my dress hiked up to show my panties and screaming bloody murder, and I'm sure that it would have been quite something for one of those pesky boys to see.

"I just don't understand why you can't listen," he said, hitting hard enough to let me know that he was still angry. "You don't need to-"

He stopped talking then and immediately stopped the spanking too. I didn't know what was going on but two seconds later I found myself being carried back to my bedroom, put down none too gently on my mattress, before Darry walked away.

"Stay in there!" he hollered after he closed the door, and a minute later I heard the front door slam shut, and a moment after that his car started. I wasn't sure what had just happened, all I knew was that Darry had just taken off on me.

I couldn't think much about that though. Instead I buried my face in my pillow, sobbing to myself not only because I was in pain, but more so because I felt sorry for myself. I could feel the pain more now than I had been able to during the spanking, and it wasn't pleasant. It wasn't going away and I didn't think it ever would, but that wasn't the worst of it. I felt absolutely humiliated. I knew that nobody had been around to see it but I was sure that everyone would soon know, even the other kids in the neighborhood. I never wanted to face the world again, never wanted to leave my bedroom.

I didn't know why I was so embarrassed, after all, kids got hit all the time, but I felt awful about it. It was because Darry hated me, that's why he had done it. I had been so bad, so terrible that I had actually made him hate me. That explained why he left too, because he couldn't bear to look at me.

I tried to cry myself to sleep but it just wasn't working. It was the worst feeling in the world, knowing that I had actually driven someone to hate me.


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you liked it.

Chapter 37

I have to be honest. The pain went away rather quickly and I was disappointed by this because it made it harder for me to feel sorry for myself. All I had after the pain was the embarrassment, but it was hard to feel sorry for myself about that too when I was still home alone. I didn't dare leave my bedroom, not after Darry had told me to stay, but I started to get restless after a shorter time than I thought I would.

Trouble was that I couldn't think of anything else. I didn't want to read, didn't want to find a game to play. There was nothing to do but sit around and pout, and finally I found myself standing in front of my window waiting for someone to come home and feel sorry for me.

Soda came back first, and of course Steve was with him. They were up to something in the kitchen and if it had only been Soda I probably would have tried to get some attention, but I didn't need Steve knowing anything. Soda had probably told him anyway and that was bad enough, but I couldn't face him.

Pony came home shortly after them and Two-Bit followed, but I sat patiently (sort of ) in my room waiting for someone to look for me. They probably didn't know that I was home, but I was too busy being miserable to think of this fact.

When Darry came home I jumped back down on my bed. I didn't want him to see me in the window and think that I had been waiting around for him, but of course he would have to be the one to come into my room and look for me.

"How are you?" he asked, standing in my doorway.

"Fine," I replied into my pillow.

"How much does it hurt?"

"More than anything else." Okay, maybe I was exaggerating, but he didn't know that.

"You hungry?"

"Nope."

"Did you eat already."

"Nope."

"You want something."

"No."

He disappeared from the room and came back a couple of minutes later with a plate in his hand. "Here."

I rolled over and faced my wall. "I said I'm not hungry."

"I want you to eat something." I heard him put the plate down on my dresser before leaving me, closing the door behind him. I waited a couple of minutes, or what I thought were a couple of minutes to make sure that he was gone, before jumping up quietly and wolfing down half a plate of food. I spread the leftover spaghetti around to make it look like I hadn't touched it, before laying down on my bed again. I was surprised at just how easy it was for me to feel sorry for myself, and I kind of liked the feeling.

Darry didn't leave me alone for long though. He was back in my room a couple of minutes later.

"Come with me."

"Where?"

"To my room."

"Why?"

"Because I want to talk to you."

"You can talk here."

"I said I want to talk in my room."

"Why?"

"Because it's further away from everybody so I know they wont be able to hear us."

I reluctantly got out of bed and followed him, only because I knew that if I didn't go he would leave me alone and I would be left without any attention again.

I raced quickly down to his room to avoid seeing anyone else. He followed behind me into the room and sent me over to the bed as he shut the door.

I sat down, waiting nervously for him to do something. I don't know what I expected, but I did know that I didn't want him coming and sitting next to me the way he did.

"Look," he started, but didn't continue. I didn't want to look up at him, didn't want him to touch me. I didn't even want to be in the same room with him. All I wanted was for Darry to go away and leave me alone, or at least send me back to my room.

I think it was the longest I ever sat in a room with my brother where neither of us said anything and we weren't busy with something else. In my head I kept saying over and over, "I just want him to go away, I just want him to go away," but I could feel that he was thinking about a lot more.

That's when I blurted out, "Can't you just yell at me again so we can get this over with!"

Slowly he replied, "What makes you think I want to yell at you?"

"Because you're mad at me for trying to fight you."

He sighed. "Lily, I'm not mad at you for that."

I knew he must have been lying to me. He was probably so angry at me that he didn't even want to yell any more. I understood, and I was determined not to cry again. If he could stay angry with me then I would stay angry with him.

"Look," he started again, and this time was able to go on. "I am upset that you didn't come home earlier, but that's the only thing I'm mad at you for."

"You're mad at someone else?"

"Yeah."

"Who else could you be mad at?" Was Soda in trouble too? Or was it Ponyboy?

"I'm mad at myself."

That didn't make any sense.

"What for?" I had to ask.

"For what I did to you."

Now I was really confused. I looked up at him and cocked my head a little to the side. "But you wanted to do it."

"That's the thing," he tried to explain, and I could tell he was having trouble helping me understand because he thought I was too little. "I got angry, angrier than I should have, and I let things go too far. I shouldn't have been so - well, I mean that - see Mom and Dad weren't violent people, and especially not with us kids, and they never would have done something like this. Mom would have sat you down and talked about it and Dad would have found some creative and strange way of scaring you out of ever doing it again. They wouldn't have hit you so I know that I shouldn't have hit you either. It isn't right."

"But people hit kids all the time," I offered.

"That doesn't make it right."

"It can't be wrong if so many people do it." I don't know why I was trying to argue this fact, and I realized at that moment that I should probably stop.

"A lot of people steal to but it doesn't make it right, does it?"

I shrugged. "Guess not."

"So doing what I did wasn't right either."

"But you hit other people besides me."

He looked shocked. "I don't."

"Do too."

"Who?"

"I don't know."

"Why would you say that I do?"

"You fight in rumbles don't you?"

"Very rarely."

"Well, don't you have to hit people when you fight in rumbles?"

"Well…"

"Then you do hit other people too," I concluded.

Darry leaned in closer to me and lowered his voice. "I'm gonna tell you something alright, but you can't say anything to anyone."

"Why not? Is it a secret?"

"No, it's just not something I need you repeating to the whole neighbourhood, okay?"

"Fine."

He took a breath. "You're a smart girl, and you know that most people 'round here got it rough. Maybe you're friends don't talk about it much but some of them have it pretty bad."

"I know."

"And some of those kids are mean, maybe even angry. Well, take a kid like that, and if you keep roughing him up for another six or seven years, and then you're gonna get a kid that's even meaner, angrier, maybe even hateful. So you've got this kid and they don't have anybody to talk to about it but their friends, who are mean and angry too, so instead of trying to fix their problems, they look for a way to feel better, even if it's not the right way. Those kids start fighting because it's a way to let out their anger and they get to be tough. It can make a kid feel powerful to win a fight, like he matters. But then that kid's gonna grow up and without anybody teaching him that fighting is wrong either. So he has kids and the only way he knows how to let out his anger is to hit them. And you know what happens?"

I shook my head. "What?"

"That kid's gonna be angry too, and it starts all over again." He looked at me for a second, trying to read my face. "Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Sort of." I knew what he was trying to tell, but I didn't understand why, or what it had to do with him.

He looked a little defeated. "You don't get it, do you?"

"Not really," I admitted apologetically.

"What I mean is that the only reason people fight is because they are angry, but it doesn't really solve anything and in the end it only makes it worse. I feel bad about hitting you Lily because I know it's not really going to help either of us. I got angry and I lost control. I should have given myself time to think first. And then when I had you there in the kitchen and I was giving you the spanking I saw the marks I was making and I knew - it's just - I had to walk away before I hurt you even more. I know that smacking you isn't going to make you listen and it isn't going to help you understand how serious things are right now, and the only thing it did was make you scared of me."

He was talking so fast and I was having trouble following but I quickly said, "I'm not scared of you."

"Oh please!" he said. "Look at you. You're afraid to be in the same room as me."

"I'm always afraid to be in the same room as you," I tried to joke, but he didn't laugh.

"I don't mean that you're intimidated because I'm bigger and supposed to be in charge, I mean that you're really scared that I'm going to hurt you. You're not supposed to be scared in your own house. This is supposed to be the safest place in the world for you, and I didn't do a very good job of making it that way tonight."

"It's okay." I didn't know what else to tell him. Sure, I didn't want him to feel so bad about it, but we couldn't go back in time, and it didn't change the fact that I had made him hate me. "Can I go now?"

"In a second." He was taking forever to say what whatever it was that he wanted to say and I was starting to get fed up, but I wasn't going to roll my eyes at him again. I didn't want to upset him again. That's when I realized that I was afraid of him. Even though I didn't want to be I was scared of what he would do if I crossed him again, and it wasn't a nice feeling.

When he still kept quiet I got off the bed to leave, and suddenly Darry grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. My heart raced for a second before I realized that he wanted to hug me, so I relaxed. A little.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, one arm around my shoulders while his other hand pulled my face into his chest. "I promise you that I will never let anything like this happen again. Never." His grip around my shoulders tightened slightly as he kissed the top of my head, but I was determined not to cry. This time I had to be strong, because Darry was the one who was upset.

He ended the hug all too soon and let go of me, but before I left the room there was something I had to do first. I threw my arms around his neck and gave him the biggest hug I could manage, and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'm sorry Darry."

"For what?" he asked.

"For being bad. And for making you hate me."

He pushed me away from him right away, and looked at me all concerned like.

"I don't hate you."

"You don't?"

"Of course not. You're my sister I'm never going to hate you. Don't you think that for a second, okay?"

"Okay."

I must not have sounded very convincing because he went on. "I mean it Lily. I don't hate you. I don't even hate what you did today. The only thing I hate is that I made you feel that way."

I didn't know what else to say, maybe because that was all I needed to reassure me that things were alright, so I just said, "Can I go back to my room now?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't want you locking yourself in there all night. Go out to the living room instead."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to." It wasn't that I wanted to stay alone for the rest of the evening but everyone was still out there and I wasn't ready to face them, not yet.

I think he understood how I was feeling because as he stood up he grabbed hold of my hand and squeezed tight. "Come on. I'll stay with you."

"But - but everybody's out there."

He half-smiled. "Don't worry about them. Nobody's going to say anything." When I refused to walk with him he added, "I promise."

I didn't really have a choice about staying away from them though. Darry sort of half dragged me to the living room then sat me down with him in the armchair. Nobody said anything to us for a while, Two-Bit and Ponyboy were too busy wrestling while Soda and Steve were standing in the front doorway looking over at something.

I stared at the TV with it's volume down, silently begging them to ignore me. Things were going fine too until Two-Bit and Pony ended their wrestling match. Two-Bit jumped up off the floor and rushed passed everyone into the kitchen.

"Hey," he called, "you guys got anything to eat in this place?"

"We would have if you fellows would stop coming over here and eating all of our food," Darry replied loudly. "Why don't you go to your own house and eat the stuff in your refrigerator?"

"Because my mom seems to be working on a penicillin factory in there or something."

"Maybe you could clean it out," Pony offered jokingly.

"Ha!" Two-Bit laughed, running back into the room with a beer in his hand. "That's never gonna happen."

"Hey!" Darry said. "Where'd you get the beer?"

He looked back at my brother innocently. "Fridge?"

"Get your own beer from now on."

"Sure thing Darry," Two-Bit promised, but I knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon at our house.

Steve and Soda came back from the door way to see what the fuss was about. Steve leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, probably trying to look tough, while Soda sprawled out on the couch next to Ponyboy.

"How you doing?" Soda asked me. I think he was trying to be nice and he did ask quietly, but the room was small and everybody heard him.

"What happened?" Two-Bit asked, and I could feel my cheeks going red.

"Nothing," Darry said, but of course they couldn't just drop the subject.

"Lily finally got what she deserved," Steve muttered.

"Shut it," Soda almost begged him.

"What do you mean?" Two-Bit asked.

"Nothing," Darry repeated, but Steve couldn't, or wouldn't, take a hint to save his life.

"She got spanked," he told Two-Bit.

"Watch it buddy," Darry warned him, holding his hand up to let him know that if he said anything else he was going to come after him.

Two-Bit just let out a wild howl, and though I was focusing my attention of Darry's watch I couldn't help but feel all eyes in the room on me.

"Gol-ley!" Two-Bit laughed. "Your face sure is red Lily."

"Come on," Soda tried to stop him.

"Look at her!" Two-Bit must have been pointing to me. "You'd think that she's the first kid ever to get it."

"That's enough!" Darry said, raising his voice. "Now are you boys going out or what?"

"We're going," Soda said, getting up and urging the others to go with him.

"I don't want you and Ponyboy staying out too late tonight," Darry called after them, "you hear me Sodapop?"

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you."

"Good."

As Two-Bit walked by me he stopped and smiled. "Don't look so sad kid."

"Just go," Darry ordered him.

"I'm going." He got all the way to the front door before he turned back to us. "Both of you need to cheer up. Hell I had to spend almost every day from '55 to '62 standing up."

"That doesn't surprise me," Darry said, then waved a hand at him. "Goodbye Two-Bit."

"See you later," he said happily, finally going outside. A second later I saw him hopping into the back of the car with the others.

What he had just said did surprise me though, and it made me feel just a little bit better, knowing that I wasn't alone, or fully alone anyway.

Darry didn't make me go and sit by myself now that the others were gone, and even though it felt kind of strange practically sitting on his lap I was content enough to stay. He kept an arm around me and I sort of leaned into his chest, but I wasn't focusing on watching TV with him. Instead I was thinking about something he had said to me earlier, and I finally got up the courage to ask him about it.

"Darry?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Who spanked you?"

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Who spanked you?"

"Uh, when?"

"I don't know."

"Well why are you asking if you don't know?"

"Earlier, I said 'nobody ever hit you', and you said, 'don't kid yourself'. Who ever gave you a spanking?"

He closed his eyes for a second and seemed to be cursing himself for saying that. "Forget about it," he finally said.

"Why?"

"Because we don't need to talk about this right now."

"Why not? Nobody else is around."

"Sometimes I don't feel like sharing everything with you."

"But-"

"No."

"Come on."

"I'll tell you another time."

I wasn't going to argue anymore. I didn't see why he had to keep it a secret but things were going alright between us at the time so I decided to try and be good, at least for the night.

Darry sent me to bed at ten-thirty, and it was pretty nice of him to let me stay up so late, but I wasn't ready to go to sleep yet. I sat up in bed for what felt like forever, because there was something I had to do once I knew that everyone was asleep.

A/N: I hope that this was able to make some of you feel a bit better about Darry!


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

My eyelids were getting heavy and I could feel myself starting to fall asleep, so I sat up in bed and tried to stare outside the window at the moon and stars. I waited for almost an hour and was just about to pass out when I heard the front door quietly open. Darry spoke to my brothers in a hushed voice and before I knew it everyone had gone off to their rooms to bed.

Creeping out of my room and down the hall, I quietly went into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. It was only then that I turned the light on. I looked around a minute and noticed right away that the window was uncovered. That wasn't going to do.

I climbed up on the ledge of the tub to slide the curtain shut, knocking a bar of soap down in the process. I stayed perfectly still to make sure nobody had heard the loud echo it made in the tub before getting back on the ground and pulling my stool out. Stepping up on the stool I could tell right away that it wasn't high enough for me to see what I wanted.

"What can I use?" I whispered to myself as I looked around. The toilet and tub were both out of the way of the mirror, and I quickly realized that the only way I was going to be able to see into the mirror was to get a chair from the kitchen.

The smart thing to do would have been to wait until morning but I was afraid that I couldn't then, so I risked making a bit of noise to sneak into the kitchen and grab a chair. Getting to the kitchen was easy; it was getting back that was difficult. The chair wasn't really that heavy but the house has so many turns and walls that I had to keep stopping in order to avoid making a hole with the chair's leg. At one point the chair even screeched on the linoleum but nobody seemed to hear it because people stayed in their rooms.

I finally got the chair back into the bathroom and after making sure to lock the door this time, I climbed up in front of the mirror. I took a quick look at myself in my pink pajamas before I turned around enough so that I could still look over my shoulder. It was easy enough for me to lower the back of my pants in order to get a look at the damage from earlier, but I was pretty unhappy with what I saw.

Nothing.

Darry had told me how bad he felt about the marks he was making, but I didn't see anything, not even a little bit of red. I had been hoping for a bruise or something. Any kind of a battle wound. Why I don't even know, but I guess I wanted to see what it was that had made him feel so horrible.

I practically jumped off of the chair when I heard the front door open, yanked my pants back up and then froze as I tried to figure out who it could be at the door. It occurred to me then that I had only heard Pony's voice a little while earlier, and realized that Soda must have stayed out later than him.

I hoped that he would just go into his own room and not need to use the bathroom, and for once my prayers were answered when I heard his bedroom door close.

I tried to move fast as I dragged the chair back to the door. I turned the handle and as I pulled it open I was greeted by Soda, who had one arm raised in the air like he had been just about to knock.

"Oh sorry Lily," he said. "I wasn't sure if anybody was in here."

"Yeah," I said, feeling my entire body turn red, certain that he had known what I had been up to. "I was just going back to bed."

I was about to pass him but he held me back and nodded into the bathroom. "What's with the chair?"

"Oh," I tried to think fast, "I ah, I mean I just - it was already there!"

"Okay," he shrugged, like it meant absolutely nothing to him.

"Well," I said, pushing him away, "goodnight!"

I raced down the hall to my bedroom, not even bothering to keep quiet, and crawled under my blankets. I felt absolutely humiliated, though I knew that there was no way Soda could have known what I had been looking at in there.

Of course I couldn't really be safe from him even in my own bedroom, could I?

He didn't even knock on the door or ask to come in. Soda just showed up out of nowhere at the edge of my bed. He leaned his upper body across my legs and rested his head in his hand.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

"Tired." Of all the times he wanted to come in and talk to me, why did it have to be now?

"Listen, don't be too angry at Darry, okay?"

"I'm not."

"You're not?" He sounded shocked.

"No."

He laughed quietly to himself. "I thought if anything you would be moping around going on about how it wasn't fair for him to hit you."

"It wasn't fair."

"Then why aren't you more upset?"

"Because he told me he was sorry."

"He did?"

"Yeah. And he said he wont do it again."

"That's good."

"He feels really bad you know."

Soda looked at me for a second and grinned.

"What?" I asked, suddenly feeling very awake.

"Nothing."

"Why are you smiling."

"Well," he admitted, "it's just that I'm usually the one in here trying to tell you not to be upset, and now things are going the other way around."

As sat up as much as I could with his sitting on my legs. "You're not upset, are you?"

"Well I was a little."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't think it was right."

"You didn't?"

"No. You're just a kid, you can't help it. Besides I know how much it hurts and I didn't want you to have to go through it. That's why I left, because I didn't want to hear you getting hit, or your crying. I feel kinda bad because I didn't stay and make Darry stop, but he's bigger than me and you and I both know that I wouldn't have been able to stop him."

"I know it," I said, and patted his arm in an attempt to comfort him. "Don't worry Sodapop, I don't blame you for leaving. Anyway I guess I kind of did deserve it, even if everybody thinks it was wrong. I have been kind of bad lately."

"But that's just it," he said, all the while grinning softly. "You haven't been all that bad. I asked Darry why he didn't tell us what was going on in the first place."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't really give me a straight answer, but I think it's because he was scared. He didn't know for sure what was going to happen and he didn't want to say anything until he knew for sure. Probably didn't want to scare us."

"Were you scared when the social worker came?"

"I wasn't scared, but I did get kind of worried."

"That they would take us all away?"

"Not so much that."

"What then?"

"Don't worry about it. It was silly anyway."

"Okay." I decided for once to listen to my brother and not worry about things, because I had been doing enough of that lately and didn't need it anymore.

"So," he asked, "you're really not mad?"

"I'm fine," I tried to assure him.

"Does it hurt much?"

I shook my head. "Not anymore."

"I am sorry that it happened. Darry sure was upset. I guess he was just worked up about things after that lady from social services came."

"I know," I said. "You don't have to tell me why he was mad, I don't even care anymore."

"Well, there is a first time for everything, isn't there?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's the first time you haven't held a grudge against somebody. Usually you're in a bad mood for days."

"Yeah well you're no better," I reminded him. "You can be pretty grumpy when people aren't nice to you."

He laughed. "I guess you get that from me, huh?"

"Maybe," I agreed, even though I thought that we got things like that from parents or something.

"You must be so smart because of Ponyboy then," he decided.

"Oh yeah, and what do I get from Darry?"

He thought about it for a minute. Finally he said, "Your ability to scream louder than anyone else on this block."

"Hey!" I cried, but laughed along with him.

We got quiet then and I tried to think of something else to say, but Soda was the one to speak first.

"You know something Lily?"

"No, what?"

"I think you're starting to grow up a little."

"What do you mean?"

"I never noticed it before but you seem to getting more mature. You're growing up well is all I mean to say."

"You think I'm mature?" I asked, delighted by his comment.

"No," he said. "I think you're _getting_ mature, but you're not there yet."

"Oh." I was a little crushed. "Do you still think I'm a little kid too?"

"Well," he hesitated, "yes, but you're my favorite kid in the whole wide world."

"Wow, thanks."

"If it makes you feel any better I still think Ponyboy is a kid too."

"Great," I sighed. "That just means you're going to think of me as a kid for even longer."

"Probably, but at least you'll the best kid ever."

I didn't want to hear it.

"Hey," he asked, "when was the last time I told you how cute you are?"

"I don't know."

"Then I'm telling you now. You, Tiger Lily Curtis, are officially the cutest girl in the world."

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. "Don't call me Tiger."

His smile only got bigger. "What'd I tell you? You're adorable."

I couldn't pretend to be angry with him even if I wanted to. He had grabbed hold of one of my feet and was tickling me mercilessly. I didn't even think to keep quiet anymore, and was startled when the door floor open and Darry stood there in only a pair of boxers.

He didn't look upset but he wasn't exactly thrilled either. "Listen girls I hate to interrupt your slumber party but some of us are trying to sleep. Could you keep it down please?"

"No problem!" Soda promised, but the second Darry was out that door he started tickling me again.

"I mean it Soda!" Darry called from the hallway. "Leave her alone!"

"Alright," he called after him, and let me go.

"You gonna go to bed now?"

"Why?" he asked, giving me a slight nudge in the ribs. "You bored of me already?"

"No," I grinned, squirming out of his grasp.

"Well alright then." He kicked his shoes off and stretched out next to me. "Hey, move over."

I wasn't going to argue if he wanted to stay longer, but it was kind of uncomfortable sharing the bed.

"There's not much room on here," I said.

"I'm used to it," he muttered.

I looked over at him. "What?"

"Nothing," he said, staring wide eyed at the ceiling.

"Anyway," I said, pushing myself against the wall so that he would have lots of room, "it's kind always kind of cramped in here."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at this place. It's so small."

"Yeah, but you do get the room to yourself."

"That's not always fun."

"Why not?"

"Because, whenever I get sent to my room I know that nobody's ever going to wander in and talk to me by mistake."

"Yeah but Darry has his own room too."

I gave him a slight smack on the forehead. He didn't look too pleased about it.

"What was that for?" he asked seriously.

"When was the last time somebody sent Darry to his room?"

He thought that over. "Alright, next time our big brother acts up I promise you I'll send him to his room to think about it."

"Okay," I agreed, but knew it was never going to happen.

"Fine," Soda said, throwing an arm around me and pulling me close to him. "I'll make you a deal."

"What's that?" I asked, trying to get one arm free.

"You give me this room I'll let you share with Ponyboy."

"No thank you!"

"Why not? He's a good room mate. Hardly ever does anything but read and do homework in there."

"He snores!"

"No he doesn't."

"Yeah he does. I can hear it all the way in here and we've got the bathroom between us."

"I swear I never hear any snoring."

"Hmm, it must be you then."

He pulled back, looking disgusted. "I do _no_t snore."

"Well it's got to be you or Pony 'cause I know it's not coming from Darry's room."

"_Darry!_" Soda cried, I tried to shush him but he wasn't having any of it.

"What?" Darry answered from his room, clearly annoyed.

"Do I snore?"

"Like an engine. Now shut your trap Sodapop Curtis and go to bed!"

"Hold on," Soda called back. "Do I really snore that loud?"

"Yes," Darry assured him, "but if you want me to come in there and rearrange your nose for you so that you don't anymore I'd be happy to!"

"No thanks!" he replied. "It's fine the way it is."

"Well good. Now shut up!"

"Yes sir!" Soda said, but he started laughing something awful after that. He buried his face in my pillow to drown out the laughter, and after he had calmed down I questioned him.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," he said, whispering again. "It's just a good day is all."

I lay there in his arms, silently counting down the time until he left to go to his own room, and was kind of saddened by it. I wished that I could stay there forever, that it would never be morning and that I would never fall asleep. It used to be, when my parents were still alive, that I had them around at night. I was terrified of the dark until I was six and my dad had stayed with me every night until I fell asleep for the longest time. My mom used to check on me at night too, just to make sure that I was okay. I knew she was really going to too and not just lying to me about it because I used to wake up sometimes to the sound of her footsteps. Even though I was alone I felt okay knowing that she was looking out for me.

Once I was okay to fall asleep on my own my mom still came to check on me every night, sometimes two or three times even. After my parents died I never asked Darry to come and check on me. I didn't want him to laugh at me by asking, in fact I didn't want him knowing that she had done that at all. But now, while I was snuggled so comfortably in Soda's arms, I couldn't help but tell him about it.

"I miss something," I said softly.

"What's that?" he asked, his voice suddenly tired.

"Used to be that Mom would check on me at night at make sure that I was okay. Nobody does that now."

He squeezed me tight and held me as close as possible. "I know."

"You knew she did that?"

I felt him nodding his head. "Yeah. She did that for all of us."

"She did?"

"Uh huh. Every night at ten, one, and three in the morning. We weren't always here, but she even checked on Darry."

"How come I didn't know she checked on all of us?"

He shrugged. "I guess because you were always asleep first. Besides, it's easy to catch onto things after sixteen years."

"Do you miss it too?"

"Every night."

I never thought about it much. I always tried to keep my mind clear of my parents, and I guess I didn't feel like my brothers had lost them the same way I had. Darry was already a grown up, I didn't think he had lost out on parents the same way I had. Soda was old enough not to need parents anymore, and Pony was so quiet about them that I never knew what he thought about them. It wasn't fair for me to think that way but it was as far as I usually let my mind wander.

Sometimes, in the back of my mind, those thoughts would creep up, but I always pushed them away. In school I could hear my mom telling me how smart I was, and on my walks home I could hear Daddy inviting me along to the park with him. I tried not to hear those voices anymore, and some days I wished that I could just forget all about them. It would make it easier than missing them, that's for sure.

I knew I was lying to myself when I tried to say that I was the only one who really missed them. I know that all of my brothers had lost one of their best friend's when Dad died, and their favorite person in the world with Mom. I know that I did.

A tear slipped out of the corner of my eye, and the moment it did I heard Soda sniffle.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. How 'bout you?"

"I'm fine."

It was something so small, but just knowing that Soda was there and going through it with me made me feel a little bit better. It was enough to stop me from crying, and he didn't make another sound about it.

"Soda?" I asked a while later, when I thought he might be falling asleep.

"Yes?" He didn't sound very sleepy.

"How many times did you get spanked?"

"Why?"

"I don't know, you said you know how much it hurts, I was just wondering when it happened to you."

"I got it three times."

I was a little surprised that he was offering this up so easily, but it wasn't enough to satisfy me. "What for?"

I heard him let out a breath, like he was trying to remember it. "Once because I ran away from home, another for something I didn't even do, and the last for stealing."

"How old were you?" I asked, suddenly more curious than before.

"Six the first time, nine the second, and eleven the third."

"Eleven!"

He laughed. "Yeah."

"What'd you steal?"

"Money and cigarettes."

"Really?"

"Not for me."

"For who?"

"I don't know. A couple of us got it into our heads that we would look cool if we hung out at the playground with cigarettes in our mouths and our fists shoved in our jeans."

"What did you need the money for?"

"For cigarettes."

"Then why did you steal cigarettes?"

"Well we each stole a bit of money from our folks, I got mine from Mom's stash in the kitchen. So we went down to the store to buy a pack and the man there wouldn't sell them to us because he said we were too young to start smoking, so we stole them instead."

"Who'd you steal them from?"

"Steve got 'em from his dad."

"Then how come you got in trouble."

He let out a little laugh like he was remembering something. "Because one of us had the bright idea that we should smoke on the school playground. At first we weren't even going to light them, but somebody had a match, and then things got out of hand. We got caught by a teacher. She sent a note home with us, and when Mom read it she wanted to know exactly where we got money for cigarettes, so I told her we stole them. Never said anything about taking the money from her, but you can probably guess that she wasn't too thrilled about it, and got real upset that one of her kids would steal. I had to wait in my room all afternoon for Dad to come home."

"Were you scared?"

"Kind of, but I didn't think Dad was gonna be too upset about it, so I just tried to come up with some real good story to tell him to make him laugh so that he wouldn't do anything."

"What did you tell him?"

"The truth. I couldn't lie to Dad, not when I saw the look in his eyes. I even told him about taking the money from Mom, and he wasn't happy about it."

"But you told him the truth."

"Yeah but I shouldn't have stolen in the first place. Especially not from Mom. I felt real bad about it too, you know?"

"But who spanked you?"

"Dad. Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"He took his belt off and made me lean over the bed, and was bawling like a toddler before he even touched me I felt so bad."

"He hit you with the belt?"

"Twice," he said. "It was hard enough for me to feel it too, but then he pulled me up off the bed and told me not to say anything. He gave my pillow another eight smacks, and made me promise not to tell Mom."

"Did you tell her?"

"About five minutes later. She laughed at me and said that it had been pretty obvious."

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"Easy for you to say. Dad never laid a hand on you."

That was true. I couldn't imagine my dad ever being angry enough to hit me, but I had seen him mad at other people and could imagine that it wouldn't be a very nice feeling to be in his line of fire. I understood exactly why Soda had confessed to it too.

"What about the other times?" I asked, still curious.

"What other times."

"Who else spanked you."

"I'm real tired Lily, let me tell you another time."

"Can't you just tell me quickly?"

"No."

"Please Soda?"

"Shh." He put a finger to my lips to shut me up as his other hand started rubbing my back. "Go to sleep."

I didn't think it was fair that he was using one of his magic powers over me, and it wasn't long before I was ready to pass out. Just as I felt myself drifting off, Soda's voice pulled me back.

"Hey Lily?"

"What?"

"You sleep on this bed every night?"

"No," I said as sarcastically as possible. "Sometimes I sleep on the floor."

"Floor might actually be more comfortable than this bed."

"What's wrong with it?" I asked, almost awake again.

"It's hard as rock. How do you ever fall asleep on it?"

"Easy. I close my eyes and it happens."

"I could never sleep on this bed every night."

"Yeah well you're a lot heavier than me."

"Hey," he said. "Are you telling me I'm fat?"

"I'm not calling you skinny."

"Gee thanks."

"Shh," I mocked, reaching over and patting his back. "Go to sleep."

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I just want to let everyone know that I don't really have any plans for a sequel or to end this one in any particular way yet. This is sort of my go to story when I'm not busy working on something original, so it will just keep going until I come up with some great plans for it or decide to end it. That said, I'm still working on it for now, so don't worry about it stopping until I get another original idea. Thanks!


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: Hey everybody. I hope I don't disappoint people with this next chapter but I'm in a fluffy mood so it's going to be one of those kind of chapters. Also, I'm sorry that it's one of my shorter ones but I've been really busy lately and still wanted to add something. Happy reading even if it is just a fun (for me anyway) one!

Chapter 39

When I woke up it was still dark outside, so I knew that it must have been pretty late. I looked around and was relieved to see that Soda was still sleeping there next to me and I snuggled close to him, hoping that he would stay all night.

"What's wrong?" he asked, though I thought he was asleep.

"Noting," I muttered.

"Quit moving around then. It's late."

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to go to your bed soon."

"You want me to go?"

"Not really."

"Then I'll stay." He pulled the blanks up over us and added, "Go back to sleep."

Seconds later I asked, "Can we go for a walk?"

He made a noise that was something between a sigh and a groan. "What?"

"Can we go for a walk?"

"In the morning, sure."

"I mean right now."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's the middle of the night."

"That doesn't bother me."

"Yeah well it bothers me. Nighttime is for sleep, so go to sleep."

"Just for a little bit?"

"No."

"Is it because you're too tired?"

"No - maybe that's part of it. But you don't go walking around at night. People who do that are asking for trouble."

"But you come home real late sometimes."

"That's different."

"How?"

"Because," he explained, "I'm always with somebody."

"So," I said, "we'll be together."

"Not tonight Lily."

"But-"

"Look, don't worry too much about this, but this isn't the safest neighbourhood to be walking around alone in, get it?"

"Yeah, sure."

I don't know how long I was able to sleep for this time, but I awoke again and it was still dark out. I almost wanted to cry. Why was it that the night was taking so long. Soda was still there with me, but it was just terrible. I felt like crying, and soon, I started to. I tried to be quiet about it but I wasn't sure why I was crying in the first place.

I wasn't very successful at keeping quiet though because Soda sighed suddenly and sat up in bed.

"What is it?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm not."

"Sure sounds like you are." He reached down and wiped my cheek with his thumb. "Those are definitely tears."

"I'm fine."

"Come on Lily," he said, sounding genuinely concerned. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know."

"Then let me know what's wrong."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know."

He was quiet for a while, and the only thing he did was squeeze my shoulder. I sensed that he was trying to get me back to sleep, but I wasn't able to.

Eventually the only thing he seemed able to come up with was, "Are you scared of the dark?"

"Kind of. But that's not it."

"So you do know what bugging you."

"No, I just know it's not that."

He thought some more. "Maybe you're just tired," he suggested.

"Nope."

"Hungry?"

"I don't cry when I'm hungry."

"Really?"

"Do you cry when you're hungry?" I asked.

"I haven't yet, but one day I probably will. I do like food." If he was trying to cheer me up he wasn't doing a very good job of it.

I don't know where the next words out of my mouth came from, or why I had the thought even, but I unintentionally said, "Did you know that Momma used to tell me I was pretty everyday?"

Soda must not have been expecting that because he sounded like he was going to say something back and then gave up.

A minute later he asked, "You really miss them, huh?"

"Don't you?"

"More than I ever missed being around horses, even."

"How come you never talk about them anymore?"

"I talk about them all the time."

"When?"

"I don't know, whenever I think of something about them."

"I never hear you say anything."

"Well," he said, "maybe I don't talk so much about them around you. But I can try to more, if you'd like."

I shook my head and felt another bout of tears coming on. "I don't want you to."

"You don't? Why not?"

"Because it hurts to much to think about them!" I buried my face in my pillow and cried a whole bunch more, but Soda didn't even seem to mind if I was crying, he just kept on talking.

"It's okay. I didn't like to think about them much at first either. But the more and more you think about them the easier it gets to remember happy things about them. It doesn't mean it stops hurting, but you can remember the good stuff too if you want."

"But it's never gonna bring them back," I said into my pillow.

"No," he agreed, "but forgetting all about them isn't good either."

I didn't know how to tell them that I didn't care how bad it was, it hurt too much to even think about thinking about them. So I cried instead. And then cried harder. Then when I thought I was all dried up, I cried some more.

Soda tried to make a deal with me. "If you want, I can tell you that you're pretty every day."

"No!" I said, almost angrily. "It's not the same."

"Guess not," he said. "Maybe I can tell you one thing about them everyday then. That way we can remember them together."

I thought about that for a moment. "Would they be things I know or that I don't know?"

"Both. And you can tell me things too, if you want."

"Okay," I agreed, sniffling back the tears and wiping my face.

"Here," he said, pulling the blankets up over me once more. "I'll tell you one right now. Once, when I was ten and Pony was seven, we wanted to build a tree house in the back yard. Mom told us that if we waited for Dad to get home he would help us, but neither of us wanted to wait that long. So we went out to the…"

That was the last I heard before I nodded off, much sleepier than I thought I was.

The next time I woke up Soda was gone. The sun was shining through my window and the door to my room had been left slightly ajar, but I didn't feel like moving, not yet. I just lay there staring at the walls. My head felt all stuffed up and I had what I thought might be a headache. Sometimes Darry complained about having a headache, and when I thought I was having one I wasn't really sure because they never hurt nearly as bad as he made them out to be.

I rolled over onto my back and was greeted by a sharp pain.

Hmm. It seemed as though my butt had gone on a four hour hike and left the rest of my body at home. My muscles were killing me, but it didn't hurt enough for me to cry. It was just sore was all.

As I was stretching out in the bed the door opened a crack and Pony popped his head in.

"Are you awake?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes."

"Well, Darry and Soda want to know if you're coming out to eat breakfast."

I shook my head. "Not now. I don't feel like getting up yet."

"Okay." He stood there for a moment, like he was trying to think of something else to say to me. His eyes wandered over to my new dress, standing out from all of my other clothes.

"When do you think you're gonna wear that?" he asked.

"I don't know. Whenever I have someplace to go where you where stuff like that."

"Oh." He walked out and left me by my lonesome in bed, but only a couple of minutes later he came back in and asked, "Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Same thing I do every Sunday."

"What's that?"

"A whole lotta nothing."

"Well, do you want to come to church with me in the morning?"

"Really?" It was the most exciting thing I had heard all week, even if it was only church.

"Yeah. I was thinking I would go alone but it would give you a reason to wear that new dress of yours."

"Gee," I said, "thanks Ponyboy."

"It's fine," he muttered, before walking out of the room again.

It felt kind of nice to just be lazy and stay in bed for a while, but the peace and quiet didn't last very long once Soda came into my room, hiding something under his flannel shirt. He closed the door behind him and then crept over to my bed.

"What have you got?" I asked.

"Drinks," he said sneakily, and then pulled two Coke bottles out.

"It's morning," I said, but still took one when he handed it to me.

"Oh well," he shrugged, sitting down next to me. "Never heard any rules about Coke not being allowed in the morning … Just don't let Darry see."

I laughed before taking a sip. "Don't worry, I wont."

"Good, 'cause they're his Cokes and he doesn't know I took 'em."

I laughed again, then winced at the pain in my head. "I think I'm getting sick."

"What's wrong?"

"My head feels all stuffy."

"You're not getting sick."

"How do you know?"

"You're just stuffed up from crying," he explained. "Drink up. The soda will help."

"It will?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but even if it doesn't at least it'll taste good."

"Say," I thought out loud, "if you were a soda pop, what flavor would you be?"

"Curtis flavored?" he answered like he didn't understand the question.

"No!" I cried. "I mean what kind of soda would you be?"

"I don't know, root beer."

"Why root beer?"

"I don't know, because I can be. Why, what kind do you think I would be?"

I thought about that for a second. "Cherry Coke."

"Why's that?"

"Because you're sweet and tough at the same time."

He laughed, but kind of like he didn't agree with me. "What about Pony? What would he be?"

"Uh, Dr. Pepper."

He laughed out loud at that. "Dr. Pepper?"

"That's what I said."

"How is Ponyboy like Dr. Pepper?"

"Because, when you look at glass of Dr. Pepper it's kind of like all the other ones around it. You might even think it's Coke. But then once you taste it you find out that it's got a different flavor. Kind of spicy-like."

"So Pony is spicy?"

"That's not what I said," I told him, almost ready to get upset. "I just mean that he's different, but in a good way."

"Sure," he smiled, "I know what you mean. You want to know what kind I think you are?"

"What am I?"

"Grape."

"Why grape?"

"Because it's purple."

"Do I look purple to you?"

"No, but purple is a girl color."

"That's not a reason."

"Alright, you want to know what kind I really think you are?"

"Yes I do."

"Mountain Dew."

"That's gross."

"Why's it gross?"

"Because it's a boy drink."

"It's not."

"Then how come girls don't drink it?"

"I'm sure they do. Besides, don't you want to know why I think Mountain Dew?"

"Why?"

"Because I like the color, and every time I see it, it makes me kind of happy. Plus it's a newer soda, so it's still trying to be as good as everybody else, but one day, it might even be better."

"Doubt it."

He groaned, as though he was sick and tired of trying to compliment me if all I was going to do was reject it.

"Fine then," he said, "What kind do you think Darry would be?"

"Plain Coke."

He laughed. "I guess Darry's just tough then?"

"And kind of boring."

"Darry? Boring? Nah!"

"You don't think he's boring?"

"No. My boss down at the DX, now there's a boring guy. If he were a soda, he'd be water."

A/N: Okay, so I'm hoping to have time in the week to work on this, and I'm looking for a challenge. I want to write more Lily interactions with one of the canon characters, but I'm not sure who. Let me be more specific, I want it to be with one of the male canon characters, doesn't matter who, except Dally and Johnny since I'm not a fan of writing them. Anyway, I would like to know who you might like to see her with. Please don't give me a situation, just a character, and I'll try and surprise you!


End file.
